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As requested by Katsuki, the last practice the night before his surgery was a scrimmage, full contact allowed. Izuku and Eijiro had been hesitant. If Katsuki somehow managed to break something or even bruise his upper body they were sure his surgery would be cancelled. Which of course they would have to deal with since the man in question had been waiting for five years and would take his frustrations out on the field. The only two people who could take a hit that hard from Katsuki were Eijiro and Izuku, not that they particularly enjoyed such walks towards death.
Luckily for the entire team, Katsuki took a few hits unscathed and got his energy out before inevitably having to sit out for a few weeks on bed rest and a whole season of playing. Now they were enjoying drinks at a bar (Katsuki drinking his usual water of course) and eating as much food as they could before Katsuki's 11pm cut off for food and drink the night before surgery.
Denki raised his glass, golden liquid sloshing from the sides, a line of foam coating his fingers grippng the glass. "To Kats' tits! They won't be missed!"
"Cheers!" The chorus of teammates was hardly louder than the other goers at the bar. Though it was a Thursday night, it was a month before finals season and that meant most of the upper classman who had few actual exams left and didn't care so much about their grades anymore were letting loose. The bar was packed, and the team was crowded into a back corner of the room, table filled with food and alcohol. Katsuki was grinning, cheering in uncharacteristic excitement outside of a rugby match.
"Finally, no more bras or binders! 'Bout damn time." Katsuki took a large bite from his chicken skewer.
Izuku rubbed his back, leaning into him and taking up space. "You ready Kacchan?"
Katsuki gave a signature glare. "No regrets Izuku. You know that."
A warm grin split Izuku's face. "Oh I'm aware. I meant, are you ready to take it easy for a little while? I don't want to hear you complaining."
Red eyes rolled so far back Izuku was sure Katsuki could see his own brain. "I know, I know, Nerd. Gives me time to relax and study without worrying about you idiots." Izuku didn't want to say anything but he knew good and well how difficult recovery was likely to be for someone who couldn't sit down if he had a gun to his head.
A hand with an excessive number of rings landed on Katsuki's shoulder. "You still on for the dare?" His grin was devilish and Katsuki wanted to punch Denki's teeth in.
He remembered. The day he finally got a date for his top surgery the team had celebrated in similar fashion. Of course it was too late to back down now and Katsuki wasn't a quitter so… "If you and Shitty Hair can get a cheer costume I'll wear it to one of the games."
Denki's smile grew and he threw himself onto Eijiro. "Hear that, Ei? We gotta get ourselves a cheer uniform! Think Mina has one lying around?" Eijiro didn't ____ the question with an answer beyond a nod. He sipped at his blue drink, sugar coating the rim.
"Night you guys! Keep us updated Midoriya!"
Izuku waved to the group behind him. "I will!" He lingered as he always did after a team hang out before Katsuki grabbed him by the shirt collar and pulled him along. Katsuki was staying over at his boyfriend's apartment to help Katsuki recover and since the blond had an early surgery time, it was easier to manage. Of course Izuku would be driving Katsuki's car.
"'M gonna shower with that fancy soap. Don't bother me." Katsuki grumbled, clearly beyond his social limit for the night and Izuku stayed in his bedroom, making the bed up to share. He heard the water turn on and the shling of the shower curtain rings sliding across the metal shower curtain rod. Steam wafted under the bathroom door and after about fifteen minutes Katsuki was dressed in one of Izuku's oversized shirts, no bra or binder, cleaned with the antibacterial soap the hospital had given him.
Izuku rinsed off similarly and then hopped into bed, wrapping his arms around Katsuki, kissing him on the ear. "You nervous?"
"Hell no."
"I am." Izuku breathed out heavily. It tickled Katsuki's ear where his light blond hair ruffled against his skin from the breath. He found Izuku's hand and squeezed it.
"I'll be okay, 'Zu. You know that."
"I do. But it's still a major surgery Kacchan. Anything could go wrong." Izuku propped himself on one arm and Katsuki rolled so he was on his back facing up at his boyfriend. Izuku licked his lips and leaned down for a kiss, pressing into Katsuki's space.
When the space between them grew again, Katsuki was breathless. He joked, trying to abate his own nervousness that he feigned didn't exist. "You're just gonna miss my boobs you freak."
