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all i do is bleed into someone else

Summary:

Birthdays, Izzy scoffed mentally every time another one of his supposedly battle hardened pirates wished hard on a candle. Only idiots thought wishes could actually come true. Only fools believed anyone actually loved them enough to put them first for a whole day.

Notes:

I have had this one sitting in my drafts for years - I’m fairly certain it was for a fandom event celebrating Izzy Hands’ birthday. Recently I’ve been getting back into writing and had a burst of inspiration to finish off the story, so here it is! Please enjoy Izzy getting pampered along with free therapy.

Title is from “To Be Loved” by Adele.

Work Text:

Israel Hands hated birthdays. What was the point in counting how many years he’d managed to drag his weathered carcass around the sun? Especially now that he was on the other side of fifty, it just reminded him how close he was to sailing over the horizon. He couldn’t help being morbid; he’d seen enough death to know that when it was your time, it was your time. He’d learned as a boy that anyone who thought they deserved an entire day all about them was ducking for a smack and a bit arrogant besides. Hell, if he really wanted a reminder of his own mortality, he could just focus on the stabs of pain as he limped around on his wooden leg. 

 

Birthdays, he scoffed mentally every time another one of his supposedly battle hardened pirates wished hard on a candle. Only idiots thought wishes could actually come true. Only fools believed anyone actually loved them enough to put them first for a whole day. 

 

The rest of his crew strongly disagreed. Izzy had thought Bonnet’s departure might relax their need to celebrate every bloody thing, but no. If anything, their exuberance at finally being free of Ed made them even more likely to throw parties for no logical reason. Birthdays were an excuse to break out whatever rum they had left from their last raid and sing terrible, off-key renditions of every pirate song imaginable. 

 

Lucius took charge of recording everyone’s birthday and favorite holidays, naturally. Izzy had managed to find something essential to be doing whenever he came around with his log book, recording Pete’s childhood traditions or getting Frenchie to share every song he could play by heart. He would have avoided the lad entirely if he could have. 

 

Alas, they were currently sharing a bed, with Lucius snuggled into his chest. This was an arrangement he absolutely did not want to interrupt. 

 

“Babe,” Lucius murmured, rolling over to face Izzy. “You’re the only one missing from my list.” 

 

“What list,” Izzy grunted, as though Lucius’ project hadn’t been the talk of the crew for the last few days. 

 

“My celebration list,” the lad yawned, sitting up. Izzy missed his warmth as Lucius reached across the bed to get his logbook. “I don’t have your birthday listed, other than the fact that the dinosaurs were invited to your christening.” 

 

Izzy chuckled lightly at the joke, playing it off. Maybe if Lucius didn’t realize how serious he was about hating birthdays he’d be more likely to let it go. “Not just dinosaurs, Adam and Eve were my godparents.” 

 

Lucius smiled, leaning against the wall. “Seriously though, when were you born? Promise I don’t need a year.” He winked. 

 

Ah, well. There was no getting around it. Izzy sighed, not meeting Lucius’ gaze. “Not sure, to be honest. It was in the spring, or at least that’s what my mum said.” 

 

The lad stiffened. Izzy contained the urge to scowl. Lucius always got like this when Izzy brought up his childhood. To him there was no use crying over spilled milk, but Lucius had this idea that Izzy needed to reckon with it all. 

 

“Surely someone must have known? Weren’t you pressed into the navy at some point?” Lucius’ brow furrowed, lost in thought. “More importantly… are you saying no one’s ever done anything for you on your birthday?”

 

“Shockingly, Spriggs, Mum had more important things to do than make sure I got a bonbon and a pat on the head.” Izzy knew he sounded bitter, but he really wasn’t, at least not towards his mum. She’d done her best with a shitty hand from the universe.   

 

Lucius didn’t seem to agree. He crossed his arms. “I mean there has to be some kind of clue? Did she ever mention a holiday you were born near, or if you were christened? If you were, maybe there’s a record somewhere.”

