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JD groaned and writhed, squeezing his eyes shut tight. He was vaguely aware of someone standing over him, but his ears were ringing slightly. He started sitting up, rubbing the back of his head as he twisted to lean against the wall of the hallway. He registered that his scrubs were wet.
“Hey jerk!” JD heard underneath the ringing. He cracked open one eye and saw a figure above him, tall and dark. “Watch where you’re going!”
“Huh?” JD groaned, shutting his eyes again. He heard more footsteps, and then someone was shaking him by his shoulders.
“JD, are you alright?” JD cracked the other eye, this time making out Turk’s face amongst the bright lights. He shut his eyes again and shook his head, like rattling a jar.
“‘M fine,” he mumbled, squeezing his eyes tightly shut. He took deep breaths, hoping to settle the throbbing in his head.
“Someone grab some ice,” Turk shouted, helping JD sit up further. He held JD by the shoulders and brought a hand to his face, pulling his eyes open. JD felt a blinding light flash across the eyes.
“Fuck, Turk, stop!” JD pushed his friend’s hands away and began to pull himself up to stand. His vision spun as he did so, and he stumbled back toward the floor.
“You hit your head pretty hard, JD. You have to relax.” Turk caught JD by the arm and helped him stand. JD’s stomach flipped, and he leaned over, throwing up onto the floor.
“It’s alright, JD. Get on the gurney.” JD languidly wiped his mouth on the back of his hand, feeling his mop-water-soaked sleeve brush his cheek. The room continued to spin behind his shut eyelids, so JD barely registered being laid down on a gurney and wheeled down the hall.
“Turk, I’m fine!” JD raised an arm to grab his head, where he felt gauze packed against his skull. He ran his hand down his wet hair and to his neck, feeling the back of his shirt wet with mop water. He brought his hand to his face and saw the tips of his fingers glinting red.
“Relax, V-Bear. We’re gonna get you patched up.” JD’s eyes rolled back, and he felt his head drop back onto the bed. His consciousness was fading, and part of him knew to fight the weariness.
“‘M awake.” JD mumbled, smacking his mouth as he did. Something cold was set on top of his head wound, and JD winced, his eyes shooting open.
“It’s just ice,” Turk took hold of JD’s left hand, and vaguely registered the bed being wheeled backwards into a room.
“Newbie, what the hell –” JD’s stomach lurched again, and he sat up. A bowl caught his sick, and JD melted back down onto the gurney. His eyelids fluttered as he felt himself being moved from gurney to bed.
“My scrubs –” JD mumbled, feeling himself drift. A strong hand grabbed his jaw, shaking his head side to side.
“Wake up Newbie,” another blinding light invaded his eyes, and JD blinked heavily. “Pupils equal and responsive, evident photosensitivity.”
“Concussion!” JD shouted automatically, as though he were being quizzed during rounds.
“Brillian diagnosis there, Betty.” He felt his shirt being pushed up his stomach, and he raised his hands to slap at the perpetrator. “Newbie stop, I’m getting you hooked up.” He giggled slightly as his shirts were pulled off of him.
“Whatever happened to dinner first?” JD chuckled, his breathing heavy as he blinked slowly. Sleep was pulling at him.
“Shut up, Newbie, I’m listening to your breathing.” The head of the stethoscope was cold against JD’s chest.
“Looks like a Grade-2, he’s definitely confused.” Turk clipped a pulse oximeter onto JD’s finger.
“His breathing is labored, get a mask on him. Somebody start an IV drip with morphine.” Electrodes were stuck to JD’s chest and stomach, wires clipping to the snaps. He heard a heart monitor begin beeping, piercing his ears. He winced again, bringing both hands to cover his ears. Someone pulled one of his arms down straight, and he felt a pinch in his arm, then burning in his blood.
“JD please relax, this is for the pain” JD let himself lose the battle with sleep, his body slinking, heavy dead weight against the bed.
—
“What the hell happened?” Perry shouted, pulling JD’s other arm down to his side as he watched the man lose consciousness. “Fuck – JD? Wake up.” Cox gripped both of JD’s shoulders and shook him, but JD merely flopped against the bed, fully unconscious.
“He tripped on a mop bucket and ate it in the hall. I found him leaning against the wall.” Turk hung an IV bag on the hook, attaching it to the needle in his inner elbow.
