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Harua keeps watching him. Taki, dressed in soft pastels, singing that silly song he always sings to get the loudest laughs from the other members, surrounded by soft cherry blossom trees on set.
His voice, bordering on sweet mixed with that nasally, joking tone he loves to use, lures Harua to keep his focus on him. Harua knows he can easily just look away, that he can stop staring, but his heart twists. To stop looking at Taki is to stop drinking water. His mind needs it, his heart craves it – to willingly turn away from Taki would be like hiding away from the sunshine on a cloudy day.
Harua knows he’s been watching Taki too closely the past couple days. He has to solve his dilemma before it drives him even deeper into temporary insanity. Harua feels a nudge on his left shoulder and spins on his stool to see Kei-hyung looking at him with that knowing look.
“Any luck?” Kei asks.
Harua’s eyes widen, forgetting who exactly he confided in about his little accident. He remembers his breakdown to a few of the members as he was spiraling in one of their living rooms, shortly after placing his secret inside Jo’s shared fridge with Taki. He sadly shakes his head.
“Keep your chin up, Harua. You’ll see something soon, I know it!” Kei winks with a slight chuckle, as if Kei was clearly seeing something he wasn’t. Harua sighs.
If Taki’s symptoms don’t show up soon, Harua has reason to think he’d been scammed. Or worse, the love potion he brewed in their dorm made Taki fall in love with someone who wasn’t Harua.
** one week ago **
The shop owner working the herbal medicine stall at the market knew Harua well by now. He frequently stopped by for some basic remedies - headaches, shin splints, the occasional sleepless night - so today’s visit wasn’t out of the norm for him.
It was a rare day off for Harua, Nicholas, and Maki in the middle of the week with a crazy comeback schedule looming in the near future. The three of them hadn’t been shopping since before Christmas, and they simply had to get out in the late spring sun and spend their hard-earned money.
Nicholas had left their group about ten minutes ago to catch the platinum ring vendor who had something on hold for him, so the only person left with him was Maki. Maki, who the herbal medicine auntie had never met and was instantly fawning over.
“Your bone structure – wow. Your parents must have had a great ancestor watching over your conception!”
Maki blushed under his cap, feigning shyness. “Oh no, you flatter me too much,” he said with puppy-like sincerity, bouncing after receiving praise. “Harua, did you find what you wanted?”
“Oh!” the shop owner interrupted, “I have something that would be perfect for you, Maki-kun.”
She scurried off to the back corner of the shop as Maki and Harua exchanged a questioning look, rushing back with two small pink vials in her hands.
“Now, this is very concentrated, so only use a small amount in a beverage, but this tonic will promise that the person who drinks this will fall in love with the first person they see the next day!”
Confused as to why he would need that, Maki starts to speak up in protest, but Harua stops him. He always goes along with the shop owner here and lets her dote on him as much as she likes. It’s part of their routine – she offers him something bland or not very useful, and he thanks her and comments on how young she’s looking – and he doesn’t want that to stop. He misses his grandma, sue him.
Harua thanks her profusely, grabs the vials to stuff them with the rest of his things and leads her to the counter to pay while shooing Maki away to go find Nicholas.
As he’s wrapping up his payment, he can’t help but think about the so-called love potion. He doubts it’ll work like she says it will, but even then, would he try it? Should he test it on Euijoo to see if he’ll actually look at someone other than Nico for once? (He smiles to himself, knowing Nicholas would love this plan regardless and would make sure he was the very first one Euijoo looked at every day now that Euijoo is determined to wake him up in the mornings).
While walking home, Harua settles with Nicholas and Maki on making it together later and shoots Jo a quick text on storing something in their dorm’s fridge – Jo never asks questions – and makes him promise NOT to use it. Jo agrees and notes that he will tell Kei and Taki when they get back from their schedules.
🐰
To Harua’s dismay, when he checks the pink-tinged juice jug in Jo’s fridge 2 days later, the liquid is half gone.
“JO!” Harua screams. He has no idea where all of this went and secretly prays that it evaporated somehow.
Jo comes running into the kitchen out of breath. “What?!?”
