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Panic attacks were brutal, no matter what caused it or what manifested them in the first place. But they seem to hit harder if you were stuck in a lab and experimented on for nearly your entire youth.
Jane suffered from panic attacks often. Sometimes it would be some external force that caused it. Maybe a loud noise like someone screaming, or gunshots, or things that sounded like gunshots. She remembers how hard her first ever Fourth of July was with the Party.
Sometimes it was something internal, like remembering Dr. Brenner and the things he did, or the other children in the lab. Sometimes, though rarely, seeing a rainbow is enough to push her over the edge.
Sometimes it’s absolutely nothing that causes it. Sometimes her heart rate kicks up, and her breathing becomes shallow, and she just can’t get out of her head.
This particular time was accidentally caused by Dustin. She knew he didn’t mean it. He never laid a finger on her where it wasn’t supposed to go.
She was in the living room of their shared apartment, TV remote in her hand, as she flicked through movies. Dustin was in the kitchen washing dishes by hand. He always figured this was easier since they rarely ever cooked meals at home. There weren’t many dishes to clean by the end of the week, why waste water using the dishwasher when you could just wash them by hand?
“What do we want to watch?” Jane called out over the sound of running water from the sink.
“You pick this time,” Dustin smiled, scrubbing a plate clean with the sponge. “I picked last time.”
“I like the movies you pick.”
“You’re just saying that because it means you don’t have to make a decision.”
Jane smiled at him playfully. “Maybe,” she admitted. “Or, maybe I just like the movies my boyfriend–”
“Fuck!”
The plate had slipped right out of Dustin’s hands as he was drying it with a towel, and crashed onto the floor. He kept muttering obscenities under his breath as he carefully navigated himself around the kitchen to grab the broom from the pantry.
That was all it took this time. Suddenly, all of the fun she was having drained right out of her, and it was immediately replaced by the feeling of being thrown right back into a state of fight or flight.
It all seemed so slow for her. The crash rang through her ears and bounced around her head, blocking out every noise from the outside world. Her hands flew to her ears and she squeezed her eyes shut while her legs pinned themselves up against her chest. She sunk deeper into her corner of the couch. Her breathing turned ragged and shallow, and her heart beat relentlessly against her rib cage.
Dustin hadn’t noticed a thing. He had his back turned to her, face flushed pink in frustration and embarrassment as he swept the ceramic shards into a pile on the floor.
Jane had a habit of flickering the lights with her powers when she was stressed. She hated it, but she didn’t know how to stop it. If it wasn’t for the flickering and audible buzzing of the lights over Dustin’s head, he might not have noticed anything at all.
He whipped his head around and saw her sitting there. Turned away from him, face scrunched up and pale.
“Hey, honey,” he cooed. He tiptoed around the pile of shards on the floor and sat down next to her slowly with room for her to breathe between them. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to yell like that. Can I touch you?’
It took a little while for her to respond. She carefully lifted her hands from her ears as if there was a sound hiding right around the corner waiting for her to be vulnerable again. When nothing else came, she gradually opened her eyes again. The lights continued to flicker softly, then soon not at all. Eventually, she nodded ‘yes’ and sunk into his outstretched arms.
This episode was just yesterday, and today she was absolutely exhausted.
Panic attacks always took a lot out of her. That’s just what they do. They use up all the energy you have while they’re there, like an unruly guest in your house. And when they leave, they take everything you owned with them.
She didn’t have the energy to be as emotionally raw as she did just a few hours ago. She woke up with a depleted battery, and somehow, its levels were hitting the negatives.
She pushed through her anthropology class. Learning about people and their history was always her favorite thing to learn after being sheltered away and neglected for so many years. She adored hearing about every culture, race, and religion, and if it were any other day, she would be the only student leaning forward in her seat with genuine awe in her eyes. Unfortunately, today was just not that day.
She still went on with her day the way her regular routine would go. Which meant hitting her favorite cafe in the student center after class. But even her favorite blueberry muffin couldn’t cheer her up. Still, she ate it and made her way back home. She wasn’t going to waste food just because she didn’t feel like eating anything ever again.
She opened her front door to an empty apartment. No noise was heard except the soft hum of the air conditioner and a light buzzing from the refrigerator. The door clicked shut, the deadbolt rang heavy in the air. She kicked her shoes off and set her backpack up against the wall, right next to Dustin’s old and beaten one.
