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I'm hunched over a sitting at a lab table squinting at Taumoeba under a microscope trying to adjust the focus to get it just right when I hear a pitter patter of Eridian limbs in a xenonite ball.
“Grace sleep now, Rocky watch.” Rocky's musical voice chirps out of the speaker in the lab. Ages ago we decided to connect the Eridian to English translations to the ship’s speakers and Rocky uses his a control device attached to one of his limbs to choose which speaker it comes out of. Originally we had his voice coming out of all the ship’s speakers at once but that proved to be overwhelming to say the least.
“Not yet Rock.” I tell him again. I think this is the third time he's rolled in here trying to demand I go to bed. I've lost count which isn't a great sign for my brain power since I know the number is in the lower digits. Has to be, Rocky hasn't gotten snippy enough to use swears yet, and he hasn’t brought in his secret weapon.
“Grace say that before.” Rocky taps the stool I'm sitting on with his ball. “Time for sleep is now. Statement.” I can hear the agitation in his voice seeping through more and more.
“Someone has to check on the Taumoeba slides, make sure everything is a-okay.” I say as I swap out one slide for another. I don't know how long I've been at this, but I have to do it. I set aside time earlier to check on the Taumoeba farms, going over sample after sample on slides to make sure every single one is growing well. I have to be sure none have escaped into the fuel tanks or developed a way to eat through containment or have some mutation that could harm us when we eat it. It's all important work, that's why I need to be diligent, why I need to check multiple samples from each farm. Rocky knows this and yet he still rolls into my stool over and over again like a demanding toddler.
“Taumoeba is fine. Grace being stupid. Statement.” Rocky delightfully informs me with many annoyed musical chimes.
“So far it is.” I respond, getting up and taking my sample slides back to their farms depositing them in as carefully as possible. Then I swab out two more samples placing them in the glass and head back to the microscope, Rocky very helpfully nudging against the back of my leg the whole way.
“Grace need sleep. Brain is stupid.” Rocky rolls around in a circle on the floor below the table as he says this repeatedly, a balled Eridian version of pacing.
“What’s stupid is sleeping when I should be scienceing.” I mumble, I know that's not a word but I can’t come up with anything better right now, my brain is pushing thoughts slowly as if moving through syrup.
“Grace need to not science now.” Rocky says, stopping his rolling on a dime, it’s honestly impressive despite how infuriating he’s being right now. “Grace need sleep, will science better if sleep first.” I start to respond but Rocky cuts me off. “Simon sleep good good, Grace need sleep when Simon sleep so Rocky can watch both at same time.” Rocky is restlessly rolling now, going to and from the door trying to decide where he should go.
Simon. I look over at one of the monitor screens in the lab and see his sleeping form on a mattress in what we call the “bedroom” of the ship. He's clutching one of the pillows as he tosses and turns in his sleep. My chest aches at the sight. That's why Rocky's been in and out of here so much, he's trying to watch Simon sleep and keep an eye, or carapace rather, on me at the same time. He can see Simon sleeping through the walls with his echo location sure, but I know from experience that's not enough for Rocky, he likes to keep a close watch.
Seeing Simon slumber my body yearns to join him, but in my head it's only more motivation to check on the Taumoeba, because if I don’t there are too many possibilities of something going wrong. What if Taumoeba develops a toxicity to humans, we are it's predator now after all, and these troublemakers evolve fast. Simon asked me to come to bed what feels like only a few minutes ago but I get the sense that it was much longer than that. I told him I'd come in a minute and I guess he fell asleep waiting for me. Good, he could use the rest, I just wish it was a more restful sleep for him, poor guy. My guy actually, well not really, kind of, maybe? I'm not really sure what to call it. We're two touch starved humans in space who yearned for intimacy, so you do the math...I have and i still don't know if I can define us.