That earned him a playful smack on the shoulder. Izuku's cheeks flushed, hiding his freckles. "You know that is not true you jerk!" He smacked Katsuki again who was now laughing, some of his hesitation fleeting from his chest with each laugh. "I'm so so happy for you. Do you know that? It's important to me that you know that." Izuku finally laid himself down on Katsuki's chest, resting his ear by the blond's collarbone above his beating heart.
"I know. You say it at least once a day dummy." Katsuki enjoyed the smell of his boyfriend's shampoo, the smell lingering with each inhale. "Can I tell you something stupid?" He felt the minute movement of Izuku's brows scrunching before a subtle nod. He huffed out a breath. "I never liked having breasts. And you know how dysphoric I get about my chest." Izuku nodded again. If he knew anything it was how dysphoric Katsuki was about such things. Some nights would send him into a spiral wearing a hoodie despite the summer heat. "But what if I regret it. This big surgery that I can't undo."
It was the first time he had voiced any hesitation or nerves.
It felt refreshing, admitting it, but also dumb. He never once felt regret during his transition, joing the men's rugby team, starting hormones, cutting his hair short or wearing binders. So why would this be any different? He'd wanted top surgery for years and just thinking about the long nights he spent wishing he had a flat chest after seeing the other boys in the locker room shirtless after a game or changing into their jerseys helped secure his need for surgery.
But of course now he had less than twenty four hours before going under and he was hesitating for the first time in his life instead of jumping in.
All of his plans were always calculated like this one. Meant to be the best option, the best play. It never failed.
And yet, he was finally saying out loud the thoughts that had been clouding him for weeks.
"You know… we never tried anything like chest or nipple play? And what it I'm really missing out? Like, what if it actually does feel good and I'll never experience it because my chest and nipples will be numb after surgery?" The thought was stupid, but now that Katsuki had a boyfriend who he did stuff with, it was one thing he thought he might regret.
Izuku lifted his head up to look, really look, into bright crimson eyes. "You think that's stupid? Kacchan, if you're worried about it, then it isn't stupid." Izuku poked at Katsuki's chest. Pinched the skin through the shirt teasingly. "But if that is something you think you'll regret… have you ever wanted to try anything like that before?" Izuku was trying to handle to topic gently. He'd never considered something like this of all things to make his ever confident boyfriend anxious.
But then again, he wasn't trans, he didn't have dysphoria. And he wasn't going through with a major surgery.
"Well, no, but…"
"But..? Kacchan, you probably don't remember it, or maybe you do, but you have asked to try that stuff before. You said you didn't really feel much more than a tickle across anywhere I touched. You didn't seem to enjoy any actual play or pinching when we did try it."
Katsuki was dumbfounded. "When did we try that?!"
"Uh, you might have been a little tipsy, but it was one of the last few times you slept over." Izuku blushed heavily again. That night hadn't been the most successful of his attempts to pleasure Katsuki and they ended up falling asleep to some anime Izuku had wanted to try without actually getting off. Either way, "you didn't seem to like the touch. But I do know that the first time you tried on a binder you wouldn't take it off because it felt so good to have a flat chest." Izuku ran a hand through blond hair. "I don't think you'll regret this. But if you change your mind, for whatever reason, we can stay at home tomorrow. No questions asked."
"Izuku?"
"Yes, Kacchan?"
"Have I ever told you how freakishly good you are at talking people from the ledge?"
Izuku smacked Katsuki's chest again, kissed him on the cheek and reached to his bedside table to turn off the lamp. "Time for bed, Kacchan. We have a long day tomorrow."
"Love you Izuku." In response Izuku nuzzled into Katsuki's space and hugged tight for the entire night.
In the morning Katsuki was surprised at how ready he felt. He'd had a little nerves for a month, and as the surgery date got closer they got stronger. He had adults in his life, aunts and uncles, asking if he'd regret it, why he would do this to himself, the whole nine yards, and each time it put a dent in his conviction. Now, as he was checking in, giving the receptionist his name and date of birth, he felt nothing but excitement twirling in his gut. "Okay! A nurse will come get you in about ten to fifteen minutes!"
