Archive of Our Own

Frank sighed as he looked at the board that just wasn’t getting any lighter. Holidays brought stress, and stress made people act without thinking. They made careless mistakes and ended up with burned limbs or hurt feelings, or both. The cramped waiting room was sure to be even more full tonight as drunkenness united with explosives on one of the ER’s most dreaded days: New Year’s Eve. 

“Looks like stupidity starts earlier every year,” Dana remarked, interrupting Frank’s own internal tirade. 

“Took the words right out of my mouth,” he huffed in response. 

“This next generation ain’t gonna have much to show for themselves at this rate. No offense,” she shifted and directed her words at Trinity who was waiting by the doors for an incoming MVC. Not even 10 am and the city was crawling with drunk drivers. 

“I don’t identify with them,” Trinity said with a sidelong glance as their eyes followed two girls getting discharged by Mel. They had tried a new skincare trend involving a superglue skin peel and ended up needing to soak their hands in solvent for hours. 

“I’ll finally be able to hear myself think,” Trinity grumbled. Due to the day’s high volume, the girls had been parked on a bed in the hall while they soaked and had no less than five FaceTime calls ended by Dana.  

Mel was firm and kind with her instructions about applying the topical cream for the next week as they left. Langdon’s eyes lingered on her the way they always did these days. Four months back in the Pitt seeing her almost every day was about the only thing he looked forward to while he tried to rebuild his life brick by brick. 

Princess bounced over to take Trinity’s spot across the counter from Dana, holding her phone with a mischievous grin. “Want to see what I’m wearing tonight?” 

Dana perched her reading glasses on her nose while Princess held her phone down for the blonde to see. 

“Jesus, where’s the rest of it?” 

Princess cackled giddily and began explaining her extravagant New Years Eve plan with her newest suitor. Frank huffed a laugh and returned to catching up on his charts from that morning, trying to ignore the pang of jealousy starting to swirl in his gut like a storm. It had been over a decade since he had that much fun with someone he cared about. Since he had looked forward to spending time with…anyone. 

“What about you, Langdon? Any big plans tonight?” Dana asked just as Mel approached the counter and clasped her hands on top of it with her signature sunshiney smile. 

“Uhh, my ex-wife invited me to a party she’s throwing with her new boyfriend?” He winced as his right hand went to run through the back of his hair. 

“Shit,” Princess remarked. 

“Well are ya going?” Dana gestured, uncrossing her arms. 

“Showing up alone to that feels a little too masochistic for my taste.” 

Mel opened her mouth to speak then retracted. “Joke,” she whispered. Frank cracked a brief smile at her. 

“What about you? Anything goin’ on tonight?”

“Oh, no. Becca is staying with Adam’s family so I will be in bed with my noise cancelling headphones by nine,” Mel nodded quickly. 

“My kinda night,” Dana laughed offering her a high five. Mel’s eyes lit up with laughter as she reciprocated. 

“Why not go together?” Princess queried with a sly smile, not moving her eyes from her phone where she was rapidly typing a message. 

“Hey there’s an idea,” Dana agreed. 

Langdon and Mel both stuttered over each other awkwardly before Mel blurted, “I would love to go.” 

Before he could talk himself out of it, Frank quickly replied, “Okay. I’ll pick you up at seven.” 

Mel nodded with that thousand kilowatt smile that made his chest tight, and he tried to give a smile back that was warm but not too excited. Though the last twenty seconds made him suspect that his not so subtle smiles had been giving him away already. 

Dana’s phone ringing to announce an incoming trauma was enough to dispel everyone from the desk, and Frank happily switched his focus back into doctor mode. 

The afternoon passed with a lightheaded feeling, like he had taken a shot of adrenaline and chased it with butterflies. Frank’s body and mind were practically buzzing by the time he found himself speeding to his new apartment to shower and agonize over what to wear. It’s not like he had many options. His closet was full of sensible neutrals he could mix and match easily, but he still struggled to pick which shade of denim to wear to impress Mel. It struck him how silly that thought was, impressing Mel King with a pair of jeans, but it wasn’t silly enough to keep him from hesitating between a deep blue pair and a black pair. 

