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Sleep had not been easy. Not tonight. Plagued by a myriad of dreams throwing her subconscious left right and center, Herta had hardly rested. From one minute to another, suddenly she was a little girl back in her home. The Blue.
“My little brave girl,” her mother murmured. “I’m glad to see you so grown. Aren’t you excited for your first day of school?”
Herta—disinterested as always—hardly answered. Nobody had really known at the time what had been going through her young little head. Always in the clouds, thinking about something unknown. If she were any typical child it might have been unicorns, rainbows, dolphins, and bright sunshine. Maybe a pirate ship on an exciting adventure; perhaps even a space explorer discovering new planets. But Herta wasn’t an average child. She had made that very clear from a young age.
Her mother let out a small amused sigh, far too used to her daughter’s eccentricities to find offense in her borderline offensive ignorance. It wasn’t that she meant harm, she knew.
Still, her kind blue eyes and light brown brows never once conveyed irritation at her antics. It was something that Herta had always appreciated.
“Liebchen, baby,” her mother repeated. “Look at me.”
Herta perked up at that nickname. She hadn’t heard it in amber eras. Only her mother ever called her that. Finally she raised her head to look her mother in her eyes. Those blue eyes that she had only ever seen one person ever come remotely close to resembling. Her mother brought her two soft hands to cup her face gently. Delicately. Herta could even vaguely smell the lavender hand lotion she had always used.
“I am so proud of you, my love. Of the young little lady you’re becoming. I know one day you’ll become someone that not just I and your father are proud of—but someone that the whole cosmos will admire.”
Using her left hand she softly brushed Herta’s light brown bangs, a hair color similar to her own, and left a gentle kiss on her forehead. A message without words. A reminder.
Herta had even opened her mouth to respond. ‘Thank you Mama,’ perhaps? An ‘I love you,’ maybe? She wasn’t sure.
She didn’t say anything in her memories. She would be a fool to think she could change that now.
She was grounded in that soft caress, warm and loving. Closing her eyes, relishing in the touch. She was happy.
When she opened her eyes once more, her mothers face was gone. Someone new was holding her face. Her blue eyes were less warm, more turquoise compared to pale blue, maternal love entirely gone, but still soft. Still loving. Regarding her gently, caringly in their own way. The woman’s hair was darker. It remained brown, yes, but now it reminded her of the color of coffee than it did of the softest shade of flowers.
Ruan Mei. Her Ruan Mei.
“You never cease to fascinate me, Herta,” she murmured. Her tone was as soft as her mother’s.
Herta’s breath caught.
“Your eyes,” she mumbled. Gaze diverted.
Ruan Mei smiled softly, “what about them?”
“They remind me of my mother’s when you look at me that way.”
“Your mother’s?” She repeated.
Herta closed her eyes and chuckled, leaning into her lover’s touch. She grasped the hands holding her face with her own.
“Perhaps it’s the softness of the way you look at me. Only she ever looked so lovingly at me. Her blue eyes were just as piercing as yours.”
“Mm,” Ruan Mei acknowledged. “Tell me more.”
“She used to call me ‘liebchen’ when addressing me,” Herta continued. “It means darling in my native language.”
“Liebchen,” her lover echoed. “It has a beautiful ring to it.”
Herta smiled. It wasn’t strained, but it was laced with something underneath. Something akin to a grief that had long healed, but its traces remained. Something melancholy.
“I inherited her hair for the most part. Mine was a little darker. My father used to point out I also had her nose. But always proudly remarked I had his face shape and ears.”
“You’ve never brought these things up to me.”
A soft laugh.
“I suppose not. I don’t think I will for a long time. I tend to not want to remember such old events. My life has been far too long and important to dwell on past things.”
“It’s a part of you. Those times shaped who you were,” her lover pressed.
Herta pulled away and sat up a little straighter. She missed the contact, but did not return to her lover’s embrace.
“I disagree. My life was shaped by my audience with Nous THEMSELVES. Everything before that was my childhood—which ended the second I stopped being a mere human girl, and I became another life in Erudition.”
Ruan Mei didn’t respond. She simply just sat there.