“Where did all of this go?! I told you not to drink this! Oh my god, did Kei-hyung drink it, please please tell me he didn’t drink this and go to filming at 3AM right away!”
“Harua, chill. I know Kei-hyung didn’t drink it because he’s only drinking water and milk right now for his skin. And I didn’t drink any because it smelled like apples and I can’t stand apples in the spring. The only – oh wait…”
“No… Jo… please don’t say what I think you’re about to say…”
Jo grimaces, “Well, he had a big glass in his hands on the way to bed last night… and he asked if I wanted apple juice… and I didn’t put two and two together… I’m so sorry, Harua…”
Harua stands frozen in the kitchen. He doesn’t think he could get his vocal cords to rub together to make noise if he wanted to, let alone get his feet to move mere inches to sit down at their kitchen island so he could process this. Jo says a final soft sorry, Rua and backs away slowly, down towards his bedroom at the end of the hall. Jo doesn’t know exactly what the mystery juice is yet, just that Harua was very strict in his instructions to Jo. He knows Jo probably feels bad, but that isn’t what is important right now.
What’s important is that Taki – his best friend, his partner in crime, the silliest and brightest boy he’s ever known, and also his first major crush in his whole life – drank his street-market makeshift love potion. What’s important is that Harua has no idea who Taki saw this morning when he woke up. He has no idea where Taki even is right now. He sends an SOS text to the group chat.
SHOPPINGZ
rua: SOS. I mean HUGE SOS. taki drank the drink. don’t let him see this message
dog: woah… are you sure?
rua: am I sure… MAKI! YES. have you seen him today?
neko: [voice message] taki is down the hall from me with euijoo in a practice room, why?
rua: no… oh god. nicochan
neko: what?
dog: LMFAO oh my god
rua: this isn’t funny, maki. nico, I'm on my way to the company now. don’t let taki out of that room
neko: [voice message] well he just walked by me and winked and said they were going to get smoothies so i don’t think i can keep that promise to you harua
rua: i will be there in ten minutes.
dog: IM CRYING
dog: yo nico meet me in the gym in 5
neko: [voice message] ok
Harua panics, screeching out of the dorms after a record-fast two minute shower and one minute blow dry. His brain is on overdrive thinking of all the people Taki might have seen first this morning. He runs through his member checklist as he rushes his way down the street and figures out who to investigate first:
- Euijoo - high probability, is with him now. Current front runner for Taki’s New Love Interest
- Jo and Kei-hyung - high probability, lives with them. Could have seen them before leaving for the office. Second runners-up for Taki’s New Love Interest
- Fuma - low probability, Fuma runs in the morning directly to the company before Taki even wakes up.
- Yuma - still sleeping. Zero probability.
- Nico - potentially saw him at the same time as Euijoo. Medium probability.
- Maki - same as above. Investigate further.
What stresses Harua out more than Taki drinking a potentially life-altering potion is that Taki would experience the after-effects from this potentially life-altering potion with someone other than himself.
He always had hoped in the far depths of his heart that one day he and Taki would be able to explore something more than friendship, but knew it would be years down the line, if at all. Taki is like summer to him, but the best parts of it – warmth, fresh air, lazy happiness in its purest form – but he also knows the scariest bits that Harua keeps to himself. He shares secrets with Taki that he doesn’t even tell his mother, and his mother is his actual best friend in the whole world. Taki knows Harua and still accepts and loves him as he is, and Harua knows that’s rare, he knows he should hold onto that for eternity. You can’t blame him for wanting more than friendship with someone like that.
He keeps thinking about how close he and Taki are and that, no matter what, they’ll still be the 05z as he approaches the office building. Thankfully they live close enough to walk, so as he turns the corner he spots Taki and Euijoo walking along with their smoothies in hand, talking quietly. Harua waits. He doesn’t intend to spy (yes he does), but he can hear small bits of their conversation behind the stone planter near the entrance doors.
“I don’t know what… I see so clearly, hyung. You… you know?”
“Oh Taki, look at me… I… so lucky. Trust…”
Harua wants to throw a brick between them.
