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Graecie stared at her hands, the words of the book she’d found echoing around her head. She'd been trying to sink into the reassurances everyone else had tried to throw at her, but nothing was working. It felt like The Shepherdess had given her a look into her future. A future of pain and suffering.
She didn’t want it. Even if it were to be a gift from her Goddess, she'd not take it.
She’d have stayed at the academy, had the thought of dealing with Sausage or Zam trying to keep her spirits up, been something she was okay with. As of yet, it wasn’t. She was tired. She was tired and upset. All she’d wanted when she left the Flock was for the roaring to stop. Now, she was being given books that foretold her being tortured. She didn't want this. She never wanted any of this.
Graecie was kneeling, on some hill far away from the capital she had to dodge wolves to get to. She was safer here, she thinks. She was praying to The Shepherdess to be more kind, lost in her own thoughts. She never wanted to be hurt again. She didn’t want to give people any reason to. So she was here. Away from Avid—who had helped, for a bit—and away from Legs. She was just too upset with Legs avoiding her. She needs to talk to him, eventually.
She doesn’t move from her spot on the hill.
Sparks of bright white light spray from her bells as she rings them, as she prays on the beads covering the string. She tries to ignore the nagging voice in her head she’ll only end up worse off. She needed to be kind.She ignores how the ribbon around her neck feels like a noose more than a necklace.
She's naive, she knows now. She feels stupid. She knows she isn't—according to everyone but Water—but it's hard to not think about. She's naive and ignorant and she doesn't know how to fix that.
She's broken from her musing when a twig snaps at the base of the hill. Her eyes snap open and she reels back, ready for a wolf to pounce. Nothing comes.
Instead, stood not even ten feet away from her is Scott. She hadn't seen him in a while and she didn't know why, but he looked as tired as she felt. He waved, small and almost hidden in the slowly draining light. She waves back. He tilts his head. "Your friends are worried." His voice seems to bounce around her mind. She doesn't respond.
She knows they're worried, she just doesn't know how to fix herself. She needs to be better, but she doesn't know how. She doesn't know a lot of things and that's another problem she needs to fix.
"Zam asked if I could help them find you." Graecie knows something shows on her face there because Scott puts his hands up as he moves forward. He moves like he's calming a wild animal and somehow that makes Graecie feel worse. "I won't tell them if you don't want me to. I'll leave if you want me to and pretend I never saw you."
Graecie considers it for a moment, then she shakes her head. "Do you think I'm stupid?" Her voice comes out shaky, rough from overuse. She winces.
Scott's entire body softens as he sits beside her, pulling his knees to his chest and resting his chin on them. "No. I just think you have a lot to learn. But we all do." He nudges her gently. "Doesn't make you stupid to have not been taught when you were meant to."
Graecie shrugs, sniffling. "It feels like it. I don't wanna be stupid."
He presses his side into hers, an arm bringing her closer. "You aren't. I don't think you could be stupid if you tried. Who said that anyway?"
Graecie knows where this is going, knows how Avid reacted. "Don't kill them! They were just angry and—"
"Doesn't mean they get to insult you so badly you're out here alone." He cuts her off. "Doing things because you're angry doesn't excuse the things you do." He tilts his head, considering something Graecie doesn't know. Then he's talking again. "If Pyro were to call me a useless coward during an argument, and you found me upset about it after, how would you feel?"
Graecie's brows furrow. She doesn't know how this relates to anything. "I'd want you to feel better. You aren't a coward!" She sputter for a second. "He shouldn't say that…"
Scott nods along, like this was the answer he'd expected. "Then why should I not be trying to make you feel better? Why shouldn't I want to make sure whoever it was doesn't hurt you again?" He takes a breath, then looks up at the darkened sky, and pulls a torch out to light. "How are these situations different?"
Graecie can't come up with a rebuttal for that. It's true. Water absolutely shouldn't have said that, no matter how angry he'd been. It made her sad and that isn't kind. People need to be kind. Like Scott is now! Teaching her with patience and kindness. She feels better about it now, knows why Avid might have wanted to hurt Water for it. He likes her. Of course they'd want her happy, even if that means hurting the people who hurt her.
Graecie nods, then, and Scott smiles softly. "You understand now?"
She nods again, moving to mirror his position, with her chin on her knees. "Thank you…" She whispers, throat sore by now.
He squeezes her shoulders. "Anytime." Then he tilts her head. "Anything else you need help with?"
She takes a moment. She could ask about Legs, how she should approach him, but she doesn't know how. "I—Legs is upset at something. But I don't know what I did?" She turns to face Scott. "I don't know how to fix it." Back with her not knowing things. She needed to get better.
Scott nods, like he knew this was coming. How does he know so much? "Just talk to him. If he's as close a friend as he seems, he'll listen, no matter how upset he may seem." He boops her nose, then stands up with cracking knees. "Communication is key." He winks, stretches his legs, and then he's off down the hill and into the darkness.
