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Eddie Diaz is not sulking.
He’s in his mid thirties, damn it, he doesn’t have a habit of acting like his teenage son when he’s upset.
He just decided to take a moment to himself. It was probably the breeze that made the door close behind him louder than he had intended. It was probably something he ate that is making his stomach turn unpleasantly. It was probably the hot sun that was putting him in a bad mood.
He hears Buck’s laugh through the open window above the sink and clenches his jaw. Did he even notice that Eddie had gone inside?
Eddie shuts the window quickly— just to keep the hot air out, of course.
He opens the fridge for something to drink, at least 80% sure that was the excuse he had mumbled to whoever had been near him when he calmly and maturely left the backyard while pointedly ignoring Buck and Sophia, and he stands there for a few moments, letting the cool air settle over him.
Okay, so maybe he is sulking. And maybe he’s being a little overdramatic. And petty. There are all kinds of unpleasant adjectives that could accurately describe him right now, as much as he hates to admit it.
He squeezes his eyes shut tightly. Fuck. He’s spiraling. He knows this. And in theory he knows how to help himself out of this.
What’s first? Right, five things he can see.
One. He opens his eyes and they land on the colorful logo on the glass bottles of sodas that he bought at the store today. They were pricier than the other drink options he had originally been looking at, but Buck had looked excited when Sophia insisted they had to try them, so Eddie told him to pick out whatever flavors he wanted.
Two. He sees the red lid on the glass Tupperware that he keeps meaning to return to Buck, since it’s technically his, but Buck always refills it with the leftovers of the dinners he makes for them. It’s currently full of a pasta dish Sophia loves that Buck made to welcome her to Los Angeles a few days ago.
Three. He sees Christopher’s half-gallon of orange juice—almost out because Eddie has finally allowed himself to start enjoying it too, so it doesn’t last as long as it once did.
Two more. He sees the green basket of strawberries that Sophia bought at the farmers market that morning, where Eddie watched as she and Buck took turns dragging each other from booth to booth to show the other the cool artwork or the delicious smelling pastries or the bright fruits on display.
Last one. He sees the blue carton of heavy cream they also grabbed at the store afterward, because his sister suggested they use her fresh fruit to make strawberry shortcake and Buck had decided they needed to make everything from scratch, including the whipped cream. Eddie is sure it will be delicious, just as sure as he is that Buck and Sophia will have a great time working together to prepare everything, just the two of them. They’re both talented in the kitchen and Eddie will probably be ushered out of their way and left to do the dishes afterward.
He’s been trying to be fine with it all week. He’s thrilled that his sister is visiting, really, it’s been too long since they were brought together for something other than a funeral or him recovering from some close call with death, but he’s never been so deprived of Buck’s attention before.
The last straw was when Buck arrived in Eddie’s backyard this afternoon after picking up pizza for everyone and he went straight to Sophia.
He’s losing focus. He closes the fridge. Next, four things he can touch. The curved edges of the magnet on the fridge Buck got Christopher from the science museum years ago, where a little rocket ship floats suspended in water along with little stars and planets. The magnet is holding up a piece of construction paper covered in Macaroni art that Jee and Buck made for Christopher for his birthday, the dried pasta rough in some places and smooth in others.
Fuck. This is somewhat helping ground him, but it’s not helping him get his mind off of Buck at all. He casts his eyes around the kitchen looking for something, anything that doesn’t remind him of Buck, but he’s everywhere. In the fruit bowl he never bothered taking with him when Eddie and Chris returned from El Paso, in the cabinet where he keeps kitchen appliances that Eddie doesn’t even know how to use, in the soft yellow on the walls that he picked out with Eddie then helped him paint on last summer when Eddie was missing Christopher and needed a distraction.
He closes his eyes again. He’ll just have to skip ahead to the next thing, three things he can hear. He hears the hum of the fridge, the muffled sound of Buck’s voice from outside, and— the sound of the door to the backyard opening.
He opens his eyes and feels a little bad for being disappointed that it’s not Buck coming to see where Eddie had gone. Sophia finds him standing there in the middle of his kitchen and she raises an eyebrow in silent judgment.