Rocky and I found Simon a while back, hard to say how long ago it was now. He was a lonely distress signal our radio picked up trapped inside a metal death trap in the middle of a literal ocean of blood. This moon of blood was dropped into our star system through some kind of wormhole. It's a long confusing mess of a story that I can't even wrap my head around when I'm fully awake. The standing theory is that Simon is from another dimension, another timeline separate from mine and Rocky's, at least that's what we hope to be true. That's what we have to hope is true, for our shared mission and our separate sanities. The point is, we found Simon and rescued him out of a terrifying nightmare and he was so delusional from the experience he called me an angel. Angel, yeah right. I think over time he's accepted the truth that I am not anything close to heavenly, merely a very imperfect man, but I'm still not sure he's convinced. The way he looks at me sometimes as if I am someone worth worshiping, it's as ridiculous as it is intoxicating.
Simon and I started whatever this thing is between us semi-recently, after a lot of tension and dancing around our urges. He grabbed my shirt one day kissing me like his life depended on it and I swear it felt like a supernova, or how I imagine one would feel, obviously I wouldn't actually know. It felt like something that had been building for so long came to fruition and exploded inside me creating an entirely new burning bright star. Things got pretty um...intimate after that, I'm not one to kiss and tell – ok I did just tell about the kiss, but I mean beyond that. Not one to intercourse and tell? That feels worse to say. Okay, so we are intimate, so intimate in fact that when we first started it felt like we would never stop touching one another. It feels so good to feel another person again, I still get misty eyed about it. But the circumstances of us being together make it hard to really parse out a definition of what we are in terms of a relationship. I mean if I weren't literally his only option, I doubt he would want to do anything with me. And then there's the fact that I, well Rocky and I, saved him from certain death. I have told him he doesn't owe me anything for that and he says he knows, but does he? Or does he touch me as a form of repayment, a form devout worship to his angel? He still calls me an Angel sometimes and I'm never sure if its just a cute pet name or if he's still convinced I'm literally heaven sent. He's seen me fall on my butt enough times by now that he should know I don't live up to my last name, let alone the divine nature of make believe angels.
Simon turns over again in his sleep clutching the pillow tighter and my chest squeezes. I know I would do anything for him, even outside of our circumstances. Is that love? What is love? Baby don't hurt me no more. Heh, always think of that song, anyway it's hard to really know. I look at Simon and think I would want him in any universe, under any circumstances, but I don't know if that’s entirely honest or true. I don’t believe Simon truly would want me in any other situation, no matter what he tells me when our heads lay next to one other. I think this is the only way I could ever really have him, and it makes my heart fill and sink all at once. I have never felt this intensely in any of my past relationships and Simon's never had anyone else to compare. Poor guy that I'm his first everything. Poor me that I feel a guilty little thrill over that. I blink when I see Rocky roll into frame on the monitor watching Simon closely. I turn around to confirm that yes Rocky has left the lab, how long was I staring? I push down the thoughts calling me a creep, it's not creepy if it's something I picked up from Eridian cultural exchange right? I need to get back to work, for them. I take one last look at the screen, my two favorite people, my lifelines, before blinking back tiredness and looking into the microscope again.
I can't let anything happen to them because I was negligent. Never again.
Sample looks good so far but I adjust the light some more looking for problems that a small part of me knows aren't there, but I can't be sure until I check every inch of every Taumoeba farm. I hear Rocky roll back in behind me as I swap out the slides and try to ignore him, but hes very pushy. Literally, he's pushing against my leg again.
“Grace sleep now!” Rocky's tone has only gotten more demanding, if that's even possible. “Grace being bitch need sleep, sleep now.” I roll my eyes, I’m so glad Simon input that word into the translator, along with plenty of other vulgar English terms, and a few from Simon’s universe for good measure.
“Rocky I told you I'm fi-” I interrupt myself with a yawn I couldn't suppress.
“Grace make sleepy sound indicate Grace need sleep.” Rocky sounds so smug. “Even human body agree with Rocky.”
I sigh, internally kicking myself for ever teaching Rocky what a yawn is. I should have lied to him and said it was a sign that the human body is pumped up, but I don’t think I could ever really lie to Rocky.
“I need to stay awake just a little longer Rocky.” I attempt a lie because I really don't know how much longer I need to do this. Until I feel like it's enough, until the dread pooling in my limbs subsides.
