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The chapel is empty, the lights dim and low. There are candles lit around him. His hands are free of Athena’s blood, but not his head. Eddie shuddered as he sat down in the second row. He stared up at the small statue of Jesus on the wall. In times of catastrophe, despite himself, he often prays. He even uses a rosary. Father Brian helped him, sorta, through all that religious trauma. Still, sitting in this chapel is a bit unsettling. It’s peaceful, grounding, but unsettling. He doesn’t really know what to think about.
He thinks about Buck, about Theo, and Chris. Then, the migrants falling through the cracks. Their whole lives changed. Ruined. Taken away from them. Athena– No. Athena is okay. She will be because she has to be. He doesn’t even want to think about what that will do to them. To Harry and May. To Buck. Especially not after what he just went through. Eddie sighs and stands up. He walks over to the small podium and clasps his hands together. The prayer comes easily.
Hail, holy queen, mother of mercy, our life, our sweetness, and our hope. To you do we cry, poor banished children of Eve. To you do we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping in this valley of tears. Turn then, most gracious advocate, your eyes of mercy toward us, and after this exile show unto us the blessed fruit of thy womb, Jesus. O clement, O loving, O sweet Virgin Mary. Amen.
Eddie sighs. He had that practically force-drilled into his skull, and yet, he almost always turned to it when he needed to. He looks down at his clasped hands and speaks. “God…” He lets out a small, hollow chuckle. “It’s been a while since I’ve done this. I..I know…” He lets out a huff, irritated at his inability to just say something. He takes a deep breath and continues. “I need Athena to be okay. We all do. She is a fighter, I know. But…this is bad…and I’m trying to hold hope, but after Bobby–”
BANG! Eddie blanks. He turns. Another two bangs, screams. Those were shots. He fights with his mind to keep himself here. There is no time to be back in the war, no time to be scared. He has to get to his team, get to Buck. He quickly, yet quietly, exits the chapel. He keeps himself practically plastered to the wall. The hallway is empty, but he can hear the shuffling of feet and shouts.
Despite still being on the same floor as the lobby, the hospital chapel isn’t at all close to the lobby. He freezes as he hears whimpers, shallow, tense, heavy breathing. He follows the sound, keeping his footsteps light. He turned the corner slowly to see a girl, maybe a teenager, sitting on the ground. There is blood all around her; it’s coming from her leg. He slowly walks over, crouching down. She opens her eyes, jumping when she sees him.
He puts his hands up in a placating ‘I surrender’ gesture. “Hey, it’s okay, you're safe. I’m firefighter Diaz. What’s your name?” As he says this, he gives her a quick once-over. GSW to the quadricep. The blood isn’t light, so no arteries were hit. Good. “My name is Addie.” She murmurs. He nods, looking around. “Okay, Addie. I have to put pressure on this to try to stop the bleeding. It’s gonna hurt.”
He spots a baby blue sweater on the ground next to her. He picks it up and holds it out to her. “I’m gonna use this. Ready?” She nods, taking a deep breath. He puts pressure on the wound, not worrying too much about her cries. It means it’s working. “Hey, Addie, we might have to move. I can get you to a room as soon as the bleeding stops, but I need you to be as quiet as you can.” She nods again, and Eddie keeps the firm pressure. Soon, maybe ten minutes pass before the bleeding fully stops.
He slowly helps Addie up, and after a brief hesitation, he picks her up. An easy bridal carry. It should be easy, except there are footsteps coming their way. “Damnit,” Eddie mutters, quickly running into the first room he sees. He slowly shuts the door with his foot and sets Addie down. The lights are dim, but it’s clear that he is in a patient's room. The patient is unmoving and on a ventilator. Eddie guides Addie towards the bed beside the patient, helping her up. He turns away and searches for anything to properly wrap Addie’s wound.