“Dustin?”
“In here!” he replied.
She followed his voice down the hall and through the open bedroom door. He was there, sat at his desk pushed into the corner of their room. His notebook was open, but his notes had been abandoned. Instead, his laptop was open in front of him to a tab Jane couldn’t quite make out clearly.
Dustin turned around in his swivel chair and smiled when he noticed her confused expression at the computer.
“Come here,” he greeted as he spread his arms out wide. She happily took the offer, curling up comfortably in his lap and wrapping her arms around his neck. She breathed deep, feeling herself coming undone with the feelings of yesterday washing away. For a moment, she felt like herself again.
“How was class?”
Usually, she’d be more than grateful to get to unload a multitude of facts she learned onto him, even if he already knew everything she was about to tell him. He always spoke to her about facts that she had never heard of before, and it wasn’t often that she got to do the same. But today, she couldn’t even be bothered to try and tell him anything. So she hummed and said, “Fine.”
He began running his fingers through her hair. He admired how long it was getting, how far she’d come. “I was doing some research, and I found out something really interesting.”
She perked up at the idea of him teaching her something new. “What is it?”
“Do you like cats?”
“Um…”
The truth is, Jane wasn’t too sure she’d ever really seen a cat other than Mews. She never came over to his house much when they were kids, and by the time they were dating, Mews had already been long gone by the hands (mouth?) of the Demodog. The very few times she did see him, however, she was intimidated. He had always looked too odd for her liking. Too alien-like. Yet she’d faced horrors beyond a typical person’s comprehension. Cats was where she drew the line.
She shrugged.
“Well, I was looking at ways to help people with panic attacks.” He noticed the way her breath hitched at the mention of them. He hugged her just a little tighter. “And I found out that the frequency of a cat’s purr is soothing to our regulatory systems. Isn’t that cool?”
These were entirely too many words for Jane to understand all at once. Frequency (which she’d never heard outside the context of radios and music), regulatory…
“Purr?” she repeated, eyebrows furrowed in confusion and concentration. The word felt funny coming out of her mouth, almost clunky as it fell.
“It’s a sound that cats make when they’re happy.” Dustin often forgot how much she never learned. He was ecstatic to be the one to teach her new things. “It can sound low and scratchy, but it’s a really nice sound to hear.”
She nodded, though she still didn’t quite understand. It was hard for her to wrap her head around the idea of a sound being nice, but scratchy. A scratchy noise didn’t sound like it would be nice at all.
“I was thinking, maybe this weekend we could drive to the pet store and look at a few cats. Maybe we could find someone for you.”
Jane smiled. She had always wanted a pet. She used to get so mad at Hopper when he said they couldn’t get a dog after she saw one on TV one day. “Too risky for someone in hiding,” he’d say. She couldn’t wait to call and tell him that she would be getting a cat.
“Thank you,” she sighed. It felt like a huge weight was lifted off of her shoulders.
He brought her face up to his, gently cupping her cheeks in his palms, and kissed the very top of her forehead. She closed her eyes and felt the warmth all around her, like soft lightning sparking the end of each nerve in her body.
“I want to be able to help you the most that I can. And if it means getting a cat, we’re getting a damn cat.”
The weekend came, and Jane was so proud of herself for keeping herself together so well. She hadn’t had another episode. She never even got close to having one once. She felt more like herself as the days went by.
Dustin checked up on her throughout the week, making sure she was feeling okay before their classes, or before he left for work. He’d even send her uplifting messages any chance he got, whether he was on break at work, or had just gotten out of class. “You got this!” or “I’m so proud of you, honey!” She smiled every time her phone buzzed with a new message.
When the weekend finally came, and she woke up that blissful Saturday morning, she was practically bursting with excitement. They both got dressed, ate a good breakfast, and climbed into Dustin’s little beat-up car and drove to their new friend.
“What kind of cat would we get?” Jane asked in the car. She’d been researching different breeds of cats to get her through the week.
“I’ve always liked ginger cats,” Dustin said. “But this is your cat. What kind would you want, babe?”
“Our cat,” she corrected. “You can have a say in this, too. But… maybe a tabby.”
“A tabby cat? You’re an expert now? Where did you learn that?”
“The internet,” she stated matter-of-factly. Dustin couldn’t help but laugh.