Wearing black every other day of his life made him gravitate to a nearly all black ensemble. He was pleased with his result of a black henley under a grey denim jacket on top with black jeans and chelsea boots on the bottom. After a few spritzes of his cologne, he picked his bracelets off the jewelry tray on his dresser and slid them onto his wrists. His wedding ring stared back at him from where it sat alone, and he had a fleeting thought that he understood Frodo Baggins very deeply before swiping it into the top drawer of his dresser and turning off the light. 

He very casually texted Mel for her address, drumming his fingers anxiously on the counter while he waited. She responded immediately with a smiley face emoji at the end. 

“Oh nice. You are only four minutes from me. How did I not know that?”

“We could carpool sometime! Save on gas,” she replied. 

“Deal. This rent is eating me alive. See you in ten?” 

“I’ll be ready!”

With that, Frank pulled his thick wool coat off the rack by the door and tied a black scarf loosely around his neck before exiting his apartment. It was above freezing right now, but the temperature would drop into the twenties by the time he was driving her home later. These sunless winter days weren’t doing his mood any good. He had his NA meetings and the kids every other weekend and that damn dog that had been the tipping point of the life he had built, but most of the time he felt completely alone. 

There was a tension holding him together, an anger that boiled if he sat too still, so he was happy to jump into cases, to make himself available to help anyone who needed it. He found comfort in the irregular thump of a heart under his stethoscope or the blaring monitors in the trauma room, things he knew how to fix. Abby’s hollow eyes, Penny’s lip quivering when they told the kids he was moving out followed by Tanner running to his room and closing the door hard, those every day meltdowns he used to be able handle with such precision were widening the chasm between who he desperately wanted to be and who he ended up being. Every stitch he ripped loose left blood on his hands and the hands of his children. Some fucking legacy he was building. Before he could get lost in another spiral, his phone dinged, alerting him that he had arrived outside of Mel’s building. 

She was sitting on the stoop, smiling like the sun itself and everything calmed in his chest. The rolling waves of guilt stilled as she waved at him and half jogged to the door of his SUV. He reached over to fling it open for her, and she climbed inside. 

“I was planning on opening it for you properly but you beat me to it,” he smiled, taking in the sight of her. “You look really nice.”

Mel’s cheeks were dusted with pink from sitting in the wind, and her hair was in loose waves interrupted only by the fuzzy white earmuffs she was plucking off her head. 

“Thank you Doctor Langdon. I hardly recognized you without the scrubs.”

“I’m still just me,” he gestured lacklusterly. 

“I like just you,” she remarked, turning to pull her buckle secure across her chest. She had on a chocolate colored pea coat with matching boots pulled over her jeans.

“I need to swing by the store for a bottle of wine. Is that okay?” He asked as he checked the mirror and pulled back onto the main road. 

“Of course. I was going to pick up some flowers for Abby. I hate to show up empty handed.”

“That makes two of us,” he risked a glance at her, hands folded neatly in her lap, lips set in that permanent pleasant smile. She caught his gaze, and her smile widened. She seemed genuinely happy to be there and so at ease beside him. Dana was right about Mel being good company for this. Hopefully being in proximity to her would help keep his emotions from boiling over. God knows everyone there will have seen the worst of him, and he didn’t want to subject Mel to that too. 

They walked through the supermarket together chatting idly about life, remarking on the 90’s rock playing over the loudspeaker, and Frank had the very common thought lately that everything with her was so effortless. Sure they could talk about what new medical journals they had been reading or about work in general, but all the other little things they had in common were what really excited him. Mel pointing out her favorite yogurt that he also loved, discussing the perfect party menu, and a lighthearted argument about what makes a good karaoke song kept the darkness that usually followed him at bay. 

They climbed back into his car with a colorful bouquet and a bottle of Cabernet and continued their journey. Mel stifled a yawn when they pulled into Frank’s old neighborhood. 

“We don’t have to stay long,” he immediately offered. “Definitely not till midnight.” 

“I’ll perk up if there’s decent music,” she reassured him. 