Katsuki had gotten up early. He had to scrub again with antibacterial soap and wear loose fitting clothes he could get back into after surgery wihtout lifting his arms. He wouldn't be able to shower for a few weeks so he enjoyed a longer than usual shower, washing his face and hair, shaving his chin and upper lip.
Once the nurse came to get him, time rushed faster than he could blink. He was told to pee in a cup for a pregnancy test (of course, standard procedure despite the waste of time), then he was brought behind a curtain and told to strip off everything and wipe off with warmed antibacterial wipes two times before putting on an oversized gown and socks. A nurse with bright pink shoes called from behind the curtain and when he gave her the clear she came in with a cup of water, some pills, and an assortment of other items. "I'll have you sit up real quick so I can stick these on." Her hands weren't too cold as she pressed sticky heart monitors onto his back and helped him lie back down.
She draped three warmed white blankets over him and Katsuki relaxed into the bed as the nurse came to his other side and stuck an IV into his hand. "It might feel cold, but it's just fluids for now."
Eventually Izuku was able to come back and sit with him until he would be taken to the operating room. His smile was wide and his green eyes were filled with tears. "I'm so proud of you Kacchan. I can't wait to see you after this!"
"I'm only gonna be gone from your sight for a few hours, Izuku."
"I know! But just think how much happier you'll be! I'm so excited for you."
It was then that Katsuki's phone buzzed and Izuku grabbed it from the pile of folded clothes on the chair. "It's your mom."
Katsuki told him to put it on speaker and answer it. "Good luck kid!" His mom's voice was crisp and clear through the phone.
"Hi Ma." Katsuki rolled his eyes but Izuku was still smiling.
Masaru's voice came through. "We love you Kats! Let us know when you feel up for a visit. And if you need anything call!"
"I will. I promise. I love you."
His parents kept the call short but they let Izuku know that if he needed help taking care of their "brat" that they could take him home, though Izuku assured them that wouldn't be necessary.
By the time the phone call ended, the surgeon came in with his PA. "Alright Bakugo, I'm going to get you marked and then the anesthesiologist will come talk to you and it'll be go time. Are you ready?"
"Hell yeah."
His doctor had him sit up and take off the hospital gown. It was tangled with the IV and heart monitors but they managed. Katsuki wasn't sure where to look so he opted to stare at the ceiling while his surgeon pressed on his chest, under and over, took a measuring tape and drew lines and marks. The PA asked questions about thresholds and measurements. Eventually the staring at the ceiling was done and Katsuki was helped back into bed just as the anesthesiologist entered through the curtain.
He went through the line of questions for allergies and bad reactions. All "nos" from Katsuki. The nice young nurse with the bright pink shoes came to put some fabric cuffs that wrapped around his legs. "These'll prevent clots while you're under. Kind of like a blood pressure cuff." They weren't turned on, so Katsuki took her word for it. "We will use an intubation tube, just to help you breath better on the table, but you won't feel that and it will be gone when you wake up." Katsuki nodded along.
And finally: "Okay Bakugo, I'm gonna put a little something in your IV. You'll start to feel it in about twenty seconds."
He nodded and looked back at where Izuku was standing next to his bed. A large scarred hand wrapped around his and squeezed. "See you in a few hours, Kacchan." He kissed Katsuki's head.
"I love you, Izuku."
"Love you too." Izuku squeezed his hand one more time, then the doctors were rolling Kastsuki's bed out to the operating room. By the time the bed started rolling, his head felt light, like he'd just donated blood and was on the precipice of passing out. The nurse asked him what he studied and he answered. The lights above his head wobbled as he was pushed down the hallway and past a large pair of doors labeled for the OR.
"Okay, Bakugo. We're gonna move you onto the table now, okay?" He couldn't answer, but he was ninety percent sure he nodded. He hadn't felt hands beneath him, didn't remember scooting onto the table, but in seconds he was staring up at a large circle light and a bright white ceiling. Someone moved his arm, he only knew because they told him to rest his arm on something. Vaguely he noticed someone strapping his legs down to the table.
Everything was dark, but he could hear the whispers of his nurse talking to him while she typed away at a loud clacking keyboard. His eyelids didn't listen when he said to open and he only managed the barest peek to his side. "You waking up, hun?" Katsuki's eyes closed and he thought to himself, yeah, I'm awake.
