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Logically, Kenma should've seen this coming.
Logically, it makes sense that upon entering his first year of college Kuro would be surrounded by people who never knew him at his dorky stages, who only saw the accomplished volleyball player who worked his ass off to get into Tokai University to major in Chemistry, while still playing volleyball on the side.
Logically, it's only a matter of time before Kuro bursts into his room, flings himself onto Kenma's bed, and declares: "Guess who has a date tonight~?"
Despite all this logic, the only thing that Kenma feels at this moment is annoyance and the sick twisting feeling in his chest that he's recently come to realize is jealousy.
Kuro nudges him with his foot, trying to get him to look up from his game.
"Stop that," Kenma says, perhaps more sharply than he means to.
"Stop ignoring me."
"I thought it was a rhetorical question."
Kuro laughs. "Okay, fine. But I didn't come here to gloat; I came because I need your help."
Kenma looks up at that, wrinkling his nose as he looks over at his best friend. The last thing he wants to do is help Kuro get ready for his date, but at the same time he knows it's his duty as Kuro's best friend to make sure he doesn't make a fool out of himself (even if that would be preferable).
"Fine," he says with a sigh, pausing the game. "Stand up."
Kuro hops to his feet. Kenma regards him skeptically.
"Is that what you're wearing?"
Kuro looks down at his outfit, which consists of a plain white button-down t-shirt and a pair of jeans. "Yes?" he says then hesitantly. "We're just going to dinner and a movie. You know, classic date stuff."
"Just because you're putting zero effort into the date that doesn’t mean you should put zero effort into your presentation as well," Kenma says pointedly.
Kuro looks indignant. "Hey! Look who's talking about zero effort." He gestures to Kenma. "You've worn that same hoodie for the past week, and you haven't even changed out of your pajama pants today."
Kenma frowns. "I don't have a date tonight." It comes out harsher than he means it to as well. He really needs to rein in his emotions or Kuro's going to suspect something.
Though . . . would that really be so terrible?
"Okay, okay." Kuro holds up his hands in surrender. "What should I wear then?"
"The dark red sweater your mom gave you for Christmas," Kenma says immediately. "Wear that over this, because you always get cold in movie theaters, but a jacket would probably be too warm. And wear your black jeans." He bites his lip, wondering if he's said too much. Those black jeans always hug Kuro's legs and hips just the right way, making him look like he has more of an ass than he actually does.
But Kuro's just nodding thoughtfully, putting the outfit together in his head. "Right. Yeah, that'd look good. What should I do with my hair?"
"Nothing," Kenma says flatly. "That's a lost cause."
Kuro makes a face before chuckling. "Okay, Mr. Rude, what about shoes? Can I wear my sneakers?"
Kenma raises an eyebrow, giving him a look.
"Okay, so those loafers your dad gave me then. What about cologne then? Or should I just go with my natural, manly scent?"
Kenma rolls his eyes. "The one I—my mom got you," he says, wiping his hands on his knees and hoping Kuro didn't catch his slip. "It's . . . subtle. But nice." He can feel his cheeks warming, and he looks away.
He'd been too embarrassed to give Kuro his favorite cologne scent for his last birthday, so he asked his mom to give it to him instead. He's still not entirely sure whether or not that'd been a good call.
"Oh, yeah," Kuro says with a nod. "That one's my favorite."
He grins, and Kenma turns his gaze onto the floor. Kuro reaches out to ruffle his hair. "Thanks. I'll be back for the final verdict."
With that he's gone, and Kenma scowls at the floor. His chest aches painfully, as he realizes he just made Kuro that much more attractive for his date. Flinging himself back on his bed, he restarts his PSP and tries not to think about it too much.
Of course, not one hour later Kuro's back in his room displaying his outfit and smelling amazing. Kenma studies him skeptically, trying to find something out of place so he can delay Kuroo further, but he looks amazing, and he can't find a single thing to complain about.
He sighs. "You look great," he mutters.
"Well, that was convincing," Kuro says, pouting.
Kenma glances up at him and then away. "You look great," he says again, more forcefully.
He feels sick.
Kuro glances at his watch. "I still have another thirty minutes before I have to pick her up," he says. "Is it okay if I hang out here?"
"Sure," Kenma says with a shrug, but his mind is going around and around that one word that he caught onto immediately.