The nearest pet shop was just off campus, only a few miles away from it. Paws ‘n Pals, a small locally-owned store.
Jane took note of all the different supplies she could see through the windows. Toys, leashes, harnesses, treats, all displayed neatly in cases against the windows. When they entered, she was surprised at how many pets were there, and how many she had never seen before.
The first pets she saw were small, long, striped rodents in a large case.
“Those are ferrets,” Dustin said when he noticed her hesitation. “I’m sure you can pet them if you want. The case is open.”
Jane shook her head and kept walking.
Next to the ferrets was a cage full of birds of different colors, tweeting and singing as they walked past. She wasn’t aware someone could keep a bird as a pet.
A little ways away from them was another cage, this time bigger and boxier. It was filled with rats. She often saw them scuttling around in the lab. Seeing them now made her stomach twist in that familiar, dreaded way. She couldn’t fathom why anyone would want to keep one as a pet.
Way in the back of the store were the cats. They were each in their own cages, big enough to have a bed, litter box, and bowls. Some were sleeping, some were rolling on their backs and meowing, or playing with toys. Each cage had profile cards adorned with their name, age, gender, and even a cute picture taken of them like an ID. She admired each cat, relating them back to their cards.
One of them stood out the most to her.
Not a tabby, or a ginger, but a small black cat, It looked at her through the bars of its cage, sticking its nose out and pawing at her. Male, eight months old. Binx.
“This one,” she said, bending over to look him in the eyes. They were huge and green.
“I think this place lets people play with them,” Dustin suggested. Sure enough, there was a sign near the cages that said, “Looking for your new furry friend? Ask an associate for a play-date with the pet of your dreams!”
“Only if you’re sure about it.”
“I’m sure,” she smiled. She put her hand up to the bars, letting Binx sniff her carefully, just like Dustin told her to do on the way over. His nose was cold and wet.
“Are we finding everything okay today?” a woman asked. She was shorter than both of them, and wore a bright smile on her face. Her nametag read Deborah.
“Yeah, actually, we were thinking of playing with this cat for a little?”
“Binx,” Jane clarified.
“Oh, Binx is such a sweetie,” Deborah exclaimed. “He hasn’t been here for long, but he sure has warmed up to everyone. I’m sure he’d love a play date with y’all.”
She unlocked his cage with a key from a ring around her lanyard and carefully picked him up out of his cage. He never meowed once in protest.
“Right this way, if you will.”
Deborah led them to the back of the store, down a hallway and into a room with separate, smaller rooms, closed off with baby gates. There were chairs in the smaller rooms, and a few assorted toys on the ground for the animals to play with. She brought them into one of the gated rooms, and supervised them from a desk across.
Jane sat on the floor with Binx, watching him roam around. He pawed at a couple toys, but ultimately wasn’t impressed by any of them.
“He’s so small,” she remarked. She wasn’t sure what to do with him.
“He’s only a baby.” Dustin sat across from her, shaking a toy to try and catch his attention. It didn’t work. “He’ll get bigger.”
“How big?”
“Not too big, I’m sure.”
Binx made his way over to Jane. She gasped quietly in anticipation, breath hitching slightly.
He sniffed her jeans, and carefully climbed his way up her criss-crossed legs, settling himself comfortably in the middle of her lap. He started to make a very odd sound.
“He’s vibrating,” Jane said bluntly, unsure of what to do.
“He’s purring,” Dustin corrected with a large smile plastered on his face.
Purring, she thought. This is purring.
She placed a hand on his soft back. She felt him rise and fall with every breath his tiny body could take. She closed her eyes and felt the purrs throughout her whole body, letting the sound and sensation wash away any lasting feelings she may have had lingering.
She smiled.
“Looks like he likes you,” Deborah remarked.
“I like him, too,” Jane said.
“I’m required to let y’all know that if you’re thinking of getting him, it’s gonna be a bit of money.”
Jane shot Dustin a look. “How much?” he asked.
“Well, you’d have to cover the adoption cost, plus the vaccines up front,” she said. “Then, of course, food, bowls, litter, and so on. Everything you need plus tax, you’re looking at about $730. $600, maybe, if you opt for the cheapest items.”
“That’s a lot of money,” Jane remarked quietly.
