Archive of Our Own

Jane:

THAT'S WHY YOU WANTED TO TAKE THAT SELFIE?!

Harris:

Hi Ilya, have you perhaps been editing some wikipedia pages lately?

Ilya:

hi Harris yes i have

why?

Harris:

Well (link)

Ilya:

ah i know this guy!

Harris:

Yes I figured

Ilya:

kind of annoying. has been bothering me for years

Harris:

Oh god so that's true??

Ilya:

yes

Harris:

You have been wikipedia pages for YEARS??

Ilya:

harris am i not allowed to have a hobby now

// Text marked as: Seen

barrett:

What the fuck did you do?

Ilya:

?

barrett:

Harris is pacing a hole in the ground while scrolling through twitter at a genuinely terrifying speed

Ilya:

oh is this about the wikipedia thing?

barrett:

OBVIOUSLY

Ilya:

i was just being a valuable member of society!

// Text marked as: Seen

Ilya:

is this really a problem?

i dont want to give you more work

Harris:

No it's fine I guess

Harris:

Although you maybe could have timed your grand reveal a bit better

Ilya:

yes but this is also very funny though

Harris:

Unfortunately you're right

❤️

// Text marked as: Seen

Jane:

You don't think I deserved that award?

Betrayed by my own fiancé

He doesn't even think I'm hot :(

Ilya:

NO!!!

I WAS YOUNG AND STUPID

AND IN DENIAL

AND LYING!!!!

SHANE HOLLANDER I CAN SEE YOU HAVE READ MY TEXTS

ANSWER ME

>

Jane:

…

So what I hear is you're old now?

Ilya:

mean to me :((

// Text marked as: Seen

dykstra:

hi roz why are you trending lol

chouinard:

? are you dumb?

bood:

Roz and Hollander just released their statement of course theyre trending?

dykstra:

okay fuck you both first of all

second: roz why are you trending with "wikipedia"??

bood:

huh?

dykstra:

twitter.com

bood:

???

luca:

(twitter.com/hockeypedia)

Apparently Ilya has been busy on wikipedia?

chouinard:

im so fucking confused

wyatt:

Roz why did you never say youre a wiki editor!!

When did you join??

lapointe:

holy shit these interactions are funny as fuck

(tumblr.com/hockeypedia)

young:

just crash out after crash out lmaoo

dykstra:

tumblr still exists? i thought it died?

chouinard:

no they just banned the porn

dykstra:

oooooh

bood:

hey Roz, just wondering, why do i get 87 posts when i scroll through that poor guy's archive?

Ilya:

i am a busy man

dykstra:

wait these posts go back to 2013??

wyatt:

Roz youve been a wikipedia editor since 2013 and you never mentioned it??

bood:

Hazy not now

wyatt:

Betrayal :(

Luca:

Omg I'm gonna kill myself

Lina💜:

good evening to you too

Seb💛:

You ok?

Luca:

Have you been on twitter today?

Seb💛:

Yes of course

Luca:

Okay have you seen the tweets about Ilya (Rozanov)?

Lina💜:

bro what other ilya do you know

also yes lol

Seb💛:

Wasn't there a kid in our class at one point named Ilya?

Lina💜:

ooooh yeah thats right!

Luca:

Okay let's focus please

Lina💜:

yes sir 🫡 tell us more about this twitter crash out

Luca:

The guy crashing out was my tumblr mutual back in the day 💀

Seb💛:

LMAOOO

barrett:

Hey, Harris asks if you've ever made any edits that would need damage control?

"are there screenshots of things that would get him canceled on this day that should be about love and pride" or whatever

Ilya:

like what? "hayden pike is like scott hunter if he didnt suck dick and wasnt there for big bang"?

bood:

dude…

dykstra:

roz you cant say that man

Ilya:

yes i can i am gay now remember

bood:

still

luca:

Didn't you say you were bisexual?

Ilya:

yes that was test everyone except haasy failed

bad allies

chouinard:

also isnt pike Hollander's friend?

Ilya:

yes and?

chouinard:

nothing dont worry about it man 👍

bood:

hey Roz why dont you sign your messages to US with "kissy kissy" huh?

dillon:

Yeah we're your team!! Don't we get a kissy kissy :(

barrett:

Guys, what the fuck?

Ilya:

you get a kissy kissy when you learn how to land puck in the net :((

dykstra:

oof

dillon:

🖕🖕🖕

chouinard:

does anyone know what rpf means?

i keep seeing it on twitter

dykstra:

nope, maybe one of the kids?

hey @luca do you know?

Luca:

I need you to kill me right now

// Text marked as: Seen

Jane:

Dinosaurs?

Ilya:

lyubimyy i spent a lot of very long summers alone in russia

there was not much to do

needed distraction

Jane:

Oh

Fuck sorry :(

Ilya:

no is okay ❤️

they are very interesting!

and great inspiration for chirping

(wikipedia.org)

this one reminds me of pike

Jane:

…

Do I want to know why?

