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The door to the study room closed behind you with a soft thud. Your husband waited for you at the table, already having chosen the seat in the farthest corner of the room. It was a deliberate way to maintain your privacy, given the apparently serious nature of the conversation he wanted to have with you.
You were always happy to see Ryland come in to visit you after your shift at the San Francisco Public Library was over. It was a comfort to you that, even though he was extremely busy these days, he had still made time to talk to you. Your conversations were usually lighthearted, but you knew that this time, that would not be the case.
Despite being the one to initiate the discussion, Ryland had failed to say a word so far. Instead, he stared absently at the wall behind you, his head briefly resting in his hands. Several strands of his blond hair were out of place, but he made no move to smooth them over. When he looked up, his glasses were slightly askew, another normal occurrence for him that you always found endearing.
“Ry? What’s wrong?” You kept your voice low, even in the soundproof study room. This conversation had apparently been too important to wait until you were in the privacy of your home.
You held your breath as you waited for his answer. Your time was his, for however long he needed to get the words off his chest.
“There’s no easy way for me to say this, Y/N.” Ryland leaned towards you a bit, as if he was about to entrust you with a secret that he needed to get off his chest. In the end, he cut right to the chase. “I’ve been asked to go on the Hail Mary.”
The words chilled you to the bone. “What?”
You hadn’t realized how drastically your life would change when your husband had been recruited for Project Hail Mary. Over the course of his experimentation with Astrophage, Ryland had covertly updated you on his progress. It was something you were thankful for, especially now.
You had been under the impression that he would be exempt from going on the mission. After all, he had gone through none of the typical training required of astronauts. Apparently, that didn’t matter in this case.
You listened carefully as Ryland provided you with an explanation. Both of the scientists who had been selected to go on the mission had died in an accident in the lab. And now, in a twist of fate, there was no one else who could possibly fulfill all the necessary criteria for the role…except for him.
“I have less than three hours to think about it,” he concluded.
Your heart sank. So that was all the time you had left with him, before he would be lost to you forever. No wonder he had come running straight to you with the news.
“What are you going to tell them?”
You knew what his answer would be the moment you looked into his eyes.
“Y/N, I don’t want to leave you.” Ryland wiped away a tear before it could drip down onto the study desk and leave a temporary stain. “Besides, the kids need me here.”
You nodded solemnly. “I know.”
You had seen firsthand evidence of exactly how much Ryland cared about his students. He always cheered them on, encouraging them to be their best selves no matter what life decided to throw in their paths. And from what you could tell, they adored him for it.
“But…” Ryland continued with a shaky breath. “I can’t do it.”
He shook his head, as if this entire scenario was unbelievable to him as well. But to you, this was hardly news. He had never been the bravest person…unless it involved you.
“What if I came with you?”
The decision had been made before you even opened your mouth. It had been so obvious; right there in front of you the entire time. You would do whatever it took to stay with your husband.
“What? No, Y/N, you can’t…” Ryland wiped at the tears that had begun to well in his eyes once again and amended his words. “You don’t have to do that for me.”
You reached for his hand across the study room table. The longer your fingers stayed intertwined, the more it struck you that this could be the last time you ever felt his touch. “But that way, you won’t be alone. It’ll be me and you, together. Okay?”
It was practically unthinkable for you to be separated from him. In the span of time that you had known each other, you had rarely been apart for so long, until now. You couldn’t conceive what it would be like to part with Ryland forever. For all intents and purposes, you were his only family.
“Okay. Yeah. We’ll do this together.” He wiped away yet another tear, seeming to resign himself to his fate. If all went according to plan, it was a fate you would share. “So how is this going to work?”
“I’ll just say…I don’t know.” You sat back in your seat, your posture straight. As soon as you spoke, the beginnings of an idea had already formed in your mind. “Someone has to record and keep track of all that data, right?”
You spent the rest of your time in the study room discussing everything you could do to persuade the team to send you along with Ryland on the mission. And in the middle of all your brainstorming, you came up with what you saw as a foolproof tactic.