 

Izzy swung his legs over the side of the bed. The lovely feeling he had from holding Lucius in his arms all night was fading fast, annoyance taking over. “All she ever said was that I was the most difficult birth out of all her children. Took three days and I got stuck. Midwife had to yank me out and it hurt like a motherfucker, she claimed. There’s no way I was christened, either. Priest wouldn’t let my mum or any of us near the church.” 

 

He laughed, not able to bite back the anger at how that dirty old priest had never helped any of the poor families who lived around St. Giles. “Probably thought we’d steal all the gold plates or corrupt the good children with our tales from the docks.”

 

He was third of eight children, his mother relying on the sailors’ coins from her begging and whoring to put food on the table. As soon as he’d been old enough, he’d joined her. The magic of blowing out a candle wasn’t top of mind for any of them. He was lucky she even remembered giving birth to him at all. By the end of her life she’d been mad with drink and disease. Izzy shoved the memories away, deliberately ignoring the pain in his chest. He didn’t like to think of his mother loveless and forgotten. She deserved so much better. 

 

Lucius paused his questioning, correctly reading Izzy’s silence as a boundary. Izzy hoped that would be the end of it. As he buckled his leg into place, Lucius sidled up alongside him, hugging him tightly. 

 

Izzy sighed, leaning into the hug. He knew the lad didn’t mean any harm, and he didn’t want to part angry. 

 

“Why don’t you just give me a birthday, then? Pick a day, write it in your ledger.” 

 

Lucius perked up immediately. “Really? You’d trust me to do that?” 

 

“‘Course, but I’m warning you now that I don’t want any fuss, you understand?” Izzy tousled Lucius’ hair. “Most I’ll tolerate is one of Roach’s little pound cake things.” 

 

His lad smirked. “I’m sure I could be more creative than that.” 

 

He grasped the scruff of Lucius’ neck and kissed him on the lips, hard. Lucius moaned in surprised delight. “I’m sure you could,” Izzy murmured as they parted. “Don’t save any of your sex magic for some stupid day though. I’ll take that any time.” 


Months passed. Izzy forgot about Lucius’ task of choosing a birthday even as he reluctantly participated in a few celebrations for others. They’d managed to get through the lion’s share of fall and winter unscathed with a surplus of supplies, a circumstance that shocked him considering how wasteful his crew could be. He had to admit, he’d thought being captain of the Revenge would be harder work. Maybe that was what happened when you ruled with respect and competence rather than fear and bluster. 

 

January came in with a whimper, the weather clearing unexpectedly one day out from Tortuga. Sensing that the crew needed some time on land, Izzy decided they could stay in port longer than planned. It was the closest thing to a vacation they’d get. Everyone began making plans, eagerly discussing various establishments they’d frequent. Lucius was surprisingly quiet about it, but Izzy let it go. His lad could be moody at times, not to mention the fact that he had a disgruntled ex at nearly every port. 

 

One especially balmy morning, Izzy awoke to Roach and Pete in his cabin. 

 

Startled, he launched out of bed. “Jesus fucking Christ, the hell are you two doing in here?” He nearly toppled over a carefully arranged tray of food as he lurched forward. 

 

Izzy rubbed his eyes and took a good look at the spread before him. Everything on the plate was wildly impractical - hot buns covered in what looked like cinnamon, tea cakes with honey, even sausages. Next to the food was a large mug of hot chocolate rather than his usual black coffee. 

 

Pete didn’t bat an eye as he moved out of Izzy’s reach. “It’s your special day, cap. We figured you deserved a nice relaxing breakfast.” 

 

“It’s all your favorites,” added Roach, who had wisely waited by the door rather than approaching Izzy’s bed. “Or at least, I guessed they were your favorites based on when you’ve asked for seconds before. You are a tough man to pin down.” 

 

He could feel the warmth of his blush on his neck. “Special day?”

 

Pete giggled. “Your birthday? Least that’s what Lucius told us. Wait til you see —” 

 

Roach whacked Pete on the back of the head. “Oi, remember what we said about surprises?” 

 

Chastened, Pete stepped back from the tray table. “Right, I forgot. Sorry boss.” 