But then, Nicholas walks out and spots them, lighting up Euijoo’s face and Taki looks no different. Taki seems… normal? Well, he always seems happy to see them, but nothing about today feels different than how he normally would act. But just now, it sounded like… Harua shakes his head and rights himself. He decides to test his theory and to stop being a creep as he emerges from his spot.
Euijoo spots him first, waving him over. Harua picks up his steps, watching Taki intently while joining the three of them on the walkway. Taki smiles at him and looks… normal. Again. Who the heck did he see first this morning?! Harua thinks to himself.
They all fall into step – Euijoo and Nicholas leading, Harua and Taki behind – and Harua continues to sneak glances at Taki. Taki is none the wiser, walking with his hands in his pockets, chewing at his lip while listening to Nicholas babble on about a movie he saw.
Harua tries to find any hint of “a boy in love with his older bandmate” from Taki, but Taki is paying no extra mind to Euijoo or Nicholas and is simply focusing on his feet while softly laughing at Nico’s story. Harua relaxes just enough.
The change in posture gets Taki to look at him. It’s the same look as always – kind, open, warm – so Harua knows he’s not on the Taki’s New Love Interest list.
🐣
Taki sees rose-colored sparkles at the edge of his vision when he looks at Harua. He doesn't find this odd at all.
🐰
** present day**
They wrap up the Sakurairo-yell video and head to Korea, a long schedule ahead of them: recording every morning, vlogging during practicing, practicing during photoshoots, variety shoots for a full 24 hours, you name it.
During all of this, Harua continues to research. He finally finds an article online, published by the company on the vial tube he used a week ago.
Love tonics, when used properly, can ensure the subject that has digested the tonic will feel euphoria and feelings that have been long kept secret will rise to the surface of their psyche. For those who administer the tonic, beware that a too-potent mixture may react negatively with emotions that have been suppressed or denied for too long. The tonic must be used sparingly in order to maintain balance and the natural occurrence of enlightenment. If used inappropriately or if feelings are not reciprocated, the tonic will reject from the user, potentially causing side effects such as respiratory distress, heart palpitations, and fainting spells. The symptoms will remain until the tonic has flushed from the system using our patent-pending Relief Tonic - only ¥4,000!
Harua knows Taki hasn’t drank too much, and he knows his mixture wasn’t too concentrated. He took the store owner’s advice to heart and watered it down to the perfect combination that she recommended. He considers buying the relief tonic right away, but who wouldn’t match Taki’s feelings? Taki is perfect. Silly, too pretty to realize, clumsy at times, and noisy when he gets excited, but perfect.
So who on earth did he look at? Harua thinks. He’s been constantly wracking his brain since he learned Taki drank the liquid. Immediately, he had Jo move the jug to Harua’s dorm, placing a large “VEGGIE JUICE” sticker on it so Nicholas and Euijoo wouldn’t slip up and drink it. He blamed Yuma for getting under his skin to be healthier when Euijoo asked him about it, Nico smirking at him from the living room knowing all too well.
They’re now in their Seoul practice room, Harua wedged in the corner of their comfy gray couch with the phone up to his nose. He can hear the rest of the guys goofing off – an “omae!” in between laughter and the stomping of sneakers.
He feels the couch dip, but no sound yet, so it must be Fuma, quiet as ever and wanting to relax before practice.
Instead, he eventually hears his best friend’s voice pierce through his thoughts and Harua locks his phone as quickly as he can.
“Huh? Sorry Taki, was.. Uh.. reading about.. Soccer…” Harua lies with a wince.
“I asked if you were cold, you’re not wearing a hoodie today.”
“Oh, uh… no, I’m a little warm actually. This couch is warm,” Harua softly replies.
“Good.” Harua eyes him, trying to notice any hint of who Taki could have realized feelings for. He seems normal - watching Kei-hyung talk with their manager with the same reverent look as always, smiling at something Nicholas and Yuma are squirming around about, glancing at Jo rehearsing the same 8-count over and over until it's perfect. He nudges Taki’s knee - was he always sitting this close or did Harua move over on accident? - and Taki turns his head on a dime. Normal, still.