“Grace lie.” I knew I couldn't lie to him, not for moral reasons but because he sees right through it every time, he can literally hear my heart rate. He's annoying like that. “Lie lie lie bad bad bad.” Rocky chastises me rolling into my leg over and over.
“I need to get this done and it'll go a lot faster if you leave me alone.” I don't mean to snap but I've been at this for who knows how long. The exhaustion is creeping in and I have to fight it, I have to sure that all of the Taumoeba is safe, that we're safe. Rocky pauses tilting back on his ball as if staring up at me. I want to apologize, but I also want him to get the heck out of here so I don't, and now it's a stand off. I fold my arms and look at him over my glasses giving my best disapproving teaching look, not that my facial expressions really matter with Rocky, but it helps me feel more confident in my stance. As per usual, I back down first, once a coward always a coward I suppose.
“Look Rocky I'm sorry buddy.” I begin as I deflate under the Eridian's stone cold stance. “I just need to make sure the Taumoebais is still safe for all of us, for me and Simon to eat, and for you in general. I need to make sure it doesn't break through any more barriers, or evolve to damage us or the ship in any way.” Emotion seeps into my voice as I desperately try to sound rational and in control, it's not working. “I can't let my negligence in the lab put us in danger again.” I finally admit to him slumping forward a bit as I press my palms onto Rocky's ball. I need him to understand, maybe once he gets it Rocky will leave me alone and let me work. Rocky considers my words for a moment tipping his body down making a low hum like noise. Then he snaps back up abruptly.
“Grace being stupid. No need to do this.” Rocky's musical voice hits me and I feel tears welling up in my eyes. “We will make it to Erid. Statement. We save stars. Statement. Grace, Simon, Rocky all live, all okay. Statement.”
I curl my lips inward to fight back a frustrated scream. He doesn't get it, why would he? Rocky's not the one who almost doomed the entire mission with his idiocy and carelessness. Rocky has been nothing but a hero every step of the way, and I'm just the idiot who's not even qualified to be here. I pat the sides of Rocky's ball before I turn back to the microscope.
“I need to do this, you wouldn't get it.” I tell him coldly as I adjust the scope. “Go watch Simon, he needs you right now. I don't.” I feel bad saying this, but I hope it makes him go.
“Rocky get Simon. Other human will help Grace.” Rocky trills as he tumbles out of the room.
“Yeah good luck with that.” I mutter. Simon is the heaviest sleeper I've ever met. Whenever I try to wake him up he just wraps his arms tighter around me and makes these cute little grunts in his sleep. That man is not waking up for anything but sure Rocky, go get him. I return my samples to their tanks and swab out fresh ones scraping against the same edge of the two Taumoeba farms I've been methodically checking. As I sit down and put one slide under the microscope I hear the lab door open behind me. I bet it's Rocky coming to tell me that he couldn't wake Simon, but it's funny I don't hear his ball-
“You. Bed. Now.” A deep voice commands behind me.
“Buy me dinner first.” I mumble jokingly before I can stop myself, then I feel something behind my back. I freeze and turn around looking up at Simon who is now looming over me with tousled black hair that is falling over his face. He's wearing my Cats t-shirt which is a little small on him with how broad his shoulders are and boxer shorts, he looks really peeved off. I do my best not to melt, gosh he looks good.
“I can't.” I force myself to turn away from those burning brown eyes and back to the microscope. “Have to check on our Taumoeba.”
“Rocky said that's a lie.” Simon says with a hint of annoyance. “He said you're freaking out over nothing.”
“It's not nothing if it could get us killed.” I respond bitterly while pointedly not turning around.
“Grace stupid. Rocky, Grace, Simon not die.” Rocky rolls in already talking. “Taumoeba is safe. Rocky, Grace, Simon all safe.”
“Rocky is right, Grace.” Simon tells me and without turning around I can picture him folding his arms as he sighs. “We're all safe and the Taumoeba cells are fine, everything is fine.” He's trying to sound comforting, but I can't let him break my concentration on this sample, no matter how watery my vision is getting.
“Now, come to bed.” Simon's more commanding tone is back and it takes everything in me not to turn around.