He’s not willing to leave without at least wrapping the wound. He quickly finds gauze, a pressure bandage, and antibiotic ointment. Eddie turns back around to find Addie watching him with a frown. “What’s wrong? Is it your leg?” Addie’s frown deepens, and she shakes her head. As he walks over with all of the stuff, Addie begins to speak. “Why are you so eager to leave? I mean, I get you're a firefighter, but, like, isn’t that not safe?”
Eddie nods with a small chuckle. “No. It isn’t. But the rest of my team is here. I should also help other people who might’ve gotten hurt.” He applies the ointment before packing the wound with gauze and applying the pressure bandage. He keeps the pressure bandage in place by wrapping the gauze around it. He takes out his phone and taps it, trying to get the lock screen up, but nothing happens.
“Damnit.” He was hoping to use the flashlight and check her eyes. “What?” She looks at the phone. “It's dead.” He huffs and shoves the phone back in his pocket. He makes sure she’s situated, giving her a small smile before turning around. “Wait!” He turns back. “Uhm.. my mom is here. She was in surgery. I-I think the fifth floor? If you don’t want to, I get it, you know, I would probably just not, and go with my team too, but-” Eddie cuts her off with a chuckle.
This kid is just like Buck. She frowns a bit. “What’s so funny?” Eddie shakes his head. “Nothing. You just remind me of my friend…” He frowns. My friend, who is here. With the shooter. “I’ll go get your mom, okay?” Addie nods, looking away a bit awkwardly. “Is your friend here? You're here to visit him?” Eddie shakes his head again. “No, he’s a firefighter too.” Addie raises her eyebrows with a nod.
“Cool. What’s his name?” Eddie smiles. “Buck.” He corrects himself. “Or firefighter Buckley. Maybe you can meet him later. You said your mom was on the fifth floor?” Addie nods again and watches as Eddie stands up. “Okay?” She gives him a thumbs-up. He watches the hallway for a second, looking out the window, before he slips out of the room. Eddie quietly shuts the door before slowly walking down the hall.
He, again, keeps himself plastered to the wall, watching everything around him. He makes his way to the stairs, not trusting that the elevator will work. Maybe, though. It doesn’t seem like the hospital is on lockdown yet. At least while he checks on Addie’s mom, he can also check on Athena. He realizes suddenly that he had forgotten to ask Addie what room they might’ve put her mom in.
He sighs but continues on his way up the stairs. As soon as he reaches the fifth floor, he hears someone’s muffled speaking. He looks through the square window, and he spots a nurse. With the gunman in front of her. Her hands are up; she is the one speaking. The gunman has his back to the stair door, so he can’t see Eddie, but the nurse has noticed him. He can’t hear what she’s saying, but she has a patient lying on a bed behind her, unconscious.
If he goes out, the gunman will see him, but if he doesn’t, this nurse might be shot. Maybe he can lead the gunman away? He takes a deep breath and opens the door. The gunman turns around, the gun now pointed at him. Eddie locks eyes with the nurse, and she takes off, running down the opposite hallway. He keeps his eyes on the gunman, not wanting to take risks anymore. He moves very slowly, keeping his hands up and in front of him. He suddenly turns and runs.
He can hear the gunman curse and run after him. He turns quickly down, keeping sharp around corners. He skids to a stop in front of the elevator, turning around and — BANG! Burning, agonizing, fire pools in his stomach. It spreads through his body, leaving him with no choice but to drop to the floor. His eyes flit around before slowly moving to his abdomen, bleeding profusely. He looks back up, but the gunman is gone, his footsteps drumming back the way they came.
Eddie’s hands slide down to the wound as he leans on the wall, pressing the elevator. He already feels weak and cold. When the elevator comes, he practically crawls in. He leans on the wall near the button panel, and he presses the lobby floor. At least he hopes he does. He can’t really focus. If he can get back to the lobby, maybe he should be fine. ‘God.’ He thinks. ‘Now would’ve been a really good time to use my phone.’
The first bang startles him so much that he barely moves. He snaps out of it quickly when another shot is fired, and he crouches behind a chair. Everyone gets down, behind, or even under chairs. Staff who were coming out of rooms before they scrambled to get back in them, looking around wildly. Buck surveys the room to get a headcount. He spots Harry, Ravi, and May together, and he finds himself sighing in relief. They will be okay with Ravi.