“Did you need something?” Taki asks.
Harua looks in his eyes, studies his facial muscles, even nudges his knee again to see what happens. The only thing Taki does is place a hand on Harua’s thigh and squeezes, probably to get him to stop nudging. Again, normal.
He sighs. “No, just thinking.” Sometimes Taki would try to distract him if he thought Harua was thinking in a sad way, sometimes he’d try to guess what was “taking up his brain power” if he thought Harua was thinking in a funny way, and sometimes he’d just hum along - unspoken words between them are normal.
Normal Taki is sitting right next to him. Normal Taki says, “Do you want to talk about it?” Normal Taki drops his gaze to Harua beside him and keeps his hand on Harua’s thigh.
Harua’s heart skips a beat, but remembers the task at hand. This is his chance to figure it all out, not to make googly eyes at his (probably unrequited) crush.
He clears his throat. “When…when you woke up at home on Friday, what did you do first?”
“Friday? Hmm,” Taki thinks, not giving the very strange question a second thought, fingers lightly tapping on Harua’s inner thigh. “Oh, I did laundry! No one was up yet so I borrowed some of Euijoo’s detergent in your dorm by the way, I hope he hasn’t noticed yet. I like that scent lately.”
Ding ding ding! There’s our winner. Harua groans internally. Now I just need to finalize how to reverse this thing, maybe I should try that Relief Tonic after all. Or does he really love Euijoo? They have been together so long… Euijoo certainly loves him back… Oh god this is going to make things so complicated… I hope–
“Oh wait, no, it was your detergent! There was none left on the patio so I remember running to your room to grab some. It’s that cherry blossom scent, right?” Taki interrupts Harua’s spiral.
Wait. What?
“Wait, what?” Harua blurts. He knows he sounds a little too bothered by Taki simply taking his detergent, but this is a bigger issue now.
“Yeah, I really just wanted to sneak in and out since it was so early, I know I wake you guys up sometimes when I get started so early, but I really wanted to use that scent. I hope you aren’t mad!” Taki begs, hands pressed together innocently.
Maybe he didn’t look at me, maybe he just glanced in my closet quickly, maybe I–
“You looked so peaceful sleeping, Rua,” Taki says with a sweet smile, placing his hands back to Harua’s lap. “I really hope I didn’t disturb you. I even left you guys some of the test madeleine’s I was working on for the fan project as an apology…”
Of course he’d think about not disturbing him, of course even when Taki is being the slightest bit selfish he thinks of others, of course of course of course.
In somewhat of a daze, Harua answers, “No, I didn’t notice you… I was so tired…”
“Aw, Rua, I know you’ve been working so hard this comeback,” Taki ruffles his hair slightly, dragging a hand to Harua’s nape. His other hand is still holding Harua’s thigh, eyes honest and clear. “You’re really killing it, Harua.”
The earnestness of Taki’s words hit him in the gut. This is normal behavior for Taki. This is normal behavior for Taki, and yet he shouldn’t be acting normally to Harua seeing as Harua is the first person he saw after he drank the tonic. This is normal behavior for Taki, so does that mean Taki has no feelings for him? Does that mean Harua’s crush is actually one-sided like he’s always feared?
Harua stands up, shocking Taki slightly. Taki watches him, concern etched all over his face, and holds his hands up like he’s been accused of stealing. “I… are you okay?”
“Yes. I’m fine.” Harua barks. “I need to go.” He bolts out of the room.
🐣
Taki’s been feeling extra sensitive the past week for some reason, and most often when he’s with the group.
At home, when it's just Jo and Kei-hyung (whenever they’re around), it’s fine. He feels normal, acts normal, isn’t focusing on anything in particular.
With Yuma at the gym, he’s chilled out, not overly-cautious of every single thing he says or touches. Even with Maki, he’s still hyperactive and play-fighting like usual, not a care in the world.
But, when it’s all nine of them, he’s on edge. Always peering at the members, namely Harua, trying to seek out any problems or potential tension that needs to be smoothed out. He’s always alert - checking to see if Harua or Euijoo need water, or if the step sequence Harua is in with Nicholas and Maki is running right on time during the chorus, or if Kei-hyung is scolding them, or Harua, too much. He’s focusing so much on group dynamics.
