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The question had landed like a stone dropped into still water.
“What about you, Shipman?” Jackie had laughed, half-joking, half-probing. “Any big secrets to… crash a damn plane?”
Everyone had laughed with her. Even Shauna had smiled, tight and careful, like she always did when the truth was sitting right behind her teeth.
But Mari hadn’t laughed.
Ever since that first night after the crash; smoke still clinging to the trees, the plane’s twisted metal groaning as it cooled; things between Mari and Shauna had felt… fragile. Like one wrong step might shatter what little they had left.
Before, it had been stolen moments. Make-outs hidden behind the bleachers before practice, arguing so much, hands brushing in hallways, the thrill and terror of being a secret. They would whisper promises into each other’s mouths, pinky-sworn futures they were both too scared to say out loud. This time, being a secret wasn’t just safer, it was survival.
But here? There was nowhere to hide.
The wilderness didn’t care about secrets.
That night, Mari lay a few feet apart on the cold ground, the fire crackling between everything. Everyone else eventually drifted into uneasy sleep, but she stayed awake, staring up at the branches clawing at the sky. She could feel Shauna’s presence without looking at her, like a phantom limb, something that used to be hers and now hurt just to remember.
Jackie’s words echoed in Mari’s head.
Any big secrets?
Shauna shifted, then whispered Mari’s name. So quiet it barely disturbed the air.
Mari didn’t answer right away.
“I didn’t mean to—” Shauna started, then stopped herself. “I know things are weird.”
Weird. That was one word for it.
Mari finally turned her head, meeting Shauna’s eyes in the dim firelight. She looked smaller out here. Stripped of journals and lockers and the life they’d both left behind. Just a girl who was terrified and trying not to show it.
“We can’t do this anymore, can we?” Mari asked softly.
Shauna’s face crumpled for just a second before she pulled it back together. “I don’t know how to do this here,” she admitted. “Back home, we had rules. We had hiding places. Out here… everyone watches everything.”
“And Jackie,” Mari added, unable to stop herself.
Shauna flinched. “Jackie can’t know.”
That hurt more than Mari expected.
Not because she didn’t understand, God, she did, but because it felt like the wilderness had already taken something from her, and it had only been one night.
“I’m scared,” she said, the words slipping out before she could stop them. “Not of the crash. Not of dying. I’m scared of losing you and pretending I don’t care.”
Shauna reached for her then, her fingers barely grazing Mari’s hoodie sleeve. She didn’t pull her closer. She didn’t kiss her. She just held on like letting go would mean falling apart.
“I love you,” she whispered, like it was a confession instead of a truth. “But loving you has always been dangerous. Now it feels… deadly.”
Mari swallowed hard, eyes burning.
“Then we survive first,” she said. “And we figure out the rest later. Okay. Fine.”
Shauna nodded, even though neither of them really believed it would be that simple.
When Mari turned away again, Shauna’s hand slipped from her sleeve, leaving the cold rushing in to replace it. The fire crackled. The forest listened.
And somewhere between fear, love, and the weight of unspoken secrets, something between Mari and Shauna changed; quietly, painfully, like a fault line forming beneath the ground, just waiting to break.
The next day was hell.
It started with waking up in the dirt, stiff and cold and so damn hungry that Mari actually considered eating a bug.
Taissa found a whole ass lake, and Mari didn’t want to go. She’d rather stay here rationing their food. But, they did a vote and now here they were, walking to a lake that was probably fake.
And then, of course, it wasn’t fake.
It was real, full of the clearest water Mari had ever seen in her life, and her only response was irritation. Anger, because why was this place so perfect, filled with fresh running water and fish and space and light that didn’t filter through trees?
She should be grateful. She knew that. Everyone else was. Taissa was ecstatic, Van immediately took her shoes off and waded in to test the temperature. Even Travis looked like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.
Mari watched them, the tightness in her chest only growing. It wasn’t just fear now. It was something else, something like… grief.
She didn’t go swimming. She took off her shirt, of course, but she just stayed on shore, talking to Jackie and watching Shauna swim.
In another life, this would have been perfect. Crashing a plane and getting stranded with her friends and her secret girlfriend. A break from the world, from high school, from everything.
She should have felt excited. Relieved.
Instead, she just felt sick.
“You’re not going in?” Jackie asked, nudging Mari with her shoulder.
Mari forced a laugh, kicking at the pebbles under her sneakers. "Nah. Not really feeling it."
Her eyes flickered to Shauna again, dark hair plastered to her neck, that stupid crooked smile she got when she was genuinely happy. It made Mari’s stomach twist.
Jackie followed her gaze and sighed dramatically. "Ugh, I knew she’d ditch me for Tai the second we got here." She flopped onto the rocks, arms crossed. "Some best friend, right?"
Mari bit the inside of her cheek. You have no idea.
"Yeah," she muttered. "Some best friend."
Shauna glanced over then; just for a second, and Mari pretended not to notice. But the way Shauna’s smile faltered? That, she felt. Like a punch to the ribs.
Jackie groaned. "God, I hate this."
Mari almost laughed. If only she knew.
Mari's fingers dug into the rock beneath her, the rough edges biting into her skin. "Yeah, well. Join the club."
Jackie tilted her head, squinting up at her. "What's your problem?"
My problem? Mari wanted to scream. My problem is your best friend still tastes like my fucking chapstick and I don’t know how to keep it a secret from YOU.
Instead, she shrugged and ripped a chunk of moss from the rock. "Surviving sucks."
Jackie snorted. "Deep."
Shauna was watching them now, Mari could feel it—but she refused to look. If she did, she’d either combust or cry, and neither was an option.
Jackie elbowed her. "Seriously, though. You’ve been weird since yesterday. You okay?"
Mari almost laughed. No. I’m starving, terrified, and in love with someone who can’t even look at me without flinching.
"Peachy," she lied.
Across the lake, Shauna dunked underwater like she was trying to drown herself.
Mari understood the impulse.
Jackie was studying her with that too-sharp gaze of hers, like she was already trying to figure out what wasn't being said.
Mari focused on the moss in her hand instead, tearing it into tiny shreds of green.
"You and Shauna getting into it or something?"
Her heart lurched, but she kept her face neutral. "What do you mean?"
It sounded defensive even to her own ears.
Jackie arched a brow, suddenly way too perceptive for Mari’s liking. "You know what I mean." She leaned in, lowering her voice. "You guys have been acting super weird since, like, yesterday. Did you fight?"
Mari swallowed hard. "We're stranded in the wilderness, Jackie. Everyone’s acting weird."
Jackie huffed, clearly unsatisfied. "Yeah, but not like that. Not like you’re both walking around like someone died."
Something did, Mari thought bitterly.
Shauna climbed out of the water then, dripping wet and shivering, avoiding Mari’s eyes like always.
Jackie sighed dramatically. "Ugh, whatever. I’m starving." She flopped back onto the rocks. "Wake me up when we find a vending machine out here."
Mari didn’t answer.
She just watched Shauna wrap her arms around herself, alone in the sunlight, and wished, for the first time, that they had crashed somewhere with no water at all.
At least then, they'd have something real to drown in.