He looks away, seeing Chim and Hen together as well, currently helping someone who has been shot. He sees the gunman down the hallway and hears shots being fired. He took all the phones. Maybe, maybe help was called, but there's no way to be sure. Eddie isn’t here. His eyes swept the room at least five more times before he came to that heart-stopping conclusion.
Last Buck checked, he went down the same hallway the gunman just went down. He lets out a shaky breath before slowly army-crawling towards May, Ravi, and Harry. He checks on them, then on some civilians. Mostly kids, since Hen and Chim are checking on all the elderly and adults. When he finishes his small sweep, he heads over to Hen and Chim, who are now talking quietly.
He has to get to Eddie. He doesn’t even wanna think about the millions of bad things that might’ve happened to him. Not again. As soon as he reaches Chim and Hen, he is getting checked over, too. He pushes Hen’s gentle hands away. “Hen, stop. I’m fine.” She purses her lips and puts one hand on her hips. “Buck. You won’t know until I check.” Buck shakes his head.
“Hen, please. Eddie is out there. He went that way.” He points to the hallway the gunman just went down. Hen’s eyes soften. She probably understands. He hopes she understands. There’s no doubt Buck looks distressed. He imagines she would be this way if it were Karen. She loves Karen. Just like…Buck loves Eddie. He knows. He’s come to terms with it, after Tommy.
But he knows that Eddie doesn’t reciprocate those feelings. Buck won’t ruin it. He promised himself he wouldn’t act unless Eddie did. He intends to keep that promise. “I have to, Hen. It’s Eddie.” Buck has always been reckless, at least to other people. But if someone doesn’t do the reckless thing to help someone or even themselves, who will? He’s a firefighter. His job is to do the reckless thing.
That’s why he slowly walks away when Hen and Chim aren’t looking to get down that hallway. He keeps to the wall, and he walks slowly, stopping until he gets to a dimly lit room. There’s a person who's sitting up in the bed. He slowly enters, keeping his hands up. He can hear the hitch in the person's breathing. It's a girl. “Hello? Firefighter Diaz?” He shakes his head.
“Uh, no. I’m firefighter Buckley. You-you know firefighter Diaz?” She nods with a smile. “Yeah, he helped me with this.” She shows her wrapped leg. “He told me about you, too. My name is Addie.” Buck curses himself as he blushes. “He-he uh told you about me?” She nods again. “Yeah. He said maybe I’d meet you, and boom. It’s you!” He chuckles a bit. “So…uh where is he?”
She blinks. “Oh…uh. He left. He went to help other people but…He’s on the fifth floor.” She looks down bashfully. “Maybe I shouldn’t have sent him there..but..my mom….” Addie trails off and looks back up, her face says she needs him to understand. “It’s okay. Even if you didn’t ask him, knowing Ed- firefighter Diaz, he would’ve gone anyway.” Buck sighs, rubbing his hands on his suit pants.
“I’ll go find him. Are you alright in here?” Addie nods. “I hope you find him safe.” He nods and turns. “Y-yeah me too.” He quietly walks out and closes the door. The hall is pretty quiet. He makes his way to the elevator. The one next to it is already going up. He gets in and presses five. When the doors open, he immediately knows something is wrong. There is blood leading to the other elevator, the one that has stopped on three.
He looks down the hallway. Something is telling him to go to three. He doesn’t have time to hesitate as he hears footsteps coming his way. He quickly runs to the stairs and runs down to three, tripping on his way out the door. He gathers his bearings, sprinting to the elevator just to catch it right on time. Buck freezes as he spots the source of the blood.
“B-Buck..” The elevator door shuts behind him, and it begins to move. Buck finds himself immediately on his knees in front of Eddie. Why would Eddie press floor three? “Eddie!” His hands press over Eddie's own on his abdomen, the blood already pooling over his own hands. When they get to floor two, the elevator makes a strange hissing sound and a thud.
