Chapter Text
Yeah. I fucked up.
I know it as soon as I see Rook’s face. Surprise. Maybe a little fear. Don’t know him well enough yet to know for sure if it’s one or both.
Guess I hid well enough that he didn’t realize I was an Adaari. Tama would be proud. Well…she would’ve been. Not now. Not since I did exactly what she always told me not to.
I breathed fire in front of the Antaam.
It wasn’t like I had a choice. I needed to do it. The Antaam attacked a dragon that wasn’t hurting anyone. I know she wasn’t because I’d made sure of it. I’d put her to sleep. And those cowards attacked her while she couldn’t defend herself. They used me. They would’ve used her.
It’s not like I didn’t try other options! It’s not my fault they didn’t listen to reason or to the Qun.
If the only thing someone will listen to is force then that’s the only language I can speak to them in. So I did.
Not a choice. A necessity.
Somehow I don’t think Tama will see it that way.
I can practically hear her chastising me in my own head as I lead Rook and the Tevinter mage he’s with back to town. Apparently they have some business with there.
Evataash. We have spoken about this. Shokra toh ebra. You know better. It is not safe.
Shokra toh ebra.
Do better.
Tama’s not here. Obviously. But her voice vibrates through my body anyway. It buzzes under my skin. That I need to do better. Be better.
Fight my impulses more.
Shokra toh ebra.
Ugh.
I can already feel frustration burning and we aren’t even to the meeting place yet. Not sure if Rook talking is making the heat of it better or worse.
It probably doesn’t matter either way. It doesn’t seem like he’s going to stop any time soon.
His accent is Tevinter. I think. Not like the rich and fancy Tevinters though. He sounds like their sailors I’ve met instead. He’s almost bouncing while he walks. Like a ship on a choppy sea. Up and down and side to side.
He almost reminds me of a bird. Light and quick and never still.
The mage with him is different. I can feel her watching me. She’s watching him, too. But she’s quiet mostly. A word or two here and there. Definitely also Tevinter with the way she speaks Trade and dresses like someone important might see her.
She smells like the crackling energy of the Fade and a floral oil. Power and femininity. He smells like sword oil, cedar wood, and poison. Normal for lords of fortune.
Not normal for most Tevinters. But that wouldn’t be the only way he’s strange.
There’s a woman waiting as we reach the doors. Short and freckled with a bow that seems oversized for a dwarf. Not that I’m an expert.
“Hey Rook!” Her smile is bright. Sunny. She’s cute.
“Hey Harding. Isabela here yet?” He asks. I wonder what they want with the Lords. He and the mage fight well enough that I don’t think they need help with that. Looking for treasure? Maybe. Maybe they’re looking for something specific.
“Right inside,” she says with a nod. Rook goes in while the other two hang back. Guess there’s no putting it off now.
Maybe I’ll get lucky and Tama won’t be there. Or won’t notice.
I take a long breath in. It burns in my chest.
Might as well get this over with.
I’m not sure if that conversation was better or worse than I feared. Maybe both. Or neither.
As Rook leads us through the Fade I can hear the glass of my potions in my bag. Ginger. Like I said I wanted.
Fire burns in my veins as we walk through this…not-world. Why didn’t she just ask?! Yes. I would’ve said yes. Doesn’t mean I didn’t want to have a say in it. What if I hadn’t wanted to do this? What if I wanted to do something different? I’m an expert dragon hunter. This might not have been the only way to help them. I can choose things for myself. I’m not a child.
I hate that she always thinks she knows better than I do.
I hate that she knows me well enough that she’s right more than half the time too.
Ugh.
Rook’s endless chattering about where we are isn’t helping. It also might not be right. The mage is looking at him like he might be a lunatic.
“It’s a lot, huh?” Harding. That’s what Rook had called her. She sounds sympathetic. I guess it’s nice. Better than Rook trying to make me laugh when nothing is going to. Way better than Tama realizing she fucked up only after it was too late.
It’s harder to stay angry at her when she looks like she feels about it.
Even if I’m still mad. A little.
“Yep.” The Fade smells…weird. The salt of the sea and heated sand. Crackling magical energy. Old blood. Very old. Probably older than I am. “Is he always like this?”
Rook is bobbing up and down ahead. A ship on the sea. With less direction.
Harding laughs and it chimes like the breeze back home. It doesn’t exactly make me feel better. Takes some of the heat out of me though. She watches as he cuts a path through the still not-air.
“Pretty much,” she says. Her lips curl up in a fond smile. “He’s basically an endless ball of energy.”
I can’t help snorting at the understatement. “Really.”
Her laugh is fuller this time. It echoes. Which is weird. There’s not any tall cliffs or enclosed caves for the sound to echo against. Maybe a weird Fade thing.
“Really,” she agrees. “But there’s not many better to watch your back.”
He seems pretty distractible to me. He jerks around to look at everything. The sound a rock makes when he kicks it. The mage whenever she talks. Me and Harding where we walk behind them.
“Uh huh.”
“Really.” She has a very kind smile. Her eyes are serious though. “He’s got your back. We all do.”