Chapter Text
The classroom was abounding with loud energy typical of lunchtime. Chairs scraped across the floor carelessly. Overlapping conversations echoed from every corner. One student near the windows laughed so loudly that people beside her complained.
Several desks had been pushed together into a crowded area in the middle of the classroom, where students gathered in noisy groups, eating lunch and arguing over trivial matters.
Not surprisingly at all, Nakamura found himself sitting next to Hirose.
Considering how often the two of them were seen together, it would have been stranger if he wasn’t.
Leaning casually against the desk, Hirose sat with one arm hanging lazily while the other scrolled absently through his phone. He wore the same relaxed, indifferent expression Nakamura had grown
painfully accustomed to over the months.
Meanwhile, Nakamura sat beside him, holding a pair of chopsticks toward him patiently.
It was humiliating how normal this had become.
Sometimes Hirose pretended his hands were occupied. Sometimes he complained that he was too lazy to move. Other times, he merely opened his mouth expectantly without even bothering to ask anymore.
And every single time, Nakamura fed him automatically.
He always forced himself to believe it wasn’t strange.
This was what close friends did for each other.
Probably.
At least that was what he repeated to himself every time his chest tightened painfully at something as simple as Hirose leaning a little closer.
“Hold on.”
One of Hirose’s friends looked across the table toward them with an amused grin.
“Aren’t you guys basically boyfriends at this point?”
Time stopped.
Nakamura’s entire body stiffened immediately, the chopsticks freezing halfway in the air.
For one horrifying second, everything around him became distant and distorted. The classroom noise blurred together into meaningless sound while the violent pounding of his heartbeat echoed loudly in his ears.
No.
No, no, no.
Heat shot up the back of his neck instantly.
He had been careful.
So painfully careful.
Ever since becoming friends with Hirose, Nakamura has planned everything obsessively.
How close could he stand beside him before it became suspicious
How long was eye contact acceptable.
How often he was allowed to text first
How quickly should he reply.
How to smile naturally whenever Hirose looked at him.
Sometimes Nakamura spent entire nights replaying conversations in his head, analyzing every word afterward to make sure he had not sounded too obvious.
Because Nakamura knew exactly what he felt.
He loved Hirose.
That was precisely why Hirose could never know.
The friendship only existed because Nakamura had spent years carefully protecting it. If Hirose discovered the truth, everything would change instantly.
Maybe Hirose would laugh awkwardly and pretend nothing happened.
Maybe he would slowly become distant.
Maybe he would stop looking for Nakamura first.
Maybe he would stop sitting beside him completely.
Nakamura thought he could survive loving Hirose quietly for the rest of his life.
But he genuinely did not think he would survive losing him.
Beside him, Hirose laughed easily.
“Absolutely not,” he answered carelessly, waving his hand dismissively. “Nakamura and I are just really close friends.”
The others burst into laughter immediately.
“I don’t know, man. You literally feed him.”
“You act like he’s completely helpless,” another friend added.
“He is helpless,” Nakamura replied shamelessly.
More laughter erupted around the table.
The conversation shifted naturally after that, everyone already moving on to another topic.
But Nakamura still couldn’t move.
Relief hit him so suddenly that it nearly made him dizzy.
Hirose didn’t know.
Everything was okay.
Nothing had changed.
Nothing happened.
No, nothing happened.
Then why couldn’t he breathe properly?
Nakamura lowered his gaze further, staring at the table while his fingers trembled weakly around the chopsticks. Heat burned across his face and neck while panic continued clawing at his chest.
Breathe.
Please just breathe normally.
He forced himself to inhale slowly, but his heartbeat refused to calm down. His breaths remained uneven no matter how hard he tried to steady them.
Just a little longer.
He only needed one moment to recover.
Normally, Hirose would not have thought twice about it.
Nakamura had always been nervous. Quiet. Easily embarrassed. Hirose had known that since the beginning of their friendship.
But this felt different.
Hirose’s laughter slowly faded as he glanced back toward him again.
Nakamura looked terrified.
Not embarrassed.
Not flustered.
Terrified.
His shoulders were locked with tension, his eyes fixed downward as though he was afraid to look anywhere else, and his hand was shaking badly enough for Hirose to notice immediately.
The reaction was too extreme.
Far too extreme for a simple joke.
Something about it made Hirose pause.
“Hm?”
Still leaning against the desk casually, Hirose tilted his head slightly. His smile remained faintly on his face, though confusion had begun creeping into his expression.
“Nakamura?”
Nakamura flinched violently at the sound of his name.
Hirose blinked.
That wasn’t normal either.
“…Hey.”
Without realizing it, Hirose lowered his voice instinctively.
“You okay?”
Nakamura nodded too quickly.
“Y-Yeah.”
His voice cracked slightly.
That only made Hirose more suspicious.
Because Nakamura still refused to look at him.
The others around them continued talking loudly, completely oblivious to the tension now sitting quietly between the two of them.
Hirose stared at Nakamura for another moment.
Then another.
And slowly, something uncomfortable began settling in the back of his mind.
A strange feeling he couldn’t explain yet.
Because this wasn’t ordinary embarrassment.
Nakamura looked genuinely afraid.
Afraid of what?
Hirose frowned slightly without realizing it.
His gaze drifted unconsciously toward the chopsticks still frozen weakly in Nakamura’s trembling hand.
Then toward the flushed redness spreading across his neck.
Then, Nakamura seemed unable to even meet his eyes anymore.
And suddenly the joke from earlier replayed itself in Hirose’s head once again.
Aren’t you guys basically boyfriends at this point?
At first, it had sounded ridiculous.
Funny, even.
But now—
Now Hirose found himself replaying Nakamura’s reaction instead of the joke itself.
The panic.
The silence.
The fear.
And for the very first time, Hirose felt something strange twist uneasily in his chest.
Because he realized he didn’t understand Nakamura’s reaction at all.
Which was unusual.
Hirose had always thought he understood Nakamura pretty well.
But now something was wrong. But he didn’t know what.