Only today did he realize what his trigger is, and it's not the group.
He spotted Harua on the couch, nose-deep in his phone. Probably a romance novel or some webtoon, but he felt his heart actually lurch and tug him to Harua’s side. He instantly felt better when he sat down, pulse no longer ricketing in his ear, breathing a little more calm.
Ah, he thinks, this is why. But why now? Why so strongly?
His eyes flick from the side of Harua’s phone to his face, Harua somehow not noticing Taki right next to him. He sees goosebumps on Harua’s arm, and asks him if he’s cold. No response. Harua’s so cute.
Not until Taki asks again, a bit louder, does he get his attention.
Harua seems distracted, he knows he’s been working hard this comeback. Harua has had lots of great opportunities for the world to get to know him like Taki knows him – funny, sweet, friendly, beautiful. He’s so proud of his best friend. He loves him so much. That fact has come easier to him recently too.
They talk easily, Taki picking up on Harua’s sudden shyness when he compliments him. Cute, he thinks, nothing more than that.
Suddenly, Harua shoots up, straight as a rod, clearly uncomfortable with something. Taki would pry more, but his chest is on fire and he can’t quite get all his words out as he asks what’s wrong. He just watches as Harua’s figure shrinks as he practically runs out of the room.
Taki’s heart shatters, confused about what he did to make Harua run off.
His mind goes into a frenzy. He tries to control his breathing, heart pounding so fast, tears welling up in his eyes. He didn’t think Harua leaving was something to get this upset about, but his body is clearly reacting intensely. Squeezing the cushions below him, he tries some kind of grounding method, gasping air in an effort to fill up his lungs properly.
He can feel hands on his face, turning his head upwards. He tries to focus on Kei staring at him, eyes pleading. There’s no sound, but he can tell what is happening, he’s done this before a long time ago. He follows the motions Kei is miming as best as he can - breathing in and out, slowly gaining his focus back on the room.
“Taki,” he finally hears, Kei’s voice, sure. “Breathe. It’s okay. What can you see behind me?”
No one else is around in the lounge room, a few of the members watching from behind Kei’s back as his focus evens out. Nicholas stood facing him head-on, attention rapt and phone in hand prepared to call a manager, Euijoo slowly walking forward, Fuma trying to distract the others to look at the other mirrors in the room.
“Nicholas-hyung, Euijoo-hyung, Fuma-hyung.”
“Good, now what can you see to your left?”
He turns his head, stiff. “Water fountain, stack of cups, Maki’s slippers.”
“And to your right? You’re doing well, kid.”
“Exit sign, Fire extinguisher, Jo’s huge bag.”
Kei chuckles, knowing Taki had to slip a joke in there to make sure Kei knew he was okay.
“Okay, okay,” he exhales. Taki watches as Kei stands up slow, hands still holding on to Taki’s, and motions to the others that everything is fine. Euijoo slowly closes the door between the rooms, murmuring a quiet, “you’re okay, Taki” as he goes.
Kei settles next to him. “Talk to me, kid,” he starts. “I saw Harua leave, are you okay?”
Taki stutters a breath, knowing he really is fine. He has no idea why he got so worked up, but the pain in his chest won’t leave. He starts to talk, but the door slamming open stops him in his tracks.
🐰
SHOPPINGZ
rua: guys, no no no NO - taki saw ME first after he drank the juice. taki. MY taki. saw ME.
dog: and that's a bad thing….?
rua: YES! He is acting so NORMAL! he doesn’t have feelings or else he’d be all lovesick and obsessed with me! that’s the whole point!
dog: bro… that's messed up
neko: [voice message] harua, come back
rua: WHY? to make a fool out of myself in front of my best friend/crush/coworker/roommate who clearly doesn’t like me like that? no thank you.
neko: [voice message] harua, i won’t ask you again
rua: you always have a soft spot for him. what about me, i’m in pain here
dog: harua, seriously, you should come back
rua: ??
dog: [photo]
rua: …fuck
🐰
Harua bursts in the back door of the practice waiting room, tail tucked, bracing for whatever scene he’s about to encounter.