“My whole existence is thanks to THEM,” she insisted.
Ruan Mei still did not respond. She sat still, cold but gentle gaze calculating. It irked Herta. She even opened her mouth to respond, yet once again words failed her.
She blinked and Ruan Mei too was gone, just like her mother had.
All she saw in front of herself was her bed, and three puppets looking at her confusedly.
“You’re.. not Madam Herta,” one of them chirped. Easily recognizable. Puppet #2323 stood over her. In her laying position she stood towering above Herta, if anything.
“Perhaps Madam Herta left earlier this morning to do some business?” The second one offered. Puppet #0307.
“She never leaves in the morning without us assisting in her usual routine!” The third puppet argued. Puppet #0067.
Puppet #0307 scoffed, “Well I don’t see you offering a better explanation for why she isn’t in her bed!” The puppet turned back towards Herta, “What are you doing here little one? Did Ruan Mei forget one of her creations here once more?”
Herta rolled her eyes—well, she thought she did. “Little one? Why are you all standing over me like a bunch of buffoons with nothing better to do?” She snapped, offended.
Except—
“Meow Meow, Meow, Mew!” Was all she ended up saying.
…
What?
Herta looked down,
Oh my aeons, she realized with a jolt, those are paws. I have paws. Why do I have paws?
“Mrrow?” Puppet #0067 responded.
Puppet #2323 smacked her across the head, “Don’t meow back at it, you nitwit!”
Herta shifted her position upon her plush duvet to have a better view of her puppets.
I get it now. This is another dream. What an odd series of dreams I’ve had this time around.
“Do you think we should take it back for Ruan Mei to deal with it?” Puppet #0307 offered sheepishly.
“I don’t know!” Puppet #2323 admitted. “If Madam Herta allowed it to remain here to begin with I would think there would be no issue of leaving it here as well.”
I’m right here! Here you idiots!
“I wanted to assist Madam Herta in her morning routine!” Puppet #0067 complained. “It’s the best part of my day!”
You’re right. But you’re annoying.
Puppet #2323 sighed, “Your whining is sooo annoying! Do you ever do anything but whine?”
Thank you! This is why you’re my favorite puppet.
Puppet #0307 immediately chimed in, “Stop being so bossy! Let’s just take it to Ruan Mei. If Madam Herta wants it back she’ll find no issue finding an excuse to visit Ruan Mei. She does it plenty anyway.”
I— Do not!! All my reasons are very real and necessary!
“Yes you’re right,” Puppet #0067 agreed. Any sign of her previous breakdown was nowhere to be seen. “If there’s any inconvenience Madam Herta would ever not hate, it would be having to visit Ruan Mei.”
I do not like visiting her that much! Stop overstating my semi-frequently-at-best-visits!
Puppet #2323—the only remaining sensible one—immediately objected, “I think we should leave it as is. There’s no use inconveniencing our great Madam Herta. She’s so amazing and flawless.. I would hate to be the reason for her woes..”
“But Herta,” Puppet #0307 turned to properly face the other puppet instead of gazing down at the purple cat cake sitting on the bed, “Don’t we also have it in our programming to want to visit Ruan Mei?”
Herta’s only puppet of reason finally sighed. Objections were no longer in sight.
“You’re right. I do want to see Ruan Mei.”
Traitor! I did not create you to be so desperate for anyone but me!
She no longer had any puppets of reason. Where had she gone wrong? Woe.
“Then let’s go,” was all Herta heard before a pair of soft hands picked her up. She let out a soft meow of discontent. Weak at best, she didn’t have the heart to outright object.
Thank the aeons for teleportation. Where even are we?
“Where are we?” Puppet #0067 asked.
When you say it, it makes my original question look foolish. Obviously we’re at Ruan Mei’s home! I think.
The halls were not high. In contrast to the Herta Space Station, where metal walls were varying shades of gray, and the constant hum of machinery were always present, this place’s architecture opted for a more comfortable feel. The colors were lighter, but not colorful. A mix of beiges, whites, and blues. Homey, but not quite lived in. Like whoever resided there did not stay very often.