You ultimately decided to offer yourself up as collateral. Ryland had helped you go over your argument time and time again, perfecting it until you were certain that there was no way the answer would be no. You would convince every government of the world to make an exception for you; make them see how much they needed you. Failure was not an option.
In the end, you would remember that moment as one of the worst moments of your life. It was second only to when the time came for Ryland to give his answer, a mere few hours later. The only small comfort you could think of was that you would be by his side long before the two of you wound up eleven lightyears away from Earth.
· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·
From the moment you woke up on the Hail Mary, you forced yourself to remain calm and collected. Your mind was still fuzzy during your reintroduction to the waking world, but lucid enough to have your memories slowly return to you. At the very least, you could be grateful for that fact.
“Welcome back, Payload Specialist Y/N,” the ship’s computer greeted you when all was said and done, and you had passed the cognition assessment.
“Thank you, Mary,” you replied.
You decided to dress in the orange mission jumpsuit you had found that was tailored precisely to fit your frame. Directly above the patch with your maiden name on it, a golden winged badge had been affixed to your suit. It was as if you were meant to be part of the crew all along.
Flashes of memories passed through your mind, from your whirlwind plan to board the Hail Mary to the plan’s ultimate execution. You had gotten exactly what you wanted in the end. It had been surprisingly easy to convince the team to agree, despite all of the accommodations that would have to be made for you. Your presence on the ship was seen as an added incentive for your crewmate to complete the necessary work to save humanity. But that was something you had anticipated, and would never regret.
A minute or two of exploration revealed that you were not the only one who had survived the trip into space. You took a moment to pause at the signs that marked two of your fellow astronauts deceased, pondering what could have been. But all was not lost. Judging by the sole empty bed you had observed upon first waking up, at least one other person had survived besides you.
A series of footsteps caught your attention, abruptly bringing you out of your thoughts. And then a man stepped into the room.
“Oh, hey! You’re awake!”
You looked up sharply and found yourself staring into the captivating blue shade of his eyes. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you thought you knew him from somewhere, but you couldn’t be sure.
His blond hair was cut short, the way he clearly preferred it. His glasses rested properly on his nose, although they had slid down a bit. Oddly enough, you felt the need to readjust them for him. He even wore the same jumpsuit as you, identical to yours in nearly every way, except for the name Grace embroidered on the patch.
There was another name on the tip of your tongue that you were sure also belonged to him. You took a chance and spoke it out loud.
“Ryland?”
His eyes widened as you slowly stood up, intending to make your way over to him. He took a slight step back, as if to prevent you from coming any closer to him. You could understand; after all, you were as much of a stranger to him as he was to you. At least you had full confirmation that you weren’t the only person alive on the ship.
And yet the words that left his mouth filled you with a sense of dread.
“I guess you know me; that’s great, but…I don’t seem to know you.”
You indicated the patch on your jumpsuit as if it was the only thing that could help to jog his memory. “I’m your crewmate, Y/N.“
The words came out stilted, not quite the way you had imagined them in your head. You hated that you couldn’t fully remember anything about who you were, but it was the most logical explanation you could come up with. Of course you would be lucky enough to have the privilege of dying in space alongside such an attractive man.
“Y/N. Hi.” Ryland gave you a soft smile.
“Hi,” you replied, your voice equally as soft. It was as if you had known each other in a past life, and were picking up right where you left off.
Ryland stared at you over the top of his glasses. “So how much do you remember?”
“Not much,” you admitted. But as soon as you spoke, an idea struck home. You dug around in the pockets of your mission standard jumpsuit. “But I think these photos are supposed to help.”
Your hand closed around a Polaroid and you showed it off to Ryland. It had been one of the first things you had found among your belongings, and you were already growing particularly fond of it. In the photo, you stood in front of a library, a grin on your face.
Ryland leaned over to get a better look at the photo. He studied it as carefully as if he was studying a crucial science experiment. You caught the smile that flickered across his face.
After a moment, he looked up. There was something almost hopeful in his expression. “Can you help me get my memories back, too?”
In the span of that moment, you had found a new purpose, in addition to the one you already had. You would make it your mission to help Ryland remember his past, while figuring out the pieces that were missing from your own life.
