Chapter Text
Dazai doesn't dream about a beautiful future or coming home to his wife and kids.
Never has. He has never fooled himself with such silly thoughts. In part, it was because he had always known that was the stuff of overly cheesy movies, that were nothing but fairy tales for adults. The other big factor was that he's always assumed he'd be dead by 18. So, in the end, what would it have mattered if he had insulted that one kid in elementary or if he ate ramen for breakfast, lunch and dinner today?
However, as Dazai came to know a long time ago, life had a funny way of keeping him alive despite his best efforts to die. It was funny, really. There were many others, much more deserving of this dumb luck, that wanted to live their life to the fullest and yet couldn't. Terminally ill patients, people who were about to face a tragic end — they all had a warm meal and a loved one waiting at home. Dazai, on the other hand? He had neither. Every day, he tried his best to rid the world of the impostor such as himself and every day he would end up cursing whatever higher being kept him alive, just to laugh at his misery.
So, here he was, a whole year overdue (19). A whole year of trying in vain to predict and factor in the unwelcome luck. One thing, however, that never even crossed Dazai's mind was that-
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!"
-he would become a streamer.
"Told ya Outlast had cool monsters," Yosano smiled as she snacked on chips next to Dazai, who swore he could feel his soul leaving his body as a guy with big scissors chased him.
Dazai was muttering something unintelligible under his breath, perhaps cursing himself for ever agreeing to something his best friend had suggested, or perhaps he was contemplating what life choices led him to where he was now. As soon as he had managed to get to the vent, ha paused the game and slumped into his chair, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He didn't even want to dignify Yosano with a glance, instead redirecting his attention to the chat, who seemed to be reveling in Dazai's distress.
Not a single one of his plans, and he has had many, had included streaming for hundreds of viewers. He supposed this could keep him entertained for a short while until he finally managed to achieve his lifelong dream. After all, if he hated anything more than pain, it was being bored. Now, that was a peculiar kind of torture, that even Dazai wasn't willing to subject himself to.
"Remind me again, why did I agree to play this?" Dazai asked exasperated. By now, it was surely well-over two hours since he started the stream and, after a very stress inducing gameplay, he just wanted to end the stream. Dying by a heart attack wasn't exactly the way Dazai wanted to go. Not nearly as beautiful as his standards required.
"Because you love me and I always have good ideas," Yosano hummed, sounding a bit too satisfied for Dazai's liking. Her being amused was never good and, more often than not, it was either due to Dazai's misery or the cause of it.
"Wow, what a good friend I have. You seeing this chat?"
The chat was eating this up, a sucker for the dynamic between the two.
chibiko: LMAO THAT WAS VERY UN-ALPHA OF YOU
foxxxy_xoxo: was she ever wrong?
Kira77X: my streamer is a scaredy cat 💔
"Hey!" Dazai scoffed, "Whose side are y'all on? Can't a guy get scared by a horror game? You guys need to lower your expectations if-"
"Or maybe you're just a pussy," Yosano muttered under her breath with a shit eating grin, which just earned her a glare. Dazai guessed they'll see who'll be laughing in an hour when she finds her highlighters, without which she absolutely cannot study, gone. Maybe they'll reappear in her bag in a few days. Though, the chances are she'll beat the confession out of him before then.
He rolled his eyes as he turned to the camera to bid his lovely viewers goodbye before pressing end stream. The moment the red light of the camera stopped flickering, his smile was gone, replaced with a neutral expression. He checked the time, surprised to find that it's just a little past eleven pm, which was much earlier than he had expected to bring a stream to the end. It also meant-
"Okay, time to eat so you don't pass out moron. God knows I'm not studying medicine just to keep nursing you back to health every time you pass out."
God. Man can't even starve himself in peace these days.
"But Yosano, I had lunch today! And I also had a chocolate bar before the stream! Isn't it enough?" Dazai whined, not even wanting to meet his friend's gaze. He already knew she's staring at him with the quite obvious disapproval and something dangerously close to pity. Dazai didn't feel like dealing with the emotions such look brought tonight…or ever for that matter, actually.
"…Fine. I'll go eat," he groaned, getting up and ignoring the cracking sound his back made. God, he really ought to stretch more after streaming…scratch that, he really needed to do it more often in general. He was turning into a shrimp, with the way his posture kept going to shit more and more with each stream he did. He opened the fridge, trying to decide what to eat — as if he had anything besides canned crab and energy drinks inside it. He took an already
opened can of crab and called it a night, knowing it would be enough to satisfy Yosano and keep him from the hunger induced nausea.