The hallway in which they stood—clearly the entryway of the abode—was only separated from the rest of the home by a thin sliding screen, already halfway open.
The smell of incense hung in the air. Not uncommon for Ruan Mei. This time around the air smelled of lilies as opposed to the smell of plum blossoms that were typically present.
From what Herta could see into the main living area, all the windows’ drapes were open. The area was brightly illuminated by the light of the sun. Whichever planet they currently were on had a very pleasant star in the sky.
The gentle hymn of music drifted through the air, a melody of traditional opera.
Ruan Mei loved opera. Of course she would be listening to that in her free time.
A woman’s beautiful singing voice—a peaceful lull. A poetic mix of words in a language she could not understand. She still could appreciate the music nonetheless.
I certainly haven’t been here before.
“Hello? Ruan Mei!”
Herta jumped where she was still sitting in one of the puppet’s hands.
“#0067 what are you doing? We’re not even supposed to be here. Take me back!” was all she said with a hiss to accompany it.
Instead, “meow, meow, meow. Meow meow!” and a meager hiss.
Curse these cat limitations!
Initially there was no response to puppet #0067’s call, just the silence only broken by the opera singer’s music.
Then, footsteps. Slow, measured. Not at all hurried. Ruan Mei finally peeked over the corner of the hallway, confusion evident on her face.
“Herta?”
“I didn’t agree to intrude on your home, this is all their doing!” Herta cried.
Why do I even need to explain myself? I’m The Herta after all!
Though.. Even in her dismay she wouldn’t stop herself from looking. Glasses perched on her nose, wearing an off-white shirt that was tucked into a black skirt.
Her hair was up—but not in its usual up-do—but rather just a bun.
Truly breathtaking, no matter how she looked.
Puppet #0307, who was holding Herta in her small hands, chirped, “Ruan Mei! Madam Herta completely vanished and all we found was this cat cake. We weren’t sure what to do with it so we brought it here.”
“How did you even know I was here?” was all the biologist asked initially. Herta couldn’t blame her. How did they know?
“Madam Herta once gave us access to a small amount of her power—including her magic—and forgot to take it back. So we used it to find you!” puppet #0067 eagerly explained.
Whoops.
Ruan Mei stepped closer and took the cat cake from the puppet’s hands, unknowingly holding her lover in the palms of her hands.
It was when she finally rested in Ruan Mei’s gloved hands did it sink in. With a terrifying jolt, Herta realized.
This isn’t a dream, is it?
When she had dreamed that night of her lover, she had felt her. Had felt her touch. It was the same touch, the same gentle caress. It was her, but it wasn’t her.
Now that she was in the hold of this Ruan Mei, she realized it wasn’t just her holding Herta as a cat cake. It was her. Entirely real. Entirely organic.
This was real life.
I’m doomed, Herta thought helplessly. I’m doomed and I’m doomed as a cat cake genetically engineered by my own lover.
Ruan Mei looked down at Herta. Cold gaze staring at her analytically. Observing. Studying her. Almost as if near instantly she realized something was up. Something odd. Something that should not have happened, yet still did.
“You’re an odd one..” she murmured. “Perhaps a genetic mutation. I’ll have to study you further.”
“Ruan-Mei-!” Puppet #2323 butted in. “We also completely know where Madam Herta is. Do not let #0307 tell you lies!”
“It’s not a lie! We don’t know where she–” #0067 began, but puppet #2323 butted in.
“Shush! Shush!”
Ruan Mei stood there silently. Confusedly. Herta couldn’t blame her either. If she went back to her home for some peace and silence, somebody else’s puppets and not that person in question suddenly appearing in her house would have been horribly confounding at best.
Wait—no. She never got confused!! Never!!
It certainly would be irritating.
“So..” Ruan Mei began. It was as if she were picking her words. Precisely. Methodically. As if she were testing them in real time. “Do you or do you not know where she is?”
“Of course they don’t know where I am! Fools!”
The puppets shifted nervously where they were standing—whilst Ruan Mei caressed the mewling cat cake in her hands. It was comforting.
Maybe being stuck as one of her cat cakes isn’t so bad.