“Yeah,” you said softly. “I can do that.”
· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·
You sat across from Ryland on the floor in the observation room, making sure to keep a careful distance. In between you, several Polaroids were splayed out in no particular order. Most of them had been stashed among your belongings, except for the single photo of him all alone that sat directly in the middle of the pile. By all rights, that belonged to him.
It had been your suggestion to try this method in the first place. You were thankful that it had helped both of you to remember a little bit more of your past, even if the first few memories to resurface were far from being as vivid as you’d hoped.
Each time Ryland remembered something new, he would run it by you, waiting for your confirmation or denial. The two of you would compare notes and see if your stories matched up. It had almost become a game that you thoroughly enjoyed. After all, it brought you closer to him.
There was no trace of the frightened man who you now vaguely remembered from your last moments on Earth. In fact, he seemed to be almost at peace with the situation.
Ryland spent his time toying with the simple gold ring that rested on his fourth finger, twisting it around almost long enough to become a habit. So far, he hadn’t asked you about it. You anticipated the inevitable day when that particular conversation would have to happen, since you had noticed a similar ring on your finger as well.
As if he could read your mind, Ryland looked up. “Hey, Y/N?”
“Yeah?”
“You know, I…” Tears began to form in his eyes, but he made no move to wipe them away. “I’m really glad you’re here.”
All of a sudden, leaned forward and wrapped you up in a hug. He clung to you as if you were the only thing in the world that was keeping him together. And up in space, that was more crucial than ever.
You immediately melted into his embrace. From what you could remember, the last time you had been so close to Ryland had been when the two of you were still on Earth. And now, it was like feeling the ground beneath your feet again. Like coming home.
You had slowly begun to remember bits and pieces about Ryland, triggered by an arbitrary set of variables that you felt you had almost figured out. He had been so touch starved, deprived of any other human connection before he met you. It hurt so much to think about, even after all this time.
You sat back and looked into his eyes.
“And I’m glad we’re not alone anymore.”
Without thinking, you reached for his hand. The moment your fingers brushed his, your heart began to race. But Ryland didn’t pull away. In fact, he laced his fingers through yours.
Little did you know how true your words would turn out to be.
· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·
It had taken time to get used to the idea that there was intelligent life elsewhere in the universe. From the moment the Blip A arrived in your orbit, you and Ryland had been of the same mind, wanting to protect yourselves in case of the very real possibility that your companions in space were hostile. No matter the outcome, you would never be able to think of science fiction novels in the same way again.
You were well aware of the limits of what your mind could handle. Data sets and cataloging were no problem for you, considering how often you dealt with them in your career. The fact that aliens were real? That left you completely out of your depth.
You stood next to Ryland at the airlock as he prepared to communicate with the alien aboard the Blip A for the third time. He had foregone the bulky red EVA spacesuit that he had used during his first two trips into the tunnel that connected both ships. As Ryland had discovered, the precaution was unnecessary, since his half of the tunnel was full of oxygen.
This time around, he carried two of the laptops that had been stored on the ship, held together with duct tape and a dream. You had worked with him to establish a language model program; a better way to communicate with the almost spider-like alien who Ryland had decided to call Rocky. It was a historic moment that deserved to be celebrated and documented.
You held out your hand, an invitation for him to accept or deny as he saw fit. Ryland mimicked your motions, aligning his free hand with yours until your fingertips brushed. You took a risk and threaded your fingers through his.
“Be safe,” you told him, squeezing his hand once. It took everything you had not to let the words you truly wanted to say tumble from your mouth. You had no idea if he would ever be ready to hear them, coming from you.
“I will.”
You watched carefully as Ryland let go of your hand and began his journey into the tunnel. The long cords attached to the LED lights he had used during his second venture created a pathway for him to navigate his way forward. He walked backwards a few steps, allowing himself the best view of the Hail Mary…and you.
You lingered at the edge of the airlock for as long as you could. It became impossible to tear your eyes away from your crewmate. There was still a high possibility that this would be the last time you ever saw each other. If that was the case, you wanted to make sure that the moment would be ingrained in your mind forever.