“Hey,” she says. “Can I get one of those?”
She gestures toward his soda on the island. He nods and opens the fridge, grabbing one, then turning back for a second and handing both to her. “For Buck,” he explains at her confused look. “He’ll want the orange one.”
“Right. Thanks,” she says, smiling at him then turning around to go back outside. Back to Buck. Where Buck will probably light up and thank her for the drink when it was Eddie’s idea.
Dr. Davis is going to love this. For months, their therapy sessions have been focused on unpacking his sexuality and untangling his feelings for that from his Catholic guilt and then processing his feelings for his best friend, so it’ll be nice to have something new to talk about. If he’s lucky, it’ll put a pause to all the gentle suggestions she has given about communicating with Buck how he feels. Eddie can shake things up by revisiting the unpleasant feelings of jealousy he’d struggled with for most of his teen years every time his friends or his parents clearly thought Sophia, only a year younger than him, was more cool, more smart, more interesting than Eddie in every way.
Eddie and Sophia have a good relationship now; he never expected these feelings to come up again. It’s just that— she is so cool, and smart, and interesting. She’s in finance, she hikes every weekend, she has all kinds of artistic hobbies. And he’s so proud of all these things about her. But he can’t help but worry that Buck sees her and realizes that he got stuck with the least exciting of the two of them.
The door opens again. This time, Eddie is not just standing there, he’s twisting the cap off his soda when Buck walks in and beams. Eddie is never going to stop feeling thrilled at being on the receiving end of that smile.
“Hey! Thanks for the drink,” he says, holding his own bottle up, and Eddie does feel himself calm down a bit, pleased that Sophia didn’t take credit for his gesture.
“No problem,” Eddie shrugs.
“You almost done hiding out in here?” Buck asks.
Eddie smiles, shoulders relaxing. He had nothing to be worried about. Buck had missed his presence after all.
“Yeah,” Eddie says. “Just needed a break from the sun. I’ll be out in a minute.”
“Great,” Buck grins. “Sophia promised to teach me how to make tamales, so we need the kitchen.”
Eddie is sure he misheard him. He knew that tamales were on the menu for tonight; Sophia had made Eddie drive her around to get all the ingredients yesterday while Buck had a shift. The husks are soaking, the pork is on the stove, this isn’t a surprise to Eddie.
What is a surprise is that Buck is involved. Sophia loves bossing Eddie around, he just assumed she would use him for any help she needed. That’s what they always do. But if she is teaching Buck how to make them…
That could really only mean one thing.
“Tamales?” he asks, hand shaking slightly as he takes a drink.
“Yeah!”
Eddie stares at Buck’s smile, at his beautiful, oblivious smile. So. This was Sophia’s endgame. She’s not just here to steal his best friend for herself. She’s here to steal his best friend for herself and marry him and live happily ever after while Eddie watches with a broken heart.
He knows that she talks to Buck semi regularly. They send each other videos on Instagram about cute reptiles and screenshots of weird Facebook marketplace finds. They give each other book recommendations and take pictures of their desserts in restaurants to brag to the other. Sophia clearly thinks Buck is great, as she should, but Eddie hadn’t realized that meant…he didn’t know that she…
Buck frowns slightly. “Is that, I mean, is that okay? Sophia has been insisting that she needs to teach me, something about a tradition—“
Yes, a tradition that Abuela only handed down this recipe and her technique to new members of the family as a sort of initiation. For serious partners only. There has only been one case where the tradition was shared before an engagement ring was in the picture and it almost caused a family scandal. Sophia and Pepa had mentioned, during the weekend of Abuela’s funeral, that because of Pepa’s health Sophia was going to be the one to take it up now. Eddie hadn’t realized she had already decided on her first student.
“That’s fine,” Eddie says, too quickly, too sharply. “I’ll get out of your way.”
Buck frowns at his tone but Eddie leaves before he can say anything else, returning to the backyard. It was a last minute gathering of eating pizza and enjoying the warm weather, so they don’t have the full group together. Sophia is talking with Maddie while Chimney chases a shrieking Jee, and Christopher is lounging on the grass with Denny and Mara and Hen as they all wave different toys at Baby Nash to try to get him to walk to them.
