Chapter Text
Film 10
Day 5
The realisation sinks in quickly, Kyouko is too close to Homura and attacking too quickly. Homura doesn’t have the chance to freeze time, and won’t get it either.
If she could have even a second, that would be enough, but at this rate, that second will never come.
That realisation for Mabayu comes with resolution; she can’t afford to hesitate. If Homura is to make it out of this, Mabayu has to move now.
So move she does, her appearance doesn’t divert Kyouko for even a moment, the surprise not enough to alter her strike, just the target. Mabayu feels her soul gem shatter.
She may never wake up again, but that risk is better than the alternative.
Film 11
Day 1
Mabayu wakes up, which isn’t exactly a surprise, but is a relief. Because if she’s alive, then that means Akemi turned back time.
“Which means Akemi…”
“That’s right, we weren’t able to defeat Walpurgisnacht”
Mabayu jumps out of her bed in shock at hearing that oh so familiar voice in this oh so familiar place that Akemi has never actually come to before.
“Whah- Miss Akemi!?… Wait, uhhh? Why are you?…” In new timelines, Mabayu always goes to Akemi without fail. She’s never come here, especially before Mabayu even woke up.
“I came here to thank you. This is the second time you’ve saved my life. I’m grateful,” It’s said in a soft tone, lacking Akemi’s usual harshness.
“Ah, n-no, there’s no need to thank me. If you died, there’d be no way to save Miss Kaname. It’s as simple as that” That’s what it comes down to, isn’t it? And, Mabayu did come back in the end, so everyone’s happy.
Akemi pauses for a moment, then replies, “Let me state this in advance. If I manage to defeat Walpurgisnacht after you happen to die, I won’t be able to abandon the Madoka in that world. I won’t turn back time for you”
“Oh. Okay," Mabayu kinda already knew that, Akemi’s single-minded like that, it’s one of the things she admires about her. Even if it also makes things like that inevitable.
“So… Don’t be so quick to sacrifice yourself. The last thing I need is a future where I have your death on my conscience”
For Homura to say that, to suggest that she’d have the slightest bit of regret even in a future where Madoka lived, and Walpurgisnacht died, it says far more than simple words suggest.
“Okay! I’ll do my best!” Mabayu swears. After all she’s gone through, she wants to be able to see that future if they ever make it, even if victory against Walpurgisnacht feels far away.
Not even Homura’s (admittedly deserved) parting shot about Mabayu really needing to clean her room can dampen her spirits. No matter how tedious said tidying is.
Day 31
No matter how terrifying it has been, Mabayu can’t help but be proud of what she’s achieved. She actually managed to help Homura, not just as an adviser, or by gathering info, but actually fighting witches alone. And, with that, they’ve gotten so many more grief seeds than they would otherwise. Being able to fight witches at two places at once really is worth a lot as it turns out. Not to mention the benefit of hunting outside town.
“With this many grief seeds, we can use our magic all we want! It was totally worth heading out of Mitakihara”
“It’s not just that. You’ve become a reliable combatant in such a short period of time. I wouldn’t have been able to achieve this on my own. So thank you, truly,” Hearing praise that sincere coming from Homura, it makes it hard for Mabayu to deny just why she’s been working so hard.
“Oh, no. It’s fine. I’m just glad someone like me can be of use,” Mabayu replies with a nervous giggle.
Because, the reason she’s been fighting so hard isn’t just to escape this loop, or to save the people of Mitakihara, or even just to save Madoka, even if those are all things to fight for.
The reason she’s been fighting so desperately is because she admires Homura. And because she wants to live up to someone like her, who can fight for someone so unceasingly.
Day 32
The fight with Walpurgisnacht ends as it always has. No matter how much Mabayu and Homura can use their magic, it just won’t die. When facing Walpurgisnacht, all that preparation, all those gathered weapons, all the witches Mabayu finally managed to beat all on her own; none of them meant anything.
As Homura wanders off to look at Madoka’s witch for a few last moments in disappointment before turning the hourglass. Kyubey appears to spew its usual drivel at Mabayu.
And, it is easy to ignore until it starts saying things that are way out of its wheelhouse.
That it appreciates that Mabayu’s been supporting Akemi against the stresses of time travel, that if she were a plan by a different iteration of it, then it was a success. And, most ridiculous of all, that Mabayu could ever equal Madoka in Akemi’s eyes.