Her. Her. Her. Her. Her.
Kuro sits next to him, leaning over his shoulder to look down at the game in his hand. Although it's something he's done hundreds of times before, Kenma stiffens. He can smell the cologne on Kuro's neck, along with the scent of his shampoo. He closes his eyes, shutting off the game and moving away in order to look at Kuro.
Kuro blinks in surprise, but before he can say anything, Kenma breaks the silence.
"Do you like her?"
"What?" Kuro asks, his eyes widening.
Kenma narrows his eyes. "This girl you're going out with. Do you like her?"
"Well, I mean, I guess that's what this date is for? To determine if I like her or not?" Kuro rubs the back of his neck with a shrug. "She's in my chemistry class. She's smarter than me and is really cute, could probably kick my ass too . . . she asked me out and I thought 'why not'? I'd like to get to know her better."
Kenma isn't sure if he's relieved that Kuro doesn't seem to have any strong feelings or disappointed that he apparently had no reason to say no to the request.
"I am . . . kind of nervous, though," Kuro admits after a moment, drawing Kenma's attention back to the scene at hand. He moves his hand toward his head, as if to run his fingers through his hair, before apparently thinking better of it and lowering his hand to his lap, curling it into a fist.
"Why?" Kenma asks blankly, staring at him and wondering for what reason would he have to be nervous. The girl is already interested in him, and Kenma can't think of anything Kuro might do to change her mind about that (unfortunately).
"Well . . . what if she wants me to kiss her?"
Kenma blinks. "On the first date?"
"It happens in the movies like that," Kuro says with wide eyes. "When the guy goes to drop off the girl . . . he kisses her goodnight. That sort of sets the stage for how things are going forward. Like, if it's a terrible kiss then maybe it wasn't meant to be."
"That's terrible logic."
"Kenma. You've known me my whole life. You know I've never kissed anyone before."
"I doubt it's that complicated."
"I want to make a good impression! If I don't kiss her right, then she won't think I'm cool anymore!"
"You're stressing out over something really insignificant."
"Kenmaaaaa."
Kuro leans forward, dropping his head onto Kenma's shoulder. Kenma does his best not to stiffen at the touch, biting his lip. Kuro's scent wafts up toward his nose, and he turns his face away in a vain attempt to avoid it.
"You don't have to kiss her, you know," Kenma says softly, looking down at his hands in his lap, fiddling with the frayed cuff of his hoodie. "Not if you don't want to."
"I know," Kuro mumbles. "But . . . still . . ."
Sighing, Kenma reaches up to take Kuro's face in his hands. As he pushes him back to look at him, he tells himself that this isn't selfish. He's helping out his best friend. This is a good deed.
He's not trying to ruin anything.
Kuro freezes in shock, as Kenma leans forward and presses his lips gently against his. He remains still, even as Kenma pushes harder, and after a few seconds of practically kissing a statue, Kenma pulls away with a sigh of frustration.
"If that's how you're going to kiss her, I can guarantee there will be no second date," he says flatly.
Kuro shakes himself out of his daze. "I-I'm sorry, I just . . . what?!"
Kenma turns his face away, wondering if this was a bad idea. It's not as though he has any experience to boast about either. "I thought you might feel better with some practice, that's all," he mutters, his neck and ears feeling warm.
Kuro inhales sharply. "You're . . . you're okay with that?"
Kenma shoots him a withering glance. "I wouldn't have initiated it if I wasn't."
For some reason, Kuro seems even more nervous. Kenma shakes his head, pulling his leg up under him in order to turn and face Kuro fully.
"Just . . . pretend I'm her," he says, even though the words leave a sour taste in his mouth. He forces down the bile that rises up his throat, looking at Kuro expectantly, as his best friend turns to face him as well.
"Um, okay," he says. He reaches out hesitantly, and Kenma can feel the way his hands are shaking, as he cups Kenma's face in one hand, brushing his hair back with the other.
His hands are warm, lightly calloused. Kenma's felt them a million times before. On his hands, his arms, even his face occasionally, but not like this. Never like this.
His breath catches in his throat, and he can feel his heart pounding there, loud in his ears. Kuro bites his lip briefly, as he starts to lean in, moving one hand down to Kenma's shoulder. Kenma shuts his eyes quickly, as Kuro's breath ghosts across his lips. Then he's tilting his chin back, meeting his kiss, and an involuntary shiver runs down his spine.