“Clumsy fucker,” Cox sneered, then spun around to face a crowd of staff behind them. He made eye contact with The Janitor, and raised one hand to point at him. “You, get the hell out of here!” he screamed, then slammed the door of the room shut.
“Cox, get a grip.” Turk spoke steadily, lowering the angle of the bed so it laid flat. “He’ll likely be fine, we just need to make sure there’s no cranial bleeding.” He leaned over his friend, turning his head to one side so he could examine the head wound. He held a flashlight with one hand and a bundle of gauze in the other, dabbing away blood.
“How does it look?” Perry asked, returning to JD’s bedside. He grabbed the frame of the heart monitor and turned the volume down slightly, recalling how JD winced when it was turned on.
“I don’t think his skull is fractured. I think his head hit the wheel of the bucket on the way down, and this is just a scalp laceration.” Turk placed fresh gauze on the wound and set the ice pack back on top.
“Let’s get a head CT to be safe.” Cox looked down at JD, and grabbed his hand, squeezing it tight. Turk clocked the small gesture, but made no reaction.
“Will do. The morphine is helping – his breathing is steady now and his heart rate is stable.” Turk lifted the head of the bed again, raising his head above his heart to help reduce swelling. As he did, JD’s eyes fluttered open, and both Turk and Perry let out a heavy breath, relieved that JD was regaining consciousness.
“Newbie, you there?” Perry dropped JD’s hand and moved to tap at his shoulder, and JD nodded.
“Wmthmnt?” JD mumbled, muffled by the oxygen mask. Turk hurried to pull it off his friend’s face. “What happened?” JD repeated, looking around the room.
“You tripped over a mop bucket,” Turk admitted, cringing with second-hand embarrassment for his friend.
“Geez, that’s so stupid,” JD chuckled, then groaned when he felt his skull throb.
“You okay? How’s the pain?” Perry moved to push more morphine, but JD grabbed his wrist.
“I’m okay, just a little headache.” JD grimaced, taking a deep breath and leaning back into the bed. “How bad is it?”
“Some bleeding back there, but it looks more like a laceration than an impact fracture. You’re getting a CT though, just to make sure.”
“Perfect, this is so awesome.” JD rolled his eyes, annoyed at himself.
“You scared us back there, Newbie. How’s your vision? Are you feeling nauseous?” Cox turned to the cabinet and started shifting through drawers, digging for a gown.
“The lights are a little bright, but no I’m not nauseous. Mild ringing in both ears.”
“Better than before, you were pretty out of it.” Turk chuckled, pulling a chair to JD’s bedside, “You threw up, diagnosed yourself, then made a pass at Cox.”
“Oh God,” JD groaned again, his cheeks burning. Cox turned around and looked at JD. His face was a dizzying red that spread down his neck and to his chest. The view caught Cox’s breath in his throat – like seeing the pinks and purples of a sunset brush across the sky for the first time. Catching himself before his thoughts raced away, Perry tossed a patient gown at JD, panic crawling up his throat in an instant.
“Page me when his CT comes back.” Perry spun in a whirl, escaping the room. He pushed through the straggling crowd to the nearest sanctuary, which happened to be an on-call room. Perry flung the door open and shut it immediately, clicking the lock behind him as he slid down the door, settling on the ground. He let his chest heave as his emotions warred inside him. The adrenaline from the accident was draining, leaving Perry full of fear and somehow enthralled.
‘What happened to dinner first?’ JD was an idiot, and Perry was a desperate fool. Why did he care so much? Usually watching Newbie eat shit gave Perry a chuckle. But this time – God, the red mark on the tiles was enough to set him off, let alone seeing JD so confused and out of it.
‘Get a grip, Cox.’ He needed to relax. This was just a fluke. He didn’t give two flying fucks about John Dorian beyond making sure he could treat without killing the patient. That’s all this is – professional concern. He growled to himself and shoved through the door, returning to work and ignoring the nagging worry in his gut.
–
“That was weird,” JD mumbled, after watching Cox storm out. Turk shrugged before setting a suture kit onto a tray and moving to wash his hands in the sink nearby.
