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Sakura has been staring at the bitten, cold bread bun in his hand for way longer than he knows. His eyes are focused on it like this baked dough holds all of the answers in the world. Or at least, or all the answers to the questions he currently has.
But his mind… his mind is not in this moment at all.
The fact that his two best friends are looking directly at him, repeatedly calling his name to snap him out of whatever took him so far away from their conversation, has not registered in his brain. To them, it's like they aren't even in the same plane of existence.
Then, Sakura feels a finger gently poking him on the cheek.
Sakura jumps out of his seat like he's under attack. He shouts, throwing the bread upwards, hands turning into fists. “W-what!?”
The whole classroom looks their way for a moment.
Suo catches the bread when it comes back down.
“S-sorry, Sakura-san.” Nirei looks at him apologetically. “It's just… you weren't answering…”
“Huh?” Sakura has no idea what he is talking about, he didn't hear anything. He takes the bread from Suo and, irritated, bites on it, before sitting back down. “What is it?”
“Nothing…” Nirei proceeds with caution, voice gentle. “we just got worried when you became so quiet. Anything on your mind?”
“No.” Sakura replies too quickly, taking another bite.
Nirei seems deflated when Sakura so obviously lies to them.
Suo however, goddamn Suo, somehow always knows exactly what's going on. “Ah, I got it. Sakura-kun is having love troubles.”
Nirei turns red at the mention of romance. He turns back to Sakura, a little panicked. “I-I don't have much experience, but I'll do my best! Just let me know what's wrong…” He reaches to grab Sakura's hand that is not holding bread. “They… didn't hurt you, right?”
Both of them are suddenly looking at him with the same protective expression.
Which is kind of annoying when he's told them so many times that, no, no one is harming or abusing him, and he's not being forced into anything. Sakura almost rolls his eyes at the question, but to be fair… they have pretty damn good reasons to not be particularly trusting of Endo or Takiishi.
“They didn't hurt me,” Sakura assures him, voice softening too, to show he appreciates their care. “it’s… it's not anything important.”
“You were thinking very hard,” Suo points out. “you sure you don't want a second opinion?”
Sakura pulls his hand back and eats the rest of his bread. Considering their dislike for Sakura's boyfriends, he isn't sure if their opinions are worth listening to. But friends are supposed to be open with each other, or something.
He grabs the cup of tea Suo served for him at the start of their break and drinks it all in a few gulps. “They want me to m-move in with them.” He blushes as he speaks, living together is just…
“I don't like that.”
“I don't like that either.”
“I knew it, you two are useless.” Sakura sighs. He isn't sure why, but Nirei is writing down in his weird little notebook.
“But… it's not what we like that matters. Do you want to do it?” Nirei asks.
Sakura leans back, staring at the ceiling so he doesn't have to look at his friends. “Yeah…”
“Then… what's the problem?”
“Hm…” What is the problem, exactly? Endo said he doesn't have to pay for a single thing, will be provided for. Sakura will be living in luxury if he accepts, for sure. A truly massive upgrade from his barely decent apartment. He will be given his own bedroom, with furniture, with a big bed and all the pillows and blankets he could possibly want.
And he won't rely on cold bread and instant noodles to stay alive anymore. He can order anything he wants, whenever he wants. Endo said he will cook for him, too, if Sakura wants a homemade meal.
They have fancy things like a huge bathtub and a balcony with a beautiful view. Materially speaking, declining is stupid.
But Sakura isn't the kind of person to give a damn about how many pricey things he has. Sure it's nice to be spoiled… but he doesn't hate living humbly. He is fine.
“We lost him again.” Suo says, interrupting his thoughts.
Sakura glares at him. “I'm thinking. Shut up.”
He watches Suo and Nirei look at each other, before his eyes focus back on the ceiling.
The other main benefit he would get… is constant company. Eating together. Hanging out at home. The… cuddles. He always sleeps on one of their beds when he visits, and he has a feeling that even if he gets his own, he'll be sleeping in their bedrooms most nights.
