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If you were to ask Medkit what he thought about the Banlands Warden a year ago, he would reply with a silent grimace. His expression alone would display his emotions towards her.
So, why was he getting concerned when the guy he supposedly hates suddenly stopped showing up at their routine Phights every other day? It seems he’s the only one that noticed as well.
It’s hard to admit that in between their bickering and meaningless insults towards each other, Medkit has grown… fond of her presence. Sure, at times he cannot stand Banhammer, but compared to how they treated each other with such visceral hate just a few months ago, it’s different.
He has grown used to Banhammer being around him. He has gotten used to their pesky arguments over nothing.
Are they friends? No, not really. Partners? No… no.
It doesn’t help that Banhammer doesn’t really talk to the other inphernals. He can’t ask them where she is, because why would they know? That’d also bring… unnecessary attention to their weird bonding.
Come on, a criminal and a policeman? What a joke.
He’s going off-topic. It’s been more than 3 weeks since he’s last seen her, and he cannot stand how wrong it feels.
He thinks about how they hung out around Crossroads, how they’ve collected seashells by the beach during a warm evening, and their conversations on irrelevant, nonsensical topics.
It’s kind of dumb. One moment, he’s thinking about how much he cannot stand Banhammer, and the other, he’s wishing for another night out with her. Another shared drink with her, another shared smoke, or just another hour of hearing her boast about ‘lame’ moments in her life.
It’s… confusing. How can someone like her, brash, loud and unhinged, wiggle her way into Medkit’s mundane, stressful life? Then just randomly disappear?
Banhammer isn’t returning texts, nor answering his calls. Well, call. Medkit only called her once, four nights ago. Calling any more would seem desperate.
Who can he ask? Who does Banhammer talk to outside of the arena?
Maybe he should call her again.
Medkit drags a gloved hand across his face. Worrying this much over somebody he barely knows is something he knows is insane. Especially coming from somebody like him.
He’s seen Banhammer smile. That smile is different from her usual snarky, arrogant smirk. Authentic. That image sticks in his mind, and the sound of her laughing at Medkits stupid jokes replays over and over.
Gods, he’s acting as if the guy died. Get a grip.
Sighing, he pulls out his phone, scrolls through his contact list, tapping the call button next to a contact named “Warden” too aggressively.
Four rings pass by before the sound of shuffling sounds out from Medkits speaker.
“Banhammer, you answered. Are you there?” Medkit asked.
“...Doc.” Banhammer's raspy voice replied. “Y’need somethin’?”
“You sound horrible. What happened?”
“Mmm. Thanks for th’ compliment.” A sniffle. “Feel like shit.”
“...Are you sick?”
“Iunno. Probably.”
Medkit huffs out a breath of air. She’s just sick. The common cold, or something.
“Well, I was just checking in. Get better soon.”
“Wait. Medkit,” Banhammer said suddenly, voice sounding more desperate than it did just a few seconds ago, stopping the other's finger right before he hung up.
Medkit.
She rarely calls Medkit by his actual name, usually using some variation of ‘doctor’ or ‘Meds’ to refer to him.
Never ‘Medkit’.
“Can you- fuck, I need help.” Banhammer goes quiet, chewing on her lip, thinking of what exactly she should say. “I can’t take it. V’been sick for what feels like months. I-” She breaks into a series of coughs. “S-Shit- I’ll fuckin’ pay ya if ya need it. I need you here.”
I need you.
Medkit pauses at those last few words, thinking. Of course, he’s more than capable of helping someone through common illnesses (refer to his medical background), but… should he allow himself to see Banhammer in such a vulnerable state?
Seems too informal. Their relationship is something in-between romantic and platonic, though not exactly defined. Wouldn’t that be too intimate for them?
His phone buzzes. A text with the Warden's address stares back at him convincingly.
He sighs.
“I’ll come. You don’t need to pay me.”
Another sniffle before Banhammer hummed a small ‘thanks’, proceeding to hang up the phone.
Just another day in his life. Volunteering to help a demi-deity through sickness.
Before making his way to Banhammer's place, Medkit supposes he should get some groceries and medicine. He doesn’t really know what medicines are okay or not for a completely different species, though.
Also, since when are literal descendants of divinity able to get sick? What the hell?
The Warden is complicating his life without even being around him. Medkit doesn’t find himself complaining, though. That’s concerning.
From their past conversations, Medkit knows Banhammer doesn’t cook at-home meals that often. So, with that information, he can assume she doesn’t have any fresh ingredients to cook something edible.