“Well.. we technically know where she is?” #0067 offered.
“Which is?” the stolid biologist pressed.
“The cosmos in which we reside.”
“You baboon!” #0307 hissed, jabbing her fellow puppet in her side.
“I don’t know what else you want me to say!” #0067 wailed defeatedly. “You guys say something!”
Ruan Mei—and by extension Herta—simply watched.
Wow. This is insulting to my intellect.
Puppet #2323 used both of her hands to cover the others’ mouths, earning her two indignant ‘hmph!’s from them. It was as if they were attempting to continue their bickering through her fingers. Instead they sounded like two cartoonish clowns with tape over their mouths.
I have a headache.
“Fine, fine! We don’t know where she is! Not at all! Nada! We went to her bedroom this morning and she wasn’t there! No message, no nothing!” #2323 finally admitted.
#0307 finally managed to peel #2323’s palm off her mouth, “What happened to not telling her at all?!”
“Oh come on—It’s Ruan Mei! She’s allowed to know!”
“That’s not what you told us earlier!”
Please stop.
“I changed my mind.”
Meow. When I regain my human form you are the first three to be turned into mice.
Ruan Mei finally made a noise to interrupt their conversation. A sigh.
“Please stop arguing. I can’t hear my opera.”
“We just told you that The Madam Herta is missing and you’re worried about your opera!” #0067 wailed.
Dramatics. Not my kind of good drama either.
“I have little reason to believe an emanator of Erudition would be in danger of any kind. She must have gotten distracted somewhere and did not bother to inform anyone. It has happened.”
“It has happened to you. But she always tells us. Always! It’s worrisome at best!” #0307 argued.
“Have we…” #0067 began, “lost our purpose…?” Artificial tears welled in her glassy eyes.
“Maybe she decided we’re not good enough to inform of her whereabouts..!” she wailed.
She turned around and grabbed the door, opening it and running out—sobbing.
“Well.”
“I think we need to retrieve #0067.”
“Agreed.”
“Apologies Ruan Mei, it seems our visit to your..” #2323 looked around for a moment and surveyed the home they were standing in, “secret humble abode has been cut short. I look forward to seeing you once more.”
#0307 nodded from beside her, but did not add any commentary of her own.
Without another word they simply.. Left.
I never realized my own puppets were so unsatisfactorily sudden with their exits. I might have to check their settings and update their personalities. Wait—never mind that—
“Ruan Mei!! It’s me!! Me!! Madam Herta! Peerless, inimitable beauty, unrivaled intellect. Me!! I demand you recognize me this instant!”
Of course, Ruan Mei did not react. Did not even flinch at the sudden barrage of meows from the insistent cat cake in her hands.
It made her shiver. But at the same time, she loved that gaze. Those eyes.
Those same calculated eyes that regarded her in her dream were now looking at her once more.
Completely ice-cold.
It made Herta squirm uncomfortably. It always had. It always felt like she was picking apart every little thing about her. About her psyche. Almost as if she could read her mind just from looking at her.
Perhaps this entire time she knew it was Herta in that form. Somehow that Herta had become a cat cake.
They stayed like that for what felt like ages. A millenia. Ruan Mei staring at the cat cake in her hands, and Herta staring up at her stoic lover.
“I sense there’s something odd about you. Like there’s something that sets you apart from my usual creations. A.. divergence,” she said aloud.
Internally, Herta was grateful at the narration of her thoughts. Her, an open book like her lover claimed her to be, was never to read Ruan Mei the same way. Every time she thought she finally understood what was happening in her brilliant mind, she only ever disappointedly came to realize that there were always more layers to uncover.
“I should give up trying to say anything to you. For being your own creations, you’re the least aware about any cues. You of all people should have unlocked the secret to their language!”
“You like to talk much more than the others as well, I notice,” Ruan Mei murmured amusedly.
Herta bristled at that. She was pleased, yes, that she was still the reason the biologist was so soft, but it technically still wasn’t affection directed at her!
“You—I want to be my beautiful self again. I can’t handle being quite literally in the palm of your hands anymore.”
“I wonder what you are trying to say to me..” her lover mused, voice trailing off pensively.