Maki’s photo wasn’t much, just a crouched-down Kei blocking what he knew to be Taki sitting on the same spot on the couch that he left him in, but even that image was enough to snap Harua back to reality.
He isn’t sure why he ran, why he suddenly needed out, like being on the receiving end of affection when he knows it's not the type of affection he craves from Taki made him panic. But now he knew he needed to come clean, to expose his idiocy and naivety on buying the concoction from the vendor, to explain to his best friend why he reacted that way, and to insist that he should reverse the potion since clearly it wasn’t working on Taki.
“Now you’re fucked, your stupid little crush is finally squashed, and now Taki will realize how big of a freak you are. How weird you are for buying a stupid love potion”, Harua’s brain lies to him.
But, above all that, he realizes how much he messed up potentially hurting the person he cares for the most.
He spots Kei, now sitting on the couch next to Taki, a slight smile on his face holding an empty cup of water. Taki is telling some story, hands moving a mile a minute, seemingly okay from what just happened.
However, the second Harua takes the next step, Taki alerts to him instantly. His eyes bear into Harua’s, worry flowing deep.
Kei stands, tosses the empty cup in the bin, and says, “You couldn’t see it could you?”
“Kei-hyung, I was going to–,” Harua panicked, not wanting Taki to misunderstand.
“You couldn’t see how he felt, could you?”
Harua was stunned.
“Rua,” Taki said, soft. “I should tell you, I don’t know why I was feeling so crazy around you these days, so after you left I told Kei-hyung what just happened and he said I should just admit it. I guess my emotions got too strong, I didn’t realize I was making you uncomfortable. I’m sorry, I can try to stop–”
“No, Taki, he doesn’t–”
“Wait!” Harua screamed. Kei jumped back, Taki clutched his chest. Harua couldn’t stand it; if what he thinks he’s hearing out of Taki’s mouth is true, then he really needs to clean this up. “Kei-hyung, did you…”
“No, Harua, I knew you needed to tell him. I promise.”
A beat. “Tell… tell me what?” Taki asked.
Kei nodded at Harua, threw Taki an honest smile, then retreated back into the practice room.
Harua quickly scrambled over to Taki on the couch, knowing that this was now or never. “Taki, did you drink the pink jug out of your fridge last week?”
“Um, I don’t know what that has to do with anything but yeah… I thought it was apple juice. It tasted weird, but a lot like organic apple juice. Wait, why?”
Harua grabbed his hands, pleading. “Tell me what has been happening ever since you drank it.”
Taki takes a second, thinking, tilting his head just like a puppy given a command. “Well, now that you mention it, this weird tension in my chest started around that time… but it only happens when I’m around you, Harua. I just realized that today, and that’s what I told Kei-hyung.”
Harua couldn’t believe his ears. Maybe Taki did have feelings for him. But then…
“What kind of thoughts go through your head Taki, tell me.” He had to get to the bottom of this before he made a fool out of himself for the second time.
“It’s embarrassing…” Taki trails off.
“It’s not, I promise.” Harua says, confidence shining in his eyes. If he says what I hope he’s going to say… he muses. “No secrets between us, remember?”
Taki nods, confidence building just from Harua’s support, takes a deep breath, and says, “I keep thinking about how much I love you.” Devotion and sincerity flows from Taki’s face, and Harua knows this is real. This is what he should have paid attention to all along. Not some over the top declaration that didn’t even feel like Taki – this.
Harua squeals, literally squeals, and grabs Taki’s shoulders. “What else?”
“Uh,” Taki looks confused, but amused, a stronger shine to his eyes, “I think about making sure you’re happy, about keeping you safe, about helping you. I go a little crazy every day looking out for you. I’ve felt crazier about it this past week.”
The hug Taki receives as a response is tight, Harua’s head buried into the side of his neck. Harua mumbles something, knowing Taki can’t make it out. Knowing he’ll be forced to repeat it.
He’s nudged off, Taki looking flustered, but determined. “You now owe me an explanation.” The pout on Taki’s face is so cute, and Harua says so out loud.