“Pets are a big responsibility,” Deborah replied. “If you have the money now, we can do everything fairly quickly, and you’ll be able to pick him back up in about three days tops.”
Jane looked over at Dustin. She could see him working numbers in his head. She always sees him do this, but it’s different this time. It worried her.
“I, um…” he sighed. The sound alone made Jane’s heart sink. He stood up and left the room. Jane followed with Binx in her arms. “We don’t have that kind of money right now. I mean, we’ll work it out.” He said that last part looking at Jane. He looked like he was trying to hold on to false hope. “I’ll keep in touch.”
“Of course,” Deborah smiled. She took Binx back, and the three of them left the room. She returned him back into his cage. It hurt Jane to see him be locked back up again.
“I’ll tell you what. I can put him on hold for you two. However, it is our store policy that if someone else comes in with money for him up-front, we have to let them adopt him. We’ll still have plenty of other options for you.”
“Loud and clear. Thank you.” Dustin shook her hand, then grabbed Jane’s, and they left.
When they got back in, neither of them moved an inch past buckling their seatbelts. Jane stared out of her window with tears stinging her eyes, begging to fall. But she couldn’t let herself cry over something so small. Still, that familiar pit settled deep in her throat.
“So stupid,” she whispered.
“What?”
“I was happy about something that wasn’t promised,” she explained. A heavy feeling of guilt sat low in her stomach. “And that makes me feel stupid.”
“You’re not stupid. That was my fault. I should’ve checked how much money we had before ever bringing anything up. If anyone’s stupid, it’s me.”
Jane shook her head. “You just wanted to help. I understand. I would’ve done the same for you.”
Dustin nodded. He put his car in reverse, and they left to go back home. Neither of them said a word on their trip back.
Later that night, they both laid in bed, silent. The room was dark, and the air was heavy with some sour feeling. Jane felt it like thick fog.
They stared up at the ceiling. Jane’s hands were folded on her stomach, feeling herself rise and fall with every breath. Her brows furrowed in concentration. She made the ceiling fan spin slowly, like a gear working her own thoughts.
Dustin laid still on his back with his arms behind his head against the pillow. He watched the fan spin around in circles.
“What are you thinking about?” he asked. He sounded tired.
“We could save,” Jane suggested.
Dustin tilted his head. He hummed. “We could, but I’m not sure that what I earn alone is enough. We’d never get there in time.”
“I could get a job.”
He shook his head. He turned to his side, holding his head up in his hand to look at her. “It was such a pain in the ass to get anyone to hire you when we moved here. I doubt anything has changed.” He yawned. “I mean, maybe, but…”
He was right, and she hated it.
When they moved in on campus, they both pitched in to get Jane a job. Both of them worked tooth and nail submitting applications. After all, she hated the idea of only Dustin working, making money for the both of them. But with no past experience, or any history of education except her senior year of high school, no employer took her seriously. They all either denied her on the spot after deciding that her application was half-assed and fake at best, or straight up never contacted her again.
They sat in silence for a moment. Dustin rolled onto his back again and watched the fan.
“I could babysit,” she considered. “There are a few people in my class that have kids. There has to be others around the school, too.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I can put up flyers. People could use the extra help around here.”
“$15 an hour could get us pretty far,” Dustin thought out loud. “But are you sure you’d be ready for that? The only little kid you’ve ever watched was Holly, and that was, what, once? That and you weren’t alone, either. Kids are a big responsibility. Especially kids that you don’t know.”
“Pets are a big responsibility,” Jane remarked, parroting what Deborah said earlier. “I can do this. If I can take care of a kid, I can take care of a cat. I can’t be sure if I don’t try first.”
Dustin smiled. “Sounds like a pretty good plan to me.”
So in the morning, Jane got to work.
She took her time away from class to make flyers. She sat at Dustin’s desk while he was at work. She pulled a few sheets of bright pink construction paper from a scrapbooking hobby she had picked up, then promptly dropped, in the past. She hadn’t touched any of the supplies in weeks. Instead of paying to print a handful of papers in the library, she figured it was just better to make them by hand. Tedious as hell, but cheap.
She carefully traced each letter with care and precision in black Sharpie. She hoped it showed just how dedicated she was at making this work.
‘Juggling work, school, and your kids? Hire Jane Hopper as your trusted babysitter. Only $15/hr. Available Tuesdays and Thursdays.’ She underlined ‘trusted’ twice. It felt more professional.
