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It's Illegal in Canada, Shane!

Summary:

When Hayden catches sight of Shane leaving Ilya’s hotel room with bruises, he makes some…incorrect assumptions.

Notes:

I'm currently working on a longer amnesia hollanov fic but then this idea came to me and I had to get it out. Hayden's well-meaning but idiotic fumbling is endlessly hilarious to me.

 

For anyone that needs clarity about the violence mentioned in the tags, there is a very brief non-graphic description of bruises that Shane sustained during consensual activities with Ilya. Hayden gets the wrong idea but is corrected :)

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Shane was having a very strange day.

It had started when the Hollander family chat began discussing the latest New Yorker issue, and Ilya’s responses revealed that not only had he read the latest articles, he apparently talked about them often with Shane’s parents.

The day grew weirder when a dog ran onto the ice during the Boston-Montreal game, causing a brief uproar and the whole Raiders team, led by their very excited captain, to enthusiastically pet the dog before it was corralled off.

Then Ilya had surprised Shane by booking a penthouse suite in the hotel the Metros were staying at, and pulling out some unexpected items including handcuffs, to help wring three orgasms out of Shane.  

And if those events weren’t enough to convince Shane that he had entered the twilight zone, now Hayden appeared to be offering to help Shane and Ilya come out.

“Sorry…what?” was all Shane managed to get out.

“I mean it, Shane,” Hayden said seriously. The moment Shane had returned to their shared room, Hayden had confronted Shane about seeing him leave a hotel room with Rozanov.

But instead of looking angry as Shane had expected Hayden to look if he ever discovered their relationship, Hayden had just looked painfully earnest when he assured Shane he would support him.

“Whatever I can do, I want to help you with this. You need support in dealing with this – this thing with Rozanov. I’ll support you to go to the GM, hell I’ll even back you up with Crowell if you need.”

“We kind of …decided to wait,” Shane said faintly. What was happening? “We don’t think hockey fans would take it very well.”

Hayden winced. “I understand that hockey isn’t so good with these sorts of issues, I mean, Dallas Kent is still running around after everything he’s done, but you will be supported! I’ll be here for you, your parents will be here for you, J.J. will be here for you!” Hayden continued somewhat frantically. “You obviously don’t have to go public with it, but you need to go to the Metros and Raiders GMs at least.”

“You really think we should?” Shane felt cautiously hopeful. He hadn’t expected such support from Hayden about this, but he seemed adamant that Shane should start telling their respective hockey employers.

“Yes! You need support. I know stuff hasn’t been the greatest since you came out to the team,” understatement, Shane thought sourly, “but you can’t let that stop you from reporting this. This is important,” Hayden stressed, hands coming down to Shane’s shoulders and lightly shaking him.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Shane slowly nodded. “This is important. I guess I was feeling like people would react badly if they found out about it, but you’re not mad, and my parents were good about it too. Maybe I could start to tell a few more people, test out how it goes.”

Hayden’s face spasmed a bit. “Your parents know? Yuna knows?”

“…yeah?”

Hayden shook his head. “I would’ve thought Yuna would have sorted out the whole issue by now. I can’t imagine her sitting by while this happens.”

Shane rolled his eyes. “Look, Hayden, my mom is good but she’s not that good. We’re working on a plan, okay?”

“I guess! But I seriously would’ve thought Rozanov would’ve been traded to fucking Ottawa by now if your mom had her way.”

“Well – yeah actually, that is the plan eventually, by the end of this season.” Shane wasn’t sure about the pejorative tone in Hayden’s voice when he said fucking Ottawa, but it was at least nice to see that Hayden agreed with the logic of Ilya moving there. It was the best option for their relationship, and it was nice to have a third party confirm that.

“Huh,” Hayden said. “I suppose if Yuna can actually make him move there, it might solve some of the issues. It’ll be news but you won’t be involved, the media will keep your name out of it. You’ll play him less but…Ottawa is awfully close to Montreal, Shane.”

