Chapter Text
Sidearms adjusted his headset and leaned forward in his chair, singing some nonsense loudly into his mic while he aimed at the hole in the wall. An enemy emerged through the wall and Side was quick to react. He shot him twice and watched the body fall. He heard footsteps behind him. Quickly, he turned and shot, killing another enemy. Now there was only one player left alive on the other team. Side knew he would be heading towards bombsite A, where he had planted the bomb earlier in the round.
Side crouched and snuck towards the bombsite, listening for the defusal. He peeked up the stairs and saw someone run past. "Pussy boy," he said into the discord call, earning a quiet laugh from the rest of the crew. Side continued to sneak towards the bombsite. When he saw the player crouch down to defuse the bomb, he shot.
An eruption of praise filled the call,
"Bidearms!"
"Daaaaamn!"
"He wins those!"
"Holy shit Side!"
"I'm him. He is me," Side replied, filling with pride.
As the next round of CSGO started, Side giggled to himself and then said, "Hey Speedy. Speedy look at this."
When Speedy's character turned to face him, he shot D4's character in the back of the head.
"What the fuck Side!" D4 shouted.
Side didn't care for the anger in D4's voice or the expletives that he continued to shout at him; all he cared about was the laughter that came from Speedy. That laugh that filled his chest with bubbles of joy and a sense of pride that he was the one who brought it out.
The game continued with a mix of callouts and jokes shared among the group before they swapped to GTA V.
This was the way it had been for over 10 years, not just the jokes but also the timing. The crew had known each long enough that every conversation, every stream, every recording session fell into the same rhythm. No one waited their turn to talk, but no one truly interrupted either. Instead, they all talked over each other, their jokes and teasing perfectly reflecting their friendships. If there was ever any quiet in the call, everyone knew that either Speedy or Side would fill it with a jab at the other.
"Speedy," Side began, "are you still recording or are you drafting up your apology tweet?"
"What apology tweet?" Speedy asked, not knowing what outrageous thing Side was going to accuse him of.
"For throwing last game."
"I didn't throw. I was faking so you could take the glory."
"I don't know man. Looked pretty tragic. You drove straight off the platform and into the ocean."
"It was tactical."
"Tactical drowning?" D20 added.
The call erupted in laughter once more but Speedy didn't hesitate, "Sometimes sacrifices have to be made."
"You sacrificed me. I was in the car too." D4 quipped.
"I sacrificed with you." Speedy corrected.
"That is actually so much worse." Side stuttered out in between his laughter.
Side smiled to himself. This was the part that people didn't understand. It has never been about the wins or the clips, but rather the space between them and the genuine joy he found when playing games with his friends. He could play the same games with them every single day and yet it never felt repetitive. Every bad play was turned into a joke and every miss was laughed at, but no one ever took offence because they all knew it was said with love.
"Alright, what's the plan?" D4 asked as the next game mode started.
"The plan is simple," Side replied. "You follow me and we win."
Speedy laughed immediately.
Side paused, "Alright, new plan. Ignore me."
"That sounds much better," Shadow said.
Side stood in the corner of the platform, waiting for the cars to approach. "Watch me clutch this."
"You have never clutched anything," Speedy retorted.
"That is not true."
"Name one"
Side hesitated. "Your mum."
The reaction hit instantly and came louder than deserved.
"Clip it," D4 said.
Side was too busy laughing to react quick enough to the approaching car.
"See," Speedy laughed as Side's body flew off the platform.
"That was obviously tactical." Side said to defend himself.
"That was obviously tactical." Speedy repeated mockingly. "You'll get 'em next time Side," he said fondly.
When the next round began, Side was determined to show them that he could clutch this.
"Behind you!" D4 yelled.
"Behind who?" Side asked.
"You!"
Side turned too late and his screen went black. "That was lag."
"You stared straight at him," Speedy said.
"I was intimidating him."
"You died instantly."
Side exhaled dramatically, "I am surrounded by haters."
"You are surrounded by reality," Shadow said.
They kept playing late into the night. Nothing felt unusual at first but once Side noticed a shift in Speedy, he couldn't ignore it. It wasn't anything obvious, nor was it something that could be easily pointed out. Side didn't know what it was at first but the more he noticed it, the more he began to question it. Speedy's timing was slowing, falling out of sync with the rest of the group.
Shadow would say something, then D4 would add to it. Normally speedy would cut through both of them and reset the tone. He was good at keeping things moving and making sure no jokes sat long enough to turn uncomfortable.
This time, however, there was a delay. Shadow had mocked D4 for dying and D4 began to defend himself. Instead of chiming in with support for D4 or piling more jokes on, Speedy just laughed. The laugh filled the space, but it didn't shape it.
Side stared at his screen, confused by the sudden change. This was an odd moment but it was small enough to not mean anything.
"No. Absolutely not," Side began. "Speedy you are not driving."
"What? Why not?" Speedy asked.
"Last time you drove, you killed your own team."
"That was one time."
"You drove straight into the ocean."
"One. Time."
"You drowned yourself and D4."
"It was tactical."
"Stop saying that."
Speedy laughed but it didn't feel right. It sounded like it should but it ended too quickly.
Side looked at the minimap in the corner of his screen.
"Are we going towards the water?"
"No."
"It feels like we are."
"We're not."
"Speedy?"
The car flew straight off the edge and rolled in the air. Everyone shouted as it exploded.
"You did it again!" Side accused.
"Nah uh. We were nowhere near the water."
"Speedy, you can't just go kamikaze and kill your team."
Speedy's voice came through Side's headphones loud and distorted. "It. Was. Tactical."
Everyone laughed loudly and waited for the next round to start.
"Oi Speedy," D4 said. "Try not to kill your team this round, yeah?"
"No promises."
"Speedy, seriously. We need to win this one."
Side waited. He knew what was coming. D4 would plead with Speedy to lock in so they could win. Speedy would either reassure D4 that he had this but then screw him over at the last second or continue joking to rile D4 up.
Instead, Speedy sighed, "Alright man."
That was it? Side asked himself.
No escalation? No follow up?
Side stared at his screen for a moment longer than necessary. That didn't match what he expected, it wasn't even close. Nothing was obviously wrong, but something was definitely not right.
"Pee break," Speedy called out. "Time me."
The call continued but to Side, it felt off. Conversations still overlapped and jokes were plentiful, but Side felt uneasy. He leaned back and glanced at discord on his other monitor.
It could be fatigue. Side reasoned to himself. It is midnight after all.
That didn't ease Side's concern because Speedy didn't usually fade. In fact, he pushed harder when something was off. He got louder and sharper. So the fact that he was slowing down felt like he was taking a step away from the group and shutting down.
"How long was that?" Speedy asked when he returned.
"Welcome back driver," D4 said.
"Try not to find the ocean this time," D20 added.
Speedy chuckled cheekily, "No promises."
They started the next game, and all seemed normal, but Side couldn't ignore the unsettled feeling creeping back into his gut. He didn't want to call it out in front of the group and he definitely didn't want to make a big deal about it while they were all still streaming. Afterall, it was such a small thing to latch on to. If he brought it up, he would be teased by everyone for obsessing over Speedy.
Side decided to keep it to himself for now. He joined back in with the conversation and made a conscious effort to keep Speedy involved. But once he had noticed the change, he couldn't stop noticing it.
Something was definitely off and whatever it was, Speedy was trying to hide it.