 

Izzy didn’t know whether to thank the duo or push past them to murder Lucius. Since he’d only just gotten into the crew’s good graces, he chose the former for now. “Thank you both, this is… nice. Far too expensive and I don’t want to know how you got these ingredients but… thanks.” 

 

Roach smirked. “You bet, captain. And don’t worry, I have my ways. You just relax and enjoy some quiet with your food.” 

 

He liked that idea quite a lot. As much as he enjoyed listening to the din of conversation in the crew mess, sometimes he longed for the days that everyone was scared of him. At least then he got some peace every once and a while. 

 

Pete and Roach scurried out, no doubt to tell Lucius his plan had succeeded. Izzy would have words with the boy later, but he wasn’t truly angry. He knew his heart was in the right place. 

 

Much as he was loath to admit it, Roach’s skills were near miraculous considering what he had to work with. Izzy hadn’t had such delicious sticky buns since he was a boy stealing from the local bakery. He was warm from the inside out. 

 

Licking his fingers before downing the remainder of the hot chocolate, Izzy resolved to thank Lucius after all. He was trying not to see small luxuries as wasteful. This was an admittedly delicious reminder. 

 

Dressing quickly, he made his way to the deck to find Jim hard at work. They were barking out orders left and right, and to Izzy’s immense surprise all the day’s tasks appeared close to completion. 

 

“Morning Jim,” he said as he made his way to their side. “What’s going on? Normally we don’t make any headway until at least noon.” 

 

Jim smirked. “Buenos dias, capitán. Figured I’d help you out on your day off. I may or may not have promised everyone they could have a free afternoon on the island if they could finish everything early enough.” 

 

“Day off?” Izzy scowled. He hadn’t taken a day off in his life, unless you counted the times he’d been too sick or recently maimed to drag himself onto the deck. “Says who?” 

 

“Says your boyfriend. It’s your birthday.” They smiled. “You deserve it. You’ve been working yourself to the bone for months. There’s plenty of us who can pick up the slack.” 

 

Izzy looked across the deck and noticed Lucius deep in conversation with Pete. The lovebirds exchanged a quick peck as Pete took off to help Wee John with his work. 

 

Lucius locked eyes with Izzy, beaming. Izzy looked away. He tried to put up a causal front around Lucius and Pete, but there was something about seeing them together that reminded him that he was Lucius’ second partner. He was grateful for the amount of attention the lad managed to pay him and didn’t want to rock the proverbial boat in asking for more. He just wished that he could get over his fears about not being good enough for Lucius. After all, if he gave the lad everything he needed, wouldn’t he not have to seek it out with someone else?

 

He returned his attention to Jim and the problem of this “day off.” He couldn’t have the crew thinking he was some lazy ponce, sitting around doing nothing while everyone else hustled. He had served under captains like that and they didn’t keep their titles for long. “Thanks all the same, Jim, but I’m feeling just fine.” 

 

“Dios, ¿porque hiciste tan estúpido a un hombre tan inteligente?” Jim gazed heavenward and rolled their eyes. “It’s not about whether you can do the work, capitán. Nobody doubts your talent or your ability. Everyone deserves a day off every once and a while. You especially, considering I don’t think I’ve seen you take a shift off in all the time I’ve known you.” 

 

Jim reached out and clapped Izzy on the shoulder. “Just sit in the sun, get Lucius to read you a story or something. Bliss out.” 

 

Izzy was about to protest when Lucius joined them, practically skipping as he crossed the deck. “Morning, old man,” he teased, hugging Izzy’s waist. “Did you enjoy your breakfast treat?” 

 

“I did,” Izzy replied, resisting the urge to take a step away. Lucius had a thing about showing affection in front of the crew. Izzy was wary, but the nonchalance from the others about it was slowly making it easier. “But now Jim is telling me that you’ve decided I’m to have a day off?” 

 

Lucius pouted. “Well you don’t have to sound so miserable about it.” 