Again he heard someone talking, the same older nurse as before. "How's the pain, sweetie?" He gave it a thought. His brain was fully functioning, thinking, cataloging everything he felt. He took in a deep breath and felt something tight tug on his side. In a moment of drugged haze he opened his mouth and whispered, throat dry as a bone and numb from the intubation tube, "five". He winced and forced his fingers to move into a five in case the nurse hadn't heard him.
"Alright sweetie. I'll up those meds for you. You should feel better in a few minutes, okay?"
Katsuki had to believe her because after that effort he was back to being fully asleep, eyes closed.
When he tried again, he was able to move his head side to side, wiggle his toes and fingers. His eyes opened a little more so he could see the nurse's station across from his bed before they became too heavy and he closed them again. "You're having a tough time waking up, huh? Take your time, hun."
Katsuki appreciated the nurse's patience. His brain was working and he was able to tell his body to move, but it wasn't listening and he was getting a little frustrated. Through the haze of drugs he was able to keep from throwing a fit, but he was mildly freaked out too.
Eventually he was able to keep his eyes half way open and the nurse helped him sit up while she pulled his shirt over his head. He was vaguely aware of the bandages wrapped around his torso. "Now the hard part. Can you swing your legs over the side of the bed? Take your time." Katsuki, slugishly, slid his legs over the side. With some prompting he stood up, leaning heavily against the nurse while she slid on his underwear and shorts. "I've got you. Don't worry." She helped him back down and spoke to the nurse at the desk. "Can you go ahead and get his contact? Midoriya." She slipped Katsuki's feet back into the socks he'd worn to the hospital. "I'm gonna have you lie back for a little longer, 'kay?"
Katsuki probably nodded. He wasn't sure, but the next thing he knew he was being helped into a chair, sitting up and Izuku was by his side patting his hair. The nurse was reading through a large packet of post op instructions. "I'll show you now how to empty the drains." She lifted up Katsuki's shirt to show one of the drains and tubes sticking out of his side. "You'll strip the tube, so pinch where it inserts an inch under the incision, and then pull the fluids into the bulb. You won't be able to get everything but that's okay." She demonstrated while Katsuki fiddled with the tubing on his right side. "Now, just open the tab and pour. You'll want to note down how much fluid and the color."
Katsuki piped up: "Make sure to bring the log to every post op," he recited.
His nurse nodded. "That's right. And once the bulb is empty—"
"Squeeze the air out and put the cap on. So it makes a negative pressure vacuum." Katsuki wasn't sure quite how he remembered all this while being drugged out, but his brain supplied the information easily from his pre-op instructions.
"Exactly. Very good Bakugo."
His nurse held him up while he was walked slowly to the exit where Izuku was waiting in his car. "If you don't think you can, we can grab a wheel chair, but I do want you to try and walk."
Of course, Katsuki wasn't a quitter so he walked the entire way no matter how exhausted he felt afterwards when he finally sat in the car and was buckled in.
About two days into recovery Katsuki stopped taking his tylenol in general. He hadn't needed the oxy he had been prescribed, and he hardly needed the lighter pain meds. At most he felt like he had a bruise where the drains were, but when he went to touch lightly at his chest above the bandages, and under his armpit, he couldn't feel anything. It was like when you got numbed at the dentist for a cavity— it all felt puffy.
The worst part, though, was sitting still and resting. Katsuki was a doer, and despite the books he'd picked up at the library and shows he could watch while he rested, he was sick and tired of doing nothing. Izuku suggested a short walk at the park, which alleviated some of the stir crazy, but Katsuki's legs felt weak, like he hadn't eaten enough or just climbed up several flights of stairs after only a minute of being up and he was ready to go back to the apartment to rest again.
Izuku was gentle as he ran a wet washcloth over Katsuki's skin, trying to help his boyfriend stay clean. He washed Katsuki's hair in the sink, careful not to get any suds in his eyes, and thorough to get all the conditioner from Katsuki's hair, lest he mess up the blond's self care regimen.
Through it all, Izuku sat with Katsuki, watched movies, went on walks, and helped him bathe.
And Katsuki didn't regret his surgery at all.