Film 12
Day 14
“Do you seriously want these days to end?” Kyouko asks.
Mabayu hesitates a second longer than she has any right to before denying it.
Day 15
“I don’t want to sacrifice anyone any more” That’s why the loop has to end, why Mabayu is determined to gather every grief seed she can get and escape this loop. Why she can’t delay or hesitate. Because if she keeps going round and round, then it’s the people stuck here, like Madoka or Sayaka, that pay the price.
Then Homura points out Nagisa, and Mabayu’s composure crumbles as she realises, in her rush to finish this, to prove that she doesn’t just want this to keep recurring, no matter what Kyouko says, she forgot to even feel guilt when killing the witch that she was friends with all those timelines ago.
Mabayu can’t help but agree as Homura talks about the way time travel can make you feel detached, can make everything feel distant, and when she mentions how much she appreciates Mabayu for being with her during the times when saving Madoka felt impossibly far away, Mabayu knows she should feel glad.
A part of her, one she chooses not to consider, does.
“We’ve been together for quite a long time now, at this point, I wouldn’t mind at all if you called me by my first name,” Homura offers.
And, it’s an offer that means everything to Mabayu, to mean so much to Homura, to have been someone she sees as that important.
It means that Mabayu really has been benefiting from all this stolen time. That even as everything else grows further and further away from Homura, Mabayu has been growing closer to her.
Mabayu runs.
Day 16
Homura will never give up on Madoka, so if the idea that she can see Mabayu like this is so terrifying, the issue must be with Mabayu, right?
Day 17
Mabayu sees Mami’s memories and remembers the past she cut from herself.
She isn’t able to cut away Mami’s memories of the origin of witches out of shock.
Because, if the memories she restored to herself through Mami are true, then what Mabayu’s done is truly unforgivable.
Because if she’s lured so many into becoming witches, can she deserve anything but to become one herself?
Day ?
Mabayu meets god, she has pink hair.
Day 32
Even with everyone and everything, Walpurgisnacht lives.
That’s ok though, Mabayu knew that was going to happen.
Film 13
Day 1
Mabayu is going to die.
Were she better, more capable, more stable or just someone who could live with this cloying guilt that clouds her soul gem with her every breath, she wouldn’t have to. But she is, and so Mabayu is going to die.
Her killer's weapon shall be a pair of scissors. And her killer's name shall be Mabayu.
Her death will not be one of body, because that would be pointless. If Mabayu just dies, it will do nothing more than hurt Homura, and may not even last. It will be one of mind, a little death, not a big one.
Mabayu will die, but the person she was a year ago won’t. Well, not any more than how she was killed a year ago, when Mabayu first learned the truth of what she did as a magical girl and chose to
erase it.
Of course, before she can die, Mabayu must make certain her death will bring about the future the goddess showed her. The happy ending that is ensured with Mabayu’s utter erasure.
The first thing is to check Mami, and to confirm what she already knew. Her cuts reach across records. Mami’s memory of Mabayu wasn’t just destroyed last timeline, but also in every future timeline. They can never be saved, nor recovered.
Mabayu’s old friend, who she only knows from second hand memories, yet cares for nonetheless, will never be who she was to Mabayu again.
When Mabayu is done today, they will be perfect strangers once more. And this time, it will be truly mutual.
It is, Mabayu can’t help but feel, a mercy that she will never have to go through what she put Mami through, loop after loop. To know someone, but not be known in turn, is painful.
Then again, it’s not like Mabayu needs Mami’s recycled memories to know that. Her long failed attempt at friendship with Sayaka is more than enough for that lesson to have sunk in.
The only thing left is to meet Homura one last time.
It’s the longest walk of Mabayu’s life; she wishes it were longer still.
There is a tale that you die twice, once when you physically die, and the second time when no one remembers who you were. Mabayu doesn’t know where that tale is from, but she may be the first to die the second time before the first.
Because, after today, no one will know who she is, only who she was, not even herself. And so, though Mabayu will still be breathing, it will not be the Mabayu that she is right now.
It’s only once she actually reaches the hospital and begins her trek to Homura’s room one final time that Mabayu has doubts.
Not at what she was shown, but if this is truly the only choice she has left.