And that, well, sounds absolutely fantastic. He loves the warmth, the sense of safety brought by being in their arms. His face heats up remembering the feeling. Even if he often ends up too squeezed between the two, he can't complain.
Right, so there are no downsides. Absolutely no downsides. No matter how he looks at it, moving in with his boyfriends that pamper him in all ways possible, and are enthusiastically welcoming him, and whose company he very much enjoys… just doesn't have any cons. If anything, this all sounds like a dream scenario.
Sakura takes a breath, and finally looks forward again. “I think… I'm worried.”
“Worried… that something bad will happen to you?” Nirei asks slowly.
“No.”
That ‘no’ sounded so irritated, Nirei shrinks on his seat. “Right… then, what are you worried about?”
Sakura grabs the small plastic his bread bun came in, rolling it on his desk. Talking about his feelings helps him figure them out, he knows this by now. “Um… when you spend a lot of time with someone doesn't it get… boring?”
Suo fakes a sad expression, placing an open hand on his own chest. “Sakura-kun… are you saying you are done with us? I'm heartbro-”
“It's not about you!” Sakura hisses, pointing at his friend. “Not! about! you!”
Suo laughs a little, but Nirei still kinda looks like a kicked dog.
“N-not about you…” Sakura repeats, just in case. Okay, that was a terrible way to word it. “I mean… what if living together… changes things? Changes, like… what if they like me less? Or rather… they find out they don't like me as much as they thought?”
This insecurity Sakura has had from the start. That he could be just… a novelty. After all, his boyfriends could have anything they wanted, including people. They are extremely good-looking, and Sakura is, well… his boyfriends call him pretty and beautiful and cute all the time. That's what they say.
Does Sakura believe them?
Sometimes. It's not that he thinks they would lie to him, it's that he never heard such words directed at him for most of his life. Even putting looks aside, he can't be all that pleasant or easy to be around. He is awkward and overreactive and…
Nirei looks at Suo.
“I understand.” Suo says calmly, taking another sip of his tea. “Sharing a space is not the same as going on dates. You are right to be giving it much thought before making a decision. However, Sakura-kun… I don't understand how you can genuinely be concerned about those two” said with a certain degree of disdain “... possibly falling out of love with you.”
“Huh?”
Nirei nods repeatedly in strong agreement. “I know we don't know them as well as you do, but… they seem, um…”
“Obsessive.” Suo finishes for him.
Sakura tilts his head to the side.
“I-I mean… remember when you brought Takiishi-san to Pothos with us when he showed up after school?” Nirei asks.
“Yeah…” More specifically, Sakura remembers how embarrassed he was that Takiishi took his hand in front of everyone and refused to let go. Even inside Pothos, he wouldn't let go. But Sakura can't complain much, because… he is the one who shyly admitted to Takiishi that he enjoys holding hands, during one of their earlier dates.
Since then, Takiishi has been holding his hand when out in public as much as possible. As much as it made Sakura want to crawl into a hole when in front of his friends, Takiishi doing things he already knows Sakura likes is his way of showing affection, and social cues basically do not exist to him.
“He was staring at you the whole time, ate all his food without glancing at it…”
“He was barely blinking. It was creepy.” Suo adds.
“I… guess I've gotten used to it.” Sakura has known Takiishi likes to watch him eat from the start. But Sakura himself gets so focused on his meals (particularly if as tasty as the Pothos’ omelette rice) he rarely pays attention to where Takiishi is looking or what he is doing.
“How do you get used to that… I wouldn't be able to eat at all….”
“You sure are adaptable, Sakura-kun.” That did not feel like a compliment.
Sakura shrugs.
“And Endo-san texts you all the time, doesn't he? And his texts are super long… do you reply?”
“Only sometimes." But he does read them. He just doesn't have anything to say most of the time. Is that weird?
“Texting that much knowing he won't get a reply… that's…” Nirei doesn't finish his sentence, and writes down in his notebook again.
“Is it a big deal? I don't reply to our group chat all the time either…”
“How much money does Endo spend on you when you go shopping?” Suo changes the topic, with no shame.
“H-huh?”