Ryland gave you a smile that was barely visible from inside the dimly lit tunnel. This was shortly followed by a small wave, which you promptly returned.
When Ryland had fully disappeared into the tunnel, you headed back into the Hail Mary with a slightly heavy heart. You knew very well that there was still plenty of work to be done. And for the moment, you were the only one left to see that the tasks would be completed.
· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·
You spent hour after hour scrolling through all the data that Ryland had brought back to you, as a result of his subsequent trips into the xenonite tunnel. A small, triumphant moment of gloating had been allowed in honor of your past self’s intuition. You had been right, after all.
Your purpose in coming on the mission was even more vital than you had anticipated. The skillset you possessed in synthesizing data was best utilized towards transferring the information Ryland had obtained over to the probes that would eventually be sent back to Earth. You had made a promise and you were determined to keep it, despite your lingering ire at all parties involved.
The footage you viewed had been taken during the early stages of when Ryland had begun to communicate with Rocky, which already seemed like it had occurred a lifetime ago. According to the footage that had been captured so far, Rocky had proved to be extensively smart and curious.
“How many humans on Grace ship, question?”
“My original crew was four,” Ryland replied. “Two died on the way here. Now it’s only me…and Y/N.”
A crash sounded from somewhere on the ship, startling you away from the work you were supposed to be focused on. You paused the video and briefly took your eyes off of the footage before you had the chance to decide how to categorize it.
“Ry? Are you okay?”
The sound of footsteps was shortly followed by your husband’s voice. You recognized the tone; it was the one he used when his students were growing unruly. And it was something you hadn’t heard in a long time.
“Ryland? What’s going on?”
Moments later, his voice reached you. It was enough to calm you down, but only so much.
“Y/N, hey. Don’t freak out, okay?”
You kept moving forward, regardless of the request. Nothing good ever followed the words your crewmate had spoken.
The moment you stepped around the corner, your breath caught in your throat. You stopped in your tracks at the sight that awaited you.
“Oh my God.”
Nothing in the world could have prepared you to finally meet Rocky, in person.
Instead of being comfortable staying on his side of the tunnel, he was encased in a clear ball that allowed him to move around freely in the oxygen-rich atmosphere of the Hail Mary. If you had to take a guess, it was made of the same material as the tunnel connecting the Hail Mary to the Blip A. A material that Ryland had dubbed xenonite.
“Hello Grace friend! I am Rocky. Rocky from Erid.”
He raised one of his claws and waved at you.
“Oh.” You let out a slow breath in an attempt to calm your racing heart, then gave him a slight wave in return. “Hi. I’m Y/N.”
“Sorry about that,” Ryland said, turning to you and running a hand through his hair. His cheeks were slightly flushed. “He invited himself up.”
“My bedroom over there!” Rocky suddenly exclaimed, pointing to an empty corner of the dormitory.
You followed the gesture with your eyes, letting the words sink in. “You’re…moving in with us?”
There was a limited amount of space on the Hail Mary as it was. But now, if things worked out as planned, the space would be shared among three of you.
“Yes. Is good plan.”
“A plan I never agreed to,” Ryland protested.
The more you thought about it, the more it seemed to make sense. The three of you would need to work together, given the amount of work that would go towards saving Earth and Erid. That was the only way your stars would survive.
“I dunno,” you mused. “It could be fun.”
It would be a completely new experience for you. Then again, you had experienced a lot of things for the first time up in space.
Rocky was silent for a moment, as if he was processing your answer. And then a series of solemn notes came from his carapace, and he echoed your thoughts from moments ago.
“Crew must stay together.”
You exchanged a glance with Ryland, hoping to convince him that this was the right thing to do.
After taking a few moments to think it over, he relented.
“Okay.”
And just like that, it had been decided. Rocky would join your crew.
· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·
Over the past several weeks, you had been spending more and more time in the laboratory, looking over some of the experiments that Ryland had done with the Taumoeba. He had implemented Rocky’s breeder tank design and would occasionally ask you to check his work, a task you were all too happy to perform.
Ryland stood next to you, analyzing the samples as you input the data into the laptop. From time to time he glanced in your direction, as if he was working up the courage to ask you a question. And at last, he did.
