Work Text:
" ZE. WAKE UP. "
An arm firmly gripped Ze's shoulder as his eye lids slowly lifted awake, almost being blinded by the light spilling from the windows. A pitch black figure with fucked up anatomy stood before him, and a clown woman besides it. As soon as those two figures came into view, Ze jolted awake, flinching slightly.
" H-holy shit man, I'm awake! What the hell do you want? "
Ze shouted, sitting up straight. Regect pulled away and gave off the vibe that he was almost smirking.
" I know what we're going to do today! "
It's words were followed by a honk in... reluctant but thrilled agreement. Ze narrowed his eyes slightly, confused. Then, Regect materialized a whiteboard out of nowhere in his hands. An illustration of a strange modern-looking building stood there, with the text " SCIENTOLOGY" displayed.
" We're going to Scientology! "
An awkward period of silence followed, with bewildered blinking from Ze. A few seconds later, he shook his head in denial.
" No. Absolutely not. This- this is so stupid. Why do you want to go there? "
Regect dropped the whiteboard, he probably forgot that it was in his hands until it landed to the floor with a dull thud.
" We're all going to speedrun Scientology. And Moe's the cameraman! Right, Moe? "
Moe let out a 'honk!' in agreement.
" Yeah! Yeah! So get ready, because we're going to speedrun Scientology. We'll be waiting in the car. "
Then, Regect left and went downstairs with Moe following behind. Ze groaned and stood up before getting ready. A few minutes later, Ze followed behind with reluctant steps. He walked outside before gripping the door handles of the vehicle nearby.
SCIENTOLOGY
After 30 minutes or maybe more, the gang finally got up and left the vehicle. Moe got her camera ready, and their goal was straightforward, and infront of them: Speedrun. They all stood awkwardly around the building, not even self-aware of how stupid and out-of-place they looked. Regect was probably visualizing a plan to get inside and speedrun.
" So, uh... "
" What's the goal? "
Ze spoke, breaking the awkward silence. Regect confidently replied.
" We just have to get as deep into the building as possible before being removed, maybe even break some things and then upload it to your channel and then get a ton of views! "
" That is a shitty idea- "
Before Ze could finish his sentence, Regect was already sprinting to the building and Moe followed behind with her camera. Ze groaned and followed the two.
As they entered the building, they were greeted by a woman who seemed kind with a somewhat eerie smile plastered on her face.
" Welcome! Would you like a- "
Aaaaand Regect was already running into the building with Moe as his camera-woman, filming the sounds of glass shattering, battle cries and screams. Multiple workers followed behind, attempting to find routes to stop the entity from doing any further damage. Holy fucking shit, Regect even shattered one of the beloved statues the Scientologists worshipped! Who knew this building was secretly a cult?
" Holy SHIT, this is so fun! Never knew this building had so much lore! "
A concerned honk came from Moe as she kept running. Adrenaline surged through the two, and Moe could practically see Ze struggling to keep up. Moe occasionally looked past her shoulder to see a ton of workers and even the police chasing them.
They're definitely going to get arrested.
" REGECT WE'RE GOING TO BE ARRESTED!! "
Ze shouted, but Regect didn't stop. He kept breaking every single artifact he could find in the hallway. Suddenly, when Regect was breaking something, it turned out that he had slipped on a conveniently-placed banana peel because he is an IDIOT. Moe and Ze paused with shock, anxiety stirring within. The workers and police had caught up, and Regect, the idiot he is, laid on the floor concussed like those cartoons. Without thought, Moe and Ze vigorously shook Regect, trying to get him to get up desperately.
Regect finally stood up, but then they were cornered by a large amount of workers and police. Confronted with the reality of the situation, Regect began panicking.
" Shit- uh, I... "
Regect trailed off, anxiously looking around. He then carelessly pushed Ze, before shouting.
" uh- ZE! YOU'RE THE SACRIFICE! GO! "
Regect flew away, headed towards the car. He retraced his steps and began to make his way to the car. Obviously, he also forced Moe to come along and abandon Ze. As the two left the building with Ze inside, they had absolutely no idea what was happening. Moe honked multiple times, tugging on Regect's arm to head back and save Ze. Suddenly, what sounded like an active shooting rang out from the building. Ze walked out injured, holding an m1191 in his hand, presumably from his inventory or stolen.
" FUCK— Go die in the car or something! "
Regect rushed over and dragged Ze to the backseat and Moe as well. They both got into the car, and unfortunately, Regect was driving. Regect closed the doors and glanced into the backseat with the rearview window. He then confirmed that it was okay to start driving. His hands tightly gripped the steering wheel.
Ze and Moe stayed silent for the whole ride, until they suddenly flinched at Regect's suddenly yelling. He yanked the steering wheel violently. Ze and Moe realized that they were about to crash into a nearby streetlight.
" WAIT, FUCK! JUST PULL THE LEVER HERE AND- "
Those were Ze's last words. Then, in a blink of an eye, vibrant, burning flames charred the pavement and what remained of the shitty 2002 Hyundai.
They all died.
Because of Regect’s shit driving skills.
The end.