Actions

Work Header

Scientology Speedrun *EMOTIONAL * (WE MET SHANNON) Ft. @BeingRazor @She’sO-Fischl @BarbaraOffical @ChongyunAndXingqiu @Sillychurl @XiangEats Creator: @Benny'sAdventuringTeam

Summary:

“Where to?” the driver pulled up Google Maps, craning his neck to look at the teens.

“Uh…” Hu Tao swallowed, glancing around the car to her companions.

“Not it!” everyone but Razor yelled, jumping in their seats before erupting into laughter.

“I still don’t understand that game,” Razor sighed, grasping Bennett’s hand. “We’re going to the Scientology Pacific Area Command Base.”

The driver stared at Razor in incomprehensible emotion. “You guys are speed runners?” he asked, “Have you done it before?”

Xingqiu’s grin grew edges, “Oh, but of course we have!”

Notes:

RAHH FINALLY DONE IM SORRY FOR BEING OH-SO LATE

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Bennett’s POV

 

Bennett tugged on his boots and walked out the door.

 

He had a mission. 

 

One that not even his curse could ruin. He wouldn’t let it.

 

“Bennett!” one of his Dads called from his armchair, “Where are you going?”

 

Bennett blinked. He hadn’t thought that far… “I’m going…” he didn’t want to lie to Dad, so he decided to hide parts of the truth instead. “I’m going to LA with my friends!”

 

His Dad grinned at him with a gummy smile, “That’s nice! Who?”

 

“Razor, Fischl, and Barbara,” Bennett answered, getting antsy. Their taxi would be picking him up in minutes. He didn’t want to burden the driver just because he was getting late.

 

“That’s nice…” his Dad mumbled before getting back to his iPad full of news articles.

 

“Love you!” Bennett called out, slipping out the door.

 

Outside was a blaring yellow taxi stuffed full of his friends. In the back, he assumed, there was film equipment galore.

 

“Run as fast as a coursing tide, my companion!” Fischl yelled, holding up a camera.

 

Bennett flushed at being caught on camera off guard. “Hey guys!” he beamed, running to the car, “Have we got everything?”

 

Xiangling hit him with a double thumbs up, “We’re ready!”

 

“Alright,” the driver said, his voice a mellow baritone, “is that everyone?”

 

“Yup!” Chongyun nodded, “Sorry for the hassle.”

 

“Hey,” the driver laughed, “at least now my nine-seater is of full use!”

 

Barbara laughed, “Fair!”

 

“Where to?” the driver pulled up Google Maps, craning his neck to look at the teens.

 

“Uh…” Hu Tao swallowed, glancing around the car to her companions.

 

“Not it!” everyone but Razor yelled, jumping in their seats before erupting into laughter.

 

“I still don’t understand that game,” Razor sighed, grasping Bennett’s hand. “We’re going to the Scientology Pacific Area Command Base.”

 

The driver stared at Razor in incomprehensible emotion. “You guys are speed runners?” he asked, “Have you done it before?”

 

Xingqiu’s grin grew edges, “Oh, but of course we have!”

 

“You know what?” the driver rubbed the space between his brows, “Fine. The trip back is free of cost as long as you kids come back without a scratch.”

 

“Bet!” Hu Tao exclaimed just as Bennett held up his hands.

 

“Oh- we couldn’t!” he yelped, glaring daggers at his friend.

 

“I insist,” the driver said, pulling the car into gear. “I’ll give you my number when we get there.”

 

Hu Tao pinched Bennett’s upper arm just hard enough to be a warning without actually hurting him. “That’s very generous. Thank you!”

 

“Hey- am I going to be in the video?” the driver asked as the kids all pulled out various filming equipment.

 

“If you consent,” Fischl said, echoing what she says in every video.

 

“I do!”

 

As they laughed together in the car, they soon reached their destination: a looming blue building with sixteen-foot-long letters screaming ‘Scientology’.

 

As they funnelled out of the taxi, Bennett remained. Grinning at the camera he live-streamed with, he propped it so both he and the driver—Sethos, as he introduced himself—could be seen. “Everyone say ‘thank you, Sethos’!” Bennett said to the audience.