Of course, Madoka has to make her wish. She has to ascend and make the system better. To erase witches from past, present, and future. If she does not, then the people who Mabayu and Mami, in ignorant bliss, lured into despair, will never be repaid what was stolen from them.
But, even if it has to happen, will that make Homura happy?
That is the first doubt out of all of them that makes Mabayu even consider second-guessing herself.
Except, it doesn’t matter, does it? Madoka’s wish last timeline showed her the goddess, and not just an image of her, the Law of Cycles in all her wonder and grandeur talked to Mabayu. she showed her the future that must come about.
Mabayu has always known she can’t defy fate; a future, once known, cannot be stopped. Even the loophole of erasing her own memory of the future can only cheat fate so far.
This isn’t just cheating fate. The choice is her own; no one can ever force Mabayu to erase her own memory, but that doesn’t really matter.
Mabayu saw the Law of Cycles, and the Law of Cycles saw her. The law, even though she is yet to come into being, managed to talk to Mabayu to ensure her own creation.
Mabayu is willing to bet that no matter what she does, the Law of Cycles is inevitable. Her ascendency is written into the fabric of the world. So, if that’s true, then Mabayu just has to assume that the benevolence of the goddess Madoka becomes is true, and that she wouldn’t encourage Mabayu to inadvertently lead Homura to an ending that leaves her unhappy.
Stopping outside Homura’s door, Mabayu shakes her head to try to dismiss all those doubts. Thinking these sorts of things through too far has an awful sense of determinism to it. And, it won’t matter soon enough. Mabayu won’t ever know of her role in this again, and so, there is no need to worry about the future.
She can leave that to the clueless version of her that will be left behind, emptied of all these memories, those beloved and those that bring only suffering.
She steps into Homura’s room with an awful sense of finality. This is it.
“Miss Akemi,” How many more times will she get the chance to say that name? 10? Less even?
Homura turns over, a pleased expression on her face at Mabayu’s arrival.
“Ah Mabayu, you’re here. Can you take a look at this?”
Mabayu humours Homura, “The flowchart? Oh, you’re going to steal a whole fighter jet this time?”
That would be quite the thing. Stealing that with Homura would probably be an interesting experience. Even if the existence of the Law of Cycles officially puts to bed any ideas Mabayu may have considered about killing Walpurgisnacht. That mission was impossible from the get-go, just a bump on the road towards Madoka’s final wish.
Mabayu will miss the flowchart, though, if only for the hour or so she’ll have left after erasing herself from Homura’s memory. It’s still amazing that Homura can remember the events of each month well enough to redraw the chart of cause and effect for the timeline. Even down to having every time Kyubey will try to approach Madoka over the month marked in red.
“Yes, though our team setup will be different from last time, we can’t follow the same route as before. Reflecting on the last loop's failure, I’ve brushed up the strategy for the last day. What do you think?”
Mabayu opens her mouth to comment on the fact some of the parts need two people, after all, that won’t be possible soon enough. Not that Homura will remember her advice. But it gets caught in her throat.
Instead, that same pointless question from earlier finds itself bouncing around in Mabayu’s head. Will Homura be happy at the end? When the Law of Cycles removes the taint of witches from the world forevermore?
“Miss Akemi? What do you think you’ll do if we win?” Is what Mabayu finally ends up asking instead.
“Hmm? What brought that question on?” There is a bit of puzzlement on Homura’s face. Which makes sense, that isn’t the kind of thing Mabayu should be saying this early into strategising.
“It’s just. When you see Madoka free from Kyubey, and Walpurgisnacht is destroyed, what’s next? I don’t think we ever discussed it”
“Is this really relevant right now? Wait, are you just trying to slack off strategising?”
Mabayu finds herself giggling at the thought. She wishes it were that simple, “Just, humour me, okay? It’s important”
“I suppose, should it end without Madoka ever contracting, and with you dealing with Sayaka like usual, then I’m not sure. Kyouko will likely leave once we are no longer offering her grief seeds to hunt Walpurgisnacht. Mami, well, that depends on you, I suppose. But as for me, I don’t think there is much I expect afterwards, aside from continuing to keep Kyubey away from Madoka. Maybe I’ll finally learn how to do better latte art, it would be something to pass the time if nothing else,” Homura muses.
“Huh? You mean, at Recompense?”