 

Izzy pinched the bridge of his nose. He didn’t know how to explain that his work kept him grounded, reminded him of who he was. “I appreciate it, really, I do. But I don’t need special treatment. No one else has taken a day off on their birthday.” 

 

“Yeah, but no one else on this ship refuses breaks as much as you either,” Jim pointed out. 

 

“And I have so much planned for you that can only be enjoyed if you’re not busy sulking and pretending to do the tasks that the crew have already finished for you.” Lucius smirked. 

 

Sensing this battle would not be won, Izzy sighed. “Fine. You’re right, Jim has seen to it there’s barely anything left to be done.” 

 

Lucius beamed, linking his arm through Izzy’s. “Excellent, knew you’d see reason. Jim, you’ll call us if the ship’s on fire or something?” 

 

“Of course,” Jim winked. “Enjoy your alone time, gentlemen.” 

 

Izzy let Lucius lead him below decks to the captain’s quarters. Despite the rooms technically belonging to Izzy now, he’d mostly chosen to stay in his old cabin. The space didn’t feel like his own, not with reminders of Ed and Stede everywhere. He supposed Lucius wanted to use the larger bed for his surprise, assuming it was of the sexual variety. 

 

Nothing could have prepared Izzy for the sight that awaited him when Lucius opened the door, beaming. The entire cabin had been transformed. Dark green paint covered the walls, with new colorful patterned rugs to match. There was a brand new bed, much larger than the one that had been there before. The whole place smelled of mint and eucalyptus – how had Lucius known they were Izzy’s favorite scents? The place was still gentlemanly and fit for a captain… but it also fit Izzy. 

 

“Lucius… how… when?” he somehow managed to stutter. 

 

Lucius clapped his hands, looking like the cat that ate the canary. “A magician never reveals his secrets, darling. Takes away all the mystique.” 

 

Izzy did a lap around the main room, noting that someone had already moved all his paperwork from the tiny desk in his old cabin to a brand new desk facing the windows. 

 

Lucius gently kissed Izzy’s cheek. “Do you like what you’ve seen so far? We can always change it for you. I have grander plans, but I didn’t want to, like, kill you. Slow and steady and whatnot.” 

 

Izzy leaned back against the door, hugging Lucius’ waist and pulling him in. “I love it,” he admitted, whispering to hide the lump that formed in his throat. As much as he’d believed that Lucius cared for him as more than just a new notch in his bedpost, the amount of effort that had clearly been put into making this new space proved it. 

 

Lucius smiled larger than Izzy had ever seen it. “Well then,” he said, “you're going to love what I have planned for you.” 

 

He started pulling Izzy towards the bed. Izzy couldn't control his anticipation. As sweet as it was to have Lucius do nice things for him, their relationship thus far had been defined by some pretty spectacular sex. Whatever Lucius had planned for this birthday fireworks celebration, he knew it would be well worth the wait. 

 

Izzy started to get undressed, eagerly moving towards the bed. Just as he’d gotten his top off, Lucius stopped him. “Not quite yet, there'll be plenty of time for that later. Right now I had… well, I had a different idea in mind.” 

 

Izzy was confused. “A different idea? What, like a roleplay kind of thing?” 

 

Lucius giggled nervously. “No, not like that… though again, not opposed in theory. When I was thinking about what to get you for your birthday, I thought that no one had ever really given you a full day just about you before. Then I realized that before you and I got together you hadn't really been with anyone else… Well unless you count Ed, and I personally don't. No one’s ever just pampered you and made you feel good about yourself without expecting something in return. I want to do that for you.” 

 

Izzy sat down on the edge of the bed, now properly confused. “What, like face masks and getting my nails done and talking about our feelings? That kind of thing?” 

 

Lucius snorted. “No, I know that that would actually be a form of torture for you. I just wanted to make you feel good not just in a sexy way, but in, like, a human way. Starting with this.”

 

He got up and opened the door to the closet, careful to angle it so that Izzy couldn't see what else was inside. He returned to the bed with what looked like a small gallon of oil. 

 

“I don't think you've ever had a proper massage before, have you?” 