The normal electrical hum of the elevator whines down, accompanied by a slight vibration. The doors don’t open. No no no no. “No. No, w-why are we stopping?” Buck looks at his hands. At the blood on himself and Eddie. He finds himself underneath the firetruck again, Eddie’s blood wet on his face. “Ed-Eddie.” Eddie’s eyes flutter as he mutters. “L-lockdown.” He chuckles and groans, his eyebrows furrowing. “Finally got put on lockdown, h-huh Buck?”
Buck looks around the elevator. Now it was so obvious. The dim lights, the hissing sound. He looks back down at his hands and sobs. Eddie is getting colder, shivering, and groaning. “Eddie, I’m sorry. I should’ve been with you. I-I didn’t know.” He shakes his head. He can’t take his eyes off the wound. “Buck…B-buck…It’s okay.” He looks up at Eddie. Eddie, with a smile, his eyes half-lidded, and his face flushed.
Buck sobs, finds himself shaking his head again. “It-it isn’t. I can’t do this again…Eddie, I can’t.” Eddie mumbles something unintelligible, making Buck lean in to hear him. “The will. You’ll raise Christopher. You-you have to. Two-two…two kids will be a lot to handle, but Chris will help you.” Buck shakes his head again. “No, Eddie.” More blood, more shivering. “No, you-you're gonna be there to help me.”
Eddie smiles, soft but sad. “Me, you, Chris, and Theo?” Buck nods, his tears falling heavily. The elevator still isn’t moving. He can’t find it in him to speak. Eddie can. He still can. “A-a family. We would’ve been a family.” Family. Eddie thinks of them as a family. Eddie’s eyes flutter shut. His breathing gets heavier, weaker. “Eds-Eddie. Open your eyes.” Ediie huffs out a breath. “I-I believe in you, Buck.” He sighs.
“I love you. Tell Chris I-I’m sorry and I love him.” A tear falls from Eddie’s eye. He keeps them closed. He’s really cold. “Eddie.” No. No. This isn’t happening. “Eddie! Eddie..” He moves his bloody hands to Eddie’s neck, and he checks his pulse. No pulse. He can feel himself trembling as he begins compressions. He stupidly finds himself singing ‘Staying Alive’ in his head, just like normal.
He sobs. This isn’t normal. This is Eddie. His best friend, his partner, and with Eddie’s declaration….We would’ve been a family. His compressions falter, and he sobs again. How will he take care of two kids on his own? Eddie is supposed to be with him. Helping him. I love you. He can’t stop playing it in his mind. I love you. His compressions falter. The elevator begins moving.
When it opens on one, doctors are already there with a bed. Someone gently moves Buck aside, asking him questions. He watches the doctors take Eddie away. I love you. How will he take care of two kids? “Buck!” Chimney is in front of him, so is Hen. Buck blinks. He looks at Chim. “What happened?” He puts his hand on Buck’s shoulder, looks him up and down. “That’s a lot of blood. Are you hurt?” Buck shakes his head. Chim hugs him, not caring about the blood. “He’s gonna be alright, Buck.” I love you.
When Eddie comes to, the hospital lights are practically blinding. He can hear someone. Buck. Reading him a psalm. Psalm 23. He doesn’t let him know he’s awake. He just wants to listen right now. “...Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me…” He mentally finishes the scripture.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the lord forever. Buck has stopped. “Ed-Eddie?” He opens his eyes. “I said it aloud, huh?” Buck nods. “You did. I- I know you don’t really like religious stuff, but I learned this from Bobby, and I thought that uh-” Eddie smiles.
“Buck. It’s okay. I actually really like that one.” Buck smiles back. They sit in comfortable silence. Eddie flips his hand on the bed, palm up. He remembers what he said on the elevator. He knows. If Buck takes his hand, he won’t have to say anything. Buck’s expression is soft, almost fragile. He can recognize that look because it’s one he’s given Buck so many times over the year. Love.
Buck takes his hand.