Chapter Text
Monday, September 8th — 7:12 AM
By all external accounts, Ivan Kovačić should not have been nervous on the first day of school. That was the problem with carefully constructing an effortless reputation. Eventually, people started believing you were actually effortless.
Ivan was having what Sonja would later describe as an entirely self-inflicted crisis.
“I don’t understand why you’re acting like this,” she said from the foot of his bed, stealing some of the granola from the plate his mother had left in his room. “It’s the first day of school, not your execution.”
Ivan glared at her from inside his closet. “I wore this same outfit last year.”
Sonja blinked. “And?”
“And people have seen it. My mom has seen it.”
“Devastating.”
Ivan ignored her and pulled out another jacket from his closet, a blue bomber with a black leather collar from Acne Studios his mother had gifted him to commemorate the start of a new school year. His senior year.
One year left before everyone expected him to magically know what he was doing with his life.
His parents wanted architecture or business administration.
His basketball coach wanted him to focus on sports.
Ivan wanted everyone to stop asking. He wanted everyone to stop paying so much attention to what he does and what he wears and who he dates. But he guessed that now it was too late, after spending the last three years building a reputation of basically being the coolest guy in school.
It wasn’t on purpose that it happened, of course. It was just one of those things that starts to build on it's own and Ivan just went with it.
He had never gone through an ugly phase, which felt kinda unfair considering how awkward puberty had been for most of his classmates.
Being 190cm by sixteen had also made basketball less of a choice and more of a public expectation. It turned out he was actually good at it too.
Add decent grades, rich parents, and a face people liked to look at, and suddenly everyone at school had decided Ivan was someone worth paying attention to.
He was also a pretty likable guy, always wearing a smile on his face, sharing his time in school with friends and being a pretty good student.
He finally emerged from his closet wearing the jacket paired with black trousers and a white shirt that looked expensive enough to be mocked by half the school and praised by the other. Black short boots to pull the look together. And his black fanny pack, of course.
Perfect.
He hated it. Sometimes he cringed at himself when he complained about stuff like this, “white, rich people problems” he would think to himself. He was lucky to live a pretty privileged life with his parents having successful businesses, on both sides, so having luxury items in his closet wasn’t an odd thing for him.
He would prefer to wear more down to earth stuff, but his mother wouldn’t have that. He had some clothing pieces he uses solely for painting, his actual passion. Pieces that a regular kid his age would consider totally normal and ok, but his mother believed appearances were a form of networking. Ivan preferred paint stained hoodies.
And so he wore what he did because he liked pleasing his parents. He also liked looking good, he wasn’t going to lie to himself, but it meant that sometimes he would get some side eyes from some groups of kids in school. Specially from the skaters and the potheads. Specially the one with Lovro—
“Are you listening to me?” Sonja asked.
“No.”
“I said your skater boy is single.”
Ivan froze.
“He is not my anything.”
Sonja smirked. “You asked me if he broke up with that girl in June.”
“That was just a question.”
“You’re obsessed.” Ivan had been trying to get over Lovro Dević for three years and failing spectacularly.
He blushed and looked at his friend sitting on his bed with a smile that she knew so well that meant you’re getting on my nerves but also you know me so well.
He appreciated having Sonja in his life, even after they broke up. She had taken his coming out better than he had. While Ivan spiraled for months over what it meant that he liked men (and one in particular) Sonja had simply hugged him and asked if this meant he could finally stop pretending his taste in women made sense. She had stayed through some of the worst periods of his life.
Starting senior year without her would’ve felt impossible.
They arrived at school perfectly on time, on Ivan’s bright red Tomos, which he parked right in front of the main gates, as he always did.
That was one of the odd things about Ivan some people would point out from time to time. "Why is he driving an old Tomos if he’s loaded?" people would comment on the school corridors. But it wasn’t just any Tomos, it was a collector’s dream. A truly mint condition unit that Ivan’s dad had sent to the best motorbike shop in Zagreb to have all of the best accessories he could imagine. It was still just a moped, but Ivan insisted that he didn’t want to be a clout chaser with a fancy car so much that his parents relented and let him have this. For the duration of high school at least.
It was a perfectly pleasant day, the morning sky looked like diluted watercolor. The transition from summer to autumn palpable in the brisk air of the morning. Ivan’s favorite weather, just a light jacket and you’re good to go.
A bunch of people greeted him before he could even start to climb the front steps of the school building, which is where he said goodbye to Sonja who left to meet her friend group. Everybody asking him what was he up to this summer, where did he travel to with his parents, as if they haven’t been following him on his Instagram account. He couldn’t believe the amount of followers he had garnered over the years, with the amount of crap he would usually post.
