Chapter Text
It’s Remus’s favorite part of the year. Going to Hogwarts. It might only be 2 months out of the year, but it’s his favorite.
2 whole months of not feeling like he has to take care of Lyall and his bum ass.
It’s perfect.
Remus and his best friend, Lily, have been going to Hogwarts every summer since they were 8 (the youngest you can be at camp.)
He pulls into Lily’s driveway and she’s standing there waiting, suitcase in hand. After tossing her suitcase in the trunk, she plops into the passenger seat, weird look on her face.
“What?” Remus asks. How can something already be wrong?
“I just got horrible news from Minnie.” She sounds like it’s the worst possible thing that could have happened. Minnie is one of the counselors that they both had when they were kids. She is now head of hiring and training new ones.
“Shit. What? Is everything Ok?” She sighs and buckles her seatbelt.
“Don’t start driving yet. This might cause a crash.” Remus’s head is spinning, is something wrong at camp? Is it closing?
“Lily, you’re freaking me out! What is it?” She sighs again and turns to face Remus.
“There’s too many kids this year so they had to hire two more counselors.” Remus sighs in relief and smacks her on the arm.
“Ay, Dios mío! Sorry, Jesus. You freaked me out! I thought you were gonna say camp was closing or something!”
“Rem, it’s who she hired that has me like this. You’re not gonna believe it.” Remus rolls his eyes with a smile.
“Can’t be worse than Severus.” Lily chuckles but then goes back to her horrified expression.
“James and Sirius Potter…” Remus’s heart falls into his stomach.
Mierda.
“The perfect summer does not and will not ever include Sirius Potter.” Remus grumbles. They’re almost there, about 45 minutes in, and still discussing the horrors.
“But we’re going to make it happen anyways, Rem. James and Sirius Potter are not ruining our special place.” Lily sounds like she’s certain, and Remus wants to believe her, but how can he?
Luckily, Remus had already been at Hogwarts a year before James and Sirius arrived. He already had friends and requested roommates so he didn’t have to room with them.
James never really bothered Remus too much, but made Lily’s life miserable. He was always bothering her and then, when they got to be of a certain age, humiliated her constantly by trying to ask her out very publicly.
Sirius Potter (formerly Sirius Black before the Potter family adopted him) drove Remus absolutely insane. From the moment Remus met him, he was nothing but annoying, getting him in trouble and, frankly, rude. Remus hated bullies, couldn’t stand them.
Sirius was also, annoyingly enough, probably the most gorgeous human that Remus knew in real life. Remus did not have a crush on him, he has standards. But being bisexual, he can appreciate when someone is attractive. (Even if that person is stubbing your toe in human form.) Sirius let his hair grow long during his last summer at camp and it was the cause of many dreams that Lily made fun of him for.
He’s over that now. Obviously.
The only redeeming quality they both had was how much they hated Severus. (And maybe the pranks they pulled on him were funny… but he’d never tell them that.)
Hogwarts was still fun, the Potters didn’t take it away from them. Both James and Sirius stopped coming when they were too old, at 14, the summer before freshman year of high school. Lily and Remus continued on as counselors and it has been 3 years of peace and bliss.
Until now.
They pull into the counselor parking lot, and even though they’re both still annoyed about the Potter boys, Remus feels his body start to relax.
This is home.
They walk into the office to check in with Minnie. Two people are already standing there and Remus knows who they are immediately.
James and Sirius had to beat them here. They couldn’t even unpack before they were forced to be around them.
“Remus, Lily!” Minnie exclaims, smiling widely. She steps towards them and James and Sirius turn around too.
Fuck.
Much to Remus’s dismay, Sirius has gotten more attractive. He wasn’t even sure that was possible, but it is. Freaking asshole. He looks effortlessly cool— a white baby tee with, but daddy, I love him!, across the chest in red letters, black skinny jeans and black boots (it’s summer, what is this guy doing?). His hair is long, slightly curly, and falling down in a way that looks natural but probably took a long time.
Fuck.
There might be another reason Remus hates Sirius so much.
A reason that he never even told Lily because 1. He was so confused and 2. She would have laughed in his face and judged him for all eternity…
He and Sirius had kissed.
Once.
And it wasn’t something he went around advertising, obviously. Besides the fact that Sirius had asked him not to tell anyone… he didn’t want people to know.