Ilya:

very short arms

i dont think it would be good at hockey :(

Jane:

Alright

Jane:

So

Freckles huh?

Ilya:

yes you know i love your freckles hollander

this is not news

Jane:

It's news that you like them so much you made a wikipedia page about them!

In 2013!

I saw someone on twitter say you made it the day after the first time you came to my apartment?

Ilya:

*in

Jane:

Fuck off Rozanov

Did you really??

Ilya:

yes

i was very obsessed with you and not very good at hiding it

could not stop thinking about you

Jane:

Oh.

Me too ❤️

Ilya:

❤️

was very annoying. it made me very nervous and scared because i was stupid

Jane:

Yeah me too.

I was very on edge for days after.

Ilya:

ah

on edge hmm?

Jane:

Get your mind out of the gutter. It's a normal expression!

Ilya:

sure :)

Jane:

🖕

Did you really count my freckles?

Ilya:

yes

but count was not correct i missed the one on your earlobe :(

Jane:

I think that one's a mole actually, not a freckle.

Ilya:

ah you are freckle police now?

where are you? i will come check

// Text marked as: Seen

dykstra:

hey roz theres an interesting discussion going on on twitter right now

Ilya:

oh is there

i didnt notice

dykstra:

yes

people are trying to piece together when this all started

you and Hollander i mean

and now im also curious

chouinard:

yeah me too!

lapointe:

me three!

barrett:

Don't you guys have better things to do?

chouinard:

hey barrett whats your boyfriend doing right now? asking for a friend

barrett:

…

bood:

so?

Ilya:

so what?

dykstra:

when did it start!!

Ilya:

😇

guess

chouinard:

ive seen all stars 2017 suggested a lot and i must say i agree lol, it sounds good

Ilya:

yes it was very good, dont remember you being there though 🤔

chouinard:

🖕🖕🖕🖕

so not at all stars?

Ilya:

no

chouinard:

damn someone tell twitter user @allstars2017 that, for some reason i think theyll be devastated

lapointe:

cant imagine why

luca:

In 2014 they presented an award together so they could have interacted then?

bood:

hey kid why do you know that off the top of your head

luca:

… they did a funny sketch

Me and my friends used to quote it at school all the time

dykstra:

haasy you cant just call us old like that jesus christ

luca:

Sorry

wyatt:

But he made that page on Hollander's freckles in 2013 right? So clearly there must have been something going on at that point?

barrett:

His WHAT?

Oh Roz you were down bad, huh?

Ilya:

brought harris any coffees recently barrett?

also does he still use that nice smelling apple shampoo?

barrett:

I told you that in CONFIDENCE

holmberg:

i put my phone down for five minutes… what the hell is going on here?

young:

were trying to figure out the timeline of cap & Hollander's relationship

holmberg:

oh fun! what about 2010?

dykstra:

shut up bergy

holmberg:

:(

wyatt:

So? Am i right?

Ilya:

nope

wyatt:

Damnit

Haasy correct then?

Ilya:

also no

luca:

:(

dykstra:

okay you gotta give us something man, are we talking earlier, later?

chouinard:

yeah gives us a hint!

Ilya:

ok

earlier

bood:

wait what

dykstra:

that was a joke??? earlier than 2013??

Ilya:

yes

chouinard:

what the fuck

bood:

its not when you guys first met right???

Ilya:

no

bood:

okay thank fuck

wyatt:

When was that? So we can get a range

Ilya:

2008

international prospect cup

which i won of course 😈

bood:

arent you a delight

Ilya:

yes :)

chouinard:

poor Hollander

Ilya:

:(

dykstra:

so somewhere between 2008 and 2013 then

Ilya:

yes

luca:

Okay so that leaves the draft in 2009, international junior's competition in 2009/2010 (around New Year's), and then you started your rookie season right?

bood:

Haasy. again. why do you know this

luca:

I have wikipedia open right now, there's a very useful timeline

Ilya:

ah yes such a useful website! must be kept up to date by amazing people!

chouinard:

were you even sentient in 2009?

luca:

Yes I was nine

dykstra:

owww my back hurts suddenly

wyatt:

I feel like it cant be before their rookie season, when would they have the time to meet at the draft/competition? Those events are very tightly scheduled and supervised

chouinard:

yeah i agree, i think we can rule those out

dykstra:

roz?

Ilya:

wrong :(

dykstra:

BEFORE YUOR ROOKIE SEASON??

bood:

WHAT

chouinard:

ROZ BEFORE YOUR ROOKIE SEASON???

