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He didn’t mean to give him the silent treatment.
And he wasn’t… He just needed time. Space?
No. Never space from Abby. He loved that guy more than anything in the world. And he knew Abby felt the same way about him, which was why he felt so guilty as he counted how many missed calls and texts he had.
Abby ❤️❤️ 6:18 PM May 2nd
You okay?
Missed call (2)
Abby ❤️❤️ 8:01 PM May 2nd
Baby? I’m getting worried. Please pick up your phone.
Missed call (4)
Abby ❤️❤️ 9:36 PM May 2nd
Baby, you’re terrifying me. Please respond.
Missed call (1)
Abby ❤️❤️ 11:52 PM May 2nd
I’m going to sleep now. There’s a spare key under the doormat. Call me back when you can.
Love you.
All those messages were sent the afternoon after Jinu and Baby had that one-on-one dance practice.
Jinu had choreographed the dance to the new song the Saja Boys had been working on. Baby, being one of the main dancers, did one-on-one practices with Jinu all the time.
But this time, it was different. Jinu was being ridiculous. It was like Jinu was taking out all of his pent-up anger from his entire life on Baby.
While restarting the music for what felt like the billionth time, Jinu had said. “Try and step a bit wider on that last beat before the song ends. It would look too tight otherwise.”
So that’s what Baby did. He left a bigger gap between his two legs on the final pose he had to strike.
But no. Jinu wasn’t happy with that either. “That’s a little too wide!”
So Baby tried again.
Not wide enough, too wide, not wide enough, too— you get the gist.
Baby didn’t know what was wrong with Jinu that day. He was following every one of his instructions to a tee. Why wasn’t Jinu happy with it?
“No Baby, ugh!” Jinu pinched the skin on the bridge of his nose. “You’re hopeless- just-”
Jinu shoved Baby to the side of the room with exaggerated harshness before using his own legs to demonstrate what Baby should do. All he did was recreate exactly what Baby had done.
“Isn’t that what I did?” Baby asked quietly.
“No! You did…” Jinu gestured to Baby in some disbelieving way. “You did… whatever you did.” He said that last part with an annoyed scoff.
“I… I tried to do what you told me.”
“Clearly you didn’t! Jeez, Baby what’s gotten into you? Are you trying to make me angry? I worked hard on choreographing this, if you can’t do it just say!”
That escalated quickly.
“I’m not trying to make you angry Ji, I know how hard you worked!”
“Do you?” Jinu snapped. “You could act like it sometime.”
Baby didn’t know what to say to that. Even less so when Jinu sighed and began walking towards the door.
Baby panicked. “Wait Jinu! The song doesn’t come out until July, there’s plenty of time for me to learn the dance!”
“It’s not just about the dance! It’s everything. Do you even care about the group?”
“What? Of course I-”
“I wish you’d just stayed in the demon realm.”
Jinu turned on his heel and left, pretending as if he hadn’t just said the most soul destroying thing. Baby was left standing in the middle of the practice room like a deer in headlights.
The door clicked shut seconds later. Baby was still frozen in place.
Jinu didn’t mean that right?
Right??
But if he didn’t mean it, why would he say it? Did he actually wish he hadn’t met Baby in the realm? Hadn’t practically raised him?
Baby was ten when they met. He was a tiny, scared, little boy, manipulated by Gwi-ma into becoming one of his minions.
Baby was the only Saja Boy with a normal age. He had only been in the demon realm for nine years. Nine cruel, miserable years with the voice of Gwi-ma constantly sending a shiver down his spine and the hairs on his neck stand on end.
But now they were free. Their patterns melted off their skin and the voices in their heads silenced. Did Jinu seriously not want that for Baby? Maybe Baby wasn’t a good enough dancer to deserve that luxury.
Okay, that thought was stupid. Jinu wanting Baby to be left suffering in the depths of the underworld just because he couldn’t move his legs in the way that satisfied Jinu? That was idiotic.
But maybe it was true. The boy band was what got him out of the demon realm. If he wasn’t good enough to be in it then why should he be allowed to be free?
Baby slid onto the floor and cried. His cold, wet tears dripping onto the polished wood floor. He was too numb to feel the wetness on his face, too numb to smell the scent of antiseptic and long-dried sweat from the dirty floor he lay on.
This is what Gwi-ma fed off of. Failure, sadness, and uselessness. Three characteristics Baby carried.
Baby opened his eyes as a lump grew deep in his throat. A pit of bile fueled by depression and helplessness.
Thicker tears welled in the corners of Baby’s eyes as he threw up. An acidic liquid of a murky-clear colour pooling on the studio floor. Great. He threw up. Not only did he ruin Jinu’s day, he also ruined the day of the janitor that worked there. Awesome.
Baby wiped his tears, feeling the light makeup he put on that morning smudge under his hand.
He pushed himself away from the small patch of floor where he had cried, been humiliated, and threw up. Once he was in the corner of which he dumped his stuff after arriving a few hours prior, he picked up his phone and booked a hotel room. No way was he going back home.
He loved Abby’s affection. Truly. But he couldn’t even think about Abby asking him how practice went, the saddened look on his face when he saw Baby’s smudged eyeliner and the tremor in his hands.
