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"He's going to die, you know."
Yes, yes he knows. He knows it so much, it's the same sentence at the forefront of his mind everytime he is left in silence and even when others are trying to distract him. He knows, he's heard it so many times when people and people tell him to stop being close with someone who's already a corpse and he knows so well. He can recite every symptom of the still incurable illness, he counts the days left of a calendar and he can't bring himself to follow the advice of so many other people.
Kim Iwol knows Seo Hoyun is a dead man, but that doesn't stop him from being with him at every health checkup, it doesn't stop him from admiring his smile or poking his cheek or reading to him or explaining school material and it doesn't even stop him from wanting to lean in and press their lips together. Shouldn't he be disgusted at his age? That's what most usually ask, why doesn't he wonder if it's contagious? That too, and even why is he wasting time on someone who'll die? And maybe he does feel annoyed by it, because even if Seo Hoyun will die within a year, it doesn't change the fact that he is still here and alive and breathing. As long as he is still alive, he matters, because what's the difference between him and anyone else?
Well, he's cuter, that's for sure.
Iwol coughs abruptly, but for today he's planning to take Hoyun to a flower field he'd found out about. Because it'd been so hidden, it was practically completely untouched, and he wanted to make sure Hoyun would be the first to see it with him. He knows it's not apart of his bucket list, but he still wants to fill Hoyun's time left with different things, because that's what he's supposed to do. His slight cough leaves his throat somewhat itchy, and he takes to clearing his throat, before he enters the hospital and follows a near-memorised path. When he's there, he happens to walk in on Hoyun recieving a lecture from the doctor, and he nods, bows in greeting before stepping away and waiting for them to finish. There's a persistent ticking in the background and Iwol feels like it's setting off nerves in his body, but either way, later, Hoyun escapes from deserved nagging and they're standing outside of the building.
"So, what are we doing today?" Hoyun speaks, his voice is somewhat raspy, probably from the vomiting symptoms, and his skin a paler tint than it would usually be. But even then, his eyes curve with his lips and he manages a pleasant expression – Iwol's thoughts stop abruptly when he forgets all prepared words. "Are we going to try a few food challenges? Go skydiving? Meet a celebrity or idol?" Iwol has Hoyun's bucket list memorised, he knows one of the three are actually on the list and the other two are absurd requests made on a whim; the food challenges he actually wanted to do were just dessert challenges fully.
But still, being put on the spot leads him to shake his head slowly, self-conscious in a sense. "No, not any of that." He says, "I wanted to take you somewhere.." His voice trails off, he wonders partially if it would be better to have just done something normal, and his fist clenches within his pocket.
"Lead the way, then. I hope it'll be a fun surprise."
The words, simple and probably made with little thought makes Iwol feel like he's being evaluated – and maybe he is? Well, he blinks hard and starts in a certain direction. His pace is slow, because even if he knows every detail about Hoyun's illness, he also knows how unpredictable everything can be. An example would be how his parent's found out about his plans today, and he ended up an hour late because he was too busy nodding along with their nonsense and letting it all drift away. Every hour gone is every hour wasted and he knows this because a nurse repeats it to him daily, every time he arrives at the hospital whether on time or not, she repeats it like clockwork as if reminding him to prepare for the day he'll be left alone, which isn't far off.
He's going to drift more off topic in his thoughts, but he glances to the side and can't help his own attempt at holding Hoyun's hand. He receives a deadpan stare, but in the end it isn't refused, and Hoyun's hand is so impossibly cold from where it used to be warm. Iwol knows he himself is quite cold in terms of temperature, that's needless to say, so when he can tell when someone is cold, it means they're actually freezing. A frown tugs at his lips, and when a stranger glances at his expression, they step away somewhat, turning away quickly. Maybe this would've been better if he'd arranged for transportation, he knows that the other's stamina isn't great after ending up in a hospital bed more times than counted, and he also knows that he's just a magnet for attention.
By the time they veer away from the paths to go to a hidden forest, lacking an actual path, Iwol's practically dragging Hoyun along like a ragdoll. He intentionally lightens his grip, hoping not to have accidentally bruised someone who already has impending doom on their mind, and just glances at the sky for a few moments, before continuing. It was honestly a surprise to have found a place so untainted by human touch, the array of flowers decorating and spreading across the whole patch of green and sprouting without direction.
Iwol knows – prays – Hoyun will like it. Actually, he feels eyes boring into the back of his head, and forces hinself again to ignore it whilst simultaneously hoping they make it to the field sooner than Hoyun loses his patience. And he stops just at the edge, glancing at the dense flora, and then shifting to focus wholly on Hoyun.
The other man stops completely, focus changed, and his eyes glitter somehow. It's not like he brought him stargazing, but it still looks like countless lights and colours embedded themselves within his dark irises. He steps forward into line with Iwol, and his lips part just slightly as if about to exclaim. When their eyes meet, countless more thoughts invade his mind. If Hoyun hadn't been ill, maybe in some distant future either of them would have proposed here. And it's true, he knows its true because he thinks it without flourish and because he automatically feels like condemning the world for leaving such a cruel fate to them.
His gaze blurs slightly, but even past that he found it impossible to ignore the way Hoyun smiled.