I swallow pushing back my tears and trying to keep my voice steady as I say: “No. I need to do this, go back to bed and I'll join you later.”
Simon leans down over me and presses his mouth so close to my ear I shiver at the feel of his warm breath. “Grace, I'm not asking” I hear his hot husky voice in my ear which it turns out is my only warning before I feel his arms wrap around my waist. Suddenly I'm being hoisted up from behind.
“What- woah- hey!” I manage to get out as Simon positions me into a fireman's hold over his shoulder. I try to squirm but his grip only tightens on me like a vice.
“Simon get Grace yes yes good good good.” Rocky chirps happily beside us rolling around in a circle, Simon just grunts in response. Great they've teamed up.
“Wait wait wait wait!” I interject as Simon starts heading for the lab door. “At least let me put the Taumoeba back in their farms, we can't leave them out!” I'm reaching toward the now much too far away lab table with grabby hands. Simon pauses, I can't see what he's doing from this angle but I can guess he's looking to Rocky to confirm. I'm offended he doesn't trust me on this.
“Taumoeba need to go back. Then Grace Simon go to bed, Rocky watch.” The Eridian informs Simon and he walks back over to the table putting me down on my feet. I'm taller than him again and give a sarcastic thank you before I lean over intending to look in the microscope. Simon clasps his hand over the eye piece and scowls at me.
“Put the samples back.” He instructs through gritted teeth. “No more checking.”
“Agree. Grace need sleep. Taumoeba not need to be checked.” Rocky concurs with Simon and I catch Simon put his opposite palm against Rocky's ball and Rocky reaches up with one of his limbs to press it against the same panel. They're high fiving now?! Great, the two most important people to me have teamed up to make me go to bed. I roll my eyes which only deepens Simon's scowl.
“Ok fine, you two are so bossy.” Simon rolls his own eyes and follows very closely behind me as I take the two Taumoeba sample slides and carefully put the cells back in their respective tanks. It is a little difficult to focus when Simon wraps his arms around my waist and puts his head on my shoulder but I manage, barely. I pause when the samples are returned, my hands itching to grab new ones but Simon is a step ahead of me.
"You're done." He announces as he lowers himself keeping one hand on my back and the other reaches for the back of my knees. And now he's holding me bridal style, my heart beating fast as I stare up. Simon turns his head to look at me as he adjusts his hold checking to make sure I'm secure, the tiniest flash of a smile on his lips as he notices my red face. Then he frowns again and turns his head to look forward as he carries me out of the lab, Rocky happily chirping behind us.
“I can walk you know.” I grumble, trying to disguise how much I actually enjoy being carried around by Simon. I like carrying him too, this is the first relationship I've ever had where both me and my partner can just casually pick each other up. It's nice to carry and be carried I suppose, but not when I have important lab work to do.
“Mm-hmm.” Simon responds in an annoyed tone.
I can’t believe Rocky actually woke him up for this, and I’m wondering how he even woke Simon since the guy sleeps like a log, especially when we’re cuddling- I let out a scoff as I come to a realization.
“I bet you’re not even a heavy sleeper!” I accuse while squinting up at Simon’s beard, his only response is a non-committal hum. That flipping faker, pretending to be asleep when I try to wake him.
“Simon take Grace yes yes yes good good good.” I glance over and see Rocky scrambling happily ahead of us.
“At least someone's happy.” I comment dryly.
“I'll be happy once you rest.” Simon replies, making his words sound weirdly threatening.
I'm quietly pouting the rest of the way, I hate the effect his voice is having on me as guilt swirls up in my guts. I was doing lab work to protect him and Rocky, and now they're making me feel bad about it all because I didn’t go to sleep right away. I know there’s more to it than that but my pressing thoughts of danger are making me grumpy. Ugh. We reach the bedroom and Simon deposits me not-so-gently on the mattress. My legs twitch and I'm contemplating making a break for it but then Simon plops down on top of me pinning me down with his full weight.