“Seemed like normal Dr. Cox to me. Always upset about something,” Turk dried his hands and pulled gloves on. “JD I’m gonna stitch up the laceration, okay? I’ll use some local anesthetic to numb the area, but your morphine should help too.
“Thanks C-Bear.” JD turned his head to the side and locked his eyes on one spot on the wall as he felt a pinch and burning in his scalp, followed by tingling. He worried his lip between his teeth as his friend stitched him up.
“You sure you’re alright? You’re too quiet,” Turk focused on JD’s head as he talked.
“Yeah, I’m sure,” JD sighed, doing his best to hold still, “it’s just –”
“What is it man?” Turk replaced the pair of forceps in his hand with a pair of scissors, the metal instruments clacking on the tray.
“Dr. Cox seemed upset when you said I came onto him …”
“Obviously he was upset, you’re you and he’s him.”
“But it didn’t seem angry like I made a bad joke –” JD tilted his chin down as Turk started placing gauze, “this was different.”
“The guy was in work mode, he was treating a patient. Even I know he pretends to care more when a patient’s in the room.” Turk snapped off his gloves and threw them away. “I wouldn’t read too much into it.”
Turk’s smile eased JD a bit, who let himself lay back down into the bed. He felt exposed in the patient gown, and embarrassed that his head was comically wrapped in gauze, but there was something warm and fuzzy racing through his body. It was probably just the morphine, but he let himself pretend it was something else, something bigger.
JD was the first to admit to himself that he probably liked Dr. Cox too much. Hell, he’d even gone so far as to call it a crush, but he’d always kept it to himself with the knowledge that nothing could even happen between them. If he let himself say it out loud, mention it to Turk or Carla, he’d quickly spiral into a self-loathing state of hopelessness. Saying it out loud would make it real, and imaginary things can’t hurt you.
‘You scared us back there, Newbie.’ He let those words wash over him, looping in his throbbing mind like a salve. Over the years, Dr. Cox had graced JD with compliments and soft remarks, but blatant concern for JD’s wellbeing was very rare.
“JD, you’re being too quiet. Did you pass out again?” Turk hooked JD’s chart over the foot of his bed and tapped JD’s leg.
“No, just thinking . . .”
“Stop doing that, you need to rest. Someone will be here to take you to CT in a bit. Can I get you anything before I get back to work?” Turk was standing by the door, and JD smiled.
“No, I don’t need anything . . .” JD sighed again, working up the courage to make his admission, “hey Turk?”
“Yeah, buddy?”
“I think I –”
“Yeah I know.”
“You do?”
“Duh!” Turk chuckled, leaning against the closed door, “It’s not exactly a secret.”
“Oh,” JD’s face flamed red, frankly mortified that everyone seemed to know about his crush on his mentor.
“It’s nothing to be embarrassed about, man! Love is love, y’know?” Turk returned to the bed and sat down on the edge of it. “I question your taste for sure, but I don’t think less of you.”
“I appreciate that, Turk.” JD smiled again, twisting his hands together. “Do you think he’d ever feel the same way?”
“I don’t know man, I couldn’t even tell you if he liked men at all.”
“Yeah, you’re right.” JD slumped lower into the bed. Turk stood back up and started out the door, before pausing once more.
“He did use your real name, though.” Turk tapped the door frame and turned into the hallway, leaving JD to huff out a breath, a small chuckle like a thing with feathers singing in his chest. Breathing felt easier than it had in a long time.
JD closed his eyes, taking even, unencumbered breaths, his mind quiet.
Hope.
Two knocks rapped on the wood and the latch clicked, the knocker swinging the door open. He wore what most people would assume was a grey jumpsuit, but is actually a shirt and pants if you look closely. The Janitor stepped into the room and watched as JD blinked drowsily, waking from a nap.
“Scooter,” the man was looming over the bed, tall and stoic.
“What are you doing here?” JD attempted a stern voice, but his throat was dry from sleep and it cracked upon delivery.
“Just checking on you.” The Janitor nodded then spun to exit the room again.
“That’s not an apology!” JD shouted, voice cracking again, before he heard someone else shouting in the hall. From his vantage point, JD couldn’t see out into the hall, so he sat up to listen further.