“Hey, Y/N?”
“Yeah?”
You looked up, giving him your full attention. Ryland leaned against the wall of the ship, having decided to take a break from his work. His gaze was fixed on you, as if you held all the secrets of the universe in the palm of your hand.
“Can you tell me that story again? About how we first met.”
You turned away from your work and decided to indulge him. That particular memory was ingrained in your mind, as clearly as if it had happened yesterday. It was far past time that he knew the truth.
For a long time before you had even started dating, Ryland had been one of the San Francisco Public Library’s most frequent patrons. He’d tended to use the excuse of the quiet environment to spend his afternoons grading his students’ assignments. But, as you found out later, it was really an excuse to see you.
Over the course of several months, both of you had slowly gotten to know each other better. You had bonded over working with children and how much you enjoyed it. He became your favorite patron, though you would never admit it to anyone but yourself.
It had taken a long time before he’d worked up the courage to ask you out.
Ryland had a thoughtful look on his face when you finished your story. If he needed more time to absorb this information, you were determined to let him have it.
“So you’re telling me that we,” he gestured between the two of you, “were married.”
“Yeah,” you said. The words were careful, as if they would shatter the moment. “Why do you want to know?”
“Well, because…I wanted to ask you about this.”
Ryland held up a Polaroid and passed it to you.
Your mouth fell open and your heart skipped a beat as you absorbed each detail that you could discern. This was it; the photo you had been unable to find, until now.
“Oh my God.”
In the photo itself, you had been lifted into Ryland’s arms, bridal style, as if you weighed nothing more than a feather. The two of you had been captured mid-kiss, oblivious to the rest of the world. A diamond engagement ring rested on your finger.
If this wasn’t enough proof to confirm the validity of your past, you had no idea what it was.
“So it’s true,” he said. “You’re my wife.”
“Yeah. It’s true.”
Ryland stretched out his hand, spending several seconds gazing at the gold band that rested on his ring finger. The same one from the photo, unchanged and untarnished after all this time.
“Holy smokes.”
He looked back up at you, eyes filled with wonder. You held up your hand to him, bringing your own matching wedding ring into his field of vision. It was another testament to the truth, and you hoped that it would be upheld as valid in a court of law, especially given your current circumstances.
“I know.”
The vows you had exchanged still echoed in your mind, as clearly as if the event had only taken place yesterday. It had been a small and quick ceremony down at City Hall. That had been more than enough for both of you.
“I must’ve done something right,” Ryland said. “I mean, gosh. Wow. You’re just so…”
He gestured at you, as if that could encompass everything he wanted to say.
“Thank you.” A slight heat crept into your cheeks. The last time you’d heard such a compliment from him had been back on Earth.
It warmed your heart to know that your wedding vows still meant something.
He moved closer to you, until his hands came up to gently cup your face. You leaned in at the same time, making your intentions clear. It was the perfect moment, everything you had been wanting.
And just as his lips were about to lower to yours…
“What Grace Y/N doing, question?”
You jumped apart immediately, as if you had been caught doing something you shouldn’t have.
Ryland turned to face Rocky and put his hands on his hips. “Rocky, we talked about this. You can’t just interrupt us when we’re having an important conversation.”
“Grace Y/N very close proximity,” Rocky observed, completely ignoring the admonishment. “Increased heart rate. Is part of human mating process, question?”
Heat began to build beneath your skin. “How do you even know about that?” you asked.
“Grace teach Rocky human biology.” There was a pause, and then… “Humans need time alone to mate, question? I will give.”
Ryland covered his face with his hands. “Oh my God.”
With a series of satisfied notes, Rocky headed towards the dormitory, where his bedroom had been set up.
“Wow,” you said with a light laugh. “Is he always like this?”
“Pretty much, yeah.” Ryland smiled. “But you get used to it.”
· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·
The dormitory was bathed in dim light as the Hail Mary switched to the night cycle. You had settled in the space next to your husband, looking forward to spending another night in his arms.
Rocky prepared to watch you and Ryland sleep from his place above your bed. The Eridian cultural norm was something you still hadn’t quite gotten used to. But over time, you had come to accept it.