Kuro presses softly, lips moving minutely. He's breathing shallowly, and Kenma can tell he's struggling. He tries to help, angling his head better in order to deepen the kiss, their lips slotting together in a way that fits better. He can tell the difference immediately, and he can sense Kuro feels it too. He relaxes, lips moving more confidently against Kenma's.
Kenma brings his hands up to hold either side of Kuro's neck, running one thumb along his jaw line, as he parts his lips and gently glides his tongue over Kuro's. Kuro makes a small, surprised noise that's much too adorable, but then he's parting his lips, allowing Kenma to slip inside.
It's warm and wet, and Kuro's tongue rises to meet his after a moment, squishy and a little gross, but it still sends Kenma's heartbeat into overdrive. He shifts closer, locking on more firmly, sliding one hand up into the back of Kuro's hair. For a moment he's afraid he's pushing too far, but then Kuro's arm wraps around his waist, and he practically pulls Kenma into his lap, holding him close against his chest.
Kenma moves willingly, straddling his hips, as the kiss grows more heated. Their lips move faster against one another, and their breathing grows ragged, as they pant hot air into each other's mouths. In the back of his mind, Kenma reminds himself that this isn't real. Kuro's only pretending that he's his date. There are no true feelings behind it.
Logically, he knows this. But even so . . .
The way Kuro is holding him, close against his chest, the way he is moaning softly, nibbling on Kenma's lower lip, the way his hand is shifting further down Kenma's back toward his ass . . . it's making holding onto logic very difficult.
Kuro's hand reaches his ass, and he presses in, shifting his hips so Kenma rocks against him. He can feel the bulge in Kuro's tight jeans hardening, and Kuro pushes against Kenma's ass again, forcing him to grind down against it. Kenma swallows Kuro's moan and tries to stifle one of his own, as he shifts his hips on his own this time.
"K-Kenma," Kuro gasps into his mouth, and the sound of it just makes Kenma want to devour him further.
He wants to do more. He wants to move his lips down Kuro's neck, biting and sucking until he's marked Kuro as his. No girl would dare ask him out with that type of evidence on his skin. No cute classmate from Chemistry would look at him and think "that could be mine."
No. This is Kenma's.
He's Kenma's.
"Kenma!" Kuro yelps sharply this time, as Kenma's teeth sink into his neck. He finds himself being pushed away, and Kuro scrambles off the bed, breathing hard. He reaches up to hold his neck where Kenma bit him, pupils dilated, as he stares down at Kenma with wide eyes. Kenma looks up at him from where he landed on his back on the bed, chest heaving. He props himself up on his elbows, his face, his entire body, feeling much too warm.
"I-I think . . . I think I've had enough practice," Kuro says, his voice shaky, as he inhales deeply.
Kenma doesn't respond. He knows he should probably apologize, but it would be a lie. He's not sorry for biting Kuro. He's not sorry for any of it.
Kuro turns away, heading out of the room into the bathroom. He moves awkwardly, no doubt in discomfort because of his erection. Kenma can't help but smirk faintly at the memory of it beneath him. He did that to Kuro. He never thought he could, but he did.
Only . . .
His expression falls, as he listens to the sound of water being run in the bathroom. No doubt Kuro is splashing his face with cold water to calm down. Kenma sits up and pulls his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them.
Kuro stopped them so abruptly. Did he not like it? Did he not want to respond that way to Kenma?
Knowing he's over-thinking things, Kenma turns over onto his stomach and grabs his PSP once more. He tries not to worry too much about how long it's taking Kuro to get back from the bathroom. When his phone dings at him, at first he doesn't check it. But when ten minutes go by and Kuro still hasn't returned, he reaches toward it with trepidation to look at his messages.
Kuro
had to leave. was gonna be late. ttyl (18:03)
The sick feeling from before returns and Kenma wonders if he just made the biggest mistake of his life.
***
Kenma's mostly asleep when, at one in the morning, he hears the scraping of his bedroom window opening. Sitting up on his elbow, Kenma blinks into the darkness of his room, making out a familiar shape silhouetted by the streetlamps outside.
"Kuro?" he murmurs groggily.
