Work Text:
“W-what..? What are you saying..!” An stutters as tears form in her eyes, “N-Nagi..!” An sobs out, it hurt to know that the one she looked up to was dead, dead for a long time, yet everyone lied to her, they all said she was still alive. This memory keeps playing in An’s head, it’s been a week yet she can’t forget about it, it’s ruined her, badly, she finds herself questioning her existence, life is getting worse, yet she can’t let the others know, she has to keep being happy, though it keeps playing and replaying in her head, it’s like it’s eating her alive.
“Heya!” An greets her group members cheerfully as she arrives to the SEKAI for practice, “An-chan, how are you feeling?” Kohane softly says, ‘maybe I should open up about how I feel, maybe it’ll help me..!’ An thinks to herself, but the moment she was about to speak.. ‘You’re a bother to them An, pressuring them with your useless feelings? What is wrong with you? They have it worse than you An, why worry them? Why worry Toya, Akito and even the love of your life? You’re gonna make them suffer An, it’ll be all your fault, you’re a mistake An, you’re a burden.’ A voice spoke to her, “I..I’m feeling good! Don’t worry about me Kohane!!! I appreciate you checking up on me! Love you Koha~!!” An said cheerfully with a hint of nervousness, An hugs Kohane, causing Kohane to jump slightly but quickly melt into the hug. “Oi, An, how are you?” Akito speaks up, trying to get their attention, “Ah! Akito! Hm? Where is Toya?” An says as she turns her head to look for Toya, “He’s arriving late because he had to do something for Tsukasa-senpai” Akito answers An’s question. After a while, Toya arrived and they had their practice, everyone seemed happy, no one noticed how An was getting more sloppy from how she felt weak and sick to her stomach.
Finally, practice was over, and An leaves the SEKAI, “Such a good practice!” An says happily, talking to herself, suddenly, a wave of sadness hits her, thinking about how Nagi, ‘Maybe, Maybe if I die, I’ll be able to see her, maybe I should just kill myself, what’s the point of life, now that I think of it, Kohane must be dating me for pity, Akito probably acts to like me, and Toya probably is starting to hate me..! I’m just a burden!’ An thinks to herself as tears start to form in her eyes again, she starts to panic with horrible thoughts, “N-Nagi..” An starts to say, her voice barely above a whisper, “I..I miss you Nagi..! Why..! Why did you…Why didn’t you tell me…! Nagi..!” An sobs loudly, curling up in a ball as tears ran down her face. An feels sick to her stomach, it’s like she can’t endure the pain anymore, she just wants to feel safe and at peace. “N..Nagi..I promise..I promise i’ll see you soon..!” An promised as she slowly got up from the ground. An goes to her garage, trying to be subtle about it and silent about it, she looks around in the garage, finally she found what she needed to be free, a rope, she then grabs the nearest stool and runs back to her room..’I should lock it, so that no one will interpret me getting to peace.’ An thinks to herself as she stares at her bedroom door.
“I..I shouldn’t do this..” An says as tears form from her eyes, how pathetic, “Kohane, Akito and Toya need me! Especially Kohane..and others need me too..!” An sobs quietly, ‘Do they need you? Or are they just pitying you? You need them, they don’t need you An, you’re just a pathetic little girl who can’t live on her own, just end it already, not like anyone will miss you.’ The voice spoke again, maybe it was right, maybe An is worthless and shouldn’t be alive, she’s just a waste in this world, right? An takes a deep breath and starts to tie the rope to the ceiling, after shes done, she makes sure the door is locked, she makes sure no one will bother her, “Maybe I should text them my goodbye..” An whispers as she picks up her phone with tears in her eyes, ‘No, you’re just bothering them, they won’t care if you’re gonna kill yourself, heck, they’ll celebrate, No one cares about you An, you’re doing everyone a favor killing yourself.’ An sobs more, hating the voice, hating how she’s believing in the voice, she hesitates to put the phone down.
“I should at least write a letter, not like anyone is gonna look for me.” An grabs a paper and pencil and begins to write, her tears falling down onto the paper as she writes. After she finished writing the paper, she grabs the stool and gets under the rope, she then grabs the rope and starts to tie it to her neck, finally, she kicks the chair, she panics slightly after, regretting her decision, but it was too late, she just remembers seeing Kohane smiling at her lovingly and Vivid BAD SQUAD hanging out, she also remembers seeing Nagi, for the last time ever before she stopped breathing.
“An-chan didn’t come to practice today..maybe I should check up on her, she hasn’t responded to my texts either..” Kohane says as she starts to head over to An’s house, texting the others that she’s gonna check on An and she’ll update them after she checks in. No one was home, but she has An’s house key so she uses it to open the door, she goes to An’s room and tries to open it, but it’s locked, “Huh?” Kohane is confused, why is it locked? “An-chan! Open the door..!” Kohane says loudly as she tries to open the door, she doesn’t wanna damage property or be violent but she needs to see if An is okay. Finally, after a while the door opens, “An-chan—AN-CHAN..!” Kohane sees An hanging, so that’s why she wasn’t opening the door, “An..! An-chan…!” Kohane kept sobbing out the words, it’s like she couldn’t say anything else. Kohane just stayed staring at An’s body, her phone fallen, updating the others on An was long forgotten, all she can do is think about why An did it, think of why An would do it, and mourn the loss of the one she loved the most, but then, she saw it, she saw An’s letter, she walks to the letter and picks it up, she’s finally gonna figure out why An did it.