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Pearl leered down at the box that had been sent to the Inkopolis News office, her nose scrunched in sheer disgust. Who on earth thought that pizza with salmon eggs was a good idea??? And moreover, who in the office had the nerve to sign Off the Hook to a brand deal to promote the stuff live on air?!?! With a huff, she wiggled further back into her beanbag chair, as if it would hide her away from having to look at the open box laid in front of her.
“Aw, Pearlie, it’s not that bad,” Marina mumbled in between bites, careful to cover her mouth with a napkin like the proper idol she had become. “And besides, if you read our contract with GrizzCo, the pizza promotion was included as one of our ad reads…”
“Marina, who the shell has time to read contracts? I just look at the number, and if it’s big enough, I sign. That way I can get back to spitting mad bars. Hey, does our contract have anything about writing a diss track about this pizza in there?” Maybe then there’d be some value in trying it, she thought.
“Umm, yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s against our contract, Pearlie. Unless you want to lose another brand deal on air…” Marina chuckled, recalling the time their PR Team had scrambled to post a public apology after Pearl had done an impromptu roast of the Inkblot Art Academy’s latest exhibition. It wouldn’t be her Pearlie without that impulsivity, that much was certain.
“Uuuugh, man, all these brands are lame. What happened to ‘all publicity’s good publicity’?” She flopped down dramatically once again, and was rewarded with Marina’s soft, melodic giggling.
“You know, for somebody who said they have a pool full of mayonnaise, you’re awfully picky, Pearl.”
“Hey, I just know what the good stuff is, is all. Even if Splatfest Law says otherwise, I hold onto the truth.”
“Hard pass, Pearlie. Unless you’re saying putting mayo on this pizza will make you eat it… then maybe I could get our intern to go buy some.”
“Mmm…” Pearl really took her time, visualizing the pros and cons of mayo on pizza. On the one hand, it was the perfect food crime. On the other… there was still salmon roe on there, sullying perfectly good mayo. “Nah, no dice.”
“Gosh, Pearlie, what do I have to do to get you to try this??? Do you need me to spoon-feed it to you??”
“Hey, remember, forks are the official utensil of Inkopolis now,” Pearl teased.
“Ugh, but fork-feed doesn’t even sound right,” Marina whined, a playful lilt to her voice.
“Besides, who needs a fork or a spoon for pizza? Other than you, Reena.”
“I’m using my hands to eat right now,” Marina shot back, taking a second piece. How she could possibly stomach that, Pearl had no idea.
“Yeah, but I’ve seen you at those fancy restaurants, using a fork for flatbread.”
“Flatbread is different! And besides, I saw you use your hands for ice cream once.”
“What was I gonna do, Reena, let it fall on the floor?”
“It was in a bowl, Pearlie! Cod, you drive me up the wall.”
“You know you love me, though,” Pearl cooed, with the sort of expression only Marina could love.
“I know I do,” Marina replied, leaning her head onto her hand dreamily.
“Now,” she insisted, with a raise of her eyebrow, “if I were to hand-feed you this piece of pizza, would you eat it or not?”
“Depends. Are we doing airplane noises?”
“Cod forbid, Pearlie, if you eat it, I will make airplane noises.”
“Fine, then, we’ve got a deal.”
“I’m dating a child,” Marina remarked, maintaining eye contact with her Pearlie.
“That’d better not be cuz I’m short,” Pearl shot back.
“Oh, no, it’s for so many other reasons, my precious Pearlie. Now open wiiiiiide~”
Against every drop of ink in her body with better sense, Marina grabbed the smallest piece of pizza she could find and waved it around in the air as she stretched it towards her girlfriend’s mouth. And yes, cod forbid, she made airplane noises.
“Aaaa-mmph,” Pearl chewed, taking the biggest bite she could out of a piece of pizza she supposedly hated. Marina watched as she kicked her feet back and forth, shifted her head side to side, pondering, and finally, swallowed the bite in one gulp with a nod.
“That’s pretty decent, actually.”
“THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN SAYING, PEARLIE?????”