He reaches for the light beside his bed, but Kuro breathes a quiet, "Don't." Kenma pauses, frowning, as he sits up the rest of the way.
"Are you okay?"
"I-I don't know."
Kenma pulls his legs up, gesturing for Kuro to sit. He does with a sigh, the bed springs squeaking softly. "Sorry," he says quietly. "I didn't mean to wake you up. I just . . . I'm really confused right now, and I needed to see you."
Kenma curls his hands into the blankets, clutching them tightly in his fists. He shivers slightly, the cool air from outside making its way into his room through the open window. He's wearing one of Kuro's old shirts to bed, as he usually does, and though it's big and comfortable, it's not very thick. Kuro seems to notice this, because he stands abruptly and goes over to close the window.
"I didn't want to wake your parents," he says apologetically. "I almost talked myself out of coming over here because of how late it is, but . . . I needed to talk to you right away. It couldn't wait until the morning. I'd chicken out for sure."
Kenma frowns. "Kuro, you're not making any sense."
"Sorry." Kuro doesn't elaborate at first, though. Instead, he makes his way back to the bed and sits as he was before, on the edge. Not far from Kenma, but not too close either. He looks down at his hands, as he picks at the edge of his nails absently. Kenma waits, trying to ignore the way his heart is pounding, the way his stomach is twisting with worry.
"So. The date went well," Kuro starts then quietly.
"That's . . . good." Kenma's not entirely sure what to say. He's not thrilled to hear the date went well, but considering Kuro's strange behavior, he's not entirely convinced it did go well.
"I mean, it went as I expected," Kuro elaborates. He lifts his head to stare at the wall at Kenma's Legend of Zelda poster. "The food at the restaurant was great, and there was minimal awkwardness in the conversation. The movie was trash, but that was okay because it gave us something to laugh about afterwards. Yoshida-kun was nice, funny. She was perfect, really."
Kenma isn't sure he likes where this is going, but he's still confused. If his date was perfect, why does he seem so upset?
"Which is why it made no fucking sense why, when I dropped her off back at her house, I didn't want to kiss her at all," Kuro says, shaking his head.
Kenma's breath leaves him in a whoosh. He stares, as Kuro gnaws on his bottom lip with his teeth.
"I mean, with everything going so well I expected to want to kiss her. And I think she was expecting a kiss too. She looked up at me, and I just . . . stood there. I kept thinking 'this is where I kiss her,' but I didn't move. I didn't want to move. I was almost home when I realized why."
Kuro looks over at him. "I didn't want to kiss her because I knew it wouldn’t be like kissing you."
Kenma finds himself holding his breath for the second time that night. He stares back at Kuro, stock-still, almost afraid that if he moves or breathes the moment will be gone and it'll all be just a dream.
"I know I have like, zero experience kissing," Kuro says, his words coming faster, as he turns around completely to face Kenma, drawing his long legs up underneath him. "Logically, I shouldn't base anything off our one kiss. But . . . I felt something, with you. I felt . . . alive. It was amazing. Being with you . . . it was incredible. And maybe it's supposed to be like that all the time with any person you kiss. I don't know. But I do know . . ."—he inhales deeply—"I do know that I don't want it to be like that with anyone else."
Kenma pinches his arm, just in case. The pain tingles and when he opens his eyes and sees Kuro looking at him earnestly just as before, his heart leaps into his throat.
This is real.
"Can we . . . do it again?" Kuro asks then, looking embarrassed and sheepish all at once. "Like, forever? Exclusively?"
Kenma nods so hard and quickly he's afraid his head might fall off. He doesn't trust his voice to speak. It's not exactly a love confession, but . . . he knows Kuro. He knows his best friend loves him. And there is no doubt in his mind that if Kuro's asking this, there are deeper feelings there. In time, they'll probably grow to be as strong as Kenma's. He certainly hopes so, at least.
Either way, if they do this, their relationship will shift. It will become something altogether different than before. But that's fine, because this type of change is what Kenma's wanted all along.
"Yes," he says quietly.
Kuro grins, and he leans forward to kiss him. Kenma falls back against his mattress, wrapping his arms around Kuro's neck and holding him close. Kuro rests on top of him gently, lips moving eagerly.
This time, he doesn't pull away when Kenma bites him, marking him.
This time, he's Kenma's.
Exclusively.
Forever.