 

On the screen he used to see the comments, Bennett saw that it was filled with appreciative words for Sethos, who was flushing profusely.

 

“Come on, Benny!” Razor called, turning on the camera of his glasses.

 

“We love you, Sethos,” Bennett said over his shoulder as he ran to his friends. 

 

His companions agreed, waving Sethos off. 

 

“Quickly!” Barbara urged, fiddling with her glasses.

 

“Okay,” Chongyun pulled up the updated map on his phone. “We’ve got our teams and our sections,” he said, “Barbara, Hu Tao, and Xiangling take the left side of the first floor, while Xingqiu and I take the right. Bennett, Fischl, and Razor heads downstairs while we’re busy scouting.”

 

Bennett nodded, pulling off a—in his opinion—great game face. “That sounds good,” he glanced at Razor, who grinned a sharp-toothed smile. Fischl cracked her knuckles before grabbing her live-streaming camera.

 

“We’ll meet you three in ten,” Hu Tao promised to Bennett’s group.

 

“Three,” Xingqiu’s group began.

 

“Two,” Barbara’s group.

 

“One!” Bennett’s.

 

They burst into the building. Bennett locked eyes with Shannon, and his breath hitched. He knew she was the receptionist, but he wasn’t expecting to see her.

 

Glancing at the map on his phone, he turned the corner, dragging Fischl with him.

 

Razor jumped the stairs as Fischl slid on the railing. Bennett didn’t want to risk falling, so he took the… less cool approach. He just knew his fans were roasting him for that.

 

“Someone’s gotta keep the reputation of OV3RLOADED,” Bennett read aloud, huffing from exertion. “That’s funny, and a badass name,” he laughed, trailing his friends.

 

“There they are,” Barbara yelled, jumping the stairs as Razor had.

 

“Yo!” Bennett waved them over. Hu Tao leaped over Shannon’s reaching arm, dragging Xiangling with her.

 

The third group was on their tail, but not fast enough.

 

Shannon blocked the path of Xingqiu and Chongyun, her arm being a strong barrier between Bennett and the lovers.

 

“No!” Bennett screamed, tears in his eyes.

 

Hu Tao and Fischl clutched each other’s hands tearfully. “Not my fellow booklover Xingqiu and my friend Chongyun!” Fischl said loudly, earning herself a glare from Shannon and a TikTok Rose, “Ah- thank you, Fischl’s Left Finge—uh, or… just, thank you, anonymous user!”

 

Razor and Xiangling erupted into a dance routine, dancing to an excerpt of Gabriella that only existed within their minds.

 

Not for long, however. Once Barbara caught a glance of their moves, she burst into song. As Shannon stared at the scene behind her in a mix of awe and disgust, Chongyun plowed past her arm.

 

Xingqiu stumbled down the stairs in a more extreme fashion than Bennett had ever suffered the experience of.

 

“We’ve gotta update the map!” Xingqiu said once he recovered.

 

“Yeah!” Bennett pumped a fist and led his group to the leftmost part of the basement.

 

Xiangling’s POV

 

Xiangling balled her fists. She was going to achieve her goal.

 

Xiangling scrolled on her TikTok, looking for new recipes to customize. Then, a notification popped up on the top of her monitor—yes, she uses her PC to use TikTok. Doesn’t everyone?

 

NOTurArchonDeFontaine commented on your post.

 

NOTurArchonDeFontaine: bro- it’d be entertaining as fuck if XiangL made something out of food in the base!!

 

Xiangline grinned. Clicking on the reply button, she typed.

 

XiangEats: Bet.

 

Bracing herself for the plethora of notifications that would eventually blow up her monitor, she pulled up the map. “Shit…” she groaned, pushing away from her desk on her chair, “No kitchen in sight! We’ll have to rawdog it.”

 

She switched the tab to Discord and called RFBCXBHX to see what her friends thought.

 

“You’d seem like a wimp if you don’t do it,” Hu Tao said teasingly. 

 

Xiangling took that personally. She was many things: stubborn, amazing at doing her hair, and extremely funny—if she says so herself.

 

Something she is not, however, is a wimp.

 

The word itself sent shivers down her spine.

