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“So you really think weddings are stupid, huh?”
Phoenix had his feet up on the ornate coffee table, his arms crossed behind his head, lounging lazily on the handsome pink sofa.
Miles brought his hand down in a swift motion and smacked Phoenix’s offending extremities without so much as glancing up from his papers.
“Stupid is perhaps too vulgar a word, but I suppose that is how I feel, yes,” he grumbled, “Why do you insist on badgering me about this topic?”
Phoenix removed his feet sheepishly from the table and shifted his position.
“I’m just curious,” he said, innocently, expertly masking his desire for the answer to miraculously change.
Miles harrumphed, and put down his papers, turning to Phoenix and removing his glasses to clean them agitatedly.
“Weddings are great big meaningless excuses to have a lavish party and spend entirely too much money,” he began.
Phoenix snorted, pointedly eyeing the sumptuous decorations of Miles’ office. Miles narrowed his eyes, but ignored him.
“I don’t need a grand celebration to enter a mutual relationship with another person. We’ve got on perfectly fine without one for many years now, thank you very much.
It took a moment for the implications of the sentence to settle on Phoenix. When they did, he flinched, lurching forwards with a look of panicked shock on his face.
“You– You what?”
Miles, by this time, had replaced his glasses and scooped his papers back up. So engrossed was he that he took a few moments to respond.
“Mmh? What’s the matter with you, Wright?”
“You… You just said you’ve ‘got on perfectly fine without one for many years now’. Without a wedding, I mean. A-and you said ‘we’. What does that mean?”
Miles frowned, skimming his page.
“…It means…” he said, distractedly, “It means… Ah. Mhm.”
He picked up his pen and circled something in red. Phoenix fumed, not appreciating the suspense.
“…It means that I’ve been married for several years now without the need or desire for a proper ceremony,” he clarified, nonchalantly.
Phoenix’s heart sank like a stone. He was stunned.
“M-married? You?” he practically whimpered, “Wuh…T-to who?!”
Miles put down his papers again, more sharply this time.
“To whom, Wright. And please; I don’t have time for your little jokes right now.”
“J-jokes..?”
Phoenix’s expression must have been more distraught that he realized, because when Miles caught sight of it, his demeanour softened ever so slightly.
“You, you fool,” he sighed, “You haven’t banged your head, have you?”
“M-me?!”
Phoenix’s heart went from languishing in the pit of his stomach to banging against his ribs as if it were trying to escape.
“S-since when have we been married?!”
“For quite some time now,” Miles said, frowning, “Are you sure you’re feeling alright? I thought you knew…”
“N-no, I didn’t!” squawked Phoenix. He clutched at his breast, trying not to have a heart attack on the spot. Had he really forgotten something so important? Was he hallucinating? Dreaming?
“Wright, for gods sake, calm down,” said Miles, glaring at him in concern.
Phoenix took a few deep breaths. It was his turn to scowl deeply.
“Alright. Quit it,” he growled, “I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but I don’t like it. Don’t mess with me.”
“I’m not ‘messing’ with you,” said Miles, indignantly, “I’m merely stating the facts. My relationship with you is such that I consider it marriage. That is all. I don’t know why you’ve suddenly decided to get into a tizzy over it. After all, you must feel the same, mustn’t you?”
The fight slowly left Phoenix’s body.
“…You… Consider our relationship a marriage? Like… a… business marriage..?” he said, slowly, hoping to be corrected.
“Nothing so soulless as a business union, I should think,” replied Miles, tugging at his jabot as he calmed himself as well, “But… Well. You know how it is. How a proper marriage is, I mean.”
“No… I don’t think I do. Where did you get this idea of marriage, again?” said Phoenix, leaning back against his seat and twisting his fingers together uneasily in his lap.
“I acquired it… from my father,” said Miles, slowly, his eyes averted, “…When he was still with me. Well. Of course.”
There was a short silence.
“When I was a child, I noticed the baffling tendency of girls to gush over marrying their ‘prince charmings’. I asked my father what the fuss about marriage was. Why it was so exciting… His words remain with me, even today.”
Miles was still gazing away from Phoenix, a faraway look in his eyes.
