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The rain fell over Paris with a monotonous violence. They weren’t soft drops or an elegant storm like the ones shown in movies; it was heavy, gray rain, almost cruel.
The water struck the metal roof of the balcony with a constant noise that eventually filled every corner of the silence.
From above, the streets looked like rivers of distorted lights. Car headlights melted across the wet pavement while the wind dragged small freezing gusts into the balcony’s interior.
Julian held a cup of now-cold coffee with both hands. The warmth had disappeared long ago, but he still clung to it anyway, as if letting go would mean accepting something he still didn’t want to think about.
Beside him, Hugo remained seated against the apartment’s outer wall, a blanket partially covering their legs. The sliding door behind them was slightly open, letting a thread of warm light escape from the kitchen.
Vivian watched the rain with that expression of his that was always so difficult to read, his eyes relaxed and disturbingly still. As if he were listening to something no one else could hear.
Julian had always hated that a little.
The way Hugo seemed to understand things too quickly.
The way he always found logic even in the worst moments.
That was why talking about this with him terrified him so much.
Because he already knew exactly what the right answer would be.
“Re Al contacted me again today.” His voice almost disappeared beneath the sound of the storm.
Hugo didn’t react immediately. He only turned his head slightly toward him, attentive. Loki let out a small dry laugh.
“This time it was a formal offer.” He added, taking a sip of his coffee. “I guess I should feel happy.”
Anyone else would’ve smiled, would’ve gotten excited as if their home country had just won the World Cup.
It was Re Al The club every player dreamed of even seeing up close.
The perfect opportunity.
The dream of thousands.
The natural evolution for someone like Julian Loki.
Then the dark-skinned man lowered his gaze toward the dark coffee inside the cup.
“I think.. I’m going to accept.” He said it slowly, as if saying it out loud made it irreversible.
The wind slammed harder against the balcony.
Hugo remained silent.
And that hurt Loki even more.
Because he knew Hugo’s silences far too well. He knew when he was confused, when he was upset, and when he was organizing thoughts inside his head like chess pieces.
“If I leave..” He swallowed, running one hand over his neck. “We probably won’t be able to keep playing together anymore.” The rain crashed against the metal with a dull roar. “The schedules will be different, the training camps, the leagues. Everything.”
Hugo lowered his gaze toward his own hands, and Loki could only let out a trembling exhale.
“And you wouldn’t leave France.” He added, because he knew it was true.
Hugo had built his entire career there. His goals, his philosophy, the national team, everything was connected to that place in a way that ran too deep.
Leaving had never been part of the plan.
“It wouldn’t be.. logical to do so.” Vivian finally replied.
Loki closed his eyes for a second, feeling something heavy slowly settle inside his chest. He pressed his eyelids against his fingertips before dragging his hand down his face until it rested against his chin.
“Do you think.. this is going to last?” He whispered while the rain kept falling. Hugo lifted his gaze slightly when he heard him. But the other man kept staring at the city. “Us, I mean.”
The cold was making his fingers numb, but he barely noticed.
“Sometimes I feel like we keep moving forward only because the moment to separate hasn’t arrived yet.” He continued, Vivian frowning slightly as he listened. “It sounds stupid when I say it out loud, right?”
He still got no answer, and that only made him continue.
“You always talk about destiny. About how people are born for certain things. Right places, right paths..” His voice slowly began to crack apart. “And Re Al is probably mine.”
The wind slightly lifted a few damp strands of Vivian’s hair.
“But I don’t know if you fit there with me.” He added.
That was when Hugo moved for the first time in several minutes. But he did it slowly, with the same care he had always shown Loki. He took the cold cup from Julian’s hands and set it aside before holding his freezing fingers between his own.
The other Frenchman immediately lowered his gaze, because the simple contact almost hurt.
Hugo’s hands were cold too.
“Julian.” He murmured. When his boyfriend heard him, he clenched his jaw tightly. “I don’t want you to wake up one day and realize I was right; that this was only ever meant to last up to a certain point.”
The silence that followed was unbearably long.