Medkit’s cooking skills aren’t great, and Banhammer could probably cook anything better than him, but he is not going to let that idiot survive off instant or pre-packaged meals under any circumstance.
It makes him wonder how somebody so bulky could maintain such a physique with that type of diet.
He grabs a variety of veggies, a pack of pre-cut chicken, pain relievers and decongestants. Oh, he almost forgot a pack of cigarettes.
Medkit can feel himself wince as the payment at the check-out goes through. He doesn’t like spending his money, if that isn’t obvious by now.
—
A quarter of the cigarette pack is gone by the time Medkit reaches the other’s apartment complex. He tells himself that it’s just a bad habit, before flicking the stub and stomping it onto the concrete pavement.
The weather is nice. Spring has always been Medkit’s favourite season; not too hot, not too cold, minimal amounts of pesky bugs outside.
Banhammer lives on the highest floor of the building, the penthouse. Said building has about twenty-five floors visually. Everybody knows she likes keeping her standards high, so it’s no surprise her living area matches those high standards.
It isn’t his first time around the complex, though he’s never been inside Banhammer’s apartment.
Even the lobby of the building is extravagant.
Once Medkit reaches the top (after a gruelly boring elevator ride), he knocks on the entrance door.
He waits. No answer.
He knocks again, this time louder and harder.
Gods, why invite me all the way here if you aren’t even going to let me in?
He tries the doorknob, and to his surprise, it opens.
I’ll just… invite myself in. She wouldn’t mind.
“Banhammer?” Shutting the door behind him, he voices out to the dark, quiet space. Medkit bites his lip, expression twisting into somewhat worry.
Slipping off his loafers and neatly setting them on the shoe rack, he walks further into the penthouse. He’s quick to locate Banhammer’s bedroom, and it’s obvious she’s in there from the loud sneeze resonating from the room.
Banhammer perked up at the sound of footsteps, and the door opening.
“Meds… y’ came.” She said, sitting up and leaning her back on the bed’s headboard, rubbing her eyes.
“Yeah.” Medkit replied, setting down his bag of groceries. He approached her, coaxing her to relax. “You look like shit.”
She let out a breathy laugh at the comment. “Be a lil’ kinder t’me, eh?”
Medkit sighed, placing the back of his hand to her forehead. “You’re burning up. How long have you been sick already?”
“Had the fever for a few days. Felt horrible for a few weeks b’fore though. Throwin’ up n’ shit.”
“Have you been eating well? Drinking water?”
“Mmm… yeah?”
He gave her a unamused glare.
“You’re a horrible liar.”
Banhammer was about to send a snarky comment back, but instead she threw an arm over her face as a fit of coughs racked through her body. Medkit rubbed her shoulder as a means of comfort.
“Fuck- that’s nasty.” She said, voice raspy, pushing his arm away. “This is the first time I’m gettin’ sick since my spawnin’. Is this shit always like this?”
“Funny you say, Banhammer. Not all of us are demi-gods. Most of the time the common cold disappears in a week, with proper care, so you’re getting the short end of the stick, being sick for so long.” Medkit replies, grabbing two pill blisters from the grocery bag and a conveniently placed plastic water bottle.
“Drink.” He hands her the pills and water bottle.
“Whas’ this?”
“Pain killer and decongestant.”
She proceeds to swallow both the pills dry, grimacing at the taste.
“Banhammer- Gods, you’re insufferable- Drink some water.”
A smirk was what he received in reply, before she downed the entire bottle of water.
“You should get some sleep.”
“Damn, ya headin’ out already?”
Medkit would prefer if he could cook a meal in silence. The sound of Banhammer’s raspy, scratchy voice makes him feel… bad. Sure, she isn’t helpless, she can handle herself on her own, but-... it feels wrong. He’s always seen her as somebody strong, because she is. Not to say that she isn’t simply because she came down with a cold — no, definitely not that. Just…
He doesn’t know where he’s going with that thought. It’s just wrong.
“No. I’m not leaving. You need to rest, and I need to cook.”
Banhammer sighed. “Dunno if I’ll even be able to snooze right now.”
“Just close your eyes and you’ll fall asleep, especially since you’re tired. By the time you wake up, I’ll already be done.”
“Why are ya- uuh- ACHOO!”
“...Bless you.”
She mutters a small thanks, wiping her nose with a tissue from the nightstand beside them. “I was sayin’– why are ya cookin’ me a meal? Honestly, I thought that you’d jus’ leave after checkin’ on me.”