4 years ago…
“Rem, I’m pretty sure that being bisexual means that you can get twice as many people you want. Don’t see how anyone would be mad about that. Now it could just be a dude that you want.” Pete said, winking and giving him a sort of half hug. Remus sighed in relief. Peter was the last of his friends who didn’t know he was bi, and now he feels a million times better.
“Yeah! Dudes like you, Petey!” A new voice says. Remus feels his good mood immediately sour. Sirius Bl—Potter. Of fucking course.
“Peter’s my friend. I know you only have one so the concept might confuse you.” Remus stood up, turning around, Sirius was not going to ruin this night.
Of course, because he can’t help it or something, Sirius follows.
“C’mon Lupin, I was just messing around. I think it’s great you’re bi! Let’s find you a boyfriend! What’s your type?” Remus stops abruptly, turning around, almost crashing into Sirius. He feels a smug sense of superiority being taller than Sirius now. He had always been about the same height, but last year it seems that Sirius stopped growing and Remus just kept on.
“Sirius, mind your own business.” Sirius smiles and Remus wants to punt him.
“Just trying to help you get laid. Isn’t that what you want? I can help! What’s your type of guy?”
“You know I’m bi, right? So if you were really trying to help and not be an asshole or biphobic, you’d just ask my type of person.”
“I’m not biphobic!” Sirius says, and he looks offended. Good.
“Well, you’re acting like you are. Why do you wanna know my type of guy? You’re not it, so it doesn’t really matter.” That was a lie. Sirius would totally be his type… if he wasn’t so goddamn insufferable. Sirius spluttered and coughed… which sort of turned into a laugh.
“I—I don’t care if I’m your type! Like I said, I’m just trying to help you get laid. We’re getting older, ya know!” Remus rolls his eyes.
“I don’t need your help with that. Contrary to what you might think, I’m all good in that department.” Remus turns around again, hoping to leave it there.
“So you have a partner, then?” Sirius says, stepping in line with him. Remus sighs and stops walking again, turning to him.
“No. I’ve kissed a few people. Not that it’s any of your business.” Remus can’t read Sirius’s expression. If he’s homophobic, that’s just another reason to hate him.
“You’ve kissed people?” He says it like it’s shocking. Like it’s crazy that someone would kiss Remus. Fucking asshole.
“Fuck you, Sirius.” Remus says heatedly. Sirius sighs.
“I didn’t mean— I just… like you’ve kissed guys?” He says this part small… quiet. Remus didn’t even know Sirius was capable of that.
“Yes.” Why is he even entertaining this asshole’s questions?
“Oh.” Sirius is just standing there. For once his body is fully unmoving. He’s so full of energy, usually. “Like you’ve…”
“Sirius, what the fuck? I mean, we’re not friends. What is this?” Sirius says nothing for a few more moments.
“It’s just… it’s…” And then, Remus is sure the next thing that happens has to be a dream. He surges forward and up, grabbing Remus’s face and kisses him. It’s over before Remus can even process what’s happening. “Oh my god… I… fuck. I… you won’t tell anyone, right?”
“I… what!?” Sirius looks terrified, Remus has never seen him look anything other than charming, handsome and smug. He doesn’t say anything. He bolts, runs in the other direction faster than Remus has ever seen anyone run.
¿Qué chingados?
Anyway… Details aren’t important, they kissed, Sirius ran off, was a complete asshole to him the next day, and they had never spoken again.
Until now, he supposes.
It’s fine. You’re fine. You’re 18, you’re going to college in 2 months. You’re an adult.
James Potter doesn’t look quite as effortlessly cool as Sirius does, but he is still a gorgeous man. His hair is not quite as long as Sirius’s, but long enough to showcase his curls, and he’s wearing a brown polo shirt with blue jeans. A look that shouldn’t be so attractive on someone, but James Potter could probably wear a garbage bag and look beautiful.
“Minnie!” Lily says cheerily. She’s either a much better actor or meant it when she said that they won’t ruin their special place. “It’s so good to see you!” Minnie smiles and nods.
“You both as well. You probably remember James and Sirius Potter, yes? They went to camp the same time as you.” She gestures to the two boys, who wave sheepishly.
“Yup.” They both say in monotone unison, glance at each other, exchange smiles and turn back to Minnie, straight faced.
“Well, wonderful! You two can help them get acquainted in the counselor cabins and show them the ropes. If you recall, Dorcas and Marlene helped you two when you started as counselors, I’d like you to be their mentors!”
