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You’d just stepped into the shower.
It was elegant, spacious enough for two occupants. Your husband personally saw to that, wanting nothing but the best for you. He always made sure that you were comfortable. You never had to ask him to tone things down, or stop something entirely. He knew you, inside and out.
The hot water rained down onto your head and tense shoulders, immediately causing your muscles to relax and let go. A quiet sigh left you.
You were missing him.
Leon had been gone on a mission for only a few days, but even that was too much time apart for you. You’d never admit it out loud though. The last thing you wanted to be was clingy. Too clingy. Afraid that you’d be ‘too much’ for your husband. And Leon always picked up on that fear. Every time he saw you water down your responses or reactions to his words, he’d give a smile. A sad one. A smile that always said “you don’t have to hold back. You can be yourself around me.”
Lost in your head, you were startled at the sound of knocking on the bathroom door.
“Mind if I come in?” Leon’s familiar, deep voice penetrated through the wooden barrier.
Heart still racing a little from the knocking, you quickly answered back.
“Uh, no, I don’t mind.”
Looking through the frosted, sliding glass door of the shower, you picked out Leon’s tall frame stepping into the bathroom. You smiled wide. He was home early. Sliding the door enough to poke your head through, you met eyes with him. He was leaning up against the sink counter.
“Hey, welcome home,” you greeted.
“Glad to be back,” Leon replied. “Can I join you?”
“Sure!”
It wasn’t exactly eagerness that was in your response. Not even close. No, you knew why your voice wavered a little. Giving another smile, you retreated back underneath the hot spray of the shower, and glanced at the blurred filter of your husband stripping out of his clothes. It wasn’t until he started approaching the shower space did you turn your gaze away and to the wall. Your back was to him. You heard the glass door slide open, click closed, and then felt Leon’s comforting presence slowly come up behind you. Confident arms tenderly wrapped around you in a melting hug, and you felt his chin gently rest onto the top of your head. And before you knew it, you felt it hit you. That overwhelming, burning sensation of raw emotion. Your cheeks felt searing hot, and the tears that quickly rushed to the surface and ran down were almost painful. An ugly sound came out of your mouth. Followed by another one. Leon was ready for it.
He always was.
He kept his hold on you. Kept it grounding, secure, safe. He tilted his head towards your right ear, knowing very well that you were deaf on your left side.
“Easy…” he spoke loud enough to hear over the white noise of the falling water. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”
You couldn’t delay any longer. You turned around in his embrace, arms quickly coming up to grab whatever part was closest, and you buried your face into his chest, beginning to cry loudly. You hated it. You absolutely hated becoming this emotional, almost every time when he got back from a mission. You could never control yourself. The tears always came speeding in, the emotions grabbing your heart from all ends and violently pulling until there was nothing left but shredded, tattered remains. Your whole body shuddered with each heavy sob. And Leon held you through all of it.
“Ssshhh…” he comforted. “It’s okay. I’m here for you. I’m here. You’re okay.”
Then came the embarrassment, the guilt, the anger towards your emotional self. You pulled back a little to fruitlessly wipe away your tears, which seemed to never end.
“I’m sorry,” you cried. “I know I shouldn’t be crying like this every fucking time! I’m just making you worry all the more about me!”
Your words became more jumbled together as your sobs increased, ultimately stopping your useless endeavor of trying to wipe away your tears, and simply resorting to covering your face as you wept into your hands.
“Hey,” Leon leaned in close towards your right ear, his hands coming up to gently hold onto your wrists. He didn’t pull on them. Merely held them, letting you feel his protective grasp. “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for,” he said. “And there’s nothing wrong with getting emotional, especially around me.”
You gave what you thought was some kind of laugh of disbelief. “I fucking hate it. I hate it so fucking much,” you sobbed. And Leon knew that you were no longer talking about being emotional. He was familiar with the days where you mourned the loss of your left ear, and today was undoubtedly one of them. Leon pulled you in close against his chest again, arms finding their place back around you, keeping you in that reassuring embrace.
“I’m so fucking tired,” you wept. “I just wanna hear things normally again! I just wanna have my hearing BACK!!!”
“Hey, hey, easy now,” Leon gently spoke, bringing a hand up to touch the back of your head. He could hear how your breaths rushed out too quick. Telling you to ‘calm down’ would help with nothing. “Take a breath, babe. Okay? Take a breath for me.”
You managed to do as he asked, trying to breathe through the awful shudders that held your body hostage.
“That’s it. Just keep breathing for me,” Leon softly encouraged, beginning to slowly stroke your head. Even while soaking wet underneath the shower, the motion was still comforting to you. Your shuddering began to lessen, and pathetic sniffles replaced your earlier sobbing. Leon’s compassionate voice spoke again.
“Can you look at me, babe?” he asked. He always asked. Always with your permission. You pulled back enough to face him fully, eyes blurry from being shut tight in their watery prison, and you blinked a few times, releasing a couple more tears. Leon’s hands found their way to your face, palms tenderly cupping your cheeks. Those baby blue eyes of his locked with your own, and you saw no judgement, nor a single ounce of worry.
Only warmth.
“You’re amazing,” Leon said, and you could hear awe in his voice. “You are so goddamn strong. And I can’t express how proud I am of you.” He leaned in, placing a kiss onto your forehead. “You are my everything. I adore every part of you. Even the parts that you don’t like.”
You sniffled again and tried to smirk. “Even when I’m an emotional fucking mess every time you come home?”
Leon returned the smirk, but it was more of a smile. “Yeah. It’s called being human.”
You sighed hard. “I fucking hate being human sometimes…”
“Yeah, well, I think a lot of people do,” Leon replied, giving another kiss to your head, and then to your lips. “But for me, it’s the best part about you.”
You gave a weak laugh. Sometimes you didn’t know what to do with your husband and his cheesy comments. His mouth met yours again, and with the way he looked back at you, you couldn’t hold back the smile that finally came through.
“Wanna finish washing up and then watch your favorite movie?” Leon suggested.
“Yes, please.”