Yeah, that’s true. He would leave. But for some hellbent reason, he’s staying. There’s always been a seedling in his mind, telling him that whatever is going on between them — it’s all so, so wrong. Eventually, it would grow. He knows that. They know that one of them would end up severing this partnership. Whatever this is. Whatever you call this.
And he knows he’s a coward for thinking the outcome of this relationship would end up being anything close to positive. Two unloveable demons.
Medkit ran a hand down his face. “Do you always have to ask so many questions?”
“Yea. What else would’cha expect?”
“Some peace. Just rest your eyes for a bit, I’ll be in the kitchen.”
“Fine. Don’t burn down my kitchen.”
“You barely use it anyway.”
Banhammer huffs out a breath, changing her positioning so that she’s laying on her side.
“Feel like shit.” She says in an utterly miserable tone.
“I know.”
—
Medkit never really realised how therapeutic cooking can be. The motion of dicing vegetables and stirring pots helped put his mind off things. Some consider the act of making food an art, and he now agrees with that statement.
He also didn’t realise the weather changed. What was once a nice, sunny evening, turned into grey clouds and rain.
I love rain.
It turned the atmosphere of the kitchen into something more cozy. He’s getting comfortable. With chicken noodle soup simmering at the stove — Medkit sat behind the high rise marble dining table, square glasses resting on his nose, reading a random book he picked up a few days ago.
I could get used to this.
Could he? He might’ve gotten comfortable sitting here, but it doesn’t change the fact that this place isn’t even his.
It could be. If he wasn’t a coward. Would Banhammer even accept him if he were to offer moving in? They aren’t even dating.
We aren’t even dating.
The realization hits hard. In the span of these months they have done so much together, they know such intimate parts of each other. The history of Korblox’s abuse, and Medkit’s missing eye. The history behind the Scorch, which left large, big burn marks all over Banhammer’s body.
Feeling each other's body.
Reminders of who they are. Why they are.
But there’s so much they don’t know about each other. Banhammer has yet to see Medkit’s horribly avoidant nature, and that scares him. No matter how much Medkit likes- no, loves her, he’d run away.
Like he always does.
That thought hasn’t crossed his mind before.
Banhammer has mentioned her overt disgust towards having relations with mortals, not wanting a similar repeat of losing those she considered close during her time working as a general in Splintered Skies (once again, due to the Scorch). Well, disgust is a word that she used. He would call it fear.
Medkit wonders if that fear applies to him, as well. Does she hold back, not wanting to become too attached to him? That’s a strange thing to get upset over. He should be happy, if so.
Because there’s just no way we’d be able to work. This thing in-between them — it isn’t real. It isn’t love, because they aren’t in love.
Can’t he decide what he wants, for once? Because he swears in the past few minutes, he’s gone from knowing he loves her, to acknowledging their differences, to outright denying his feelings.
Why did I come here?
Medkit perks up, hearing loud, slow footsteps approach the kitchen.
“What’re you doing up? You’re supposed to be in bed.”
“Only slept for half n’ hour. Got sores, think I might’ve gone insane if I stayed in bed for any longer.” Banhammer replied, rubbing his four eyes. “Mind if I join ya?”
“It’s your home.” Medkit said, setting down the book he wanted to actually read.
Banhammer approached the table, pulling out the tall chair right across Medkit’s, slouching on his arm.
“Do you feel better?”
“Mmm… mhm. Fever disappeared… Thirsty, though, n’ my head hurts.” Her voice was still raspy and gruff.
“There’s a water bottle in the fridge.”
“M’kay.” She got to the fridge, swinging it open and grabbing the aforementioned cold water bottle. “N’ what’s up with ya?”
“What do you mean?” Medkit raised an eyebrow.
“Ya look extra gloomy. Something happened?”
Gods, he sometimes hates Banhammer’s ability at sensing ‘mood changes’.
“No, no. Just tired. There’s soup on the stove, so set yourself a bowl while it’s still hot.”
“Tired. Alright.” Once again, she downs the entire bottle of water in one go, throwing the empty bottle into the trash. “Let’s see how well ya learned how t’cook!”
Medkit, internally, really hopes Banhammer will like it.
“Hmm, surprisingly good. I like it.” She takes another spoonful of the broth, savouring the taste. “Who would’a known a fawn like ya could cook.”’
“Thank you, I’ve been cooking at home more often. Also, I’d prefer the insults to a minimum.”
“Heh-heh. No promises.”