“A week ago I bought a love tonic from the herbal street vendor I like - you know her.”
“Oh yeah, she gave me a free tiger balm once!” Taki completely misses the love potion part of that sentence.
“Yeah – cute – anyway, she kind of forced me to buy this vial that makes the person who drinks it fall madly in love with the next person they lay eyes on, and I thought it would be silly. Something to prank Euijoo with, something to try once to see its effects and then stop. I thought it’d be funny to see how dopey in love they’d be or to make Fuma-kun finally say something. Jo knew about it, so I stashed it in your fridge and I made him promise to make sure you guys didn’t touch it, but then…”
“I was really thirsty,” Taki admits sheepishly, playing with Harua’s thumb. Harua nearly melts.
“Anyway, Jo told me you drank it the next day and I had to figure out who you saw first to hopefully help reverse the effects! No one was acting weirdly, including you, and then when I asked you where you were that day…”
“I said you,” Taki quietly finishes. Harua nods his head, trying to see if Taki would connect the dots. “Did you not like that I saw you?” he asks, timid.
Instead of answering, Harua takes Taki’s hands to his lips and presses a chaste kiss to the side of his knuckles. “What do you think?” he asks.
“I think,” Taki starts, “that you wanted it to be me, didn’t you?”
He stills, thinking about how anxious he’d been this whole week. “Actually, I was terrified,” Harua admits, a little shy. Taki squeezes his hand, letting a sad whimper escape, and gives Harua time. After a few breaths, he looks at his best friend straight-on and speaks up.
“I’ve loved you for so long, Taki. To have this accident happen and for it to not work out the way I secretly wanted to – I think it would have crushed me, but I would have made do. I thought this whole time that you didn’t feel anything for me, and seeing you act so normal made me certain of it. But then…”
“Normal for me is loving you, Rua. Ever since you were chosen for the group, ever since I knew we’d have years ahead of us, I’ve always loved you. Yeah, it may not have been love like this the whole time, but you are always my person, Harua. Loving you is pretty much my daily routine.”
Tears flooding his vision, Harua ducks back into Taki’s neck. He’s met with a solid grip on his back, two strong arms caging him, and sweet murmurs of “it’s us, it’s always been us” chanting in his ear. Harua mumbles again.
“I can’t understand you silly,” Taki laughs, pushing Harua back again.
“Don’t look…” he trails off.
“Hm? A bit louder, Rua,” Taki teases, hand cupped behind his ear, the other stroking up and down Harua’s left arm.
“Don’t look at anyone else,” Harua says with a hmph, crossing his arms.
“Oh, but you’re all I see, Harua. Always.” Taki says as heartfelt as ever. He pulls him back in, rubbing his back softly. “Your happiness is all I want, Rua.”
Seconds turn to minutes as they get lost in each others’ warmth, and a soft knock interrupts their hug.
Nicholas pops his head in the door, smiles sweetly, and says, “You two are late. You’ll be cleaning the practice room later.” Finally separating from each other, they stare at him and groan loudly at the same time. Nicholas sticks his tongue out with a wink, then disappears into the practice room, yelling at them to join quickly.
They stand, stretching out their joints, tired from the emotional release the day brought them. Taki starts towards the door as Harua grabs his wrist, turning Taki back to him.
Harua has always thought Taki was handsome, ever since that smile disarmed him in that first meeting in their practice room. Quickly, Harua pecks Taki on the cheek, feels Taki gasp beneath him, and rushes past him to the door.
He stops abruptly at the threshold to the studio, though, and quietly asks the question that’s been eating at him since they admitted their feelings to each other. “Taki, what was the story you were telling Kei-hyung when I came back in?”
Laughing, Taki joins his best friend at the door. “I told him when I fell for you. It was on that dock during a music video shoot. We walked for a long time while holding hands that morning, and all day I wanted that feeling back,” he grabs Harua’s hand once more. “I like holding your hands, Rua. Makes me feel important.”
Enamored, Harua tugs him in the studio and replies, “Reach for my hand whenever you want, Taki. It’s yours.”
🍒