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"My god."
The sun was setting, turning the world orange, catching in Alex's eyes. John was running his hands under a dripping garden hose, the cold water calming him slightly. They were in someone's backyard, whose exactly they had no clue.
"What?"
"The sunset's just really pretty."
John stood up, wiping cold water on his shorts. Alex looked at him, smiling slightly before turning away to look at the grass.
It was June 29th, just like it had been thousands of times before. Not that anyone else knew that. Except John and Alex, that is.
"You've seen this sunset so many times, Alex. It never changes."
Alex's eyes looked grey, his pupils pinpricks.
"I know."
The two got on their bikes and began riding to meet up with Lafayette and Hercules, just like always.
"You feel like arguing with Thomas today?"
"No."
They avoided the street he always waited at, riding by Aaron's house. The front porch was empty, but Alex waved at the windows anyway.
"He's not home, you know."
Alex laughed.
"Lucky."
They got off of their bikes in front of Herc's house. They were early, as usual.
"You wanna go to the store?"
"You know it always makes us late."
So they sat on Hercules' lawn, picking at grass.
"Do you know how to do that weird thing with the grass?"
"What weird grass thing?"
"You know, like when you put the grass between your fingers and blow on it."
"Huh?"
"It makes a noise. Kinda like a goose, almost. I'm guessing you don't know how, then."
"Yeah, I don't."
John picked at a bigger blade and balanced it between his thumbs, breathing hard.
"It's supposed to vibrate, I think," he said after a while.
"You know what else vibrates?" said Alex, smirking.
"I'm going to assume you were going to say a cicada and hope that is exactly what you were referring to."
Alex smiled again, softer this time. A car drove by.
"It's going too fast for a residential neighborhood."
"Oh?"
"Speed limit's ten miles per hour. They've gotta be driving at least fifty."
Herc's car pulled into the driveway, interrupting their talk with it's noise. The machine was old and practically falling apart, bought for cheap at a used car lot when Herc learned to drive. Alex always said he was sure it was going to break down soon. It never did.
"Hey lovebirds, time to get off the lawn," said Herc, shutting the car door behind him.
"We're not in love, Herc."
"Whatever you say."
John's ears felt hot, his neck prickly despite the cooling breeze of dusk. He wanted to go inside.
Herc fiddled with his house key, shoving it in his door at various angles and muttering curses under his breath. Alex leaned against the side of the house, watching him intently.
"You need some help with that?"
"No," grumbled Herc before handing the key to Alex.
He switched the key and the door opened. It was a practiced move at that point, one mostly driven by muscle memory.
"Ladies first," he said, holding the door open.
"Asshole."
They went inside, John closing the door behind them with a soft thud.
"Laf's gonna be late," said Alex, wiping his hands on his shirt, "He's finishing his book."
"Oh."
John twisted a strand of hair around his finger. Laf never showed up in time. Alex had tried everything, telling him to read his book the next day, pushing him to get it done faster at home, but it always ended the same - Laf finishing his book and not making it. Herc, Alex, and John stuck at the house when the world ended. It made John feel sick.
"Can we go sit outside?"
Herc raised an eyebrow.
"On the back porch? I've barely cleaned-"
"It's fine. I just want to be outside. See the last of the sunset, y'know?"
Alex eyed him carefully, and John flashed a small smile back. Just to make him feel better.
"John's got a point. It is really pretty, and it's supposed to be warm tonight too."
Herc sighed, tapping his foot slightly.
"Fine. I'll get some orange juice, unless you two want anything different."
"Sounds good to me," said Alex.
"Same here."
The two went outside, closing the screen door to keep the bugs out.
"Are you okay?" Alex asked.
"I'm fine."
"Tell me the truth, please. I... I worry about you."
John's face shifted, but only for a second.
"Alex, really, I'm fine."
Alex looked desperate, almost pleading, but he turned away and sat in the furthest lawn chair.
"Okay."
Herc returned a bit later with three cups of orange liquid. The glasses were old, leftover from when his grandmother had still lived there, covered in designs of lemons, peaches, and citrus fruit.
John took a sip, the taste sticking to the back of his throat. He used to hate orange juice.
"So... How's your summer been so far?"
Alex and John made eye contact.
"It's been eventful," said Alex simply.
"John?"
"Uh... Same here, I guess."
"That's all you're gonna tell me?"
"Yes," said Alex quickly.
The crickets were chirping then, a slight breeze rustling the trees in Herc's backyard. Alex sipped on his juice thoughtfully, watching a mosquito land in the kitty pool.
It was almost perfect.
A knock sounded on the front door.
"That's Laf," said Herc, standing up from his seat, "I'll let him in."
The screen door closed behind him. Alex looked pale. John stared intensely at his orange juice.
"Are you gonna-"
"We always end up the same way, Alex."
"Yeah. Yeah, of course."
The sky was a pale red now, turning bright again. John picked up his glass and threw it. It shattered against the wooden fence.
"Why did you..."
"It's coming back in the next loop anyway."
Alex squeezed his eyes shut.
"Stop it."
"Stop what?"
"Stop saying things like that. It could be okay this time."
John wanted to scream. To rip his skin off. It felt too tight, the world felt too tight, the crickets were half screaming by then, Laf and Herc whispering in the kitchen. He heard their footsteps as the sky grew brighter and brighter.
The screen door opened.
"Hi, Jo-"
The world burst into a thousand colors.
***
John woke up on the morning of June 29th to the birds chirping through his window. He pulled on some clothes and crept out of the house, grabbing a bag of trail mix. On the way to Alex's, he ate all of the nuts so Alex could have the chocolates.
"Morning, Alex."
Alex stood at his front porch, eating a bowl of cereal.
"Hi."
"Are you still upset about-"
"A little, yeah. Just don't bring it up."
"Okay."
John handed him the rest of his trail mix. Alex offered John the rest of his cereal, but as always, John declined. He was never hungry anymore. It wasn't like he could die anyway.
"I want to hang out today," said Alex, chewing thoughtfully, "Just us."
"I'll tell Herc we can't meet up, then."
"No. Just tell him we'll be late."
John walked up the stairs so he could stand next to Alex.
"What do you wanna do?"
"Just... Talk. Exist together. I dunno. The repetitiveness of this is making me sick."
"Yeah. Me too."
Alex went inside to put his bowl away, leaving John alone on the porch.
Recently, he'd been thinking about Alex in a different way. Dreaming about him. Thinking of what it would be like to just reach out and hold his hand. He wondered if maybe he was in love.
He'd never been in love before.
"Alright. Let's head out."
John swallowed, and the two set off down the street.
Just talking. Existing together, at least for the time being.