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It should have been a relief when Naruto finally started the Academy. Dealing with civilian caretakers had turned into an endless cycle of intimidating, scolding, and firing as they sought to do the absolute bare minimum for the "fox brat." The poor sod who had to hire each replacement had tried to give Kakashi an earful one day, but Kakashi gave it right back to him. The ANBU nin was no expert in children, but he was sure they needed things like stability and kindness or something. At the very least, food. The budget they were allotted could easily cover carryout every day, but the hateful imbeciles wouldn’t do even that much for the child.
In this at least, Kakashi had Lord Third’s support, though they disagreed on other parts of Naruto’s life. Whether Kakashi should be a part of it, for example. But in Naruto receiving the bare minimum of food, they were united.
Finally, Naruto was old enough to start at the Ninja Academy. Lunch will be guaranteed, at the least, Kakashi thought grimly to himself. What low standards for his sensei’s beloved son. Kakashi shoved that thought from his mind with practiced ease.
Surely with disciplined shinobi, it would be different. And yes, it was different. Kakashi wasn't able to get these ones fired as easily.
Thankfully, Naruto's year had a disproportionate amount of Clan Heirs born to it. It took a little creativity sometimes, but eventually Kakashi was able to get the worst of the teachers dismissed or at least reassigned. A rumor was starting in the Academy about the high turnover of teachers, but for once, nobody was blaming Naruto for it.
Which led to Umino Iruka, a wet-behind-the-ears Chunin with an unremarkable career and a family he lost in the kyuubi attack. Could be a problem. There were chunin at the academy who enjoyed teaching more for the power they could exert over their classroom than the power to inspire and train the next generation. Kakashi had gotten well acquainted with a few of them and what they were willing to do to not lose that position. He should consult Yugao, who was briefly mentioned in Umino’s file. Umino had apparently been assigned to the same genin team as her, though she had made Chunin so quickly that she wasn’t on that team for very long.
Kakashi made sure he got assigned to the ANBU detail for the first day with the new sensei, but for once, there was no need for worry. The chunin sensei, inexperienced though he was, steered the class with a deft hand. He kept Kiba focused, even with a very fresh puppy to worry about. He gave Shikamaru an assignment that almost fully kept the Nara’s attention, though Kakashi could tell that trick would only work a few more times before it would need to be leveled up. And he disabled the most destructive phase of Naruto’s prank, though it still created a mess. Even more impressive, he assigned a punishment that was harsh, but fair.
Kakashi should definitely consult Yugao about him.
Parent-Teacher day rolled around again, and Kakashi watched Naruto sulk morosely on the tree swing, even though he wasn’t on guard duty. Once all the kids had gone home with their families and Naruto started the walk back to his apartment, Kakashi swung by the classroom to pick up the report that Umino usually left in the open window for him. Except it was not there. Umino still had it on his desk, where he was currently grading.
“Please, come in,” the teacher invited, without looking up.
Kakashi had a bad feeling about this, but entered anyway and approached the desk.
“I know, I’m not supposed to ask,” Umino asked softly, almost at a whisper. “But did you see that burn?”
“You’re right, sensei,” Kakashi answered coolly. “You’re not supposed to ask.” He disappeared in a swirl of leaves, report in hand.
The report looked perfectly normal, abject marks in everything except for taijutsu and “positivity.” If Kushina saw this, she would- Kushina is not here, Kakashi reminded himself sharply, turning back to the matter at hand. At least, Umino didn’t leave anything in writing.
Kakashi had seen the burn, as a matter of fact, but- well, Naruto had started trying to cook this month with very predictable results for a kid living on his own, so he had ignored it. The ANBU have so far been able to prevent any mishaps from being noticed by the other residents of his building. They couldn’t afford for Naruto to be evicted again.
But Kakashi looked into it anyway, and the apparent cause was actually a restaurant owner who had quote, “caught the demon brat trying to steal” from him. It was decidedly unclear whether Naruto had somehow snuck all the way into the restaurant’s kitchen and was caught redhanded or whether he had been zealously repelled at the front door with piping hot soup, but either way, Lord Third maintained that the civilian business had the right to defend itself from theft, so that was a dead end. Lord Third reminded Kakashi again that he was welcome to teach Naruto how to cook, and Kakashi answered him again that he would think about it. And he did think about it. About what a terrible idea that was.
Kakashi appeared at Umino’s window. Credit to the chunin for doing a passable job at hiding his surprise. “He needs better food. Or a place to go that won’t literally kick him out.”
Umino rubbed his eyes, like he had just woken up. Kakashi noted the time and decided not to hold that one against him. “He wha-?” the chunin asked, but Kakashi was already gone.
Time passed, and Naruto had a new obsession for ramen. Kakashi ruthlessly banned all thoughts of what Kushina would have thought about that. The chunin had a new obsession too, though he was much quieter about it than Naruto. Not quiet enough, though.
It was a fine balance that Naruto needed. Someone fair enough to not mistreat him, troublemaker though he is. But … not so fair that they started digging into his files and history and treatment. The fool was gonna get himself reassigned or worse.
And Kakashi couldn’t have that.
Iruka might be a hard-working and competent ninja, who has made himself nearly indispensable to both the prestigious Ninja Academy and Mission HQ. But no ninja was truly indispensable, not even the Hokage, as Kakashi well knew. It wasn’t in their nature.
And while Iruka might still have a rose-colored view of his village, Kakashi had worked in the underbelly for too long for those glasses not to have shattered. Even the loyalest of shinobi were eliminated for getting too close to the wrong secret.
“You need to stop.”
“Why, hello, total stranger,” Umino yawned, rubbing his eyes. “We have to stop meeting like this.”
“He’s being taken care of.”
Umino straightened. “Not well enough,” he argued.
“The Hokage himself handles his case.”
“My point still stands,” the chunin crossed his arms. “He’s just a child.”
“And you’re just a chunin.” Umino reeled back, clearly enraged, but Kakashi pushed forward. “Umino-san, you’re going to get yourself killed, looking into this.” Umino would not be seen as indispensable, and he would not be skilled enough to defend himself from an attack. They might even send Kakashi to be the one to silence him.
Umino turned away, making it harder for Kakashi to decipher how he was taking it. Kakashi willed him to understand, because he couldn’t say it any clearer than that. “Someone has to care,” the teacher said, through clearly gritted teeth.
“Caring does no good if you're dead.” Kakashi made no attempt to soften his harsh words. “You shouldn't have gotten so close to Naruto, if you were just gonna die on him.”
“Is that what you tell yourself, ANBU-san?” Umino turned back to look him dead in the eye. “When you see your sensei’s son walking home to an empty apartment with no food, no family, and no love?”
Kakashi didn’t stop until he got to the memorial stone, finding and tracing his sensei’s name with his finger with the ease of years of practice. He had no idea the chunin’s research had been so thorough, and he could only hope that no one else figured it out.
He could only hope they’d send someone other than him.