Ryland shifted onto his side, his arm stretched out towards you in invitation.
“Come here, honey.” He gave you a fond smile. “I sleep better when I’m with you, anyway.”
“Me too.”
You fulfilled his request and snuggled up to him. The warmth of his body was comforting as you rested your head on his chest. If you closed your eyes, you could almost pretend that you were back on Earth.
Muscle memory took over as your fingers wound absently through Ryland’s hair. Without prompting, another pleasant memory rose to the surface of your mind. There had been countless times when you and Ryland had lied together in bed almost exactly like this, talking late into the night. You had anticipated never having the opportunity to experience that again…but you had been proven wrong.
Ryland made a small sound in the back of his throat, bringing you back to the present.
You pulled your hand away as quickly as if you’d come into contact with the ammonia-rich atmosphere on Rocky’s ship. “Are you okay, Ry? Sorry. Was that too much?”
“No, no; please don’t stop,” Ryland said, lowering his voice to a near whisper. “That feels really nice.”
You didn’t hesitate to oblige him. Your hand went back into his hair and you continued to card your fingers through it. A soft smile spread across his face.
Eventually your hand motions stilled. But as your hand came down again, Ryland brushed his hand against yours before intertwining your fingers.
“Let’s stay like this for awhile,” you suggested.
“That’s a great plan. Yeah. I like that plan.”
Your eyes fluttered closed. For awhile you were content to lay beside your husband, comforted by the steady rise and fall of his chest.
You had nearly drifted off when Rocky decided to speak up.
“Grace still awake, question?”
“Yeah, pal.” The words were punctuated by a yawn. “What’s up?”
“You are lucky to have mate here.”
“Trust me, I know,” Ryland said. Even in your half-asleep state, you could feel his gaze drift to you.
“Grace Y/N complete human mating process. Have many tiny humans!”
You felt Ryland’s heartbeat speed up as he let out a soft laugh. “Yeah, maybe someday.”
A slow smile started to spread across your face. Though you had never had the opportunity to discuss it with Ryland back on Earth, you had always imagined that future for yourself. For a time, you had thought that there was a possibility that it wouldn’t be able to happen. But you had been proven wrong.
Your hands were still intertwined with your husband’s when you finally drifted off to sleep, fully content with your life for the first time in a long time.
· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·
The green light on the small handheld camera blinked once before remaining steady. You sat next to Ryland, making one last contribution to the series of vlogs the two of you had put together, detailing all your findings. Rocky had insisted on being a part of the project, offering valuable contributions and insight.
You had spent weeks on end making extra copies of all the research you had organized, as well as all of the footage from your vlogs, so that there would be an increased chance of it surviving. There had been enough storage space left for one last recording before the probes would have to be sent off.
“Do you miss home, question?”
“Not really,” Ryland admitted. “I have everything I need right here.”
“Same,” you added.
You looked into each other’s eyes. A smile spread across your face.
“Good good good. Other humans treat Grace Y/N like ♫. Eridians different. Eridians will love you.”
Tears began to well in Ryland’s eyes. “You promise?”
“Yes. I promise. Rocky love love love Grace Y/N.”
“Aw,” you said. “We love you, too, Rocky.”
You and Ryland enveloped Rocky in a group hug, the recording briefly forgotten. He participated in the only way he could, pressing up against the barrier of xenonite that kept him safe.
Eventually, Ryland turned back to the camera and gave his closing statement.
“This is Dr. Captain Ryland Grace and Payload Specialist Mrs. Y/N Grace, reporting from the Hail Mary.”
You performed an Eridian farewell for all the people of Earth, copying your husband’s actions. In the background, Rocky voiced his approval.
After making sure that the camera had captured everything, you leaned forward and stopped the recording. The screen faded to black, severing your last link to Earth. And in that moment, it was as if a weight had been lifted off your shoulders.
You had no idea if the probes would ever make to their destination. It was in your best interest to think of the best case scenario; that your efforts hadn’t been in vain, and that your crew would truly be seen as the saviors of the universe. No matter what happened next, your story would be one for the ages. A story written in the stars.