Frank laughed as he pulled his car into a long line wrapping around the corner already. Music had always been a clashing point for him and Abby. He stepped carefully into the cold evening and went around the back of the car to join Mel. The birch trees that lined the sidewalks were a sickly yellow under the streetlights as their skeleton fingers sliced the dark sky into a mosaic. The thick clouds made it hard to see, but occasionally the moon’s glow peeked through. 

“Might be hard to see the fireworks in the city from here.”

Mel frowned, “That’s always my favorite part.” 

“Do you want to stay out till midnight?” He asked as he walked slightly in front of her to lead the way. 

“I love New Year's Eve. Our parents always let us stay up late that one night, so Becca and I would have way too much pizza and soda,” she smiled fondly, but it faded quickly into a frown with her brows knit together. “This will be my first year without Becca, I guess. She’s with Adam’s family.” 

Frank’s heart softened, “Well then I’ll have to get you to some fireworks.” By now, they were at the top of the brick steps. Muffled music could be heard on the other side of the black door. Frank lifted his hand to knock, but halfway through felt self conscious about knocking on a door that had his name on the mortgage, so he opened it and gestured for Mel to go in ahead of him. 

The halls were full of people he recognized and furniture he helped pick out, but it didn’t feel like home any more. Not without his kids running to meet him or someone to kiss him at the door. The bowl he used to put his keys in was missing from the counter, and the family pictures taken at the pumpkin patch had been swapped out for school pictures of the kids. Frank suddenly found it hard to breathe. He imagined this must be what it felt like to be a tumor removed from your host and tossed aside. 

“I’m so sorry,” he said quickly, “I’ve got to go to the restroom.”

Mel nodded and stepped out of the walkway to let someone else by while Frank ducked into the half bath under the staircase. He locked the door and turned on the fan and the faucet while he gripped the sink with knuckles as white as the porcelain basin he had installed 3 summers ago. His breaths came quick and shallow while his heart hammered his ribs so hard he could feel it in his teeth. Sweat was coating his forehead, so he peeled out of his coat and rolled up his sleeves to his forearms. His sight rested on the bracelets around his wrists, one from NA and one from the kids. 

“Breathe,” he whispered to himself, puffing out short breaths and ignoring the shake of his lungs as he filled them deeper. His temples pulsed and he felt dizzy as the panic attack came down. Splashing some water on his forehead and patting it dry with the inside of his coat, he gave himself another minute for his hands to stop shaking before he exited to find Mel waiting just around the corner. She looked him over carefully, and he gave a small shake of her head as if willing her to ignore whatever was visibly wrong with him. 

Frank set his coat over the back of a barstool, and helped Mel out of hers, draping it over the top of his. She placed her earmuffs next to his scarf and took the flowers back out of his arms while he looked for Abby. 

She waved, and started to make her way across the room, so Mel snuck in a quick whisper, “We don’t have to stay the whole time.” 

Frank’s hand found the small of her back, a silent thank you, as his ex wife approached with her new boyfriend in tow. 

“Hiiiii! We’re so glad you could make it!” Abby squealed as she pulled Mel into an awkward hug. Frank could tell she had already been drinking. “You must be Mel. This is Justin,” she clasped the arm of the man beside her who extended a hand to Frank. Justin was everything Frank wasn’t. Tall, blonde, the kind of upper body that made a button up shirt look obscenely tight. He had tawny stubble and a firm handshake. Even though he fell out of love with Abby a long time ago, he still felt he was coming up short in an invisible race. 

Frank was checked out for most of the conversation aside from polite smiles and nods. Mel was happy to take the lead. She was bubbly, witty, friendly, everything he needed in that moment. 

“Help yourself to anything. It’s really nice to meet you, Mel,” she smiled before excusing herself to another conversation. The worst part is Frank knew she was being genuine, and he hated being in this position. He hated feeling like the outsider. He could walk every step of this house blindfolded, but it wasn’t his anymore. 

Abby set the flowers and wine on the counter next to trays of mini sandwiches and meatballs and the prettiest charcuterie board Frank had ever seen. 

“We don’t even have to stay and eat if you don’t want to,” Mel’s voice interrupted his thought spiral. “I can tell this is hard for you, and that’s okay.”