PLEASE ANSWER THIS IS NOT THE MOMENT FOR DRAMATIC PAUSES

Ilya:

yes before our rookie season

barrett:

Okay what the fuck

dykstra:

oh look whos invested now

holmberg:

maybe a stupid guess but that CCM commercial came out before you two started right?

chouinard:

bergy what the fuck are you talking about

holmberg:

there was this commercial for CCM, i think in the summer of 2010? with roz and Hollander

you know, the two "most promising" rookies together in an ad

dykstra:

dont say that its gonna go to his head

but also. roz?

👀

helloooooo?

bood:

suspicious silence

barrett:

Maybe he put down his phone?

chouinard:

HAHAHA

luca:

No he just responded to a tweet

So he's just ignoring us :(

bood:

look what youve done Roz, you made the kid sad!

Ilya:

…

i did not think you would guess it

but yes was at ccm commercial well done bergy

you get a kissy kissy

😘

holmberg:

im fine actually but thanks

dykstra:

BERGY HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GUESS THAT

chouinard:

bro as if thats the important part??

roz youve been in love with Hollander for ELEVEN YEARS??

bood:

THE WHOLE TIME??

dillon:

Your entire carreers?!

Ilya:

no no, not really

well maybe

at least i was not aware of it

bood:

??

dykstra:

hey man can you maybe be a bit more cryptic i dont think were confused enough yet?

Ilya:

what is not clear?

dykstra:

most of it actually thanks for asking

chouinard:

you started "things" with Hollander in 2010 but you werent in love with him?

Ilya:

have none of you ever heard of casual hookups

barrett:

Ah yes, writing poetic wikipedia articles about your hookup's freckles does scream casual, you're so right

Ilya:

back to your corner apple boy

bood:

okay so it was "casual" for a while?

Ilya:

you think you are funny with your quotes?

wyatt:

Okay but how did you even manage to hook up while you were shooting a commercial??

Ilya:

it was not "while" hazy dont be dumb, i am professional

it was after

shane could not resist me in the showers 😏

too hot too sexy

basically jumped me

bood:

is this how Hollander would tell the story?

Ilya:

oh this is the shane version

i am not allowed to tell true story

😈

chouinard:

okay what the fuck happened in those showers

barrett:

Let's just not ask

dykstra:

… so you fucked in the showers?

barrett:

Dude

Ilya:

no

*not that time

well

almost

dykstra:

alright i suddenly dont need any details anymore

Ilya:

homophobic :(

dykstra:

no!!

wait is it??

barrett:

No, it isn't

Ilya:

not you too barrett :((

barrett:

I'M GAY

wyatt:

Changing the subject to something more wholesome! There are children present!

You said it was casual for a while. How long is a while here?

Ilya:

we have been boyfriends since 2017 :)

…

oh now you are all silent? ignoring me? homophobia?

bood:

dude im fucking speechless

dykstra:

seven years??

chouinard:

what the fuck do you mean 2017?

dykstra:

SEVEN YEARS???

Ilya:

yes?

wyatt:

You only developed feelings after sleeping together for seven years?

Ilya:

yes

no

is a complicated question

bood:

is it though?

Ilya:

ah yes tell me more about you having gay sex with your rival bood i am interested to hear about your experiences

feelings were there earlier. we were both too scared to act on it until 2017

dykstra:

okay but like how scared could you possibly be after fucking for your entire adult life? feelings arent THAT scary

luca:

Oh

Does this perhaps have something to do with Scott Hunter coming out in 2017?

dykstra:

ooooooh

bood:

ah shit thats right

Ilya:

yes :/

THIS DOES NOT LEAVE THIS CHAT I WILL KILL YOU

// Text marked as: Seen

dykstra:

i still have so many questions

chouinard:

yeah cap this timeline is insane

young:

i went through the entirety of middle AND high school between your first hookup and officially getting together??

bood:

kid dont fucking do this to us. not today. weve suffered enough already

lapointe:

a seven year situationship sounds like a good reason to go on a killing spree

i feel like most judges would agree tbh

dillon:

What tf is a situationship?

young:

old 🫵

chouinard:

im going to throw everyone born after 95 out of this group i swear to god

bood:

yes were getting off track lets focus

lapointe:

sir yes sir 🫡

Ilya:

i will not be answering any more questions tonight

bood:

this isnt a press conference?

Ilya:

i will not be answering any more questions tonight

Ilya:

no comment

(twitter.com/hollanovisreal)

someone made timeline on twitter. is pretty good

barrett:

Yes, twitter user hollanovisreal does sound like a trustworthy source

Ilya:

i will tell harris you offered to be in the next seven instagram videos. hes making a fun new series :) he needed backup dancer i think?

barrett:

Fuck you, you won't

Ilya:

oh i will

now i will mute this chat because i have hot boyfriend who needs stress relief

bood:

relief from the stress you gave him?

Ilya:

yes of course

chouinard:

👍

Ilya:

shane

should i make a tumblr account?

Jane:

Don't you fucking dare.