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It's amazing how one choice can really fuck things up.
He chose to have waffles instead of pancakes, if Robby had chosen pancakes he would have arrived to work earlier. He'd avoided Jack's wife dropping him off and never would have been invited out for drinks later. Yes, choosing waffles was his first mistake, the next was agreeing to go out.
What he'd give to be at home with his stomach full of beer and pizza, some random crap on the tv. Instead it was full of tequila and terrible wings from the bar that was threatening to come back up every time he looked down at the drying blood on his hands.
It wasn't Dana's fault that the women he kept picking were never enough to distract him from loving her. That's why none of his relationships ever lasted. Robby could never love them fully and when they saw that it ended.
He understood it. No one wanted to be second best. Once the relationship was over they usually stayed friends with him. Almost pitying him for loving someone he couldn't have.
But Jack, Jack had found the one. The one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Someone could live a hundred years and never find that person. Robby had lost track of all the plans Jack had made for his life, all that resolved around his wife.
Robby had watched those plans wither and die the moment she did.
Dana or his best friend's wife. Like pancakes or waffles he had a choice. He chose Dana who was unconscious with her head bleeding to get out of that car. He'd smelt the petrol before he saw it leaking.
“Don't leave me. Don't you dare fucking leave me Robby,” are the last words the love of Jack's life had screamed before the car went up. He'll never tell Jack that. No, he would give the nice version where she's unconscious and didn't know she and the child she was carrying was about to die.
He wished he'd stayed at the bar with Jack and his old military buddy, getting even more drunk. His last night of freedom before the baby.
It wasn't Dana's fault he picked her. It was instinct. He'd do it again. That's the worst thing about all of this he knew he would do it again without a second thought. He'd let someone else die, he'd put Jack through unimaginable pain for her.
“You're avoiding me,” Dana accused, voice low, cornering him the one place he couldn't run from her. Robby didn't want to be here at this wake. Jack barely knew what day of the week it was but he'd been aware enough to ask Robby to attend the funeral and wake.
“I'm not. You had Benji, you didn't need me while you were recovering,” Robby replied, flinching when her fingers grazed against his. He hadn't touched her since that night. Sometimes, he could still feel the blood there even though it was long gone.
Jack had been a convenient excuse to avoid her. Torturing himself by being there for him. It's the least he could do.
“That isn't true, and you know it,” Dana's voice was louder than it had been. Enough to draw the eyes of a couple people Robby didn't know. She's hurt and confused why he's pushing her away.
He should have gone into teaching like his high school sweet heart wanted him to. She had planned out their jobs, kids and house. Robby should have been weak and let her drag him into those plans. He never would have met Dana. Robby's life would have been empty but less painful.
“Vanessa for a girl, Luke for a boy,” Jack slurred for the fifth time that night. The baby that never got to be haunted Jack and tortured Robby in his sleep. “Tell me what happened again?”
“We were on the road. Dana and me in the back,” Robby began, it's like telling a story to a child. All the original Fairytales never ended happily and this tale wouldn't either. But he would make it as nice as he possibly could. “The other car came out of nowhere, she swerved to avoid it. The car flipped. I didn't get a scratch. I got Dana out of the car because she was closer. Then the car went up.”
“She was unconscious. She wouldn't have felt it right,” Jack pushed, hand gripping the glass so tight Robby was surprised it didn't shatter.
“Never opened her eyes,” Robby repeated the lie and it tasted like nothing in his mouth. “It was quick. I promise you that.”
“We are going to hell,” Dana whispered into his neck. It's not exactly the thing anyone wants to hear while half soft inside someone. His ego wanted to hear that he was the best she ever had even if it was a lie.
Jack was passed out upstairs. Dana had come to check up on them both. He wasn't sure how that led to fucking. One minute she'd been calling him out for pushing her away and the next fucking on Jack's sofa.
There was something twisted about the first time being with her happened on a sofa picked out by a woman he left to die for her.
“No, you're going to hell. I am going to Gehinnom,” Robby murmured, he wanted to tell her about the difference between the two.
He wanted to lessen his guilt and tell her that he chose to save her. For Dana to say he did the right thing. She wouldn't. He knew her. It'd eat away at her that Jack was suffering because he made that choice. And she'd feel bad he was torturing himself for making that choice.
“Screw you,” Dana shot back, no urgency to change their positions or leave. It's only now Robby could see the marks he'd left on her neck and shoulder. He felt too guilty about too many other things to feel it for what he was doing to her marriage. “Where I go you go.”