Frank glanced at his watch. It was a little past eight. “We’ll sneak out in an hour. I’m starving, Dr. King,” he smiled. 

Mel scrunched her shoulders in excitement. “Thank goodness. Me too,” she grabbed a plate from the counter and handed him one. They piled their plates with high sodium snacks and headed to the living room. Most of the partygoers were gathered around a bonfire in the backyard, beers in hand. Frank and Mel settled on a loveseat by the fireplace. The TV was playing one of those lame New Year’s Eve programs with B list celebrity hosts and way too many commercials, but they watched anyway as they ate their sliders and tartlets.

Most of the people there ignored Frank, though a few sent him polite waves of recognition from across the room. It was starting to get under his skin no matter how badly he didn’t want it to get to him. They had known most of these couples for over a decade, and they certainly weren’t the first to get divorced. Just goes to show that people will always equate you to your lowest moment and ignore the months and years you spend crawling your way out he reasoned. No one wanted to hear about the withdrawals, the therapy sessions, the tremors, the insomnia. No, it was much juicer to circulate his fall from grace and the moment everything shattered.

“Frank?” 

He turned to see Mel had been trying to get his attention. His eyes shifted down to see her hand resting easily on top of his tightly balled fist.

“Let’s go,” she pled. “This place isn’t good for you. I can see it all over your face,” she frowned.

Mel frowning was a sight he tried to avoid at all costs.

“You’re right. This was a bad idea,” he started.

“No,” she shook her head firmly. “I don’t think you could’ve known how it would affect you until you tried, but it makes me sad to see you overthinking like this. I think some fresh air might help.”

Fresh air, some city buzz as background noise, and no one beside him but Mel sounded like the perfect way to end this shitty year.

“I have an idea,” he smiled, nodding towards the kitchen as an invitation for them to grab their coats and make their escape.

 Back in the passenger seat of his car, Mel asked, “Where to, Captain Scurvy?”

Frank couldn’t help but grin as he pulled away from what was left of his old life, already feeling lighter. “There’s a park a few minutes from here that I take Minnie to sometimes. Lots of walking paths and it’s got a decent view of the fireworks. Sound good, First Mate Gangrene?”

“Sounds perfect,” she giggled at the nickname. 

The park was slowly filling up with people setting up blankets to watch the fireworks show. There were a few vendors selling hot chocolate and sparklers and goofy glasses with the year on them outside the gates. Mel stopped to buy them each a large paper cup of cocoa that was more molten than hot, but the cup warmed his fingers, so Frank couldn’t complain. 

“How are things with Becca? I know it was kind of a shock when everything came to light,” Frank asked, falling easily into step beside Mel. Above them, the path was overhung with tree branches dangling leftover christmas lights shaped like stars and snowflakes. 

“Better,” she nodded. “I think we just both needed to adjust to everything out in the open. I think I might have overreacted,” she conceded. “I told Dana that day that I was going to die alone. That’s what it felt like, but his family is really nice. They invite me to things a lot. I try to let Becca be her own person though. I usually feel like I’m intruding when I’m there.” Her voice ached with the sadness of change. Frank knew what it was like to be certain you knew how your life would play out just to have the rug ripped out from under you.

“I get that. I haven’t lived on my own…ever. I went from my parent’s house to a dorm room, and then Abby and I moved in together after graduation. I’m still figuring out how to deal with the silence,” he risked another look right in her eyes swallowing hard. 

“Maybe we can figure it out together,” she suggested slowly, “How to not be lonely.”

Frank’s smile grew so wide he was afraid his face would split in two. “I’d really like that Mel. I really like–”

“‘Scuse us!” 

“Watch out!” 

A trio of kids chasing each other burst right through the pair where they stood on the sidewalk. Frank couldn’t help but laugh. If things were going the way he thought they were, there would be plenty of moments interrupted by kids in the future. He took it as a good omen.

Mel suddenly grabbed his arm and pointed, “Is that what a think it is?” A group of people with pamphlets were crowded in front of a statue at the park entrance listening to a monologue delivered by a woman in layers of white face paint and a very flowy dress.