“Si-mon.” I wheeze out as his arms wrap tight around me squeezing the life out of me in a way that I don't mind despite the fact that he's crushing me. One thing I've learned about myself with Simon: I like being crushed by the weight of another person. But I do also love breathing, so it is a struggle. After another squeeze Simon’s hold becomes softer, he adjusts his position so his head is at my neck. I always feel a twinge of happiness when Simon is soft with me, it’s a side of him I don't think many others have experienced and I treat it as the privilege it is. I fidget a little beneath his grasp and Simon tightens his hold again but not as forceful as before.
“Grace Simon sleep now Rocky watch yes yes yes.” Rocky says and I look up at him in his xenonite tube above us and squint in annoyance.
“Rocky's right, sleep now Grace.” Simon whispers in my ear and I fight the shiver that rises up in me. My body is exhausted but my mind is still racing about the possibility of danger.
“But what if the Taumoeba goes bad?” I ask, my eyes darting away from Rocky's carapace. I can't look at either of them right now. “What if it breaches containment and kills our fuel? What if it evolves to poison us? What if-”
“Shhhhh.” Simon shushes me his hands rubbing circles on my back under my shirt.
“Rocky agree. Quiet Grace.” Rocky says from above in a quieter tone than he normally uses.
“But what if I messed with the Taumoeba farms too much?” I can feel the anxiety creeping in now as I squirm again. “What- what if I took too many samples and screwed the whole thing up and all the Taumoeba die? What if I exposed them too much- what if I killed us-”
“Hey, Ryland.” Simon shifts himself and his face is now above mine looking down at me with nothing but concern, all of the previous anger drained from his face. He's close enough that the hair dangling down from his head tickles my face. I look away, unable to face him, the man I saved and then just possibly doomed. Normally I love when he says my first name, but this time it makes my heart twist thinking I've murdered him, murdered us all with my mistake.
“Ryland, look at me.” Simon is so so gentle when he brings a hand to my face, his touch feather light as tilts my head toward his searching gaze. His brown eyes pin me still more than his body against mine as I feel caught in his tractor beam.
“You have done nothing but save me and Rocky.” Simon tells me in a hushed sincere tone that I almost believe.
“Grace save Rocky. Grace Rocky save Simon. Grace good.” Rocky concurs.
“If there was something wrong with the Taumoeba, you would know." Simon tries to assure me.
“B-but I didn't the last time!” My voice cracks and the dam is well and truly broken as I sob, tears flowing. “I was wrong before and it almost killed Rocky, that’s the whole reason he’s stuck with me on his journey home-”
“And the whole reason you found me.” Simon finishes my sentence with something unexpected and I sob harder. “And I'm thankful for that every second.” He continues. “You made a mistake, but you fixed it in the bravest way possible.”
“Grace brave. Statement.” Rocky chimes in. “Words of reassurance.”
“I can't- I can't risk you two.” I manage to get out between breath stealing sobs. “I don't want- I don't want to lose you or all of Erid.”
“You're not losing me.” Simon says as he brushes his thumb against my cheek.
“Not losing Rocky either.” Rocky confirms.
Simon leans down and kisses my forehead so sweetly that fresh tears spring forward for a whole new reason. He presses soft kisses on the sides of my eyes where the tears are trailing, kissing them away until I'm chuckling at the touch of his lips against my skin. Tears are still flowing but I'm laughing and everything feels lighter. Simon moves his face above mine again so I can see his smile and the tears pricking in his own eyes.
“My Starlight.” He says as his thumb brushes my cheek again and if I weren't already lying down I know I'd go weak at the knees. Starlight is one of the adoring pet names he's given me. I saved the stars in my universe and they went out in his, so when I showed him the stars for the first time he was breath taken, enchanted by their beauty. Simon told me once that looking at me is like seeing starlight for the first time all over again. I cried when he said it, and I get misty eyed every time he uses it.
“My Saving Grace.” Another pet name comes out as Simon lowers his head down again and begins peppering my face with soft kisses, his beard tickling against my skin. I'm giggling now as I wriggle an arm free so I can reach up and play with Simon's hair.
“Grace sad. Rocky Simon fix!” Rocky wiggles happily above us.
