Work Text:
I’m shaking.
Curled into myself, breath stuttering in and out.
The floor is cold beneath me,
one hand clutching the pills,
the other trembling against the gun's cold metal pressed to my skull.
It's so cold. So very cold.
I remember you.
The promises we made with tiny hands,
pinky fingers linked like they could hold the whole world together.
Our worries were small then.
Our days soft and golden as we ran through fields without fear.
You braided my hair like it was a ritual,
like you were weaving light into me.
I laugh at those days now.
But I can't help but wonder what you thought of me back then.
Before everything changed.
I would rather see your face than all of the paintings in the world.
Smell your perfume, the scent like that of lovely fresh roses.
Touch your hair, long and luminous and shiny— as if it is made of light itself.
See your beautiful smile for the last time as you held on to me in this cruel world.
I would die a thousand times, just to see you live.
In every lifetime... I choose you.
In every lifetime, I chase you.
Endlessly, eternally.
Even if you can't smell.
Even if you can't touch.
Even if you can't see.
I will be there.
The moon rises, lighting up the
sorrowful night.
Another night without you,
another one full of misery.
I wonder if you still remember me?
I put the gun down to turn on my phone, just to check my notifications one last time.
None. Of course. Nobody cares about me anymore, do they? Not since you left.
You were the only one who ever cared.
The only one who ever liked my posts.
The only one who would compliment my new outfit.
The only one who would look at me as if I was a human, instead of a hideous creature.
Do they see now? Do they care now?
I won't be missed in death, just like how I'm not missed in this cruel life either.
Nobody but you would miss me.
Did you know?
I miss you. I miss you so, so much.
Too late now, I suppose; so, so late.
Although I still reach for your light every waking moment.
Your force, to me, is like what a sun is for mere mortals.
You are my sun.
You are my light.
You are my goddess.
You are my everything.
What am I to do without you?
I sigh and pop my pills in, like you would've wanted me to.
The night is swallowing what is left of me.
I think.
"This moment was inevitable, wasn't it?"
And then I pull the trigger.