She taped them up all around campus. The cork board outside the library, in the student center, a few in the dining hall, random walls here and there. When she finished and made her way to class, she watched a tired looking student stop to look at one. Jane watched in anticipation as they ripped a slip with her number on it and pocketed it for later.
By the end of the week, she already had four bookings.
On her first Tuesday, she was hired by a grad student to watch her 2-year-old son. She gave Jane money for food if he were ever to get hungry, and recited a detailed list of what not to feed him. Jane was nervous, she didn't realize someone could be allergic to so many things.
But once the mom left, it was smooth sailing. He never got hungry once. She played with him, built block towers with him and watched him knock them down each time, and even heard a very long story about why pink was his favorite color, and why it should be hers, too. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't persuaded by the end of it.
When the mom returned, she thanked her and handed her two hours worth of money in cash, and told her to keep the money given for food. “As a treat for you,” she said. Jane quickly pocketed everything on her way out of the front door. She couldn't wait to show Dustin what she earned.
She even cut back on the cafe trips. She no longer bought her favorite after-class blueberry muffin. Instead, the two opted for cooking meals at home. Neither of them knew how to cook very well at all, but it was a learning process for both of them. They still had fun with it, anyway.
After a few days, Dustin repurposed a cleaned out pickle jar. He stuck a piece of white painters tape over the label and wrote ‘Binx’ in big, black Sharpie letters. He smiled every time Jane added more cash to it.
And Jane wasn't the only one pitching in. Dustin raised money as well, more dedicated to work than ever. He picked up extra shifts at his crappy fast-food job, and worked twice as hard.
“You look dead,” his coworker remarked as he watched him wipe down the front counter for a third time that shift.
“I'm alright,” he replied with a smile on his face. His feet hurt like hell, but he wouldn’t let it show.
“Well, why wouldn't you be? You've upped your usual amount in tips by, like, a gazillion dollars,” said another coworker while she stocked soda cups. “Shit, I'd be happy too if I was making bank everyday. Let it be known, Dustin, I did think about pocketing a few bucks of yours while I closed last night. You're lucky I didn't.”
“Thanks,” he chuckled as he rolled his eyes.
“You'll be rich at this rate,” the first coworker said. “You saving up for something, man?”
“Yeach, actually.” He returned the towel back to its red bucket underneath the counter. “Gotta save up for my girl.”
One night, he came home smelling like grease, and shoved a good handful of ones and fives into the jar. He grabbed it and made it way towards their room, seeing Jane reading a book in bed, already dressed in her pajamas. She looked up and smiled when he knocked on the doorframe.
“Wanna count it?” he asked, shaking the jar. A few loose coins at the bottom rattled around.
He sat on the bed and dumped the money onto the blanket. Jane sorted through everything. Every bill and coin had their own piles to make it easier for Dustin, even if he didn't need it to be.
He counted out loud, doing math in his head while Jane double-checked from her phone calculator, copying every number he said.
“60…70…80.”
“380,” she read off of her screen. “Halfway?”
“More,” he smiled. “We're really doing this.”
“Told you this would work,” she remarked with a kiss on his cheek.
He'd even made a habit out of calling the pet store at least once a week to make sure Binx was still there. He called so often that the entire store knew his voice.
“Hey, I just wanna make sure–”
“Yes, he's still here,” Deborah said on the other end, chuckling to herself quietly. “You two are really set on his cat, huh?”
“More than anything.”
“Well, y'all better hurry up. If you take any longer, I might just keep him myself.
Dustin laughed. “We're almost there. Thank you.”
“No problem, sugar.”
“Still there?” Jane asked from the floor of the living room as Dustin walked out of their room. She didn't bother to look up from her homework.
“Still there,” he assured. “He's waiting for us.”
One weekend, they decided they deserved to go out on a date. Dustin’s idea. They would go somewhere cheap, some restaurant they could still save money while also celebrating how far they've come. They were almost there.
Jane sat at the foot of their bed tying her shoes when her phone buzzed. The screen lit up, it was a text from a family. She assumed it was the usual reminder from them that she was watching their kids on Tuesday. She finished tying her shoes and stood up while she read the message.