“I mean, those sneakers you are wearing look really high quality. And all your casual clothes now are all from well-known, exclusive brands. It must be a fortune every time!”
“I…” Sakura becomes red. He already knew those things, but hearing it pointed out… that means everyone can tell, doesn't it. “It's not like I wanted any of it! He just does whatever he wants! I don't ask for things!”
“Ah… I wasn't accusing you of anything.” Suo makes a gesture with his hands, trying to get him calm. “Nothing wrong with having a wealthy boyfriend. I was just curious. So… how much, on average?”
Sakura crosses his arms. “I don't know.” And he really doesn't know. It's not like he can possibly ever pay it back (or like Endo would allow him to), so it's better he stays ignorant.
“Hmm.” Suo smiles in that fake nice way of his. Sakura doesn't like it.
“But…” Nirei adds hesitantly. “even if you don't ask for things, you could ask for anything, and it sounds like he would give it to you.”
“You should try it sometime, Sakura-kun. Ask for a yacht and see what happens!”
Sakura is not amused by Suo’s joke, because he already knows exactly what would happen. “I'm telling you, I don't care for fancy stuff…”
Suo nods. “And I think he knows that very well. After all, the gifts you get are very you. It's not simply expensive, they are thought out.”
Sakura pauses to think about those words. It's true, he's never received presents he would be uncomfortable wearing. The sneakers are exactly to his taste, and the clothes are but higher quality versions of his usual outfits. It's never anything flashy, or weird, or intimidating. “Takiishi usually picks it out. Endo says he just has a better eye for fashion…”
But Sakura never really considered that aspect. He never realized how happy he is that he doesn't feel like he's being casually bought, even if much money is being spent on him. Guess he needed someone to point that out for him to realize. His boyfriends will always do whatever they want, but they do keep Sakura, and his tastes, and his feelings, in mind.
His heart feels warm.
“They like you plenty, Sakura-kun.”
Sakura looks away, at the floor, because the floor is the only safe spot to look at. “So… you are telling me to accept and move in with them…?”
“No.”
“Huh!?” Sakura stands up again, slamming his hands on the desk. All their classmates briefly look in their direction again. “You have been convincing me this whole time!”
“But I still hate them.” Suo replies simply. Sakura sighs heavily and sits back down.
“Really… you two are useless.”
“It's just… your taste is a bit strange, Sakura-san.”
Sakura groans.
“But you already said you want to do it, from the start. If the only thing stopping you is the possibility that you aren't liked enough… haven't we proved you wrong?”
“You are so… confusing.” Is the only thing Sakura can say. How are they expecting him to make up his mind like this!? He briefly considers punching Suo in the face.
“We want you to be happy.” Nirei grabs his hand again, because he apparently loves doing that. “Even if you are finding happiness with people that, uh…” Nirei gets stuck mid-sentence. “...we wouldn't have chosen for you.”
“To put it nicely.” Suo says. “I wouldn't have put it that nicely.”
Nirei turns to him with a slight frown. “We have to have some tact, Suo-san! Sakura-san loves them!”
Sakura flinches at the word love. It's true, of course it's true. He loves his boyfriends deeply… but he rarely says it. If he does, it's in the form of the whisper. And at night, when the lights are off and it's likely that at least one of them already fell asleep. And Nirei is just here shouting it!?
“Yes, yes.” Suo moves his chair a little closer to Sakura, looking at him directly, suddenly more serious than seconds before. “I meant what I said. Maybe you can't see it yourself, but for anyone watching from the outside… it is beyond obvious that you are adored. Their interest in you isn't fleeting, we can tell. If that was the case, we would not be as tolerating of them as we are.”
Nirei nods. “We pay attention!”
Sakura falls silent. His boyfriends are clearly not the only ones that… love him, or take care of him.
“Sakura-san?”
“Y-yeah… I got it.” He pouts in embarrassment, pulling his hand away from his friends grasp. “I… uh, thank you...” He clears his throat, he doesn't say it, but he's made a decision now.
From the way they are so softly smiling at him, they probably can tell.
And they will still again, later, say they don't like it.