Sophia catches his eye and waves him over.
“You know, Eddie, it kind of feels like you’ve been hoarding the Buckleys all for yourself, which is unfair,” Sophia says, gesturing at Maddie. “You have great taste in company.”
Eddie should have done a better job of hoarding them for himself, he thinks miserably.
“I know,” is all he says. “Um, Buck is waiting for you inside.”
He kind of hopes she won’t know what he’s talking about, won’t have any plans to do anything in the kitchen with Buck, but she lights up.
“Great!” she beams. “It was lovely to finally meet you, Maddie, but I have some serious family business to attend to now.”
“Take care of my brother,” Maddie calls after her.
“Only if you take care of mine!” Sophia calls over her shoulder.
Sophia goes back inside, and stays there. And Buck stays there. So they are both inside, together, and they must be making tamales. Together.
“She said she’s teaching Buck a family recipe?” Maddie asks.
Eddie nods, barely able to look at her. “Mm.”
“She must think he’s ready to join the family, then,” Maddie says, elbowing him in the side, but Eddie doesn’t want to gossip about her brother and his sister, so he says, “Did Nash just take a step?”
Maddie’s head whips around to watch the group on the grass, and Eddie had been lying, but it does look like Nash is standing up longer than he’s seen the kid manage before, so it works to distract Maddie from the conversation.
Eddie’s mind, though, is stuck in the kitchen. He wonders what they’re talking about. Wonders if Buck is getting the masa harina on his cheek. Wonders if he’s wearing the apron that stretches across his chest perfectly.
Wonders if Sophia is flirting with him. If her hands will linger as she shows Buck the exact right way to fold the husks. If she is charming him in ways that Eddie can’t.
He pretends his eyes are stinging from the sun and is grateful for the distraction when Chimney rushes over to him, panting, puts a hand on his shoulder, and says, “Tag, you’re it.”
After another half hour spent outside, Baby Nash is ready for a nap, so Maddie’s family heads out and Hen takes her kids as well to go get dinner ready for when Karen gets home. Eddie stays in the backyard with his son because the alternative is going inside, going in the kitchen, and he doesn’t want to do that.
“What’s for dinner?” Christopher asks.
“Sophia’s teaching Buck how to make tamales,” Eddie answers.
Christopher beams. “Abuela’s recipe?”
“Yeah,” Eddie says.
“You don’t sound too excited,” Christopher says.
“Do I have to be?” Eddie asks. “Sorry. That’s rude. Just thought we saved that for when things were really serious.”
“Are things not really serious?” Christopher asks, surprised, which makes Eddie sigh. Had he just been so in denial of the obvious that even his son knew something was going on between the two of them before Eddie did?
“I don’t know,” he says honestly. Then, “She seems to really like him.”
“I hope so. Abuela said she didn’t teach that recipe to just anyone.”
“I know,” Eddie says.
They can’t hide out here forever, though. Christopher asks to have some screentime until dinner and Eddie agrees, helping him up and leading the way to the house.
It’s just like he expected. Sophia is laughing, Buck’s cheeks are pink, looking flustered, and he won’t look at Eddie when he walks in, mumbling a greeting. For some reason that makes Sophia laugh even harder.
“How’s it going?” Eddie asks, forcing himself to sound casual. He’s not really successful. At all.
“Great! Buck here is very skilled with his hands,” Sophia winks.
First of all, ew, he doesn’t need to hear that from her. Second of all, Eddie knows. He’s spent enough time watching Buck tie Christopher’s shoes or knead dough or perform CPR, noting all the ways in which Buck is competent with his hands and fantasizing about how else that translates.
Eddie forces a smile, but he can’t look at them as he excuses himself to his bedroom.
Once he closes the door, there’s no more laughter coming from the kitchen. He can hear them talking quietly, and after a few moments of silence, there’s a hesitant knock on his door.
“Eddie?” his sister calls softly.
“Hey,” he says, and Sophia opens it and slips inside, closing it behind her.
“Hey,” she echoes, taking a seat next to him on the edge of his bed. She’s frowning. “You seem upset.”