“I'm so sorry Jane. There's been a family emergency. We'll be out of town for a while, not sure how long. I'll text you when we're back. Take care xx”
She froze, staring at the screen. Her face felt hot and her thumb shook over her phone. She slowly sat back down on the bed.
The Millers were her regulars. She saw them twice a week, every week. She knew their kids by name, and had already become a trusted adult to them. She made $80 a week from them. And now, she'd be making none.
“Almost ready to go? The reservation's soon, if we wanna make it we need to–” he stopped when he saw that familiar panic on her face that they knew all too well. “What's wrong? What happened?”
“They canceled,” she said flatly, not looking up from her screen once.
“Who?”
“The Millers.” She held her phone up to him. He read it carefully. She could see his eyes flicking back and forth. “Indefinitely.”
“Well, that sucks,” he frowned. “We'll figure this out. I can see if there's any extra shifts this week. It'll be fine.”
“It won't be fine, Dustin,” she snapped, harsher than she meant it to be. “I make $80 a week from them. That's most of my half. That's my income.” She caught her nails picking at the skin on her thumbs. She shoved her hands under her legs.
“It'll be okay, honey. I promise. It's only a little setback, and we still have so much time to get Binx–”
“Stop.”
The lights buzzed and flickered. Her chest tightened and she couldn't stop it. She tried breathing the way he taught her to. In for four, hold, out for four. Press her hand against her chest to let the pressure ground her again. In, hold, out. She made it two breaths in before she fell apart.
“We were so close,” she managed to choke out. Her voice cracked as her throat tightened around the words. “We were right there. Binx was right there.”
Dustin sat next to her on the bed. He didn't touch her, he just let his warmth bring her back down to earth.
He wanted to tell her that it was okay. That they would still get Binx, and all would be well. But he didn't. He let her breathe.
A few moments passed in silence. The heavy air shifted, and it felt lighter all around them.
“I'm sorry,” she whispered.
“Don't be. I understand how frustrating it can be, Jane.”
She wiped her tears away. “I just wanted this one good thing to happen.”
Dustin nodded. He wanted to list every good thing she has. He wanted to show her there were things to be grateful for, but he knew it could make her feel guilty to have all these things and still feel like she wasn't enough. So he stayed quiet about anything until he noticed her shoulders relax and the tension float away from her whole body.
“When I'm at work, and I'm beat to shit and tired, I think ‘there's no point in being here right now’. And I know that isn't true. Because I like to sit there and think about when we bring him home instead.”
‘When' rang through her ears like a loud bell of hope. “What?”
“I think about where we'll put his food bowl.” He pointed and gestured right outside the bedroom door, just past the kitchen. “I think he'd like it by the window, so he can see the birds while he eats.”
“Birds? We don't have–”
“We do. You're just never awake early enough to see them,” he chuckled. “I think about him sleeping at the foot of the bed.” He patted the comforter they sat on lightly right between them. “Just while he gets used to us. “Then, when he's more comfortable, he'll sleep right on your chest.”
Jane's breathing slowed. Her sight became clearer.
“And I think about him learning your smell, and sleeping in your spot in bed while you’re in class, or out babysitting.” He wrapped his arm around her slowly and ran his fingers through her hair. She gave a soft sigh of relief.
“And about him curling up on your chest when you’ve had a bad day, and purring so loud you can’t think about anything else.”
Jane sniffled quietly.
“I know he won’t fix everything, but I know he’ll help. You and me.” He kissed her cheek softly. “Even if it takes longer than we expected it to.”
“Thank you.” She wiped her eyes again. She checked the time on her phone and sighed. “Shit. I made us miss our reservation.”
“Don’t worry about it. I wanted to eat at home anyways.” He kissed her again and gave her a big smile. “Plus, I think we just saved more money.”
Three weeks passed. Dustin picked up every extra shift his manager would let him take. “You tryin’ to run me outta money or something?” he quipped.
Jane contacted every family she’d ever babysat for and told them she was holding a 10% discount for repeat bookings all month. She immediately bagged three two-hour sessions.
They ate strictly homemade meals. Most meals were pasta, but they were definitely getting better at making that. They opted for tap water instead of soda. Dustin couldn’t tell you the last time his pee was this clear. And every night, they dropped whatever cash they had hiding in their pockets into the jar.
Until finally, it was overflowing.