 

Izzy shook his head, not really trusting himself to speak. Lucius nodded. “Well good, then I'll be the first.” 

 

He gently put the oil down next to the bed and knelt next to Izzy's legs. “Can I take your leg off?” Lucius asked, careful not to touch the leg until he responded either way. 

 

Izzy nodded, touched by the gesture and the sight of his lad kneeling before him. He couldn’t resist the urge to run his hand through Lucius’s hair. “Of course, I trust you.” 

 

Lucius ever so carefully removed the leg and put it to the side, making sure it was in Izzy’s view. “Thank you, love. Can you lay down on your stomach for me? You can make yourself comfy however you like.” 

 

While Lucius fiddled with the oil, Izzy rearranged the pillows, placing one under his hips. He was almost completely comfortable, but the knee on his full leg was twinging because of the pressure. He couldn’t fix that without causing his hip to go out of alignment, which would make things even worse. 

 

“What are you thinking about?” Lucius teased as he got on the bed. 

 

“Thinking about old man things, don’t trouble yourself, love.” Izzy decided he’d just put up with the occasional sparks of pain through his knee. He didn’t want Lucius to think he wasn’t enjoying the gift. 

 

But his lad was smarter than that. Though Izzy couldn’t see him from this angle, he could picture the sass that must have shown on Lucius’ face based on the long pause that followed his white lie. 

 

“Let me guess… you’re trying to decide whether or not to tell me you’re uncomfortable so you won’t ruin my surprise? Even though the whole entire point is for you to be relaxed and pain free?”

 

Izzy shrugged. “Lucius, this body has been through a lot. Pain free is aiming extremely high. There’s tradeoffs in every move I make. My knee is acting up a bit, but on the whole I feel just fine.”

 

The mattress shifted. Lucius got off the bed. Izzy could hear his footsteps move away, then return. “Can I move your leg a bit?” 

 

“Knock yourself out,” Izzy mumbled. It was sweet that Lucius thought he could fix years of bodily abuse in a day. 

 

He glanced backwards, watching as Lucius gently maneuvered his leg sideways and slid a pillow under his lower thigh. The sharp pain receded to a dull ache, still present but much easier to ignore. 

 

“Better?” Lucius asked, running his hand down Izzy’s back affectionately. 

 

“Much,” Izzy mumbled, setting into the bed. 

 

“Good,” Lucius responded, moving to Izzy’s side and opening the oil. “I just want you to know that you can ask for what you want with me, yeah? Sometimes…” 

 

Pausing to cover his hands in the oil, Lucius began massaging Izzy’s back. Izzy couldn’t tell if he was genuinely preoccupied or stalling. 

 

“Sometimes, I get worried that you’re only saying yes to what I suggest because you’re afraid of losing me.” 

 

The warmth of the oil made Izzy’s back numb and fuzzy, almost like floating in a tropical sea. But Lucius’ confession made his shoulders rise to his ears with tension. “Don’t mean to. Just not… not used to having much of a say I guess. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, and all.”

 

Lucius’ touch was feather light as he carefully kneaded Izzy’s shoulders. He was drifting away.

 

It made Izzy more honest than he might have been under normal circumstances. “The way you just ask for what you want, expecting to get it… it’s brave. I admire it. Guess I just… never really had the confidence that you have.” 

 

“Hmm, suppose that’s true in some ways,” Lucius mused as he started to lean into the touch more, pushing deeper into Izzy’s back. “But I think it’s more that you’re, like, kind of a tactical genius. You’ve been reading rooms and people your whole life looking for danger. Makes sense you wouldn’t let yourself want anything. That’s dangerous for you.” 

 

He leaned away from Izzy then to grab another bottle, making him miss the lad’s weight immediately. Lucius poured the mystery liquid on top of the oil on Izzy’s back, filling the air with the smell of mint. 

 

“Now that you’re with us… with me… I just want to help you feel safe enough to ask for what you want.” He massaged the minty scent in with the oil, sending a pleasant tingling down Izzy’s spine. “You deserve it. And even if my answer is no for some reason, it’s not a problem that you ask.” 