For an artsy guy, he liked to post a lot of memes, selfies, and pretty weird pictures in general. His wasn’t a very curated feed, but more like an inner monologue in picture format. But he would also post stories when he travelled, and he would always take the time to see who looked at them, trying, or better yet hoping, to see one name in particular.
As always, Lovro was with his group of friends on their regular bench on the school’s grounds. He was smoking a cigarette (he hoped, it was too early to be smoking weed and it is the first day of school after all), and was sporting a fresh blue buzz cut. Which Ivan of course didn’t already know he had because he absolutely didn’t have a burner account he used to stalk his crush.
He shook his head at that thought train that had started running without his permission in his head. He needed this weird obsession to be over this year, it was one of his resolutions that he had discussed with his therapist. This year was the year he would stop thinking about Lovro. Which had proven impossible for roughly three years now. Not that he was counting.
It was really insane, the guy hated him. Not even that, Ivan couldn’t even pretend to guess what Lovro might think of him. Indifference? Did he think Ivan was boring? Just another rich kid? Anyway, this had to stop and Ivan was going to do everything he could to achieve this. There were many other fish in the sea available to him, and he was determined to end the year without thoughts of blue eyes, pale skin with rows of moles and baggy clothes.
By second period, Ivan had already: been complimented on his outfit three times, asked if he was still dating Sonja twice (he wasn’t and for nearly a year now, get with the program, people!), forced into helping decorate the senior welcome event with his artistic talents, and watched through his classroom’s window as Lovro skateboarded through the parking lot and nearly got hit by a teacher’s car. Twice.
Lovro laughed like nearly dying was a hobby. Ivan hated how easily he would smile when he watched him. Hated how long he would watch him. Hated that after years of knowing him in fragments (they shared hallways, PE classes, mutual friends, parties they both attended but never together) he still wanted more. Lovro had never given him anything. Not a flirtatious glance. Not an accidental touch at parties. Not even prolonged eye contact. Just complete and utter indifference.
Lovro was loud where Ivan was controlled. He was messy where Ivan was precise, effortless where Ivan felt carefully assembled.
And worst of all… he was probably exactly the type of person who thought Ivan was an asshole.
Which, fair enough. A lot of people did. But also, a lot of people liked Ivan. He couldn’t understand why Lovro didn’t. He even managed to semi-befriend one of Lovro’s friends, Jakov, with whom he shared a couple of classes, but it never evolved into something that included he and Lovro interacting. He had invited Jakov, and by extension his friend group, to some parties in the past, but either they wouldn’t show up or would get absolutely trashed and leave.
PE was always in the fourth period on Mondays.
A curse. Who thought it was a good idea to have gym class in the middle of the school day? At best some of the guys changed clothes but in general it would mean the rest of the day Ivan would end up smelling less than ideal scents in his classes.
He dominated at basketball, as usual. He noticed Lovro spent most of class pretending to have a knee injury while openly eating chips on the bleachers. At one point, he saw how Lovro tried to spin a basketball on his finger and the thing ended up spinning out of his finger and landing on one of his friend’s faces. Ivan couldn’t help but laugh so hard he got distracted and missed his shot.
Lovro looked at him, like actually looked at him.
And smiled. It lasted maybe two seconds and he was back at goofing around with his friends.
Ivan spent the next hour thinking about it.
Pathetic.
The last period finally arrived. This felt like such a long day. Ivan entered the classroom right on time, after having finished showering and properly adjusting his outfit and hair. He looked as he did in the first period, perfect. He noticed Lovro sitting at the back of the classroom, staring out the window. He also picked a seat at the end of the classroom but on the other side.
This was a new semester elective for seniors that was starting this year. "Collaborative Honors Academic Outreach Studies".
“They named this class CHAOS?” He heard Lovro say to Jakov. “At least they’re honest.” Ivan wanted to cry, Lovro was gorgeous AND funny.
It was supposed to encourage students from different academic tracks to work together before graduation. Ivan had heard enough horror stories over the summer to know it would be a disaster.
Their teacher, Mr. Novak, stood at the front of the room smiling like he knew that too.
“For your final project, you’ll be working in pairs that I selected so we will get a varied set of projects that will be displayed at the end of the semester's senior exhibition. That means you’re probably gonna work with someone you’re not really used to.” Great.
Names were called. People started to pair up with their respective partners. Ivan felt immediate dread. His name still hadn’t been called and then—
“Ivan Kovačić.”
He looked up and smiled politely at their teacher.
“Lovro Dević.”
Silence. Across the room, Lovro stared at him like this was a personal attack.
Sonja, seated two rows in front of Ivan, turned around and looked moments away from screaming.
Lovro slowly leaned back in his chair. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” Jakov next to him was going red trying not to laugh.
Ivan stared at him. Then said the stupidest possible thing. “I’m actually very easy to work with.”
Lovro laughed and not in a kind way.
“Oh, this is going to be a disaster.”