“Yeah, who's gonna save our Saving Grace, hmm?” Simon's rhetorical question is whispered against my skin before he continues kissing it. My whole body flushes as that supernova feeling explodes inside me over and over again with each press of lips. I can't stop the embarrassing mix of laughter and giddy noises that slip out. After a minute Simon raises his head up again.
“Feel better?” He asks with a dizzying smile. I am once again grateful to already be lying down.
“Yeah but there is one thing...” I trail off, unable to keep the no doubt goofy grin off my face as I pretend to ponder something.
“And what's that?” Simon asks, his face unsure as he's caught between concern and playfulness.
“You missed a spot.” I tease him and Simon scoffs rolling his eyes.
“Mmm can't have that.” Simon says as he carefully removes my glasses from their crooked position on the bridge of my nose. Then he swoops down and as soon as our lips touch my insides light up like a thousand supernovas creating their own galaxy. I reach both hands up now to cup either side of his face as I kiss back. We savor the taste of each other's lips as we break apart and come back together over and over again. It's not as intense as our make outs usually are, we're both too tired for that, but it is tender and sweet and I feel myself cry all over again.
“Simon Grace mate now, question?” Rocky asks and Simon breaks away to laugh as I groan. Rocky likes to watch our uhhh...mating rituals, and we let him. Not that we could really stop him since he can see through walls but sometimes we indulge him with our permission and give him a front row seat. The weird thing is I really don't mind, well okay I kind of like it. Sue me, I like something weird, a lot of weird things actually but I'm not going to think about any of that right now because I’m way too sleepy.
“No Rocky, we have to sleep, remember?” Simon looks over his shoulder. The way he says it sounds like he regrets the fact that we're both far to exhausted to make whoopee in front of our friend. Why is that thought kind of exciting? Stupid brain!
“Right right. Humans sleep. Rocky watch.” Rocky presses himself against the xenonite barrier for emphasis and we both can't help but laugh. Simon faces me again, a worried smile on his gorgeous lips.
“You okay now?” His question makes me want to keep crying, but I hold back tears.
“Yeah, yeah I'm okay, thanks to you two.” I smile wide up at my two saviors, my life lines. “Thank you.”
“Anytime, my Saving Grace.” Simon says and gosh I feel so weak at the sight of his grin.
“Rocky Simon fix. Make good team.” Rocky announces.
“Absolutely.” Simon agrees with a nod.
“Ugh I'm never winning another argument ever again with you two on board am I?” I laugh as I ask, knowing the answer when it comes to my stubborn crew mates.
“No, but did you ever win any arguments in your life before this?” Simon teases.
“Grace never won argument with Rocky. Statement.” Rocky says matter-of-factly.
“I've won arguments!” I protest as I feel my face going red. I've won arguments against Rocky, haven't I?
“Suuuure you have.” Simon says clearly not believing me. He leans down and kisses me tenderly again. “Now go to sleep.” He demands as he adjusts himself and lays his head on my chest wrapping his arms around me again.
“Yeah, yeah.” I reply feeling my eyelids getting heavy as my body relaxes into Simon's embrace. I cuddle him back, one hand still in his hair as I hold him against me, as if he'd ever willingly let go. His breathing against me is even and his body is noticeably much more relaxed than it was when he slept alone. Interesting. I slowly move my fingers through his hair the gentle texture helping me drift off.
I still wonder what we really are to each other and if he would ever say any of those sweet things to me in any other situation. But now I know one thing for absolute certain: I am in love with Simon. I think I've known it all along really, but it's hitting me now all at once as I hold him against my chest. I love him beyond reason, I love him more than the stars Rocky and I saved. I have no idea if he feels the same but right now as we lay our bodies together in the cosmos, I feel that this is enough. I think about this as I drift off the shores of consciousness Simon on top of me and Rocky above us both. All three of us safe as the chemical reaction called love pulses through the ship and pierces through me in a way I never want to recover from. I would do anything for Rocky and Simon, even rest.
A thought occurs to me and smile graces my lips as I fall asleep. The thought? That I am light-years away from Earth but for the first time I am truly home.