 

Her mind was made. Even if it was a singular grain of rice, she would make that meal. In fact, she’d feed it to her friends.

 

As she, Barbara, and Hu Tao went down another story, Xiangling found it. “Yo,” she hissed, swatting Barbara for her attention, as Hu Tao was already filming the surrounding area. “…I think that’s a kitchen.”

 

Barbara stared at her with wide eyes and a sharp grin. “Go do fanservice.”

 

“Er- that’s not how you use that phrase, Barbara,” Xiangling laughed before running into the kitchen. Even without looking at her live-stream comments, she already knew she was getting cooked in the comments. On the topic of cooking…

 

Xiangling rummaged through the pantries and drawers of the kitchen, propping her cameras up. Then, she heard loud booming footsteps. “Crud,” she muttered, just loud enough for the mic on her neckline to pick up, “what if Tom Cruise comes and slimes me out?”

 

Just as she uttered those words, Hu Tao skids to a stop, huffing in exertion. “We’ve gotta go, Xiang!” she said, voice raspy, “We’ve gotta go!

 

“Shit,” Xiangling scooped up her cameras, “They’re coming?”

 

“Down the stairs,” Hu Tao kissed Xiangling on the nose, “We can take the elevator!”

 

Xiangling flushed, “Great idea!”

 

“Alright Hu-nation,” Hu Tao held up her camera, “Let’s find the rest of our suckers!”

 

Xiangling watched as her girlfriend and Barbara herded all eight of them in the elevator.

 

“What if they’re waiting for us at the doors?”

 

Oh shit.

 

Chongyun’s POV

 

Chongyun sprinted to the right side of the basement. “Seriously?” his voice cracked embarrassingly, “Another story?”

 

“Story?” Xingqiu reached him, “Where?”

 

Chongyun smacked his forehead, “…bro.”

 

“I’ll map this stuff out, you keep guard,” Xingqiu said.

 

And Xingqiu roved the area, Chongyun took the opportunity to read the live comments.

 

LightOfKsharewurMom: bro.. y’all are soloing this base. I’ve got some work cut out for me…

 

Chongyun grinned. “Yo!” he exclaimed, reading the comment aloud, “It’s the mapmaker!”

 

LightOfKsharewurMom: yep. even employment can’t stop me!

 

Chongyun watched the comments fill up with forms of, ‘Ew, a job’s.

 

“You know, whenever I talk about you in real life,” Chongyun’s eyes caught a flash of white, “I say your full username. Ever thought about changing it?”

 

LightOfKsharewurMom: Archons forbid!!!

 

“Chongyun!” Xingqiu skidded towards him, “They’re coming!”

 

“They’re coming?” Chongyun cocked a brow before laughing at Xingqiu’s expression.

 

“How low-brow of you, dear,” he joked, “But seriously. We’re taking the elevator!”

 

Chongyun nodded, snatching his camera before getting dragged off by Xingqiu.

 

Barbara waved at them erratically, making hand gestures that would’ve made Chongyun laugh if the situation had been different.

 

As they squeezed into the elevator—which smelled like sanitary wipes and stale Doritos—Bennett groaned. “Just my luck that we get on the slowest elevator in all of LA!”

 

“Usually I’d comfort you,” Barbara sighed, “but I actively feel our collective body odour wafting its way up my nose.”

 

“It’s literally altering my fucking brainwaves,” Fischl groaned, giving up on her roleplay.

 

“Razor, did Lisa not show you deodorant?” Bennett teased, receiving a well-deserved punch.

 

“Bro- not even Xingqiu’s fucking AXE deodorant could mask our stench!” Hu Tao groaned, flopping on Xiangling’s shoulder.

 

“Don’t diss my deo like that!” Xingqiu exclaimed, “I use manly deo for the manly BO!”

 

“For someone in the process of writing a novel,” Chongyun sighed, “you, my dear, are horrible at phrases.”

 

“I’m growing!” Xingqiu exclaimed, shooting Chongyun a sharp kick at the ankles.

 

It seemed that everyone was getting beaten up by their boyfriends that day…

 

Then, a bell sounded in the cramped elevator. 

 

Ding!

 

As the door opened, Chongyun and his companions stumbled out, mowing down a random bystander.