This was closer to the reaction Shane had expected from Hayden. Hayden was not particularly enthusiastic that Ilya would be so close to Montreal, but he would have to deal with it, now that he knew about their relationship.

“Yeah, Ottawa and Montreal are pretty close,” Shane agreed.

Hayden looked worried. “I really think you should consider talking to the MLH Shane, I think they could come up with a better solution than just moving Rozanov.”

Shane raised his eyebrows at Hayden. “The MLH won’t come up with a better solution than that, Hayden. In fact they’d be more likely to come up with worse ones, who knows, they might even bench us!” Hayden opened his mouth to argue but appeared to think better of it.

Shane sighed and continued. “Look, we thought about telling the MLH but there was too much risk involved. If this leaks, this could have really bad repercussions for Ilya, you know?”

Shane needed to get Hayden to understand how important this was, but now he only looked incredulous. “You’re trying to protect him, Shane?” Hayden’s look turned pitying. “You’re too nice Shane, fuck Rozanov! Do what you need to do to protect yourself.”

Shane’s patience for Hayden snapped. “Of course I’m trying to protect him! Don’t you know it’s illegal in Russia?”

“It’s illegal in Canada too,” Hayden responded, confused.  

Huh?

Shane squinted at Hayden. “I know you’re not fully up to date on gay news Hayd, but even you should know homosexuality was legalised a long time ago.”

Hayden looked even more confused. “I’m talking about Rozanov beating you up, what are you talking about?”

“What the fuck Hayden?”

“Don’t try to lie or spin this, Shane! I saw you coming out of his room, okay. He was smirking at you, you had tears in your eyes and your face was all red, you basically looked high, and you have bruises all over!” Hayden grabbed Shane’s arm and held it up, where steadily darkening bruises on his wrist looked very incriminating.

“Oh my god,” Shane wrenched his arm out of Hayden’s grip and buried his head in his hands. “Oh my god!”

Hayden continued his rant, picking up steam as Shane continued to try to bury himself in his palms.

“I put the pieces together! I connected the dots! Rozanov’s figured out you’re gay somehow and he’s threatening you, or blackmailing you! I don’t know why he thought beating you up after the game would throw you off the match, but clearly he’s not going to stop. I like the Ottawa plan to punish him by tanking his career, but shouldn’t we consider going to the police?”

That got Shane to raise his head quickly.

“Hayden no, stop, stop- seriously stop. You have it all wrong.”

Hayden raised an eyebrow sceptically. “I know what I saw, Shane.”

“You really, really don’t, Hayd.” Shane’s skin felt like it was burning with the force of his flush. “Ilya and I are together,” he said quickly.

Hayden’s mouth dropped into an ‘o’ shape.

“It was…we’re dating.” Shane waited a beat but nothing came from Hayden. He looked like he was buffering.

“I- everything that happened in that room was consensual, okay?” Shane waited desperately for some type of response from Hayden, but still nothing. He was losing colour in his face though, which couldn’t be a good thing.

Hayden finally stammered out, “It-it was sex? That’s what you look like after having sex?!

Shane forced his lips together, trying to hide a smirk. “Maybe you and Jackie should be more adventurous.”

Hayden shook his head forcefully. “No! Absolutely not, I refuse to let you lecture me about my sex life, when yours involves Ilya Rozanov!”

Shane shrugged sheepishly. “Can you blame me for not telling you? Your first thought upon seeing me and him was that he was beating me up!”

Hayden shook his head again, more despairingly this time. He said slowly, with great reluctance, “I am happy for you buddy, that you’re not being blackmailed or hurt…”

“Gee thanks.”

“But…did it have to be him, Shane?” Hayden whined.

“Yeah.” Shane didn’t even try to hide the dreaminess in his voice. “It had to be him.”

Notes:

Comments are greatly appreciated!