Remus hoped his poker face was decent because on the inside he wants to scream. He’s hoping the ground swallows him whole.
“Oh, uh, are you sure, Minnie? I mean, uh, we’ve only been counselors for 3 years, this summer is year 4 and—“ Remus tries to start, but Minnie cuts him off.
“‘Course I’m sure! Marlene and Dorcas had only been counselors for 3 as well! You two are some of the best counselors I’ve had in years.” Sirius and James had still not said a thing, but it sounded like Minnie had already made up her mind.
She continued, “I was just telling them that housing assignments are premade, so they won’t be in the same cabin. James is going to be in the boys’ Gryffindor with Frank, Gilderoy and Josè. Sirius will be in boy’s Ravenclaw with Peter, Ahmed and you, Remus!” She smiles at him like she hasn't just delivered the worst news Remus has ever heard. Sirius catches his eye and gives him a small smile, Remus does not return it.
“Oh, uh…” Remus starts, unsure of what to say. Wanting to scream or throw himself on the floor.
“Remus can show you to your cabin, Sirius. Lily, you can show James to his. So glad to be back!” Minnie turns and heads into her office, leaving the four of them standing there with the most awkward silence of Remus’s life.
“Well, Evans. You’re looking well. Lupin, you too! Uh… good to see you both.” James says smiling. His smile is bright and blinding.
“Right.” Lily says, unenthused. “Well, c’mon then, Potter. Sirius, you’ll follow Rem—“
“Uh, I can show James. You take Sirius.” Remus blurts. The thought of walking around alone with Sirius makes Remus want to carve his eye out with a rusty spoon. Lily blinks and raises her eyebrows.
“Uh… I mean, that doesn’t really make any sense, Rem. You have to unpack anyway.” She’s eyeing him with her best friend eyes that tell Remus she will definitely be questioning him later.
“I… uh… could probably find the cabin myself…” Sirius says. He sounds small, like he’s scared of something. Maybe because Remus still holds his secret. Or… is it even a secret? It was probably just a straight boy trying to be funny…
“Don’t be silly, Sirius.” Lily says. Even though she doesn’t like them, rules are rules. And Lily Evans will follow them (mostly). “Rem, it just makes the most sense.” Remus sighs and grabs his bag off the ground where he’d set it. He turns to Sirius and fixes him with a withering stare.
“C’mon then.” He says, and they’re off.
It’s painfully awkward.
Painfully.
Neither of them have said anything since they started walking, Remus doesn’t really have anything to say to him anyway.
Remus does have the slight fear that he’s homophobic or biphobic… would he make a comment about sharing a space with him? Sirius clears his throat and Remus almost jumps in surprise.
“I… well. I’m uh…. I wanted to apologize.” Which is pretty much the last thing Remus was expecting him to say.
“You’re… what?” Sirius snorts and stops in his tracks, causing Remus to as well.
“Look, this is so awkward. And we both know why it’s awkward… but, uh, we’re going to be sharing a space for 2 months and having to work together for those 2 months…”
“Is that going to be a problem for you?” Remus asks before he can stop himself. Sirius quirks an eyebrow in confusion.
“You’re the one who seems to have a problem with me, Remus.” Remus scoffs and rolls his eyes.
“Hm. I wonder why. I just mean… I mean, obviously I’m not going to be hooking up with anyone at camp. But are you good sharing space with, what were your words? Right. A queer?” Sirius at least had the decency to look embarrassed. He flushed red and it didn’t make him look cuter. It didn’t.
“Remus, of course it doesn’t bother me. I… look, that’s why I’m apologizing. It was fucked and I shouldn’t have ki—done that. Nor should I have said what I did the next day. I’m—… I’m sorry.” He sounds so earnest… Remus actually believes he’s sorry.
“I… oh. Uh… okay. Thank you...” Remus says. And starts walking again.
Because that’s what he does. He moves forward instead of dealing with things.
Sirius follows immediately. Of course he does.
There’s too much noise in his head. Because Sirius Potter just apologized to him. What the hell does that mean?
”Remus? Are you okay?” Sirius asks. He sounds concerned, like he actually gives a shit.
“Dios… deja de hacer eso.” Sirius quirks an eyebrow in confusion.
“Wait, what?” Sirius asks. Remus turns slightly, already annoyed at himself for being heard.
“What?”
“What did you say?” Sirius asks again. And it’s a totally valid question. But Remus doesn’t have it in him right now. He stares at Sirius for half a second too long, then shrugs.
