Archive of Our Own

I have to admit that life as an Underground mail carrier is pretty quiet, after all, nobody has much mail to send. Most people know each other and live close by, and sometimes it gets tiring having nothing to do. My days consist of walking back and forth, with plenty of time to think and usually just a single letter to deliver.

I used to live in the capital, it was a tiny place packed with people, and when I say packed, I mean we were crammed into public transportation. So, then you ask me: don’t more people mean more letters? Yeah, obviously. But life in the big city is like living in an overcrowded aquarium full of clueless fish and low-quality algae. Plus, I had some family issues that made me move my butt to a new place.  

While I was trying to decide where to live, I spent a week at an inn in Snowdin. The place is so white that it hurts the eyes if you’re not used to it. The weather is nothing but snow 24 hours a day, seven days a week. And strangely, people keep the small town decked out in tacky Christmas decorations, which was a downside for me (I hate Christmas). So, I packed up my few belongings and headed to Hotlands. 

And, by the way, it turned out to be worse than Snowdin. If I couldn’t walk properly in one place because of the snow up to my shins, the new area where the Underground factories are located turned out to be a literal hell. Do you know what it’s like to turn to the side and see a pool of steaming lava and almost stumble into a ravine? Why don’t they put fences around the place? The last straw for me was seeing two kids frying an egg on the sidewalk outside the school. 

Then I ended up living among the streams of Waterfall. It’s a bit damp, but it’s the best I’ve got. There was something magical about waking up to the sound of dewdrops tinkling, seeing flowers blooming in unexpected places, and looking up to find crystals sparkling like stars... Arriving here was so quiet, as if the chimneys of the houses around me were sleeping, and the soft laughter of young people chatting was my welcome. There was something mesmerizing about Waterfall. Something domestic... 

Here in the Underground, there’s no clear distinction between day and night, so to start my day, I use Papyrus and Undyne’s “morning” workout as a reference. They yell a lot while they’re training, and that always wakes me up, but I don’t mind it (it works like my alarm). 

When I wake up, the first thing I do is wash my face at one of the fountains near my house. It’s important for a mailman to always be clean. Next, I check my own mailbox, even if there’s nothing there. After all, I’m the only mail carrier who works outside the capital. I haven’t eaten at home since I left my brothers’ house, some higher power has forbidden me from having any culinary skills. So, I headed over to Grillby’s for breakfast. In other words, my workday begins in Snowdin. 

I go from house to house, door to door, at a steady pace, even though doing things this way may seem outdated. I check the mailboxes of houses that have them to see if there’s anything there; for those that don’t, I make a point of asking the residents if they have any mail to send.   

Today was just like any other day.  
I knocked on the door of the rabbit shop and asked the same question as always:

– Any letters to send, ma’am?

 – Not today, Spamton.   

I went on my way, stopped by the bookstore... and nothing. I checked the mailboxes, they were empty, except for Sans’s (but there were only old letters and ads in there that he never bothered to read). I sighed, kicked a pebble, drew in the snow, sighed again, and continued my workday. People had nothing to say, at least not in letters. But there was a time...

So, I took a break at Grillby’s, had the same breakfast I had yesterday and the day before, I like to stick to my routine. It was a run-of-the-mill sandwich with a run-of-the-mill juice, but somehow Grillby’s made even the simplest things seem like a feast. I don’t regret having the same thing again, and I don’t know why, but it tasted especially good today.  

I made my way to Waterfall, and my excitement began to build. I knew I had a guaranteed letter there. My best “client,” so to speak, lived there. I walked past the stalls, chatted with the kids, and possibly cursed at a passerby. I made sure to get Napstablook to come out of the house to see me. I wanted to know if he had a letter for his cousin; he’s one of the few people who still send letters. 

The shy Napstablook just opened the door a little and, peeking at me through the crack, said:   

– Spamton, I’m sorry, I don’t have anything to send today... I...   

I gave him my best, warmest smile:   

– It’s okay, Blook, really. We don’t always have something to talk about, do we?   

– I guess so... I don't know... sorry...   

– I'll head over to Hotlands later and see if your cousin sent you anything, okay?   

– Oh, thanks, really.  

I really like this guy; Napstablook is very kind, even though he’s a little insecure. He’s one of the few people who uses pen and paper to communicate, even though I don’t know how he does it (I mean… He’s a ghost).    

– You’re welcome! – I smiled again, just to make sure the work wasn’t a bother.  

I kept walking until I reached the Dump, that’s where my best “client” was. The Dump is where a bunch of human stuff has been thrown away, along with other junk. My “client” lived there because he kind of felt at home there. He’s an old tube TV that’s all rusty, his clothes are rags and his cables are loose, his screen is all cracked, and he’s missing an arm. Let’s just say the humans weren’t very kind to him. Still, he’s the most good-humored person I've met. 