“Meow meow meow! Is that all that I’m saying to you? Meow meow meow meow!”
For being such a mechanical woman insistent that she did not feel towards her own creations, she was oddly attentive and doting.
First, immediately giving Herta food. Perhaps all of her “speaking” had convinced Ruan Mei that she had only been hungry. While not the attention she desired, she complied. Not without complaints, though. Not like her lover would understand.
Then, she gave more attention than what was necessary.
Herta recalled a specific occasion when she had been doing something similar to a little cat cake named Lambda’s friend.
“I thought you said you didn’t care for them aside from ‘what was necessary’” Herta commented amusedly.
Ruan Mei’s hand paused where she was caressing the little cat, causing the dessert-feline in question to let out a discontented mew. She didn’t look up from the book in her hand that she
“I don’t. Sometimes I choose to indulge. They’re cute at times,” the stoic woman said.
Herta didn’t respond immediately. Her lips formed a knowing smirk, almost as if she were saying ‘yeah, right’ without actually saying any words.
Ruan Mei finally looked up from the booklet in her hand. “It’s true,” she insisted. Herta could almost hear the frown in her tone, even if her face remained expressionless.
“I didn’t say anything,” Herta’s smirk grew even wider. She still feigned innocence.
“Your expression speaks for itself.”
“I have no clue what you’re talking about.” Yes she did. It was entirely on purpose. She didn’t even bother to change her expression the tiniest bit.
This time, Ruan Mei’s eyelids dropped. Her gaze sharpened, giving her an expression of “are you really doing this right now?” But did not bother to respond. Her hand resumed petting the little cat cake, who began purring contentedly once more.
Now, Herta was the cat cake, and nothing changed. Sat on a cushioned couch in Ruan Mei’s main room, with Ruan Mei’s hand on the top of her head, rubbing in rhythmic motions that felt incredibly satisfying.
That was when she learned that just like any other cat and cat cake alike—she too could purr.
Ruan Mei herself had her legs reclined on an ottoman, with a book sitting in her lap.
Though she couldn’t see from where she was sitting at that very moment, an earlier glance stolen at the book she was reading told Herta that she was reading a book about biological life titled “Selfish Gene.”
Ah. Biology and controversial. Typical. As expected of my Mei.
Then, she began speaking to Herta.
“Admittedly I was looking for a quiet few days away from things. That’s why I came to this home. Nobody knows I have it, though I rarely come anyways. Only when my eyes get tired of constant research, do I decide to take a break,” the biologist had said. “I was a little surprised, admittedly, to see the puppets here of all places. Initially I had thought that Herta had for some reason tracked me down just to visit, until I saw you in one of their hands. I wonder why Herta left you behind.”
I wonder too! I wonder! I really do! Hmph!
“Perhaps I should tell her about this place. I feel she would appreciate a place to stop by, even if it’s just to see me.”
Lucky for you, I happened to learn about your secret home today.
“Apologies, I usually am not this chatty,” Ruan Mei smiled. She leaned back where she was sitting, arms crossed just under her chest.
Her glasses slipped down her nose a little as a result of this action. She did not bother to fix it.
You never let me see this side of you when I’m just Herta. Casual. Unguarded, but in a new way.
Finally allowing yourself to admit that you care for your creations more than you tell others. Perhaps even yourself.
Maybe you need even more encouragement to finally make the last of your walls fall..
Herta squirmed away from Ruan Mei’s caress. She missed it immediately. But her mission was far more important at that moment.
With a soft mrrow she hopped towards the edge of the couch and jumped down to the floor. For being confined to a cushion-like home, movement was not as difficult as it appeared to be.
It took relatively little effort to hop away from where they had originally been sitting, all the way across the room and towards what seemed to be the kitchen.
Apparently, towards whichever device was playing the opera. It grew louder. No longer as a sound in the background, but a part of a reality that Herta was still struggling to understand.
She could hear an inhale and exhale coming from behind her, then the shifting of someone who was in the process of getting up to follow.
Perfect.
Follow me, Mei!
“Ah, where are you going?” Ruan Mei asked. Herta did not turn around. Simply kept moving forward.