Dustin came home from work, his feet aching after every step he took from his car outside, to the stairs, and to the front door. He expected Jane to already be fast asleep, or at least doing her usual reading before bed. It was nearly midnight, and she had two sessions that day. He knew she had to have been drained.
Instead, he found her wide awake on their living room floor when he unlocked the door. He reached for the jar, but it wasn’t there. It was now beside her and empty, and all of its contents had been dumped out onto the rug and sorted neatly into their piles.
“I think we’re there,” she said hopefully.
Dustin hurriedly kicked his shoes off, not bothering to set them next to Jane’s like he normally would have. He pulled his tips out of his pocket and sorted them into their piles as he sat down across from her.
He counted each and every bill slowly, careful not to overlook anything. Jane copied every number into her calculator. They counted everything again. And again.
The number felt unreal coming out of his mouth.
“786,” he said.
“786,” she repeated from her phone.
They had met their goal. Exceeded it, even.
Dustin laughed loudly. Jane cried. They actually did it. This was real now. It didn’t have to be just a fantasy in their head anymore.
“I’ll call them right now,” Dustin exclaimed as he jumped to his feet. He pulled out his phone and started dialing their number.
“They’re closed by now,” she giggled through tears. “Call them in the morning, honey.”
So he did. He called them as soon as he woke up and his feet touched the floor. He’d contacted them so much over the past month that they were practically on speed dial.
“Hello?” Deborah greeted.
“We made it.”
Dustin heard a muffled cheer over the phone. “We’ve been waiting for you to call! Come in later today, baby. We’ll run the payment through and get him ready for y’all.”
“Thank you,” he smiled. “We’ll be there soon.”
Jane stirred awake and smiled. “I heard everything,” she yawned.
“Then you better wake up,” he said playfully, hovering over her and scattering kisses all over her face. She giggled as she tried to escape. “He’s waiting for us.”
The two of them got dressed in anticipation. Jane was sure she put her shirt on backwards. She didn’t care. They brushed their teeth and didn’t even bother to eat breakfast before leaving. Dustin could barely wait long enough to tie his shoes, let alone put them on the right feet.
Jane stood in the kitchen, drinking a glass of water to replace food for her empty stomach. She stared out the living room window, where a black bird with a red belly in the tree outside hopped from one branch to another.
“We do have birds,” she whispered to herself, smiling.
They made it to the front desk of the pet store with the entire wad of cash bound neatly by an old rubber band in Dustin’s hand. Jane watched him hand it over to Deborah as she gripped the counter in excitement.
“Would you like to hold him?” Deborah asked.
Dustin looked at Jane. She seemed nervous.
“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” he reassured. “We can wait until we take him home.”
“I…” she said, weighing the options in her mind. “Yes. I do. Please.”
Deborah smiled. Jane watched as she carefully lifted Binx out from his cage. She walked him over and handed him to her over the counter.
Jane reached out cautiously, grabbing him from under his arms. It felt like he weighed nothing. She felt his warm, soft fur under her touch, and she couldn’t hold back the smile creeping up on her face.
“He’s perfect,” Dustin said, scratching lightly under Binx’s ear. Jane giggled as he tilted his head in the direction of his fingers.
“We’ll get him vaccinated right away,” Deborah assured.
“How long until we can take him home?” Jane asked as she handed him back to her.
“Just a couple days. We’ll keep an eye on him to make sure he’s alright.” She leaned forward, now face to face with Jane. “Your boy’s a good one. Keep him.”
“I’m planning on it,” Jane smiled.
“I’ll give you a call when he’s ready to be picked up.” She shook Dustin’s hand.
“Thank you for waiting around for us this long.”
“It was my pleasure. I’m glad he’s going to a good home with people who care about him the most.”
The front door unlocked. Dustin stepped in, then Jane.
Then they placed a carrier on the floor.
Jane bent down and unlatched the door, letting it hang open.
Binx took a cautious step out. He felt the rug beneath his paw and sniffed it. He made his way over to his new food bowl, right by the window. He sat as he watched a crow flutter its wings in the tree.
“Told you,” Dustin gestured quietly.
Binx came back over to Jane. He stretched himself up her leg like he was trying to climb it to reach her. She bent down to pick him up, and held him close to her chest. He rubbed his head on her face and purred.
Binx was finally home.