And then Hugo leaned slightly closer to him. Close enough that their foreheads almost touched.
For the first time since Julian had known him, Hugo looked lost. As if he were facing something he couldn’t analyze.
Something he couldn’t organize.
“I’ve spent my entire life believing that people’s destinies already exist before they even understand them.” He continued, and at that moment Julian slightly lifted his gaze. “I thought the right thing was to accept it.”
His fingers tightened a little more around Julian’s.
“But you..” He paused before continuing. And for the first time, he sounded genuinely vulnerable. “You’re the only thing that makes me want to be wrong.” Hugo moved even closer to him, never letting go of his hands.
The rain kept falling behind them as if the entire world were slowly falling apart.
“And if destiny insisted on separating us..” He continued speaking. “Then I would declare war on destiny itself.”
Julian’s eyes finally began to shine more than usual, holding back the urge to cry while his hands trembled together with Hugo’s.
Loki stopped breathing for a moment, the sound of the rain seeming to grow distant. As if the entire world had sunk underwater.
“You can’t tell me something like that when I’ve spent weeks trying to convince myself to let you go.” He said, his voice breaking apart.
His words were honest.
Terribly honest.
Loki had tried to be logical. He had tried to accept Re Al, the distance, the impossible schedules, the airports, the empty midnight calls, and the idea that maybe loving Hugo also meant leaving him behind someday.
He had truly tried.
The dark-skinned man felt his throat tighten the moment he finished speaking.
He tried to take a deep breath and failed.
The air entered him unevenly, cold, trembling, and suddenly he couldn’t keep holding his partner’s gaze anymore.
He quickly lowered his head, as if he wanted to hide before breaking down in front of him.
“I tried to think about this the way you would..” His shoulders started trembling. “I tried to see it logically and accept that maybe.. maybe this simply had to happen.”
The tears were already falling uncontrollably down his face, quickly disappearing into the damp fabric of the sleeve he uselessly tried to wipe them away with.
“Re Al is my dream, right?” He smiled slightly, but it was a miserable smile. “I’m supposed to be happy..”
Hugo watched him in absolute silence, as if one wrong word could completely shatter him.
“And yet the only thing I can think about is you staying here.” His breathing broke again. “About us stopping seeing each other every day. About waking up alone in another country and not finding you beside me.”
Vivian moved slightly closer to him, Loki immediately shut his eyes when he felt him.
That only made everything worse.
“I hate this.. Because part of me wants to leave.” He tightened his fingers around Hugo’s hands as if he were afraid he might disappear. “But the other part wants to stay with you even if it ruins everything else.”
The crying finally completely broke him apart there. Loki bent forward, covering his face while uselessly trying to catch his breath between disordered sobs. And Hugo kept holding him.
“ I don’t want to lose you..” He confessed between broken breaths. “I don’t want this to become something we only remember.”
“Then let’s not allow it to end that way.” Vivian spoke while holding his boyfriend tightly. “I don’t care how many countries you have to cross, I don’t care how many times we’ll have to say goodbye in airports or how long I’ll have to wait to see you again.” His voice cracked slightly, trying to maintain composure.
“I would find you again and again if necessary. Our love, even with cracks and noise, with half-spoken fears and lost steps, isn’t perfect. And even so, it’s better that way, Because in imperfection, love can be felt.” He held his partner tighter and tighter while his arms trembled. “Even if time is cruel, even if the universe says we are not meant to last. Let me stay with you, because if one day I must disappear, I want it to happen only after I’ve lived every possible life beside you.”
“How..” He finally tried to speak, but his voice broke immediately. “.. How am I supposed to let you go after saying something like that..?”
The freezing wind crossed the balcony once again, barely moving the curtains behind them.
Vivian did not let go of Julian for even a second. He held him even tighter, as if he wanted to protect even the broken parts of him.
As if he wanted to stay there forever.
His entire world was trembling in his arms, and he could feel it.
He could feel the fear, the sadness, the unbearable love beating inside him.
“Then I’ll make destiny learn how to lose.”