It took a relative few moments for her lover to walk over in a few short strides and pick her up. Herta let out a short indignant meow, shifting in the biologist’s hold.
“What was your intention?” Ruan Mei asked once more. Amusement laced her tone and there was a near imperceptible upwards quirk of her lip.
Herta did not meow this time. Instead she took advantage of Ruan Mei’s loose hold to jump down once more, now running away back into the living room where Ruan Mei was currently facing away from.
She took advantage of the few seconds it took for Ruan Mei to register what occurred and which direction she ran off to, to hide under the nearest furniture.
Inconvenient, maybe, but she might just put in the effort this time. Not that I mind being an inconvenience from time to time.
All Herta heard was a confused acknowledgement of her disappearance. A small, quiet, “hm?’
I wish I could see the look on her face right now. She makes the cutest faces when she’s confused.
Even as a cat Herta couldn’t shake the teasing but endearing thoughts that constantly swam in her mind. Wouldn’t. She was far too infatuated to dare.
From under the dresser she was currently at, Herta could see Ruan Mei’s legs but not her face. The biologist stood there for a few moments, before turning her whole body to face the living room area.
“Where did you go?”
Herta did not let out so much as a meow.
Then Ruan Mei sighed, but began her search.
First she looked under the table that was in the area connecting the kitchen to the living room.
Then, upon realizing Herta was not there, she turned and walked fully into the living area.
A quick glance under the couch. Failure.
A look under the coffee table. Nothing.
Herta watched amusedly at every attempt. Took satisfaction in seeing Ruan Mei struggle, even if her face gave away relatively little emotion.
That smugness then quickly vanished when Ruan Mei—almost as if she had suddenly gained frightening clarity—turned to look under the dresser from where she was across the room. No doubt having spotted the dessert cat hiding under.
“You rascal,” she smiled softly.
She smiled! At a cat cake! So she does care!
“Come get me! That took you five minutes too long, Mei!”
But Ruan Mei did not move from where she was crouched down.
“Hurry up, I don’t have all day! Well, technically I do but— no, my patience doesn’t have all day!”
Ruan Mei still did not move. She simply sat there blankly. Did not even react at her insistent meowing.
They sat there for what seemed like hours. But was only for a couple of minutes.
“It’s been an odd day,” she finally admitted. “A very odd day.”
She raised her left hand to run her hand through her hair, mussing it in the process.
“Perhaps it is the fact that you were for some reason in Herta’s care without my knowledge that makes you so special? I am unsure.”
What?
“I possess little desire to connect with my creations. They’re.. Bothersome,” Ruan Mei continued. “You treat me as some sort of revered creator. An inimitable deity who could only ever do them right. You love me deeply as some sort of incredible maternal figure. The issue is.. I am not. I cannot be.”
Herta shuffled out of where she was sitting, from the dresser, and moved to where Ruan Mei was sitting. She no longer was crouching, but fully sitting on the floor, knees brought up to her chest as some futile sense of comfort.
Herta wanted to do nothing less than embrace her.
“Failures. The whole experiment. You are failures in my eyes. My intention was to create nothing less than sentient-genius. Not beings with feelings, that are able to feel before they think. That is why I abandoned that project. I did not gain the answers I desired.”
Herta took that pause to properly jump into Ruan Mei’s lap, a soft purr, yet still trying to show she was listening. She looked up at the stoic woman, patting at her with her paw in acknowledgement.
Ruan Mei’s blank expression faltered once more, and her smile returned. Still, she did not stop her explanation.
“But now I have changed as a person. My mindset has been so fundamentally uprooted by Herta, by my love for Herta, that I no longer know what to think. I find myself feeling before thinking at times. Now every time I look at you or your brethren I convince myself that my reasons are hypocritical and unfair to uphold. But I still have little idea of where to start, and I still find myself unsure if I want to. But at the same time I do. My own mind is conflicting itself.”
Herta could do little more than listen.
Listen to this side that Ruan Mei had never dared to confide in her. Had never dared to even write down.
It wasn’t shame, no, but something different. Something more fundamentally complicated—yet still flawed.