“Nothing. Sorry.”
He absolutely does not acknowledge that his entire nervous system just betrayed him over Sirius Potter apologizing like a normal human being.
Sirius looks confused, but takes a deep breath. “I also, just… uh—actually. I mean, I guess you should probably know—“
“Remmy!” A voice breaks through Sirius’s sentence and a body practically breaks through Remus’s own. It’s Ahmed.
“What’s up, bro?” Remus says, laughing a bit and giving him a hug. Ahmed hugs him too and pulls back. He’s smiling. Ahmed’s smile brightens Remus’s mood every time.
“I missed you, man!” He says, still smiling. He glances at Sirius, back to Remus with a question in his eyes and then back to Sirius. “Damn. Sirius Potter? What, uh, what are you doing here?” Ahmed asks. And, god love him, he’s about as subtle as a nail to the head. Sirius smiles shyly and chuckles.
“Uh… you’re looking at your newest boys’ Ravenclaw counselor…” Sirius says a bit softly. Ahmed, again, has practically no poker face. All of his emotions show. He goes through a range of them, shock, horror, acceptance and the fakest smile Remus has ever seen on him.
“Oh… uh, wow! That’s— wow! Great!” He says, patting Sirius on the back in a very bro way. Sirius smiles, clearly realizing that Ahmed is trying way too hard.
“Yeah, I’m mentoring him. Lily is mentoring James.” Remus says. Ahmed laughs and then tries to play it into a cough. “I’ll see you in the cabin, Ahmed.” Remus says pointedly. Ahmed gets the message and heads forward a bit towards the boys’ Ravenclaw cabin.
“Sorry, what were you saying?” Remus says.
“Let’s just go and unpack.” Sirius says.
They both speak at the same time. Remus blinks. Sirius had definitely been about to say something before Ahmed came up.
“Ok… uh. Well, thanks for apologizing.” Remus says, leading Sirius forward towards the cabin feeling more confused than he was before.
In the cabin Remus claims his usual bed on the top bunk of the bunk beds closest to the door. Peter and Ahmed both refuse to be by the door, so Remus got it. He didn’t mind though… except that Sirius was now under him.
Perfect.
“So… there’s the counselor bonfire night before the kids come, right, Remus?” Sirius asks, as he stands up from the bed. Remus is sitting in the cozy armchair that Peter’s mom donated to them last year. Remus nods.
“Yeah, we all just usually fuck around and talk about what we did during the school year…. And we definitely do not drink.” Sirius nods with a smile.
“Right, of course.” He says, a small laugh following. It’s still awkward between them. Why wouldn’t it be? The last time they saw each other, Sirius was a complete asshole. And, granted, it does seem like he’s genuinely sorry… but Remus still doesn’t like him.
“So, uh… what made you and James want to be counselors all of a sudden?” He asks, he’s been genuinely curious since he found out.
“We applied to be counselors the first year we could.” Sirius says, completely surprising Remus again. “Minnie said she liked us a lot but there were other people she gave the jobs to. You and Lily. And I guess Peter, Ahmed and Frank. We understood. She called us about a month ago asking if we were interested because a shit ton more kids signed up.”
“Oh.” Sirius laughs, really laughs, and it’s a great sound. It’s light and airy and it has a little snort in it… and Remus is totally enamored to find out that Sirius Potter isn’t this perfect entity he’d been imagining for all these years. He actually has some quirks… that make him seem more perfect, actually.
Not that Remus likes him now or anything.
Of course not.
“You know, you don’t actually know anything about me, Remus. But you’ve sort of decided things about me, I think.” Sirius says.
And he’s right. He’s unfortunately right. Remus knows absolutely nothing about him. And he doesn’t necessarily want to know about him… but they are being forced to share a room. He can at least pretend to be interested.
Pretend.
He’s not interested.
“That’s true, I guess. Uh… are you going to college?” Remus asks. Sirius smiles and nods.
“Yep. University of Rochester.” Remus feels his veins freeze up.
“You’re— of course. You’re going to U of Rochester? I… so am I.” Sirius grins, kind of smug. Remus wants to punt him. He probably could with how much taller he is than him. “What are you studying?”
“Nursing.” Remus wonders when and if Sirius will stop surprising him.
“What are you studying?” Sirius asks. He seems genuinely curious.
“Education. I want to be a teacher.” Sirius smiles and nods.
