Work Text:
One
Peter had homework.
Which is the understatement of the century. He had piles of homework so high Peter bets that it was enough to sue for child abuse. So there he was, on spring break, he was staying with Tony at the Tower, working on worksheets, presentations and science lab papers. Peter hasn’t slept since he got there, which was Friday afternoon, and now it’s what? Monday?
“Y’know, eating is a basic human requirement," Tony stated leaning on the doorframe, trying to get Peter to leave his room for the fifty millionth time, “You should know. You’re doing biology.”
Peter mumbled something incoherent and continued to scribble down equations with his non-dominate hand which made it look like chicken scratch. His right hand was being used for aggressively typing something on his laptop.
“Pete,” Tony said and grumbled when Peter ignored him.
Peter yelped when Tony gently closed the laptop, yanking away his fingers at the last second.
“You need to sleep,” Tony said, sitting on the edge of Peter’s bed where he was working.
“I can’t,” Peter grumbled trying to reach his laptop which Tony kept out of his reach, “I’ve got homework,”
The older man rolled his eyes, “That’s what you said last time and you still flew across the world,”
“That’s different,” Peter folded his arms indignantly, “That’s Spider-Man stuff, this is Peter Parker stuff,”
“Last time I checked Peter Parker needs to sleep so Spider-Man doesn’t fall while yoyo-ing through the city,”
“Mr. Stark,” Peter whined.
“Shut up,” Tony scolded with no venom behind it. He grabbed the younger boy’s shoulders and dragged them down till he was laying horizontally on his bed.
Peter continued to protest until his speech began to slur and he kept blinking hard till he finally fell asleep.
“Finally,” Tony sighed before standing up, hesitated for a moment and sat back down. Just to make sure Peter stayed asleep.
Two
Some assholes were completely ruining Tony’s day.
What started as a peaceful morning ended up as an attack on New York with giant drones the size of a twin bed shooting at everyone and everything. The Avengers were able to keep the drones within a six block radius and Tony assigned Peter the very simple and safe job of making sure the civilians stayed away from the destruction. Tony didn’t check up on him for two goddamn seconds, that was his first mistake.
“About to shoot down drone seven,” Clint said from the comms, his explosive arrow ready, “Starting to feel a little repetitive.”
Tony hovered next to him, waiting for more drones to come. That’s when he saw a blue and red human on the drone Clint was aiming at.
“WAIT!”
But it was too late, Clint let go and the arrow was soaring towards Peter who was trying to punch the drone apart. Tony aimed his arm shooter and was able to hit the arrow while it was in the air.
“Hold your shot until I get the kid off, then turn it into scraps,” Tony commanded and didn’t even see Clint nod.
The older man blasted towards the drone, and picked up Peter by the armpits. Peter, of course, was complaining, saying how he almost had it, but promptly shut up once he saw the drone explode into smithereens.
Tony landed on a nearby roof, depositing Peter before retracting his faceplate.
“Before you say anything,” Peter started.
“Save it,” Tony sighed, covering his face with his hands, “Goddammit Peter I told you to stay away!”
“I know, okay? I know you did! But I’m ready to be more of a hero now!”
“Peter,” Tony took a step closer, “being a hero doesn’t mean being the first to die.”
“I know that!” Peter argued, “The civilians were safe, I just though-”
“What happened to saving the little guy? Huh?”
Peter groaned as his old words were used against him.
“Peter,” Tony’s tone softened, “Once you’re ready, you can be on the front lines, but for now, please, just-”
“Okay, okay,” Peter sighed.
“C’mere,”
Tony gave Peter a quick hug which was interrupted by Peter webbing down a drone that was making its way towards them.
Three
Peter came from patrol with more bruises than usual.
Usually his healing would have it gone within the hour, but now it looked like he was painted black and blue. Tony checked the footage from Karen, thinking Peter wasn’t telling him something. But everything looked normal. Stopping run away hotdog carts, bringing cats down trees, helping old ladies cross the road, the usual.
When Peter came for lab time, his hands were shaking so hard he could barely hold the screwdriver. Tony’s mind added one plus one, embarrassed it took so long to do so.
“When did you last eat?”
Peter straightened his back which was previously hunched over, “I ate,”
“Was it today?” Tony smirked, “Because you look like a Victorian child dealing with famine. So I ask again: When did you last eat?"
Peter hesitated and Tony pointed at him, “See that pause is deeply concerning,”
“I ate… yesterday.” When Tony pressed him for what he ate Peter answered meekly, “A granola bar,”
“Peter!”
“I was busy!”
“You were too busy to eat?” Tony asked in a tone he specifically reserved when hearing stupid things (he mostly used it for Steve).
“I forgot,”
“Which is it?” Tony crossed his arms, “You were busy or you forgot?”