Yet another thing Sophia is better than him at: talking about emotions.
“I’m fine,” he lies.
She scoffs. “Try again.”
“It’s nothing.”
“Did I do something wrong?” she asks. Then, she looks uncharacteristically self-conscious as she asks, “Am I overstepping?”
“No, if you think it’s a good time, then by all means,” he says. “Maybe just make sure he knows. I don’t think he realizes you’re basically proposing to him.”
Sophia gives him a bewildered look. “Why would I explain? I’m not the one that’s going to be proposing one day.”
“Oh, so you’re just expecting him to do it?” Eddie asks, feeling a quick flare of anger flash through him. Doesn’t she know that Buck deserves to be proposed to, to have someone clearly and undeniably choose him the way he wants to be chosen?
“I’m expecting you to do it,” she says bluntly.
“What? Why would I—?”
He cuts himself off, and by the look on Sophia’s face, she’s realizing what he is realizing at the same time.
“Dios mío,” he mutters, putting his head in his hands.
“Shut up!” she shrieks, delighted. “You thought—“ she can’t finish the sentence, because now she’s full on cackling, her laughter echoing loudly in the small room, and he winces.
He sits there – not sulking, thank you very much, he’s very patiently waiting for her to shut up – until she is able to form a somewhat coherent sentence.
“You thought that I was…what, swooping in here and taking your man from under your nose?” she asks through her laughter.
“Soph, stop,” Eddie hisses. “He’s not ‘my man’. He’s going to hear you.”
“I can’t believe this. Hijole. Adriana is going to die when she hears this,” Sophia says, wiping away tears. “Is that why you’ve been…wow, this whole week, you’ve been acting so jealous. I thought you were just too spoiled by his attention so I didn’t feel bad about it.”
Eddie feels embarrassed, but mostly relieved. “So you’re not…interested?” he asks, just to be sure, because he’s having a hard time imagining someone not being interested in Buck.
“Eddie,” she says, suddenly very serious. “I’m not trying to steal Buck from you. For one, no, I’m not interested. I currently have a thing with some guy at work, just ask Adriana, it’s ridiculous and she keeps laughing at me about it when I give her updates. And also, I know a hopeless cause when I see one. He’s crazy about you, there’s no way on earth I would stand a chance.”
Eddie blinks. “What?”
“I mean come on! You’re a firefighter, you’re brave, you’re a good dad, you’re…ugh, I can’t believe I’m saying this. You’re a catch, Eddie. Even the parts I think are supremely uncool, your stupid sense of humor and your boring interests and your lame home decor, Buck adores. You’re jealous of the attention he’s been giving me but I swear he’s been spending all our conversations talking about you and Christopher.”
Eddie sits with her words for a minute, rubbing the back of his neck. “So, you’re teaching him Abuela’s recipe because…?” he starts.
“Because I adore him. We all do. He's practically been part of this family for years, we've just been waiting for you to, you know, make it official. After Pepa’s stroke, Abuela gave me her blessing to let him be the first to learn the recipe from me if she didn’t get to do it herself.”
“Abuela knew?” he asks, voice cracking slightly.
Sophia’s eyes soften. “Yeah. She was really wise like that. She told me to be patient, that you two were still finding your way to each other. I should’ve listened better.”
They sit in silence for a few moments until Eddie wipes his cheeks with the back of his hand. “Fuck. That’s…I was so annoyed with you. But you’re actually really sweet for doing this. We aren’t even together.”
“Yeah, I was kinda hoping this could be a nudge in the right direction,” she says. “But apparently subtlety is lost on you, so instead of nudges I’m going to start shoving you. Starting right now.”
“Now?”
“Now. I left him to deal with the dishes while the tamales are steaming. Go help him. And you can explain the significance of this recipe.”
It’s not a suggestion, it’s an order. She lies back on his bed, getting comfortable and gesturing at him impatiently, so he gets up before he can talk himself out of it.
Buck is doing the dishes in the bright pink rubber gloves that he keeps under the sink. He looks over his shoulder and for a second Eddie sees the soft smile he meant for Sophia, then he watches as it transforms into something even more bright and stunning. The smile he saves just for Eddie.