“That completely checks out.” Remus flushes, but he’s thankful for his darker complexion because it won’t be noticeable.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sirius chuckles and shrugs.
“You’ve always loved the rules… and you’ve always loved helping people. You were tutoring people in the summers when we were campers, Remus.” He seems amused. Remus is not.
“I wasn’t—“ Except… he was. “Not officially.” Sirius snorts. “And what’s wrong with the rules? They’re there for a reason.”
“I know. There’s nothing wrong with it, Remus. I didn’t mean it in a bad way.” He keeps saying Remus’s name. As if it’s not clear he’s talking to him. What’s that about? He shrugs and stands up, walking towards the bathroom. “You’re kind of defensive, you know?” And then he walks into the bathroom and closes the door behind him.
If Remus is defensive it’s only because Sirius Potter is the most confusing person he’s ever met. He always thought he hated him, and maybe he did as a child… but now?
Well… Sirius is right. He doesn’t know a thing about him.
•••
“Siri, I already told you that you should’ve messaged Remus and apologized years ago.” James says as he’s driving them to Hogwarts. They haven’t been back in 4 years… not since Sirius made the dumbest mistake of his life.
Kissing Remus Lupin in general was not the mistake.
The mistake was how he handled it… how he did it without even asking… and then how he was a total and complete dickhead the next day…
And the fact that he hasn’t spoken to him in 4 years…
Sirius didn’t mean to kiss him.
Well, ok, he did. But not in the way it happened. He had heard Remus talking about being bisexual and as a closet case, he was intrigued. He always knew he was gay but it was the whole—admitting it to himself because his birth family were evil demons and he never thought he’d ever be allowed to be himself—thing.
So… Remus intrigued him. He always had, ever since they first met. Mostly because he didn’t immediately like him or try to be his friend. Remus was closed off and actually actively didn’t like him. So, of course, Sirius had to annoy the ever loving shit out of him.
He had to.
And so when Remus was so casually and so openly talking about being bi… maybe it triggered him… and maybe it unlocked something (like the fact that he’s had a crush on Remus for years and now it’s actually something that could be reciprocated… even if he was still in fucking Narnia at the time) and maybe he wanted to see how far he could push Remus.
And so then Sirius kissed him. And then he ran. Because the kiss did everything he knew it would— open his eyes completely. Why kissing girls felt like nothing. Why dating girls felt like hanging out with friends…
He’s gay. And after kissing Remus there was absolutely no denying. And there was no denying that he was absolutely head over heels for Remus.
Knowing that Remus didn’t like him… thinking that his birth family could still find a way to hurt him, he did what he did best. He was an asshole instead of dealing with his feelings.
And he’s pretty much regretted it every single day since.
So as he and James pull into Hogwarts and he is hit with memories like a ton of bricks, he thinks to himself, I’m going to apologize. And then, I’m going to deal with my crush.
Maybe Remus Lupin wouldn’t even be that handsome anymore. Maybe he doesn’t even still have a crush. He hasn’t seen the guy in years. All his social media is completely private so he couldn’t even see him now if he wanted to and no, James, I don’t even want to. Maybe he’ll see Remus Lupin and he’ll feel nothing.
As they’re greeted by Minnie, she seems happy. He wished that they could’ve become counselors right away, but he understood. Him and James didn’t exactly have the most astute reputation at camp… they were sort of classified as troublemakers. But Minnie always saw the best in them.
She always did.
Even when maybe they didn’t deserve it.
Especially then.
As Minnie is speaking to them about their housing and their roles, the door clicks open and she cuts herself off and yells, “Remus! Lily!” Sirius turns around, trying to aim for casual but probably failing. He’s been desperate to see Remus for 4 years.
Please be ugly, please be ugly, please be ugly, please be—
Fuck. He’s fucking gorgeous. He might be more gorgeous than he remembers and how the fuck is that fair?
Fuckity fuck fuck.
Sirius is completely screwed. Because not only does Remus Lupin look like that (and in jean shorts and an ugly T-shirt, no less…) but he’s looking at Sirius like he also completely remembers their last meeting… which duh. Not likely something you’d forget. Even if Sirius was secretly hoping he would.
It’s fine though. It’ll be fine. He’ll apologize and tell Remus that he’s gay… that it’s not an excuse, but an explanation, that his family was so fucked and he was so fucked and everything was so fucked.
And then he’ll get over this stupid non reciprocal crush on Remus Lupin. Totally easy, totally doable.
Right?