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James had a problem. One gorgeous, intelligent problem. One with curly black hair that fell just above his grey eyes.
Regulus.
Oh, Regulus. He had so hopelessly fallen for him. James wanted him so badly it hurt. But there was also one other problem for James— It wasn't romantic. For years and years, James had tried to justify his love for him to be something more than this, to be love. To be in love, to want romance, to have that.
But whether it was with Regulus or with anyone else, it never worked. James couldn't even think to tell you what romantic love felt like to him. He could describe it five hundred times over in writing, but never actually the feeling. He wished he could, because then maybe, just maybe, he could have a chance with him. With the man he wanted to spend his life with, but not just as a friend. He wanted more, but he wasn't sure what that more was.
He wanted to hold his hand, he wanted to make him happy, he wanted to hold him in his arms, to kiss him. But it didn't feel romantic. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't.
For certain though, James knew—
One, he loved Regulus Black.
Two, he wanted to be his.
Three, he had no chance in the world.
James sighed as he sat there on the floor, at the side of Regulus' bed. He'd been allowed to come into the dorm because everyone else had gone, very special privileges.
Regulus heard James sigh, raising an eyebrow at the man even though he couldn't see him. James sighed a lot, which anyone who knew him could see if they paid attention, but that one actually sounded like it had substance to it. And Regulus, as much as he'd deny it at times, he cared.
"What's wrong with you now, James?" He asked, looking back down at his book.
"Nothing, I'm fine. I was just thinking." James shook his head, sitting up and turning as he leaned on the bed to look at Regulus. "I'm just bored."
"You're more than welcome to leave."
"I don't want to, that's not what I meant."
"Then what did you mean? So much so that you're thinking."
James shrugged, looking down. Can't exactly say I have some sort of weird crush on you, now can he?
"Just spit it out, James. You're not doing a very good job of hiding it, whatever it is."
He debated it. Maybe he should tell him. Maybe he should bite the bullet, and ruin things while he's ahead. His feelings had been brewing for a while now, long before James realized they were different than how he felt about his other friends. Regulus had only been tolerating James for a little over a year now, and James thinks he's felt like this since the first few months. Should he..?
He didn't want to lose him. He didn't want to lose this. Their easy, comfortable silence. The way they could talk freely, James not minding Regulus' sharpness, and Regulus allowing James' energy.
But...
"I love you."
That was one way to say it. Very straight to the point. Great going James.
Regulus looked... caught off guard. As one would be at a such sudden confession.
"Uhm..."
Fuck. Okay, he's gotta fix this.
"I- I mean, not like that, like— romantically? Yeah? I don't love you like that, but I love you. Just, not as only a friend. You know? Of course you don't know, I'm barely making sense to myself." James scrambled to explain himself, feeling like he was only making it worse. "I love you. A lot. And I care for you so much I don't know what to do with myself. I want to be there for you, I want to make you happy, I want to spend every second I can with you, I want to be the one who makes you smile, the one who you can turn to. I... I want to hold your hand, Reg, and hold you, kiss you, to just be something with you. I just... it's not romantic. I don't know what it is, but I know it's not that, please don't think I'm crazy. I love you a lot, and I don't even know what I'm saying at this point but... I like you, love you. Yeah. That's what it is. And it's fine, I understand if you don't want to be anything or you're uncomfortable—"
"Potter, shut up." Regulus cut him off, short and authoritative, even despite the flush that was now painting his cheeks.
James went quiet immediately, heart beating in his chest, not even noticing the blush. Had he made it worse? He probably made it worse. He'd ruined the friendship, Regulus was going to hate him now. He was going to never be able to think of James, or even be around him, without thinking about the fact that James liked him, and not even normally.
"I can practically hear you thinking, that's no better." Regulus huffed.
James opened his mouth, but Regulus continued.
"I'm not uncomfortable. Nor do I think you're crazy. I've heard a similar sentiment from Barty before, not towards me, but toward someone else..." And quieter, he added, "I'd... like to be something."
Did James just hear him right? Or was he dreaming? He thinks he might be dreaming.
"You would?"
He nodded. "Yes, James. I want to be something. I was thinking your boyfriend, but if you don't want that-"
"No- no! I do, I just don't want it to be—"
"Romantic."
James nodded. "Is that possible? It's just... partners? That's kinda like what we'd be."
Regulus wasn't all too sure himself. Though, it it made James more comfortable, and it felt okay enough... it should be fine. Right?
He shrugged. "I suppose it could be."
James nodded, still not completely sure that this was real. "So... we're in a relationship? Of some sort?"
"Yes, James."
"Oh." He mumbled, a smile forming on his face. "Oh. We're in a relationship. For real? Wow. I- I can't believe it."
Regulus huffed, picking his book back up. "You better believe it, otherwise I'm taking it back."
James shook his head, scrambling onto the bed to hug him, despite Regulus tensing up for a moment, smiling up at him. "Thank you."
"There's nothing to thank." He didn't look at him, face going red again.
"I feel like there is."
"Well, there's not."
"Still, thank you." James smiled even wider. He didn't think this would've gone this way, but he was happy. Oh, he was so happy. They were something. And that's all he ever wanted.