 

“Sorry!” Razor yelped as they sprinted out of the base in one piece. Looked like they were getting that free ride!

 

Bennett whooped at the camera, “Woohoo! We did it! We found an office, a kitchen, and a new story!”

 

“How did you know that?” Xingqiu asked, calling Sethos.

 

“You guys are very loud,” Razor explained dryly.

 

“…Fair,” Barbara sighed, eliciting a nod from Xiangling.

 

“Wait.. they have our names,” Hu Tao said, voice low and foreboding.

 

Chongyun locked eyes with Bennett with the general consensus of oh shit.

 

“Eh, we’re fifteen, what’re they going to do?” Xingqiu shrugged.

 

“Safe for you to say!” Hu Tao said, her voice squeaking, “Shit… Zhongli will tear the literal being out of my soul!”

 

“Aren’t you his boss?” Xiangling cocked a brow, “And you’re hardly an adult. Eighteen doesn’t count.”

 

“Your frontal lobe hasn’t developed,” Razor pointed out, making everyone stare at him. “…What? Lisa is a good teacher!”

 

A yellow taxi drifted—yes, drifted—to the side of the road. Sethos—sporting sunglasses that looked as if they were on their last leg—grinned at them.

 

“Our Lord and saviour!” Fischl, the atheist, exclaimed, sprinting to the car.

 

“I try,” Sethos shrugged bashfully, “Let’s jet before they egg my car.”

 

Egg your car?” Xiangling echoed disbelievingly, “…They’ve done that?”

 

“Not every scientologist is as disciplined as Shannon,” Sethos shrugged sarcastically. Hu Tao spluttered a laugh, dropping whatever unease she had prior.

 

That’s clip worthy!” Chongyun exclaimed to everyone’s collective viewers, already sensing the edits.

 

Sethos slammed the gas, eliciting a scream from everyone in the car. 

 

“Holy shit,” Xingqiu gasped, chest heaving.

 

“Echoing the pronouncements of the Guhua Clan's scion: pray, elucidate upon this bewildering and chaotic tapestry of events which had unfolded before mine very eyes!” Fischl muttered, which made Bennett raise a brow.

 

“Looks like you turned Amy back to Fischl,” he joked, receiving a hit from said Fischl.

 

“Alright, we’re at Bennett’s,” Sethos yawned, stretching in his seat.

 

“Thanks, Sethos!” Bennett waved, grinning.

 

“How was your hangout in LA, son?” one of his Dads asked, rubbing his back.

 

“…Did no one tell their parents?” Hu Tao asked, the corners of her mouth quirking in amusement.

 

“…No,” the group chorused, eliciting a chuckle from Sethos.

 

“Ugh… after this, I shall get Mona to partake in another book club alongside Xingqiu and me,” Fischl groaned.

 

“Wha- why am I involved?” Xingqiu asked just as they reached his stop.

 

“Hm?” Fischl asked innocently, “So you don’t want to go?”

 

Xingqiu sucked his tongue in thought, “…Well, I didn’t say that.”

 

“See you next week!” Fischl beamed, waving him off.

 

One by one, Sethos dropped off everyone until Chongyun was the last one in the car.

 

When Sethos turned to him, he sported a grin with more edges than a middle-school girl’s hair.

 

“Say, what’s your opinion of The Roast Office’s coffee?” 

 

“Best coffee on planet earth,” Chongyun answered fervently.

 

Thus, with a half-hour delay, Chongyun finally arrived home with a frozen coffee, one pump caramel, and two pumps vanilla.

 

“Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of coffee?”

 

“Not when Chongyun is live,” he shrugged, “Ah- thanks!”

 

“No problem,” Sethos shrugged, “You guys are my favourite customers.”

 

“Bye!” Chongyun said as the door shut.

 

Sethos waved as he pulled out of the driveway.

 

And just like that, Chongyun was ready for his next adventure.

 

…Or misadventure whenever Bennett was involved.

 

Chuckling at his amazing joke, he walked up to his room to edit the video. After all, YouTube waits for no one.

Notes:

i love all 33 of yall, thanks for pressuring me into finishing this, it was fucking fun. comment if you so please x