“Umm,” Peter scratched his ear, “A little bit of both,”
“Then by all means continue your research about how long spider enhanced teens can live without food,”
“I’m fine,” the boy insisted.
Tony looked at the ceiling like God was personally testing him before looking at Peter again, “Your body heals fast, yeah? Great. Still needs fuel. You’re burning through calories faster than a normal person on your best day, and with the patrols? The training? School?” He gestured wildly. “You can’t just not eat because you’re distracted.”
Peter sighed, “I wasn’t trying to,”
“I know, I know,” Tony comforted, “C’mon let's head up to get some food. I’m pretty sure there’s still some lasagna leftovers,”
Four
Peter woke up screaming.
Not those screams from drunk people in the middle of night, a true scream that makes your heart fall out of your butt hole. Tony came barreling in, his suit closely behind him. He hurdled himself into Peter’s room without knocking, trying to find the danger but instead saw Peter.
Just Peter. Not Spider-Man. Not his lab partner. Not an Avenger. Just Peter.
Tony called the suit off and cupped Peter’s face in his hands who was still panting.
“Hey kiddo, nightmare?” Peter nodded, “Yeah they suck. Speaking from experience, heh.”
“You are?” Peter asked, shocked.
Tony nodded slightly, letting go of Peter’s face, “Yeah after 2012 and the wormhole I just…” the man paused, not knowing how to put it into words, “I just saw it every time I closed by eyes,”
“Does it go away?”
Tony shrugged, “Kind of. It sorta becomes the ground. Constant. But you’ll learn how to stand from hard gravel to soft grass and then it isn’t as bad,”
Peter nodded.
Five
“Hey,” Peter said tentatively.
It was a normal patrol until he was notified by Karen that a woman was standing on the edge of her building’s roof. He quietly landed on the roof, a few meters behind the women.
The women spun around, couldn’t be older than thirty, and had dead eyes.
“How about you step away-”
The woman closed her eyes and, on purpose, fell backwards into the abyss.
“No!” Peter shot his web but it was too late, the women already disappeared over the edge. He began to run but stopped when he heard the sick splat of the familiar sound of a body hitting concrete.
Peter sat on the middle of the roof.
Barely a minute went by before he got a call from Tony which Karen automatically put through.
“Hey Underoos… Karen told me,”
“I tried,” Peter sounded like he was begging Tony to believe him, “I tried I really did, but it happened so fast and she just disappeared of the ledge and my webs weren’t fast enough and I tried running but, God I heard the sound and I knew and-”
Peter cut himself off. Tony thought Peter was crying but realized he was trying not to.
“Peter, I need you to listen carefully to me,” If Tony could, he would fly there right now, but he’s currently in a tiny European village for a fundraiser, “Can you do that?”
“Yeah,” Peter sniffed.
“Good,” Tony took a breath, “You don’t get to do this to yourself,”
“No you don’t understand! If I was faster or if I came earlier or-”
“If you had gotten there sooner, maybe things would have changed. Maybe they don’t.” Tony’s tone was firm. “But you cannot build yourself a time machine out of guilt,”
“But-”
“No Peter no “Buts”. Life is about What Is and not What If,”
Peter didn’t answer so Tony continued, “Did you try?”
“…Yeah,”
“Did you do everything you could?”
“I think so,”
“Then you did your job,”
“She died anyway,”
It was a childish sentence that perfectly summarized the horrors of suicide.
“It was her choice. You didn’t patronize her or advised her to do it or push her off the building. And yeah you tried and she still died and its horrific and unfair and unjust but it is most definitely not your fault,”
Peter let a tear fall.
+One
Peter bounded up the stairs to his apartment, his backpack slung over one arm. He entered, throwing his keys onto the coffee table.
“May?” He called out, placing his bag on the floor, “May?”
He walked through their tiny apartment. The kitchen was empty, so was his and May’s bedroom.
But the bathroom door was ajar.
The young, oh the very young boy, entered the bathroom.
“Ma-OHMYSHIT!”
May was laying in their tub, mouth and upper body covered in foam and blood. Prescription bottles littered the floor but not a single pill in sight.
Peter couldn’t hear her heartbeat.
The young boy fell to his knees and wailed.
If you asked him, he would truly not know how he ended up on the roof. He wouldn’t know what possessed him to take a step towards the edge. It was so unlike him to leave his webshooter behind. You would never think that Peter would succumb to the horrors of what he saw a few days ago.
But you will never be able to ask him.
*
Karen told Tony, cold and hard like she was grieving too.
If only Tony was there, he could have held Peter back, he could have hugged him tightly, he could have told him that it wasn’t his fault, he could have told him there are still people who loved him, he could have told him that it would be okay.
But he can’t tell him.
Because Peter is in Queens, on the concrete, dead, and Tony is in the Tower, on his knees, sobbing.