 

Izzy’s breathing grew shallow as Lucius continued his massage, moving down his legs. He took care around Izzy’s stump, which while unsurprising was greatly appreciated. Izzy couldn’t help the sigh of pleasure that escaped him.

 

Although he was more relaxed than he had been in, oh, years at this point, Izzy could still feel the flash of fear in his gut that seeing Lucius with Pete had inspired earlier. His lad was wonderful, taking such good care of him. Having his undivided attention always felt a bit like having the sun shine on you after a cloudy day. Selfishly, he wished he could have it all the time. 

 

Lucius’ massaging began to slow, then stop entirely. Though Izzy’s eyes were closed, he could hear the sound of fabric rustling. A moment passed before Lucius joined him in bed, pants on and shirt off. 

 

“If it’s okay with you, I thought we might have some time to lie together?” Lucius snuggled under Izzy’s outstretched arm, playing the little spoon. “As much as I thoroughly enjoy our usual bed activities, I’ve wanted to do this with you for a long time.”

 

“What, cuddling?” Izzy scoffed as Lucius nestled into his arms. “Don’t get me wrong, I love holding you, but… just seems a little more basic than your experience level.” 

 

“Experience has nothing to do with it. My wants and needs fluctuate based on who I’m with, how I’m feeling… whether a certain captain looks at me funny while I’m working.” Lucius squeezed Izzy’s hand. “I don’t know about you, but sometimes just being held like this is more intimate than getting railed.” 

 

Izzy choked on a laugh. God, he loved the lad’s bluntness. “Well, good to know I’ve got room to improve.” 

 

“No improvement needed, perfect just as you are. Well, maybe a few minor tweaks.” Lucius patted Izzy’s thigh affectionately. 

 

They lay in silence for a bit, the only sounds coming from the sea outside and occasional shouts from the crew. Lucius was a chatterbox, which Izzy adored (as much as he pretended not to). His silence provided a rare peek at a different, gentler man. He never wanted to see Lucius truly vulnerable, but in a safe space like this it was a gift. 

 

It gave Izzy courage to speak his mind. “Lucius…”

 

”Mhmm?” 

 

“…can I ask you something? About you and Pete?” 

 

“‘Course,” Lucius yawned, turning over so he faced Izzy. “Fire away.” 

 

“When you’re with me, do you miss him?” Do you wish I was him, he thought but did not say. 

 

“Define ‘miss.’”

 

That would require voicing too many of his fears at once. He shrugged. “Just, you know, wishing he was here. Or thinking about another time with him.” 

 

“This feels like a sitting up conversation.” Lucius shuffled up towards the head of the bed. He maneuvered Izzy so he was between Lucius’ legs, being held against his chest. 

 

“Do I miss him? No, because I know I’ll see him soon. When I’m with him I’m with him, and when I’m with you I’m with you. Life’s too short to be wishing I was somewhere else all the time. Instead of wishing, I’d just go.” 

 

He kissed Izzy’s head. “So if I’m here with you, it’s because I really want to be. Same with Pete. You’re both wonderful in different ways. I’d be lost without the pair of you.” 

 

“You were happy before. You’d get along just fine.” 

 

Izzy wasn’t one to fish for compliments. Lord knows, they’d come around so rarely that he was unaccustomed to one being directed at him, never mind expressing a desire for one. Lucius brought out the needy child in him that had never had the chance to exist. 

 

“Do you really believe that?” Lucius asked softly, playing with Izzy’s hair. 

 

He shrugged, not wanting to disappoint the lad with his answer. Lucius could use his fancy words but the truth was the truth. 

 

“Israel Hands, you are an extremely frustrating person.” 

 

“I’m aware,” he answered drily. 

 

“Pete and I were happy, it’s true. We were content. We both had our trysts and lived to tell the tale. He brought a lot of silliness into my life that was missing, really made me commit for the first time.” 

