Chapter Text
Engineer kept his eyes fixed on the two birds exiting the cold storage. He tried, he really tried, to keep his focus there, on anything but the door behind him.
It didn’t work. The handle pulled at him. Quiet. Insistent.
He stumbled to his feet and faced the door, hand hovering awkwardly over the handle. His fingers twitched like they didn’t belong to him anymore.
Don’t.
The world tilted. Not all at once, just enough to feel wrong. Enough to make everything slip out of place. His breath caught halfway in. Stayed there and refused to move. He swallowed hard. It didn’t help. His chest pulled tighter. Tighter.
Not now.
The handle blurred. Or maybe his vision did.
Engineer forced a breath through his teeth, sharp, uneven, nauseating. Despite himself, he pushed the door open.
Cold hit him, biting into his face, his lungs, his skin. The kind of cold that didn’t just sit on you, it sank in hard.
The door closed quickly behind him with a soft click.
For a moment, he just stood there, swaying slightly. Then, like it was the most natural thing in the world, he made his way over to the back wall and slid down against it.
“Fancy seein’ you here,” he muttered. His voice sounded off. Too quiet and too far away.
“Long day, ain’t it?”
Engineer laid back leisurely, hands tossed to the back of his head, one leg lazily crossed on the other, force of habit. He was calm and casual, like always.
Like nothing was wrong.
“Did a lotta work today.”
He looked up to the ceiling, blinking hard.
Once.
Twice.
Too fast.
The spinning didn’t stop.
“What’ve ya been up ta?”
Silence. He nodded anyway.
“Yeah, figured.”
A breath slipped out of him, shaky this time.
“I fixed up my sentry. Finally got her runnin’ jus’ right again. She ain’t jammed once.”
His body twitched hard.
“I know, took me long enough.”
No answer came to him.
“I made some food last night, too.”
He swallowed.
“Yer favorite.”
His voice dipped, just slightly.
“Burned it a little…you woulda complained.”
His jaw tightened. Engineer squeezed his eyes shut, like that might steady the room, might stop the way everything kept slipping sideways. But it didn’t, of course it wouldn’t.
“Shame ya didn’t join us.”
A pause.
“Team misses ya.”
He spoke softer now, his voice thinning as if the cold was sucking it out of him. Maybe it wasn’t the cold.
“...I miss ya.”
He promised himself he wouldn’t look. Promised. What do promises even mean nowadays? Promised. Maybe it was his dizzying thoughts that clouded his mind, or maybe the cold was really getting to him. Regardless of his “promise”, his head dipped anyway. Just a second was all it took. His gaze slipped, caught, and stopped.
Right at his neck.
It didn’t move again.
Something in his chest gave out on him entirely. There he lay, the love of his life, propped up gently against the wall. His eyes froze at his neck, observing where his lover’s head should be. He stared, stared for hours, or realistically a few seconds. Engineer’s hands moved before he could think about it, gliding slowly along the other’s arm, careful. So careful, like he might still feel it. Like he was truly there.
“I miss ya…” he whispered, voice breaking apart on the last word. He shifted closer without realizing it, drawn in. Engie moved until he was pressed against him, arms wrapping tight around something that didn’t wrap back. His breathing was uneven and rigid, his body quivered. Was it the cold? Or was it the stabbing realization that his husband may truly be gone? Maybe a mix of both, but it hurt. It hurt no matter how it was twisted.
Engineer’s eyes snapped shut, trying to make sense of the rapid breaths, the painful migraine of his thoughts.
“I love ya-”
It snapped out of him, sharp and sudden.
“I-I love ya, I do, I do, I-”
The words wouldn’t line up. Weak chokes all bunching up together. His grip tightened, fingers curling into the fabric of his suit. It was wrong, so wrong, and yet he couldn’t help himself.
“Please-” he wheezed, barely above a whisper. “I can’t- I can’t do this without ya…”
He wasn’t even crying anymore, or maybe he was and he couldn’t feel it. Strained sounds and uncontrollable sobs. Loud enough that maybe the team heard, even though he was locked away. His vision was nearly gone by the time he looked to Spy’s neck again, his trembling hand drifting along it as if it were his cheek.
“Come h-home…Jacques…”
Broken sounds forced through a chest that wouldn’t cooperate.
“I need…you…”
The world narrowed.
Faded.
Until there was nothing left.
No cold, no sound, no feeling, no thoughts, no team, just him and his lover. If this was going to be his undoing, freezing in there with his lover, so be it. Nothing was the same anymore, nothing. This is his end. The team didn’t need him, not like he needed his husband. Nothing mattered anymore.
Engineer pressed his head against his lover’s chest, taking in what he may have imagined to be his scent. Clinging tighter, like if he held on hard enough, he wouldn’t lose him again.
The door clicked open. Engineer didn’t hear it, but Scout did. He stood there, frozen in place, staring. His throat tightened hard, something sharp pushing up behind his eyes. He swallowed it down, or he tried to.
Traitors, those tears, and what a traitor Engineer was. They promised each other not to come in here, and he broke that.
But yet, here he stood, eyes locked forward, clutching a blanket in his hand.
They promised. Did promises mean anything to either of them anymore?
“Dad…?”
The word came out quiet. Unsteady as Scout stepped closer.
Dad? Really? He didn’t care about Engineer like that, he was just the guy his Dad liked for some stupid reason. Or maybe it was more than he let on. Despite his thoughts, he moved forward. His step-dad needed him now, just like he had needed him all these times prior.
“Dad…” Scout’s hand laid gently on his step-father’s shoulder. That time, the word landed. Engineer flinched hard, body jerking like he’d been struck. The ringing in his ears spiked, sharp and overwhelming. Everything came rushing back at once. The cold, the noise, the weight in his chest. He couldn’t see straight, but knew he wasn’t alone anymore. Scout was there, but barely.
“Wh-” his voice failed him instantly.
What a terrible father he was, letting Scout see him this way. He was supposed to be the one strong for them, but now he looked pathetic. Engineer tried to move, tried to sit up, tried to speak, but his body ached and nothing but a choked gasp for air left him.
Scout crouched beside him, dropping the blanket to the ground, arms embracing. Somehow, that was grounding for Engineer, the world was beginning to stop its nuanced swaying, he could hear the soft buzz of the freezer, he could hear Scout.
“Dad…It’s okay…”
It wasn’t really okay, but Scout didn’t know what else to say. He wasn’t exactly good at this whole feelings thing. Not since his father’s death.
“Wh-a-” Engineer stuttered. His hand shot out instead, catching on Scout’s sleeve, gripping tight like it was the only solid thing left in the room.
“...Y-ou-”
Dad?
“I’m here Dad…I got ya…” He tried helplessly to fight the onslaught of tears, no use.
Engineer leaned into him without meaning to, weight heavy, shaking.
Everything still hurt. Everything still spun. But it wasn’t empty, not anymore.
Scout shifted, reaching for the blanket that he had brought with him. He dragged it over them both, hands fumbling as he pulled it tight around his step-father’s shoulders. Then, after a moment of hesitation, he pulled it a little further. Enough to cover all three of them.
Engineer didn’t protest, didn’t even move for that matter. One hand stayed clenched tight on Scout’s sleeve. The other clung tight on Spy.
“Don’t go…” Engineer muttered weakly, voice barely audible. His eyes fluttered shut, resting, maybe. If rest was even possible with the way he felt.
“...Please…stay…”
It wasn’t clear who he meant. Scout didn’t ask. He just held on tighter and didn’t let go.