“Lurch!” beckoned Dr. Cox, whistling as punctuation. The Janitor, who had made it two steps out of Newbie’s room, froze with his back to the doctor. “Just what the hell do you think you’re doing?” Dr. Cox swept down the hall and stood protectively in front of Newbie’s closed door. The Janitor spun with his hands held up.
“Nothing!” he slapped an innocent smile on his face as though his charming grin would ping and sparkle like a cartoon.
“Seems like something to me. Did you go back in to finish the job? You know he could have gotten seriously hurt tripping over your abandoned bucket.” Cox crossed his arms over his chest, squaring up for a rant. “Are you capable of doing your job without hurting others, or did you decide to pursue the noble profession of being a janitor at a hospital knowing you were a threat to public safety?”
“Well I–
“I didn’t say you could speak, Jolly Green. Quite frankly I think the only thing to have saved you thus far is that your only known victim is my Newbie in there, and he’s too damn clumsy in general to substantiate getting you fired for harassment.”
“I’m not –”
“Again with the talking! Do I need to rip your tongue out and fashion it into a toilet scrubber for you to shut up? I don’t care what you were doing, you need to leave JD alone and you need to do it now. If I catch you within fifty feet of his room, your tongue won’t be the only thing in the toilet.”
The Janitor gave a single nod and retreated, head hung like a wounded puppy. Cox glared at the crowd that had gathered to watch the rant, meeting Carla’s gaze. She had a knowing glint in her eye. Perry glanced at the door behind him before growling and moving to meet Carla at the counter.
“What do you want?” he nearly barked at her, eliciting a glare from Carla.
“Don’t talk to me like that,” she chastised, rolling her eyes at the doctor.
“Then don’t look at me like that!” Cox grumbled, but didn’t leave, waiting for her to say whatever it was she was desperate to comment on.
“So he’s yours now, huh?” She smirked.
“Who’s what now?” Cox was confused, clearly having not noticed his slip up.
“You called JD ‘my Newbie.’ Since when has he been yours?” She knew what she was doing, and likely knew why he’d said that, but wanted to see if she could get him to admit it.
“I didn’t –” Cox floundered, replaying his rant in his mind, before realizing that not only had said ‘my Newbie,’ but he’s also used the kid’s real name. His face flushed bright red, and he reeled to find a reasonable explanation for the double slip.
“Uh huh,” Carla leaned with a hand on her hip, her smirk spreading into a smile. She decided to push her friend just a touch further, “I think you like him,” she whispered, eyebrows raised.
“Ah-hah-bsolutely nawt!” Cox sneered, nose scrunched.
“I’ve had a hunch about your crush for a while now — I see how different your mood is on days where he’s here and when he’s not.” Carla continued, whisper-shouting at her friend.
“That’s because mocking him is one of the little things in life that keeps me from jumping off the roof of this hell hole.” Cox matched her volume, shouting quietly across the counter.
“Get over yourself, Perry. You like JD, and that’s not a bad thing. He’s an attending now! That’s free game!” Carla poked her finger into his chest, breaking his concentration.
“I don’t want him to be ‘free game.’”
“Then what do you want him to be?” Cox opened his mouth to retort, but stopped, his lips twitching, revealing something vulnerable under his tough shell.
“I know for damn sure that I don’t want him to be concussed.”
“Well it’s too late for that – here’s his CT.” She smiled and handed him the file that she’d been holding for several minutes.
“Meddling she-witch,” he sneered, snatching the file from her hands and returning to Newbie’s door, hand hovering over the handle. What did he want? Perry took a deep breath and grabbed the knob, punching the door open slowly.
“Newbie, you awake?” He kept his voice low, wary of JD’s noise sensitivity from before. Cox walked into the room, closing the door behind him, and stood near the foot of his bed.
“Yeah, I’m awake,” JD smiled and shifted in his bed to sit up better. He looked just as he always did, with subtle dark circles under his eyes and a stupid gauze wrap around the top of his head. He’d been listening in on the shouting outside his room, but wasn’t able to understand every word. “What was going on out there?”
“Oh, that?” Cox evaded eye contact, looking around the room like an excuse would appear on the walls or ceiling.
“I heard you ripping someone a new one, but I couldn’t make out who it was or what you said.” JD was picking at the edge of his blanket, strings fraying in his fingers.