 

Lucius started massaging Izzy’s shoulders. “You, you were different. You were so easy to bait yet anything more than teasing, you pushed away. You didn’t give affection freely or easily. At first I thought you’d be dynamite in the sack because of all that angry repression. You were, by the way. I’d never had someone so hungry for me before.”

 

He patted Izzy’s shoulder affectionately. “But… then I realized how much more you could offer if someone just gave you a chance.” 

 

Izzy’s eyes were closed. He was uncharacteristically vulnerable, even more so than he usually was with Lucius. “I’d do anything you asked. You know that.” 

 

“I do. It scares me a little. You were Blackbeard’s right hand man in the name of single minded loyalty and it nearly destroyed you. I don’t want that for you or for me.”

 

“I guess...” Izzy figured he’d go for broke. “I guess, for me, love’s only ever been about devotion to a cause, or a person. It’s impossible for me to picture caring for more than one person at a time like that. You’re different from me,  I get it. I love that you love... broadly. I’ve just never had someone who only wanted me. When you’re with him, I can’t stop thinking that I’ve failed you, and that’s why I’m not enough on my own.” 

 

“Oh, babe,” Lucius sighed, squeezing his legs tighter around Izzy’s midsection. The pressure was comforting. “Have you always felt like that about Pete and I? I’m sorry I didn’t notice sooner.” 

 

“I like Pete well enough, it’s not really about him. You’ve been open from the start about it all; you’ve not been unfair. It’s my burden to bear, if you can call it that.” 

 

“Yeah, well, feelings don’t always care about what’s fair. Thank you for telling me. I know you’d rather walk over hot coals than admit any of this. For the record, you’ve given me more than I ever thought would be possible. You’ve never failed me. ” 

 

Lucius untangled himself from Izzy, moving so they were facing each other again. He took Izzy’s hands, thumbs making little circles across his knuckles over and over. The sensation was comforting. 

 

“You get to tell me you’re uncomfortable or scared. You are allowed to ask for more affection or alone time or whatever you need… even if you don’t really know what that is.” 

 

“I don’t want to take from Pete,” Izzy protested. “I don’t want to be someone you have to manage.” 

 

“It’s not really taking though. There will be times he needs me more, and there will be times that you need me more. There will also be plenty of times I’ll need the both of you, or one of you, or any combination. The most important part of us all being together is feeling safe enough to be honest about when we’re hurting.” 

 

Lucius touched his forehead to Izzy’s. Izzy closed his eyes, savoring the closeness. 

 

“I love you,” Lucius whispered. “You are not a problem for me to solve, or a headache. I don’t ever want to ‘manage’ you. I want to listen to you, to give you what you need and what you want. You deserve to express yourself without worrying I’m going to sprint away at the first sign of trouble.”

 

Izzy knew Lucius meant every word. The tight knot of worry in his chest unwound a bit. He suspected it would always be there. He would have to hope it would grow smaller the more Lucius persisted in remaking his expectations of what love could be. 

 

“Thank you, love,” Izzy whispered back, nuzzling into Lucius’ neck. “I know you’re sincere, I do. Forgive me if it takes time, I’m an old dog learning new tricks.” 

 

“And you’re so good at tricks,” Lucius teased in a far more gentle tone than usual. 

 

They both laughed. Izzy was lighter than he had been when they entered the room. 

 

“We’d probably best be getting back, unless you’ve planned a bloody parade or something as well.” 

 

“Alas, no parade, but you are the star of story time this evening.” 

 

Izzy groaned in protest, but deep down he was enjoying all this hullabaloo more than he’d ever admit. He had a certain terrifying reputation to uphold, tattered as it was at this point. 

 

“Fine,” he grumbled. “You’re lucky you’re so pretty.” 

 

Lucius sat up, preening like a spoiled cat. “Not the first time I’ve heard that and I doubt it will be the last.” 

 

“Certainly not as long as I’m around,” Izzy promised. 

 

Life was long in many ways, but in piracy, nothing was guaranteed. Every year that passed was another gift from the sea. Izzy Hnads decided he wouldn’t waste another moment of it on fear. He was loved, cherished even. That was enough.