"Also, how's Kouyou? You haven't talked about her in a hot minute and I kept forgetting to ask," Dazai hummed as he flopped back into his chair and turned to look at Yosano, who was sitting on the couch.
"She's been fine. She's been mostly busy lately, a whole bunch of papyrology and freeing up her spare room"
"Freeing up her- are you seriously moving in with her without telling me?!" Dazai gasped with his mouth full, bits of food falling back into the can.
"First of all, fucking disgusting," she spat out with the revolted look on her face, "Secondly, stop the dramatics. You know damn well I would've told ya if that were the case. It' was supposed to be for her younger brother, who is moving back to Japan and needs a place to stay, but then her upstairs neighbour flooded his bathroom while high and now the ceiling is fucked. Poor guy's gonna have to apply for a dorm," she sighed, as if she was the one having to deal with the mess. Although, it could be argued that she was, considering she had to calm her girlfriend down when it initially happened.
"I didn't know she had another brother," Dazai raised an eyebrow, "The guy's going to have so much fun trying to find a dorm this late into the semester. Where is he moving from anyways?" he questioned. He didn't care about the guy, really, but, hey, if the guy gave him any information he could use as leverage over Yosano during their arguments? He was sure as hell gonna take it.
"France. He has been staying with Verlaine, but recently decided to return here," she answered, " We talked a few times when Kouyou was on a facetime with him. He's a sweet kid. A little bit rough around the edges, but he means well."
"And does this 'sweet kid' have a name or is that just how we're supposed to call him from now on?" Dazai tried to (not so subtly) fish for more info.
"Chuuya," Yosano answered simply, reaching over and taking a bite out of the canned crab's leg.
Another full day of classes, money withdrawals for overpriced coffee and his father nagging him about "needing to take the university more seriously". At this point, Dazai has had it with the uni and Mori and just about everyone. The only exception could be Oda, but even he wouldn't let Dazai die placidly. Why couldn't they just let him rot away in peace? "No Osamu, you can't kill yourself, you need therapy" — as if! He was a perfectly well-adjusted young man. He just happened to have slightly more affinity for death than others, but so what? Why is wishing for a sweet kiss of death so much more different from dreaming of kissing a person of your dreams? Wasn't is essentially the same thing, except the latter referred to a kiss of a human, rather than an entity, known as Lady Death? Hypocrisy! That's what it was!
Dazai continued to grumble to himself as he very calmly stormed through his dorm, definitely not thinking of ways to express his dissatisfaction to his father. Perhaps splurging his already generous monthly allowance for 10- no, 20, even more expensive coffees? Or, perhaps, asking for even more money? Not like Mori could use up all the money he was earning as Japan's best brain surgeon, anyways. At least Dazai could put the money to the use. After all, that's how he even got to be alone in the dorm. Apparently, not even the principals of prestigious universities are immune to the quite bountiful amount that his father had been willing to offer.
Dazai wasn't the biggest fan of capitalism, but even he had to admit that being well off had its perks — having privacy for starters.
He was so caught up in his own thoughts and scheming, that he almost missed the soft click the dorm doors and the shuffling, which instantly made him pause. He wasn't expecting any visitors today, he didn't make any mess that would warrant a hall monitor to come yell at him and Yosano always called beforehand to announce that she'd be dropping by. That begged a question — who was entering his room?
He grabbed the nearest weapon that he could get ahold of, a slipper, and carefully made his way out the bathroom. He opened the door slowly and-
"AHH"
Both Dazai and the intruder screamed out. Dazai sung and hit the intruder, which earned him a punch to the jaw. Whoever the person was, they were short, but, fuck, they knew how to land a good punch. Dazai landed on his ass, holding his painful side, when he finally looked up.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM DUDE?!" the ginger intruder shouted, dropping the bag he was holding just to grab Dazai by his collar and yank him up to his feet, "Who the fuck hits someone with- a slipper?! Are you insane?!"
Now, Dazai was many things, but insane wasn't one of them.
"What do you mean what's my problem? I'm not the one sneaking into another person's dorm!", Dazai yelled back, painting an accusatory finger at the ginger. He wasn't gonna let such disrespect happen in his dorm room.
The ginger looked at the taller man as if he grew a second head. He let go of Dazai, which made the brunette stumble, pulling out a slip of paper.
"Try again dickhead, I have the right dorm," he shoved the paper in Dazai's face, who immediately took to inspecting it. It was a dorm transfer, with the principal's signature and everything.