“Ghost tour?” Frank could barely contain his excitement.

“Ghost tour!” Mel squealed. 

They rushed across the lawn without hesitation and stood in the back of the group, catching the tail end of the story of the patriot who was forever remembered in copper atop the pedestal by the park entrance. Mel glanced at the bright yellow flyer the woman in front of her was loosely clutching. “It ends back here at 11:30. We can watch the fireworks!” 

Her giddiness almost knocked Frank off his feet. “Well clearly we’re doing it.”

“Are you sure?”

“There is absolutely no other way I would rather spend my evening,” his breath came out in a cloud.

Mel’s eyes softened at the corner in a way that made his heart skip a beat. Two volunteers from the museum were standing nearby with crooked maps printed with faded ink. There was no ticket price, but they had a bucket for donations, so Frank fished two twenties out of his wallet and dropped them in the bucket in exchange for two maps. Mel’s fingers brushed his as she took hers out of his hand, and he was shot through with electricity. She eagerly pointed at the areas marked with stars and took a frantic sip of her now cooled off cocoa, absolutely alight with their newfound plans. Frank folded his map and held it with his cup, using his free hand to brush her hair back from her forehead and tuck it behind her earmuff where it had come loose. 

“Thank you,” she almost stammered. Frank was thankful for the wind coloring their cheeks pink, or else he would’ve betrayed himself in that moment. The tour started inching forward the frozen streets of Pittsburgh. Mel and Frank brought up the rear of the group, trailing the twenty or so other history geeks who were perfectly happy to spend their New Year’s Eve learning about the city’s oldest buildings.  

Mel’s eyes were on the tour guide as she floated around the city reciting her script with a theatrical precision, and Frank’s eyes were on Mel. The way her brows were set in concentration, the small nods she gave as she listened, her wavy hair being tossed in the wind. He was a goner. 

They weren’t due for snow, but about halfway through the walk, a dusting of flurries started to dance through the darkness and light on their lashes and hair. Mel’s laugh was pure delight, as she looked up at Frank smiling all the way to her eyes. Frank wanted so badly to lean in and kiss her. Something about the way her green eyes lingered on his longer than they allowed in the ER made his heart speed up. 

“What?” She asked with a hint of teasing in her voice. 

I’d really like to kiss you. 

“You just look really beautiful in the snow,” his voice was low and sincere. 

Mel took a quick inhale and bit the inside of her lip, eyebrows up like she was shocked that he could possibly think anything else in this moment. “Thank you,” she replied in a small voice. 

Feeling brave, Frank leaned down to press a kiss to the top of her head. Mel melted into him for a moment, her shoulder leaned hard into his and their knuckles brushed clumsily. Frank didn’t want to push too fast, so he let the next move be hers if she wanted to take it. The group was beginning to move forward across the next street, and Mel straightened, but stayed closer to his orbit than she had been before. While they followed the tour group ahead of them, she hooked her pinky into his, and he wished his hands weren’t close to numb so he could fully enjoy it. By the time they arrived at the next stop, their fingers were fully intertwined, laced with a tightness Frank hadn’t anticipated. He held onto his old life too loosely, took it for granted. He wasn’t about to let this girl slip away from him.

Two more stops sat between them and the park, but neither of them heard a word their ghostly host said. Their hearts were drumming in their ears too hard to focus. Frank hadn’t spoken since he told her she was beautiful, afraid that this was all just a dream and he would wake up any moment. 

“We should be able to squeeze in for fireworks still,” Mel leaned up to whisper against the shell of his ear, a closeness new to them both. He tried to not let the goosebumps dancing down his neck show while he caught her gaze to smile softly.

“We’ll find a good spot,” he squeezed her hand.

Mel leaned her head against his shoulder again, and he felt the last bit of his resolve melt away. He had danced around this feeling for months, wanting to do things right, not wanting to fuck up anything else, but he had a really good feeling about Mel and the team they effortlessly became when they faced any challenge together. From the very first moment, they had clicked, and nothing had been enough to knock that rhythm loose. 

The park lawn was covered at this point with camping chairs and blankets, though most of the younger kids seem to have retired to bed. Mel spotted a clearing, and they beelined to it being careful to step over hands and coolers.