Graecie notes he left his torch with her, lighting the little spot of grass she's still sat in. She smiles. Then, as loud as she can right now, she yells. "Thank you!"
She can hear his bright laughter even back here. It's nice to have friends here, especially ones who know as much as Scott does.
Maybe she should make him a flower crown too.
Scott felt sick. Nothing to do with Graecie, he knew. He'd left her there, then he'd gone back to his room and now he was nowhere and he didn't know what he was doing. Spirals of pitch and abyssal energy swirled in the air around him. He didn't know where he was. He barely knew who he was—the scar stinging on his side kept him sane right now. Something was wrong. Something had happened.
But where? And who had done it?
Who at the academy would—
Seapeekay?
Wait no—Who was Seapeekay?
Why did he think of that? He heard a fox chittering, and then there was orange fur in front of him and then—
Nothing. Absolutely nothing. His room was silent. The sun was bright in the sky. Aurora sat lazing in a glimmer of light on the floor. Everything was fine. Acid clawed its way up his throat.
Maybe it wasn't all fine.
Blood dribbled from his nose and his vision wavered slightly. His dorm disappeared from view and the blackened void faded in. Then his dorm was back. Then it was gone again. Then back, then gone. He could hear Aurora yowl distantly. He could remember his neighbour—flashes of bells, copper, stars hit his eyelids. He didn't know what was happening but he knew it wasn't good.
The fact that Graecie had done so many corrupted rituals to try and get Seapeekay back, gotten herself almost erased and now her mana wasn't replenishing was stressing. She didn't like it. So much had happened and it all made her skin crawl. First the doppelgangers—her fault, at least a little—and now a corrupt ritual only she could do to fix what Seapeekay had messed up. It scared her.
"You need to bathe in the water outside." The guard had said. They seemed adamant, as they led Graecie and Zam out to the basin before the academy. As they got down the large cliff the Guard spoke again. "Don't drink it."
Graecie nodded, staring down at the dark water with trepidation. She was terrified. "Oh Shepherdess guide me." She muttered, uncaring if her Goddess could hear her right now or not. She felt empty, not having any mana. She didn't like it. She took her boots and socks off, handing them to Zam for safekeeping before she took a breath and stepped forward.
She took a single step into the water and winced. It was so cold. She turned to the guard, tilting her head to ask if she was deep enough. They shook their head, motioning for her to go deeper. "Deeper?" They nodded, Graecie looked to Zam and she nodded too. "Okay." She murmured, taking a couple steps back into the water more.
Zam looked at her with a worried expression, a frown slowly picking at her mouth. "Should I go in too?"
"No!" Graecie startled herself with how loud she said it. She takes another step back, the ends of her dress dip into the water and darken. "No no no. Not with your suit."
Zam puts her hands up and nods, staying on the shoreline and watching her closely. Her eyes dip to the water's surface. "Okay." Her voice is as quiet as normal, but it seems more placating.
The Guard nods at Graecie's still form, a light flickering in the small eye slits in they're helmet. "I see it."
Graecie startles from staring at Zam. "What?" Her eyes dart down to her arms, then she feels her heart begin to warm again. "Oh! It's coming back! My mana is coming back." She stands there for a bit, letting it collect a little more. "Can I come back in?"
"Yes." The guard nods and seems to smile, beckoning her back to dry land.
Graecie grins, picking up the hems of her dress and racing ashore. "Okay! Okay."
Zam is meeting her there immediately, hands patting down her sides. "There we go. There we go." Zam grabs her hand and they stand close together, Graecie's legs shaking slightly from the sudden cold. Graecie can only focus on the odd warmth Zam exudes as she nods to the Guard.
"Thank you." She whispers. The Guard made a noise and Graecie tilted her head, suddenly worried. "What? What is it?"
Zam's grip on her hand tightened. "Is something wrong?"
The guard shook their head, and waved down at Graecie's dress. "You might want to take a shower now."
They both startle at that, staring down at the slightly blackened edge of her dress. "Oh! Okay! Okay. okay. Got it. Shower. Got it. Got it. I can do that." The Guard nods and waves them both back to the academy. They both race off after Graecie gets her boots back on.
Climbing back up the cliff, Zam begins to talk. "I thought it was rude, by human culture to ask someone to take a shower."
"Oh! Well—" She takes a second, debating as she climbs further. "Maybe in this situation it's okay."
Zam nods, shrinking into herself slightly. "I was just wondering…"
Graecie waves her hands around a little. "No it's-it's okay. I'll take any advice right now." She looks around, trying to gauge how to get back to the front steps. "Um.. I don't know how to get back up. Can we get back up this way?"
Zam reaches out to her, taking Graecie's hand and guiding her up the steep rocks. "Yeah we can." Graecie nods and they walk up the stairs of the academy hand in hand. "Yay." Graecie giggles at Zam and they enter the doorway together happily.
Maybe it can be okay now. Maybe it'll all be fine under the Shepherdess' light.