“Where else? I could use some spare money if the world isn’t looping any more, and from what I know of Sakie, she wouldn’t deny the extra help”
“But, don’t you think the uniform is embarrassing?”
“I survived wearing it while Nagisa was around. So, it’s not the end of the world. In all seriousness, though, I haven’t given what I will do after we succeed much thought. So, once again, what caused you to ask?”
Somehow, when she said the question, Mabayu didn’t think she would be included in the answer, even incidentally. Or, perhaps, she simply didn’t want to consider that she has enough importance for that. It makes the idea of erasing herself even more painful than it already is.
“I don’t suppose you’ll mind that much if that we becomes a me. Assuming it means you can save Madoka, right?”
Homura suddenly focuses on Mabayu fully, a slightly worried expression appearing on her face. “Saving Madoka is always my priority, but I do believe I laid out my thoughts on you sacrificing yourself for me rather clearly. So, what exactly do you mean by that?”
“Madoka’s wish last timeline showed me something. How to get an ending that makes things better than they currently are. Just, it requires me to not be there. At all,” Mabayu explains.
“In what sense?” Homura further inquires.
“It would mean erasing your memory of me, and then, my own memories of everything that has happened since time first stopped” Mabayu lays out.
“That is…” Homura seems lost for words; it’s a rather novel sight.
“You won’t have my death on your conscience, so that gets around what you said about self-sacrifice, right?” Mabayu points out.
“You would really go that far for my mission? There wouldn’t be any coming back from that; it would be permanent” Homura sounds hesitant.
“It would be easier anyway. Knowing what I do now about what I did with Mami, and all the people who are witches because of me. Even if I averted the future I saw originally, I’ll still generate far too much grief. And, sooner or later, I’ll become a witch. So, this way is just easier for everyone. And, it will work”
“I told you that I would collect grief seeds for you if your soul gem clouds over, did I not? Tell me, is this truly just about doing what’s right, or is this just a way to kill yourself without leaving anyone behind to feel guilty about it?” Homura’s words sting. Because, for all she hates it, there is a part of Mabayu that is looking forward to the end, where she can be free from all this guilt. Even if it still terrifies her.
“Every grief seed you use on me is one you can’t use against Walpurgisnacht. Miss Kaname is the one who would be paying that price,” Mabayu points out.
“And you think it would be better if you were gone!” At this point, some genuine anger slips into Homura’s tone.
“I know it would be,” Mabayu comments. Because if she’s not in the way, then this month is the last loop.
“Then, if you already know, why did you ask about what I wanted for the future?”
“I, umm. Well, you see errr. I-I… I don’t know about your future. What I saw, I don’t know if you’re happy at the end of it,” Mabayu admits.
“Do you have reason to think I wouldn’t be?”
“I just. I don’t know. I didn’t get to see that far”
“So, you want to die for a maybe?”
“I mean, it’s not dying, not really. I’m just, resetting myself. To before any of this” Mabayu notes.
“Does that include not knowing what a magical girl is?”
“Umm, probably?”
“Except, if I don’t go back in time, and you don’t know about the need to use grief seeds, then nothing will happen to purify your soul gem. You realise that, don’t you?” Homura points out.
“Ha ha ha. It’ll be fine. I’ll, figure it out or something” Anyway, the Law of Cycles should get rid of witches, so Mabayu will probably just do something else if her soul gem fills up. Which, thinking about it, might just be dying rather than turning into a witch. That would suck.
“No,” Homura declares.
“No?”
“No, you don’t get to die, not after all this. You don’t get to just give up and say it will be for the best. I can’t stop you if you are truly determined to remove my memories and disappear from this world, but if you care for my consent or opinion, then no. I refuse. We will find a path to victory other than what Madoka’s wish last timeline showed you” Homura’s voice holds an unshakeable conviction, one Mabayu knows for a fact she won’t be able to break.
So, it just comes down to, does that matter, or will Mabayu betray the one and only friend she has left?
“Fine. We’ll do it your way. I’m sorry, Miss Akemi” Though, if she’s sorry for forcing Homura to make that choice, or sorry for hesitating, Mabayu isn’t quite sure.
“Thank you, Mabayu” The relief on Homura’s face at Mabayu’s choice is almost palpable.
Yet, no matter how relieving it is to know this isn’t the end for her, Mabayu can’t help but feel that she’s making a terrible mistake.