She had never seen this side of her lover.
It opened her eyes, in a sense.
Ruan Mei had spent the better part of that afternoon simply talking.
Herta had never once heard her speak so much.
By the time the sun was beginning to set, and the light outside began to fade, Ruan Mei had finally gone silent once more.
Of course, Herta could read her just a little.
Though most of the time she was an impossible enigma, there were times—very few times—where she could case into those turquoise eyes, into those pink-littered irises, and read her like an open book.
Like now it was clear she was in deep thought.
A shame, really, Herta thought. I could never grow bored of hearing her talk. Even if it’s for hours on end.
Always in thought. I just wish I knew every little thing about what is going on in that ridiculously genius mind of hers.
“You know,” Ruan Mei finally said. “I have been pondering all evening.”
Herta leaned her head upward to curiously look up at her lover.
“I have been keeping records—especially recently—of my creations. Specifically the cat cakes. I have little recollection of seeing any single cat cake of your kind anywhere,” Ruan Mei looked down to meet Herta’s sugary gaze. “Not just that. Your design is particularly.. Unique. As if you were catered to be Herta herself but in cat form.”
There’s no way she doesn’t know.
“I wonder if Herta created you herself.”
I am Herta!!
Then Ruan Mei finally stood up. She stretched from where she was standing and turned to look at Herta. “Apologies. It is growing late. You can stay with me for the night, and tomorrow we shall figure out where Herta has gone.”
That is how I have found myself here, of all places. In Ruan Mei’s bed. As a cat. Bitter thoughts ran through her mind as she stared at the wall beside her.
By that time it was late into the night. There was no light in sight except for the moonlight filtering through the curtains.
The soft breathing of a sleeping person sounded from behind her.
Comforting, but frustrating.
Because all she truly desired was to wrap her arms around her lover and sleep comfortably. Instead, she was a cat cake.
Well, a beautifully unique and incredibly intelligent cat cake, but a cat cake nonetheless.
She wanted to smile at Ruan Mei. Wanted to talk back to her in a genuine way. Not just through meows that she couldn’t understand.
But at the same time..
Another truth was made clear. Was torn wide open and laid bare right in front of Herta. In front of her paws. Hah.
Ruan Mei cared for her creations. In her odd way, yes, but cared nonetheless.
All because she was learning to live.
Learning that apathy would not be the answer to life.
It was an epiphany that made every inconvenience she had lived through that day worthwhile.
Still—
Just how exactly was she supposed to turn back to normal? How would she get Ruan Mei to realize it was actually her along? Would Ruan Mei even know how to turn her back to her original form to begin with??
There were many questions in her mind and not nearly enough things to soothe her.
Well, except for the comforting warmth behind her. But how would she ever cope with such a thing if she were stuck as a cat?
I don’t even have any of my magic anymore! I checked!
Through all the things plaguing her anxiety-ridden brain, a cloud of exhaustion finally managed to cut through and override her brain.
By Aeons she was tired. Perhaps it was the feline in her, a desire to sleep, that she had not attended to in favor of spending time with her lover. Listening to her every word. Or perhaps it was the warmth of the woman behind her. Even in an unfamiliar body, familiar warmth always reassured her.
Just a little sleep…—
“Mmh..” Ruan Mei’s hand wrapped around her waist from behind. Herta leaned into the touch purely out of instinct, a small smile already on her lips despite being mostly asleep.
She could feel the soft huffs of breath on the back of her neck. Slow inhales and exhales, steady and easy enough to measure.
It made her want to both shiver and scoot closer simultaneously. Their legs were tangled under the covers.
It was easily past midnight by that hour. The outside world was just as asleep as her lover.
The same lover who was holding her like the most precious thing in the world.
Like.. like—
Herta’s eyes shot open in a shocking moment of clarity. Her hand flinched away from where she was holding Ruan Mei’s hand on her hip with her own. Struggling in the dim lighting, Herta opened her eyes and willed herself to adjust to the darkness so she could better see her own hand in the dark.
That’s.. That’s my hand isn’t it? My paws.. Where are my paws?