Jane sat on the floor with her face in her hands. Her breathing was shallow, her hands were shaking, and her heart was going what felt like a million miles a minute. The lights wouldn’t stop buzzing.
She slowly laid down on her back, feeling the rug beneath her. This was the worst episode she’s had in a while.
It only happened because she came home from a hell of a babysitting session. The kid was sick, and the parents didn’t even know. He ended up puking all over her. She called them apologizing for having them cut their errands short. Once they came back, and gave her a hefty tip for compensation, she showered and changed her clothes as soon as she got back home. She immediately threw her clothes in the wash and started it. No matter how clean she got, she just couldn’t get the nerves from it out of her system. Or the smell out of her nose.
Suddenly, she felt a small weight on her chest. She heard the noise before she even felt it.
Binx had climbed his way up onto her chest, kneading small spots of her shirt as if to tell her he was there. He laid down, and Jane felt the purrs rumble all throughout her ribs.
Her breathing slowed as it matched the pace of his purrs. Her mind stopped racing, and she slowly lifted her hands from her face. They stayed like that for a while. She could feel herself calming down.
Dustin walked out of their room, about to tell her about a new article he read that he thought she’d find interesting, and found them on the floor. Instead of worrying, he just smiled.
He sat down, laying next to the pair with his hands folded on his stomach. He watched Jane relax her muscles. Her fingers splayed themselves gently across Binx’s back, rising and falling with each breath he took.
“I told you,” he joked quietly. Jane laughed.
“Purring helps,” she parroted. She turned and smiled at Dustin. “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me, I didn’t do anything this time.”
Jane rolled her eyes. She turned to Binx and said, “Thank you, Binx.”
He meowed in return.
“You did not.”
“I did!”
Jane flipped her camera to show Binx laying on her legs. Hopper laughed.
“How much did that thing cost?”
“Too much fucking money,” Dustin remarked with his eyebrows raised from the kitchen. “But he’s cute, so he makes up for it.”
“Hi, Dustin,” Hopper sighed, jokingly rolling his eyes. “How are you?”
“Good. You?”
“Fine. Old.”
“I know.”
“Oh, fuck off,” Hopper laughed. Jane turned her camera back to her face. “You’re dating a hell of a guy, Jane.”
“Yeah, I know,” she smiled. “But I love him.” Dustin winked at her.
“Good. That’s how it should be. Let me see the cat again.”
Jane laughed and flipped her camera back around.
“Look at you! You’re so cute!”
Binx meowed.
“He speaks!” Hopper yelled. “My god, he’s almost as smart as you Jane.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
She heard the front door of the cabin open and shut. “Hey, Dad. Is that Jane?”
Will came running over behind Hopper, and basically screamed. He took Hopper’s phone.
“Hey!”
“You got a cat?!” Will yelled.
“We did!”
Binx walked over to Jane’s chest. She flipped her camera around again. Dustin dried his hands on a kitchen towel and came back over.
“Hey, man!” he greeted.
“Hey, Dustin,” Will smiled.
Joyce appeared from the side. “Hey, honey.” She caught sight of the phone and smiled, then gasped. “You didn’t.”
“Yes, we got a cat,” Jane said, pretending to sound annoyed. “He’s the best, Mom. You have to meet him. You would love him.”
“Oh, baby, I don’t think I can. My eyes would swell right out of my head.” She put her face closer to the phone. “Oh, but he’s so cute! What’s his name?”
“Binx,” Dustin replied.
“Binx!” Joyce yelled. “Oh, it’s just perfect.”
“I’ll be taking that back,” Hopper said as he whisked the phone out of Will’s hands.
“Hey, we weren’t done!” Will yelled.
“Neither was I!” Hopper smiled at Jane as he walked back to the couch. “I can talk to my daughter, too.”
“Thanks,” Dustin joked.
“Oh, and you too, I guess.”
Jane laughed. A text came through.
“Remember, Malcolm and Lily at 3:30!” from Mrs. Miller.
“Oh, Dad, I have to go. I need to get ready.”
“Alright, honey. Have a good day, okay? Kiss Binx for me.”
“I will. Lots and lots.”
“Bye Jane!” Will yelled. Hopper cringed at the volume.
Jane hung up. Just as promised, she kissed Binx’s forehead.
“That was from Hopper,” she told him. “You’ll meet him someday.”
Binx blinked at her.