“Hey!” he says enthusiastically, as if he hasn’t seen Eddie in ages.
“Need a hand?” Eddie offers, and Buck accepts, so Eddie grabs a dish towel and starts drying what Buck hands to him.
“I’m excited about these tamales,” Buck says. “I hope I did a good job.”
“I’m sure you did,” Eddie says, nudging Buck’s shoulder with his own.
Buck hums, scrubbing at a measuring cup. “Sophia told me it’s a really special recipe.”
“Yeah. It was Abuela’s thing. She made it for all kinds of family gatherings and special occasions.”
Buck gives him a soft look. “Well, I’m really honored to have learned it.”
Eddie swallows. He looks back at the bowl he’s drying. “But that’s not the only thing that makes it special.”
“It’s not?”
“This recipe, it’s like an initiation of sorts. Abuela wants it to only stay in the family, get passed down to every member and taught to anyone who joins.”
“But I’m not—“ Buck begins automatically.
“But you are, Buck,” Eddie corrects gently. “And not just…not in the way that the 118 is our family.
“In the way that you are an essential part of mine and Chris’s family. This recipe is meant to be shared with only the most serious of partners. And Sophia, and Adriana, and Pepa, and even Abuela, think that includes you.”
“Oh.”
“And I agree with them. Because I’m serious about keeping you as my partner for as long as you’ll have me. In– in every way you’ll have me.”
Buck stares at the soap bubbles in the sink for a moment before he takes off his gloves and turns to him. “Eddie…it sounds like you’re saying–”
Eddie has the thought, not for the first time, that he wants to kiss away Buck’s uncertainty. That he wants to show Buck in more than just words what he means to him. And for once, when that thought pops up, he doesn’t shove it down. He follows it through. He puts his dish towel on the counter, leans forward, kisses Buck on the lips for just a second, then pulls away immediately, unable to believe he just did that.
Buck stares at him.
Eddie stares back, terrified for one horrible second that he misread this.
But then Buck steps into his space and Eddie is being kissed. Thoroughly. Buck’s hands (his skilled hands) grab his hips tightly as if he’s afraid Eddie will disappear if he doesn’t, and he shifts them to press Eddie against the counter, the edge of it digging into his lower back, their bodies flush together as Buck leans down and kisses away every doubt from Eddie’s mind.
When he pulls back, Eddie blinks a few times, trying to reorient himself, trying to figure out how to speak again, but Buck beats him to it.
“Oh my god,” he says. “This whole week, were you…jealous?”
Eddie groans, dropping his forehead on Buck’s shoulder. “Maybe.”
“That’s adorable. Come on, Eddie, you really think Sophia could replace you as my best friend?”
Eddie lifts his head to meet his eyes. “Worse, I, uh, thought she was trying to romance you.”
Buck’s eyes widen. “You thought there was a chance I was going to date your sister?”
“Shut up,” Eddie says without any real heat. “You make it difficult to think straight, okay?”
Buck laughs, kissing Eddie’s forehead. “I promise I don’t have eyes for anyone but you, Eddie.”
“Yeah, I can see that now,” Eddie mutters, but he’s thrilled to hear Buck say it so plainly.
“She spent our entire time in here teasing me about you. And giving me an extensive shovel talk,” Buck says with an exaggerated wince. “I can’t believe you left me to deal with it alone.”
“Oh, don’t worry, I’m sure she’ll be teasing me about this for the foreseeable future,” Eddie says. “And Adriana, once she finds out. Sorry, but I’m a package deal, I come with two annoying younger sisters.”
“I think they’re great,” Buck says softly. “But not as great as you.”
Eddie hides his face in Buck’s neck, letting himself relax and really take in the fact that this is happening as Buck wraps his arms around him and holds him.
“So, now that I know the secret family recipe, I’m stuck with you forever, huh?” Buck asks, and Eddie smirks against his skin.
“Depends,” Eddie says.
“On what?”
Eddie grins, lifting his head to give Buck a quick kiss on the lips. “On how good the tamales taste.”