“Sorry I didn’t think to bring chairs,” Frank grunted as he lowered himself on the ground. 

“Don’t be silly. We didn’t plan this,” she said matter-of-factly. “Will your back be okay?”

“It’s only a few minutes, but thank you for thinking of me.”

“I think about you often,” she admitted, hugging her knees tight to her chest.

“C’mere,” Frank said softly, unbuttoning his coat and gesturing for her to scoot in under his arm.

Mel snaked an arm around his back and clutched the collar of his coat with her other hand. His arm fit around her in a way that made her dizzy. He was all lean muscle and warmth. She tilted her nose up to look at him. They were only inches apart from here.

“Back in the road, you asked me what I was thinking,” he whispered.

She nodded, her heart lodged in her throat.

“I was thinking that I would really like to kiss you.”

Mel blinked, “But it’s not even midnight.”

“I don’t want to wait another second,” his voice hitched.

Mel took a shaky breath and leaned her forehead against his.

“What is it? Talk to me.”

“I’m not good at this part,” she whispered, not wanting to meet his eyes.

“Uh uh. You don’t get to hide from me, Mel,” he tilted her chin up to meet his eyes again. “You complement me in all the ways that matter. I’m a better man when I’m with you, a better doctor, a better dad. Nothing you do fits wrong with who I am. You’ve been my perfect match since the beginning, Mel. You’re the one who’s out of my league, not the other way around.”

“I,” she started, leaning her mouth closer so her breath ghosted his lips, “I think I love you.”

“I know that I love you,” he said with finality, closing the microscopic space between them at last. All the numb parts of him started to come to life, not just the frosty fingertips from the cold. His hope for the future, waking up late on weekends wrapped around her, picking out wallpaper together. He could see it all, and he wasn’t afraid.

The kiss was slow, gentle, familiar. Like something he had experienced once long ago and had been searching for again. They pulled apart with hesitance, both breathing shallowly while their eyes opened into each other’s. Frank’s eyes glistened almost imperceptibly with tears, and his face broke into a wide grin. Mel grinned back, and she laughed mischievously. 

“What?” Frank laughed back.

She leaned forward and kissed him again, first on the mouth then the nose then the jaw, before nuzzling into his neck and Frank thought he might pass out. 

“Can I do that whenever I want?” She asked, placing a kiss to his shoulder and he wished his shirt wasn’t in the way.

“Mel, sweetie, you’re gonna drive me crazy if you keep doing that,” he swallowed and looked up to the cloudy sky.

“You still owe me a kiss at midnight,” she reminded him. Frank checked his watch. 

“Think you can wait two minutes for another?”

“Just one more,” she whined with a sultry pout he had never expected from her.

“I’m one kiss away from asking you to stay with me tonight,” he said with hoarsely. 

“I haven’t said no to you yet, have I?” 

If he wasn’t already on the ground, his knees would’ve buckled. Her hand rested on his chest, and he was certain she could feel his heart pounding. 

“Is this a good idea?” He whispered. All around them, people started counting down the last minute of the year. 

“We are both sober, consenting adults Frank, but we can stop now if you want. I know this might be hard for you.”

43. 42. 41. 40.

“It’s getting there,” he admitted.

Mel pressed her face into his neck again and took a deep breath. Frank breathed with her, deep and steady. His heart began to slow, and the warning bells in his mind quieted. “I’d be more than happy just to stay here like this,” she murmured.

19. 18. 17. 16.

“You don’t think I’m lame?” He pressed his lips to her temple.

“I could never think that. I think you’re wonderful.”

10. 9. 8. 7. 

“I think you’re the most wonderful person I’ll ever know,” he looked down at her, deeply smitten.

“Happy New Year, Frank.”

He leaned forward and caught her mouth in a kiss that made her head spin while the sky above them exploded with fireworks. She felt like the whole atmosphere was erupting in a celebration to match the one happening in her own heart. When he pulled away at last, she let out a contented sigh, and they turned to watch the fireworks together, ending their tumultuous year intertwined instead of the way it had begun: achingly alone.