Abby’s love was probably what he needed most right now. Cuddles and pampering always made him feel better. But he just didn’t have it in him to be seen crying. He wasn’t going to be in the hotel room for long, just long enough to be able to pick up the pieces of himself and face his boyfriend again.
——
Abby ❤️❤️ 9:47 AM May 3rd
You didn’t come home last night
Baby please respond
You’re scaring me
Missed call (3)
Baby spent that night in the hotel, replaying the previous dance practice over and over in his mind repeatedly. Baby knew he was stronger than this. He had worse things said to him on a daily basis in his childhood. But it was just so different coming from someone he trusted so deeply.
But like Baby had said, the song didn’t come out until July. Did it matter if he couldn’t get it perfect almost two months before the release? No!
Okay, there was plenty of time. Baby didn’t really need to be hiding in the hotel room. He could go back home and have Abby coddle over him for the rest of the week, he could go back to the studio and do some solo training which would please Jinu. But he didn’t feel like doing either of those things.
Anger was a common emotion that you’d feel after being sad, but it was different for Baby. It was more like rebellion.
——
Baby pulled his hood over his head and threw on a pair of sunglasses to stop himself from getting recognised by fans. He opened his hotel room door and began walking toward the building exit, a light smile of excitement played on his lips.
He walked into the nearest store, making a beeline to the hair dye section. He knew this was impulsive, but he didn’t care. The light teal colour was Jinu’s choice, Baby had never thought it suited himself very well.
Baby had decided what colours he was going to choose about ten minutes before he left the hotel. So yes, this decision was comically out of the blue.
He picked up a box of dark purple hair dye and another one in a brown that was the same shade as his natural colour.
He was in and out of the store within probably thirty seconds. It was good when no one recognised him. Of course he loved his fans, and he loved meeting them just as much, but he also liked to be able to go about his day as a normal human, not a famous K-pop idol.
——
Abby ❤️❤️ 12:06 PM May 3rd
Baby I’m about to call the police
Please answer your phone
If you need space that’s okay, but please just give me a sign that you’re still alive
Missed call (3)
Baby didn’t see those messages because he was too busy running his hands though his freshly dyed hair for the millionth time, trying to decide if he liked it or not.
It was dyed mostly brown, but the purple streaks he had added faintly showed beneath. He was pretty happy with how it turned out.
Abby was usually the one to dye or redye his hair, so he was excited to see his reaction whenever Baby decided to go home.
It probably wasn’t the smartest decision to do it in the hotel bathroom. One of the two white towels that previously hung neatly on its rack was now littered with brown and purple colours.
Whatever. He was a K-pop idol. He had more than enough money to pay for the damages.
Baby wondered what Jinu would think. He would either yell at Baby and call him a disappointment to the band, or do no more than a double-take and a small nod in something like approval.
Jinu was a terrible leader, but it was his boy band idea that got them out of the demon realm, so Baby did appreciate him nonetheless.
Baby felt an odd sense of pride and almost pettiness swell inside of him as he rubbed a purple section of hair between his fingers. It was almost as if he had reclaimed himself. Like he rose up stronger against Jinu’s offensive claim from the day before.
Baby was usually very quiet and shy, but maybe, just maybe, he would finally start to carry himself differently after rebelling against Jinu.
Yeah… that sounded nice.
——
Abby ❤️❤️ 7:38 PM May 3rd
Please come home Baby
I asked Jinu if he knew where you were
He’s a dick
Why didn’t you come to me after he said that?
Missed call (2)
I love you Baby
Finally, Baby checked his phone. And what he saw shocked him.
Countless missed calls and texts, all of which more worried than the last. Guilt surged through Baby’s body fast as a cheetah.
The most recent one was what made the pit in Baby’s gut grow to the size of a black hole.
I love you Baby
He had been too caught up in his tears and random hair-dyeing side quest to even look at his texts. Abby must have been so worried.
Without thinking, Baby’s thumbs began to dance over the virtual keyboard illuminating his phone screen.
Yes, he was still confused and offended by Jinu’s words, and it probably would stay like that for a while, but it was time to see his boyfriend. He was going home.
——
Abby sat in the bedroom he shared with his boyfriend, the sunset outside casting a warm glow in the room. Him and Baby hadn’t been separated for this long since before they were reincarnated. Baby was Abby’s pride and joy, he hated the thought of Baby ever being alone.
Abby knew Baby struggled with self-harm and suicidal thoughts, so it was hard not to think the worst. Especially after Baby didn’t reply to any of his texts.
Abby sighed and held Baby’s stuffed animal impossibly closer to his face, soaking up the subtle scent of Baby he so missed.
Abby felt his phone vibrate in his lap. Was it Baby? Likely not. But what if it was?
Abby choked on a relived laugh-sob as he turned on his phone
Baby 💕 7:44 PM May 3rd
Love you too
Baby was okay.
——
Knock
Knock
Knock
Without any hesitation, Abby turned the door handle and pulled the door open.
Abby wasn’t a genius, but despite the brown and purple hair, he could tell that was Baby. The strikingly blue eyes and freckles gave it away.
Abby wrapped his arms around Baby and protectively pulled him into his chest. He had never felt such relief.
“You’re okay…” Abby whispered to no one in particular.
Though Baby didn’t respond, the message was clearer than a sheet of polished glass.
I’m not going anywhere.