In her haste to move, Ruan Mei stirred as well. Not fully awake, but a gentle “hmm” of acknowledgement to her lover’s being awake.
“Herta?” she asked, sleep making her voice heavier. Huskier.
Herta felt her face warm at that tone of voice, only ever present in the gentle whispers of dawn or the late yawns of the evening when the gentle embrace of sleep gave way to a quiet rouse from slumber.
Then Herta felt Ruan Mei tense as well. As if she too realized that Herta was there too. But she wasn’t supposed to be there.
A soft hand moved from where it lay on the bed beside Herta to grasp at her waist once more, with Ruan Mei pulling Herta closer just to embrace her warmth once more. She buried her nose in her hair as if she were trying to become one with her scent.
“When did you come here?”
“Really?” Herta asked incredulously. “You’re not questioning why I’m here, at your secret home that you never bothered mentioning to me, in your bed, sleeping comfortably?”
“Hm, do you want me to?”
“No!”
“Then no.”
“I simply found myself here,” Herta explained. She felt the tips of her ears warming up in a blush that Ruan Mei would thankfully not be able to see in the darkness of the room.
“Really?” Ruan Mei asked unconvinced. Though she seemed far too occupied with cuddling against her lover to push the matter further. “Where’s the cat cake?”
“About that..” Herta began. Now she really felt her ears grow hot. How in the aeons would she explain that: ‘Yeah actually I was the cat cake you hung out with yesterday because some unknown force turned me into a cat cake without my consent. I fell asleep beside you as a cat, yet now I’m myself again. Tadaaaa~!’
Not exactly a normal thing to explain. Even to a biologist renowned for pulling crazy morally questionable feats in the name of ‘why not?’
Though maybe she could play it off as a plot to gain her attention once more. She knew well enough that Ruan Mei would not question it and simply give her the attention she desired, albeit rather stoically than not.
Instead of explaining, she opted to tease.
“The cat cake you were caring for told me a certain Genius Society Member #81 admitted she might actually care for her creations more than she lets on,” she smirked. A shame Ruan Mei couldn’t see her face.
“Oh?”
Not the reaction I was expecting..
“Did this cat cake also happen to admit to you that she was a perfect replica of you but cat-sized?”
I can hear the mocking in her tone! Drats, does she know?
“You knew.”
“Correction: I know.”
“You kept going and pretended you didn’t realize it was me.”
“Not quite.. I had an.. Odd suspicion that you had something to do with the whole situation in some way or another, but I didn’t suspect that it was actually you.”
“So how did you figure it out?”
“Your tone of voice gave it away just now. As if you cemented what I was already thinking without actually confirming a word.”
Herta’s hand moved over Ruan Mei’s once more, thumb softly caressing her lover’s fingers without a word. Genuine muscle memory, only unlocked by many moments spent in comfort with one another.
“Still.. Was all that you said earlier true?”
“I have little incentive to lie.”
“But why didn’t you tell me earlier?”
Ruan Mei’s hand paused from movement for a moment. Then she untensed and continued the gentle circular motions of her hand on Herta’s hip. A loving reminder they were not just two geniuses—but two people.
“I wasn’t certain of these feelings myself. Not until today, when I looked into your eyes and realized that I care for them a little more. Not as.. Creations. Not quite yet. But now I find myself noticing. Being attentive to things I otherwise ignored beforehand.”
“What changed?”
“You taught me to feel once more.”
“Feel?” Herta echoed.
“Yes. Feel. I slowly am learning to love. Next it would only be reasonable to learn to care beyond my boundaries, would it not?”
Herta did not respond, only smiled brightly.
She turned from where she was laying on her side to her opposite side, now fully facing her lover. Even in the darkness she could see her beautiful dazzling eyes. The sparkle in them that had not always been present. But had begun to resurface as a part of her that she had hidden away for a long time.
At that small smile, near imperceptible, but entirely real.
Now becoming a part of her that was not repressed. Not hidden.
A part of her that she was slowly learning to accept.
A part that Herta adored, just like the rest of her.
Now the next step was to find love in new things, just as she found love in Herta.
Then perhaps there was space in her heart for her creations as well.