“He told me that the qualities necessary for a good marriage were ones valued by nearly all human beings. A deep bond of trust and camaraderie. A network of mutual support. A desire to help strengthen the weaknesses of the other, even if it is taxing. The willingness to make sacrifices for the other, even going so far as to risk one’s life…”
He finally glanced back at Phoenix.
“Is that not what the two of us share, Wright?”
Phoenix’s heart couldn’t help but flutter at the way Miles spoke, and the way his eyes bored into his own. But it quickly sank again as he noticed the stiffness of his words.
“…But… Well… I mean, there’s love, of course. Right? Romantic love. That’s part of a marriage.” Phoenix offered, tentatively, trying to hide his nerves.
Miles scoffed.
“Romantic love? Father seemed to think so. But I know better. It’s nothing but fairytale rot.”
Phoenix winced.
“Then… You don’t love me..?” he murmured.
Miles huffed again.
“Certainly not. Can you imagine if I did?” he folded his arms, tapping his fingers against his forearm testily, “Me, galavanting about singing songs and proclaiming poems; buying you needless, lavish gifts and leaping before I look…”
There was something bitter and hurt in the end of the sentence.
“No. Absolutely not. No; romantic love is nothing but stuff and nonsense. I learnt this as I grew older, as I observed the world around me… It is utterly unreliable and silly. I much prefer our marriage. It is stable… concrete… Unchanging.”
Phoenix glanced up to look at Miles’ disgruntled face. There was something about it that seemed… off.
“But… Edgeworth, what you just described, it’s…” Phoenix tried to think of a clear way to explain himself, “Romantic love isn’t just a bunch of chocolate and flowers… I mean, those can be part of it, but it’s subtler than that… more complicated. I mean… Don’t you enjoy my company? A-at all?”
“Of course I do,” snapped Miles, “If I didn’t, you would not be here at this very moment.”
“Okay,” said Phoenix, continuing haltingly, “But… don’t you… I mean, do you… Do you consider me… Only a friend?”
The question seemed to take Miles aback. Phoenix stared at him.
“How do you really feel about me?”
Miles immediately glared back, reflexively, but Phoenix could see the cogs turning behind his eyes.
“…Well…” he began, slowly, “I do enjoy your company… certainly… We have been… what one could call ‘close friends’ for quite a period of time, no? And I suppose… If I think on it, I like you equally to those I love most… But… differently.”
Miles seemed to be struggling to explain himself, his hands making awkward little gestures before him.
“I enjoy our sparring, and our moments of peace,” he muttered, “I admire… your positive qualities…”
Phoenix sighed internally at Miles’ refusal to state said ‘positive qualities’.
“And I must confess…” Miles’ voice became almost soft in tone, though his struggled continued, “When you are… away from me… I find myself, at length, wondering where you could be. And when you are with me… I find myself hoping that you will not leave my side…”
His expression became almost anxious, an uncertainty coming into his eyes as something dawned on him.
“You frustrate me to no end, but, fool that I am, I crave that frustration… I laugh when I remember your idiotic exploits… I smile when I think of your face… Your presence is a comfort… A-and sometimes a joy… Like no other’s…”
Miles seemed highly agitated, suddenly, his hand flying to the arms of his glasses.
“I… That isn’t love… is it..?”
Phoenix swallowed.
“It… sounds like it. A bit.”
Miles adjusted his glasses, then stood up and paced away from the table.
“No, no no no,” he muttered, anxiously, “That can’t be… I can’t be in love with you…”
“Why? Why not?” said Phoenix standing up abruptly to follow him, feeling hurt, “What’s so wrong with being in love with me?”
“I… I was happy with the way it was… I was happy with marriage… Happy with stability… I-I can’t let something like love ruin what I have so painstakingly gained…”
“How is love supposed to ruin that?!” cried Phoenix, completely at a loss.
Miles turned to him angrily, his arms raised emphatically.
“Love is–– Romantic love is weak! It’s foolish and flighty and… fickle…”
His arms slowly lowered as his fury fizzled out.
“It is… unreliable… changeable. A marriage… A true marriage, like my father described… it isn’t like all that tawdry pageantry… It isn’t a fairytale wedding that can be nullified with a simple signing of papers…”
Phoenix took a step towards his old friend, cautiously.
“Edgeworth..?”
“If I am in love with you… Then… I can fall out of love with you…” he said, slowly, “And if I am in love… surely, it can be unrequited…”
Phoenix suddenly began to suspect what he was getting at.