Silence falls between them after the small interaction. Awkwardness like this wasn’t rare at all.
Banhammer was quick to finish his meal, leaving the dirty dish in the sink to wash later.
“What’re yer plans now? Gonna head back home?”
“...” Medkit tapped his nail against the marble. “I- I was wondering if I could stay the night, actually. It’s wet out. And dark.”
“Oh, uuh, sure. The couch is free to snooze on. Or the spare bedroom, but I use that place fo’ storage n’ shit. Y’know.” She paused before continuing. “Or, ya could sleep on my bed. It gets cold at night, n’ I got plenty of space beside me, if yer worryin’ about that.”
Even stupid people could recognize the subtle invitation.
Medkit is stupid.
His eyes met hers. It’s one of the rare moments where Banhammer isn’t wearing her blindfold, four bright all-purple eyes staring right back at him. They’re intimidating, as if they’re reading all of his thoughts and leaving his soul bare, just for her.
“I’m not against sleeping beside you.”
And just like that, the two of them ended up on the same bed. Banhammer left the kitchen first, once again feeling tired, while Medkit stayed up a bit later to drink some coffee.
By the time Medkit laid down, Banhammer was already asleep, curled up on her side, facing the other.
She was still evidently sick, sniffling making itself known.
Medkit knows she despises whenever he uses his crystals on her. He knows, yet he cannot stop himself from unhooking the crystal atop his head, pressing it right on her upper back.
It’s different from using his gun, like he usually would.
Banhammer shudders, sucking in a breath. Her arms wrapped around Medkit’s body, pulling him in, face pressed against her chest.
“Medkit,” She whispered, voice shaky.
“Ban- sorry, I didn’t know you were awake-”
“Just be quiet.”
He shut up, feeling Banhammer’s breath on his hair.
“Why’re ya always lyin’ t’me…? M’not dumb, Meds.” He stayed silent. “Are y’scared? I need to understand.” She spoke quieter.
Medkit’s eyes widened before squinting.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Liar. Yer such a bad liar.”
“...”
Right. You can’t really hide from a demi-deities senses. You can’t really lie to somebody like Banhammer.
“We both know I can’t be here with you.” Medkit said bluntly, but still quietly.
“Why? Why? Is it ‘cause-?”
“Banhammer. Don’t act like- like you do not know.”
“Do y’want to be with me?” She said, voice slightly rising. “‘Cause- I do.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“...So ya do know what I’m talkin’ about.”
Just like the rabbit getting caught by the wolf.
Medkit furrows his eyebrows. The fact that Banhammer stated her feelings, her intentions so clearly - it doesn’t help.
Why can’t I say anything?
“I- Go to sleep. We’ll talk about it in the morning. You need to rest.” He knows it’s a lousy excuse. He isn’t ready to face being something with her.
Banhammer loosened the arms around him, instead opting to look at him. Medkit’s eyes refused to meet hers.
“Fine. Just-” don’t be scared. That goes unsaid. “Just don’t forget.”
“...”
—
The rising sun spills through the cracks of the bedrooms blinds. Medkit is already awake. The figure next to him is still asleep, small snores and long breaths slipping out every once in a while.
It’s a quiet, early morning.
He sat on the edge of the bed, staring at his pack of cigarettes on the nightstand, contemplating. You can’t really think with just a lick of sleep.
Falling asleep in his work clothes was a bad idea, considering his dress shirt is now wrinkled. He sucked in a breath, running a hand through his hair, trying his absolute best to forget about it.
Yet to avail. It’s all he can think about.
He turns his body around, staring at the sleeping figure. There’s an unexplainable ache inside him, and it’s eating him alive.
Having his feelings pulled right out of him so obviously last night made him feel… weird. She knew this whole time, and it scares him.
It still feels wrong. Maybe he should’ve just accepted Banhammer’s absence, shouldn’t have tried calling her.
He feels clammy, cold sweat clinging to his forehead. There’s this urgent feeling.
I need to leave.
Medkit quickly got up, forgetting about the cigarette pack on the nightstand, reaching the front entrance and slipping on his loafers. He paused, hand resting on the doorknob. All he can hear is his fast breathing.
Just don’t forget.
Just don’t forget.
All Medkit can do is hope Banhammer will forgive him. The doorknob turned, and Medkit let himself leave.
Medkit let himself leave.
He tried not to think about it too much. A crunch beneath his shoe stopped him from walking on the sidewalk, though.
Lifting his leg, a purple butterfly was crushed onto the pavement underneath.