Archive of Our Own

anonhockeylover23 points 3 hours ago

Oh! I actually have something for this for once! Ok, so throw away account because I am mentioning my city, but I work for a 24 hour drug mart in Montreal. It's a great job, hardly any customers late at night, and I am in school so it provides some decent study time. Anyway, night shift is usually pretty easy because 90% of the time people use the self check-outs, however this one night in question it was on the fritz, so I have to ring out each person. Annoying, but I guess its what i’m being paid for. Anyway, it was a few years ago (maybe 2011?) it was slow, probably 11:00 at night. I had had the Metros/Raiders game on in the break room with the door propped open so I could keep track of the score while working. (That’s hockey for those not in the know - which actually this entire story isn’t going to really be much of a story if you aren’t a hockey fan.)

Right, so I’m shelving some store brand acetaminophen, trying to do my night stocking, when in walks THE SHANE HOLLANDER. Star center of the Montreal Metros. Now I know if you don’t know hockey your eyes just probably glossed over, but he’s is probably one of the biggest stars, and I’m Canadian, so this is my sport. Anyway, I was trying to keep my cool while he gathered up what he came to buy. But like i said - the self checkout was on the fritz, so I had to ring him up.

He was buying our largest multi-pack of condoms (magnums too) and three different types of lube. The dude turned bright red. But you know, good for him with the XLs and all. Dude fucks, must be nice to be a hot professional athlete with chicks just throwing themselves at him to the point he needs the econo-box of condoms. I really wanted his autograph but didn’t want him to know I recognized him with how embarrassed he seemed.

Right, so that isn’t even the wildest part of the story. About a year later, same store, same shift, etc. Thankfully the self checkouts had been replaced with working models by then, so I’m just fucking around doing whatever it is that was on my shift checklist, when I hear someone trying to get my attention.

If you are thinking it was Hollander again, wrong. ILYA ROZANOV. Again, I’m in Montreal, not Boston, but I checked and the raiders were in town for a game the next day. Anyway - he’s waving a tube of something at me, saying “Is this only kind you have?” and I look, and its fucking lube. (no pun intended, although HA). So I take him to the correct aisle, and he put back the one he had in his hand and grabbed a different one, muttering about being picky.

His hair was all messed up and I swear to god it looked like he came here mid-fuck. And it looked like he was wearing a Metro’s hoodie, but it was inside out, so I could very well have been imagining it.

Again, didn’t get an autograph because he seemed in a HURRY.

But yeah, that’s the story of how I have personally sold lube to not one but two of the generational greats of hockey. Without a single autograph to prove it.