Miles twitched, then straightened up. He seemed to have realized his emotional outburst and was quickly trying to recover himself.
“No. I can’t allow that. You are too dear to me to allow something as ephemeral as love to––“
“Edgeworth. Seriously,” Phoenix interrupted, “Just… Shut up.”
Miles looked up in shock.
“I beg your pardon?!”
“…Just… Shut up for a second…” said Phoenix, running a hand through his hair.
There was a long silence. Miles stared at Phoenix, offence evident in his expression.
“…I keep forgetting how much that bastard fucked you up,” uttered Phoenix, eventually, returning to the sofa he’d vacated and sitting down heavily. Those steely eyes, the evil grin, those grasping hands all flashed in his memory and he seethed. That man was long gone, but still his effects lingered… festered. Phoenix closed his eyes and ran a hand over his face.
Miles continued to stare.
“Sorry. Excuse my French,” Phoenix muttered quickly, before taking a deep breath and continuing, “I… You… are too dear to me to let anything come between us, either. But I gotta tell you; I’m in love with you. Really, deeply, painfully so.”
Miles still remained silent and immobile.
“And I’ve been like that for ages. Pretty much as long as we’ve been… ‘married’.”
He opened his eyes and looked back at the other man.
“I’ve been pretty much consistently crazy about you since you took a private jet to see me in hospital. And I mean it. So, don’t you think that maybe love and marriage have something to do with each other after all, like your dad said? Don’t you think that maybe all those gross feelings you’ve been having are maybe kind of… important?”
Miles finally broke from his trance, straightened up, and looked sharply away. Phoenix watched in surprise as a bright pink flush grew in his cheeks.
“…Foolish,” he whispered.
“Pardon?”
“…I’ve been a fool…” he said, louder, “My own fears and insecurities have kept me from seeking the truth… Have kept me from doing the logical thing and speaking to you on the matter…”
He slowly approached the sofa and collapsed into it.
“But good god, I… I don’t know if…” he shook his head, helplessly, “I don’t know if I can understand… I don’t know if I can love… You know how difficult it is for me… To do these little things, these little… things that I forgot… o-or never learned…”
Phoenix’s heart clenched, painfully.
“Edgeworth–– M… Miles…”
He reached out and set a hand very gently on Miles’ shoulder. Miles tensed, momentarily, then relaxed.
“Just… let me do it first,” said Phoenix, hesitantly.
“What do you mean?”
“If… If you really want to start exploring those… Unnecessary feelings…” the defence attorney gave a light, wistful chuckle, “Then let me… Do the loving first. Maybe, if you let me love you… You can learn how to love me? However you feel comfortable doing so…”
“Perhaps I can learn how to show my feelings, yes,” said Miles, his voice rapidly picking up the vexed tone of a teacher correcting his student, “After all, I believe we have clearly established that I… feel a certain romantic affection for you.”
He shook his head slightly, as if he couldn’t believe he’d heard what he’d just said.
Phoenix couldn’t help but snicker.
“Wow I–– Well I feel bad about it; you can’t help it, but… You just sound so ridiculous when you do that.”
“Do what?!”
“Get all serious and formal about stuff. It’s awkward… It’s weird…”
“Well, I––“
“I love it. I love you. I really, really… Love you.”
Phoenix’s chest was full of champaign bubbles, his heart floating away on them like a feather in the wind. He felt almost punch-drunk.
“And I want this to be slow. Yeah; as slow as you need–– I want you to be comfortable, and I want you to succeed but not only that, I want–– I want you to enjoy yourself while you do it, that’s–– That’s really i-important, maybe the most important, and–– “
Phoenix clenched his fists, hesitating.
“And I… want to give you something. I meant to give you on Eagle Mountain about nine years ago. In the garden. After the earthquake.”
Miles was quiet. He looked away, then back, meeting Phoenix’s eyes.
“…Thank you. I… Want to succeed. And…”
He stood, gingerly, and stepped around the coffee table between them.
“I believe I will accept. This time.”
Phoenix gazed up at him, his eyes shining, before standing up. More than two decades worth of weight seemed to lift off his shoulders all at once as he leaned forwards, arms opening, then curling softly inwards to envelop the other man. The only thing that could happen to make him happier was for his gesture to be reciprocated. And it was.