“Don’t worry your concussed little head about that.” Dr. Cox opened the chart in his hands and flipped to read the CT Imaging report. “Speaking of . . .”
“Is it bad?” JD waited for his mentor to respond, who was staring at the report blankly. “Oh god, it’s bad. I’ve got a tumor, don’t I?”
“Shut up, Newbie, you don’t have a tumor.” The thought made Cox twinge uncomfortably. “You’re fine. Grade Two concussion and a mild laceration. No fracture or bleeding. You’ll be discharged in the morning, week off of work.”
“Thank God,” JD sighed and smiled, but Cox didn’t look up from the chart. JD’s heart stuttered with worry, “Is something else wrong?”
“No, nothing’s wrong JD, I’m just thinking,” Cox was replaying Carla’s question in his mind, and between his private freakout this morning and the public stunt he just pulled, bells were ringing in the back of his mind.
“Dr. Cox, are you okay?” JD wore a confused expression, tilting his head like an animal asking a question.
“Of course I’m okay, why would you even think I wasn’t?” Cox sneered and snapped the chart closed, hanging it from the foot of JD’s bed.
“Because you used my real name,” JD confessed as though he were the one who slipped up.
“What? No I didn’t. When?” Cox’s heart thumped, pulsing through his hands. He clenched his fists to ground himself.
“Just now, you called me JD,” seeing Cox deny his mistake drew a small smile to JD’s lips. Perry finally looked back at the younger man, whose face was once again tinted pink. He recalled seeing the same blush earlier, and an image of JD bare-chested and red flashed in Perry’s mind. The thought made Perry clench his jaw and swallow thickly.
“Geez, sorry Sheila, I figured the Grade-Two TBI was occasion enough to be nice to you for once, but if you’re so hellbent on being emasculated, by all means, I’ll pitch in the best I can.” Cox glared at JD, who dropped his smile in favor of a performative pout.
“But my head hurts,” he whined, holding back an amused smirk. Dr. Cox sighed and rubbed his face. He didn’t leave, but he didn’t speak either. JD wrung his fingers, anxious to break the silence. “I’m sorry I said that thing earlier.”
“What thing?” Cox grunted.
“The thing about dinner first? I wasn’t totally lucid –”
“So you don’t want to have dinner with me?” it came out before Cox could stop it. What was he saying? Was the idea that JD didn’t like him so bad that he resorted to insecure word vomit? Christ, what has he been reduced to?
“Oh! I, uh” JD’s eyes blew wide, and another blush brushed his nose and cheeks. Perry caught his breath in his throat, and he moved to sit on the edge of JD’s bed.
“Newbie, I’ve gotta say something, and for once I really need you to not talk and not drift into a daydream, okay?” Perry looked into JD’s eyes and felt dizzy for a moment. He blinked heavily as JD nodded, agreeing to Perry’s terms.
“Okay, here it goes,” Cox took a deep breath, looked to the ceiling again, then back into JD’s eyes, which waited patiently for Perry to speak. “I’m not the best at this stuff, JD, but I just about lost it when I saw your blood on the floor. I couldn’t handle seeing you so fragile, so not yourself. I felt sick, angry, and lost. I’ve been stomping around this place all day just slamming shit knowing you were here and hurt.”
“Dr. Cox–”
“C’mon Newbie, let me finish. I don’t get this protective over anyone, and I think I’m ready to admit what that means.”
“What does it mean?” JD took a deep breath, watching as Perry leaned in. Cox reached a hand up to hold JD’s jaw, like he had before, and pulled them closer.
“It means I want you to be mine,” Perry flicked his gaze from one eye to the other, awaiting a sign to go on. JD glanced down at Perry’s lips, which curved into a small smile. Perry closed the distance, tilting so their lips locked completely. Something within Perry ignited at the feeling of JD’s soft bottom lip between his, the taste of sugar dancing on their skin as their mouths moved. However long they remained interlocked, when they parted they were panting for air. The puffy redness of JD’s lips left a crazed look in Perry’s eyes. His voice was low and raspy, “Cafeteria food enough to satisfy having dinner first?”
JD nodded, then tilted his head slightly. “Does this mean I get to call you Perry?”
“Shut up,” Perry smiled at hearing his name, and returned to claim another kiss.