Shit.
This seemed legit.
Looks like Mori should've dug a bit deeper into his pocket.
Dazai just stared in hopes the dorm number would change to no avail. There was no mistaking it, the pipsqueak was at the right place. There was no way this was real. He only agreed to attend university under the condition that he would get to have a room of his own, and now this...Santa's runaway elf was here to disturb his peace!
He looked up from the paper to meet the other's gaze. The stranger's eyes caught Dazai's attention. There was something oddly striking in those mismatched eyes, he noted. Although, no amount of striking blue and brown eyes was going to distract him from the fact that the guy was standing in his dorm, after assaulting him, oh so violently.
"How the hell did you get them to give you this room..?" Dazai asked sceptically.
The shorter man looked at Dazai as if he was stupid, his eyes holding nothing but pure judgement.
"I dunno, they just told me to come here. If you have an issue with the arrangement, you're talking to the wrong guy. The uni staff's in the other building," he said, picking up the bag and heading towards the unused bed. Dazai's unused bed that was specifically there so he can bed rot more efficiently dammit!
"Hold right there pipsqueak! You can't just barge in and act like you own the place!" Dazai followed, trying to twer over the guy in hopes of intimidating him.
"Hell yeah I can because I live here now," the redhead threw a pillow at Dazai, hitting him right in the head, bullseye, "
and I'm still growing so lay off, jackass!"
"Oh, I'm sorry your highness, I failed to notice you due to your height," Dazai glared, very unamused about being assaulted again, "Will you grace me with your name before you start your tyranny in my dorm room? Or, even better, will you just leave?"
"Dream on. Name's Chuuya Nakahara, make sure to remember it, you mummy."
Dazai paused. No. No way Kouyou, the sweet, elegant and mostly softspoken Kouyou, had….this as her younger brother. This was hell. As if life wasn't hard enough as is, now the higher being was punishing him for something, tho he wasn't sure what for. Was this God's way of trying to make him a believer - to make Dazai pray for Chuuya to shrink until he can't see him? What a twisted ploy.
"…Huh. I expected Kouyou's little brother not to be so-," he tried to motion at height but stopped, already feeling the pain of the punch he'll get if he finishes that sentence, "…gremlin like."
"And I didn't expect my roommate to be a bandaged recluse, yet here we are."
"I am not a recluse, mind you!" Dazai gasped, offended, "I just appreciate my time alone. You don't even know me, so you cannot even make a valid argument!" he followed behind Chuuya, who was bringing in more of his stuff.
Chuuya turned to look at him unimpressed, before his gaze shifted to the rest of the dorm - beer cans and ramen cups littered the room, blinds closed.
"…Sure you're not," His eyes returned to Dazai. "Y'know, it's okay to be yourself. Admitting it to yourself is half the battle won," he shrugged, bringing in the last of his boxes.
"What's that supposed to mean??" Dazai asked baffled. This was unheard of. That gremlin just walked in and started insulting Dazai after almost giving him a heart attack? No, Dazai just couldn’t let that slide. "I don’t care that you're Kouyou's little brother, you cannot stay here. I'm pretty sure this place is supposed to have just my name in the residency."
Chuuya turned to look at him exasperated, his brows furrowing in obvious disapproval.
"Is this private property that you pay for?" he raised an eyebrow.
"Well, no, but-"
"Then it's settled."
…Jesus fucking Christ. Dazai barely knew this guy and he was already managing to press each one of his buttons. That must be a new record. The only person that could piss him off this fast was Mori, and here Chuuya was, beating the long standing record in barely 10 minutes. It would be impressive if it wasn't driving him insane.
Then, as if Dazai wasn't suffering enough, Chuuya took notice of the streaming equipment, pausing dead in his tracks, before painfully slowly turning back to Dazai.
"…You stream?" he asked almost curiously, although Dazai could never fall for that. The hobbit was probably looking for more material to tease him about.
"Why? You gonna try to stop me from doing what I love, in my dorm? I'd like to see you try-"
"Nah, I just think that's neat," Chuuya hummed, moving to start unpacking. Dazai was left speechless. How can someone go from calling him a loser to saying that something he was doing was neat? With such infuriatingly entertained glint in his eyes?
Were it a beautiful woman, Dazai would jump at an opportunity to offer her a chance for double suicide, but this was Chuuya. Yet, the way he managed to drive Dazai insane so quickly made it impossible to look away.
God, this was gonna be a long year.