I didn’t even have to call out to him. He came over to me, almost innocently, with that slightly clumsy way of walking. His power cord was swinging like a tail (I personally find that really funny). His cheerful smile and static voice made him sound like gentle rays of light.  

– Spamton! – He waved from a distance.   

I raised my hand high to wave back and walked over to him. 

– Tenna, how are you, my good old friend? – I was already ready to shake his hand to greet him.   

  

But suddenly I felt the ground slip away from me. I was suspended in the air, and with that single mechanical arm of his, he had wrapped me in a tight embrace. He’s very tall (really tall).   

– I’m fine, very well! And you? Have you found any correspondence yet?  

– I’m fine, very well! And you? Have you found any correspondence yet?  

Tenna was crushing me; not only was he tall, but he was also strong. It’s not his fault, but the big guy has a hard time controlling his massive strength. I tapped his arm a few times to get him to let go. The robot slowly set me down on the floor, being careful not to knock me over or hurt me, and then laughed, a little embarrassed by the sudden hug.  

– You never learn, do you? – I teased him a little; the big-headed guy knows I’ve complained to him plenty of times about him overdoing it. Still, he just kept smiling like a goofy. 

– I’m fine, but things aren’t going well with the mail. I haven’t gotten anything yet, not even from Napstablook… – I continued.   

– Your troubles are over, Mailman. I have something for you to deliver. – He made a flamboyant gesture, with all the pomp of an actor. From his pocket, he pulled out a slightly crumpled letter, holding it high in his mechanical hand.  

And me? I already knew what the letter was about.  

– Is it another fan letter? For Mettaton, isn’t it? – I put the letter in my bag. 

– You bet! Did you see yesterday’s show? It was fabulous! Lights, camera, action! I felt my body tremble when he had to jump off that bridge. What a magnificent performance. – Tenna gestured with her hands as she talked about the TV show.  

Yeah, yeah... My client and closest friend was Mettaton's number one fan. I never saw him miss a single show, and every day he'd send a letter saying how amazing the performance had been and blah, blah, blah. Well, someone's got to feed that pile of junk's ego.  

– Tenna, you know I don’t have a TV at home, I only watch something when I’m with you, here at the Dump.   

– It wouldn’t have hurt to ask, it’s just that one yesterday was really special.  

– What about the day before yesterday? The day before yesterday was special too, from what I remember you saying...   

He wrinkled his nose a little. But he let it slide and smiled again.   

– Of course, he never misses a beat!   

I sighed.   

– I know, I really do. – No, I didn’t know what was so special about that square, noisy robot.   

– Anyway, I need to keep going. The letters aren’t going to be delivered by themselves. – I continued.    

Yeah, yeah, you’ve got work to do. But when you’re done, you’ll be free, right?   

– Yeah, yeah, you’ve got work to do. But when you’re done, you’ll be free, right?   

– Yeah, yeah, you’ve got work to do. But when you’re done, you’ll be free, right?   

– You don’t even need to finish. The usual?   

– You don’t even need to finish. The usual?   

– Yes! And this time I’m going to win!   

– Does the same go for you? I don’t mind staying another day with him. – I almost felt bad about not letting him win for once, but I loved that radio too much to lose it like that.   

– Deal, then~ See you later, Spamton. – Tenna gave me two “little” pats on the back, which almost knocked me into the water on the floor of the Dump.  

– See ya soon, Cathode. 

And so, my work continued. I went to Hotlands to deliver the fan letter Tenna had written to Dr. Alphs’ robot. You know, I don’t really like that rusty old thing, I mean, just look at it! All boxy and… and… show-offy! Yeah, that robot’s a show-off. Just because the whole Underground likes his stupid show doesn’t mean he has to act so arrogant.   

I stopped getting a popsicle at the blue guy’s stand. There’s another person I really like, a true entrepreneur. Selling frozen treats in such a hot place was a brilliant idea!  I ate it as fast as I could because I knew that in this scorching heat, the popsicle wouldn’t last long. And this is one of those popsicles that comes with a message written on the stick.  

“What you see isn’t always true.”  

I shrugged and kept going, for some reason, this is the third time in a row I’ve seen the same message. Usually, I just ignore this stuff, I’m not superstitious. But I swear, if that message pops up one more time, I’m going to throw the toothpick at the vendor. I know he’s the one writing those messages, he knows where to sell, but he doesn’t have a shred of creativity. Maybe he’ll get the hint and try to write something different. 

The trip from Hotlands to the hotel, where your show is filmed, is way too long, and that gave me time to think a little about life, the universe, and all that. Since this is an industrial area, the only “house” that gets mail is Mrs. Alphs’ lab, but there aren’t many letters (at least she places some orders that bring me a little profit). Anyway, I just need to get to the hotel 

I'd like to know why Tenna likes that robot so much. I mean, he's not even that cool, and he's never replied to any of the letters Cathode sent him. Tenna writes those letters every day, he always tells me what he wrote in them. In fact, I've even seen him writing one of those letters myself. It's so... silly...  

Even so, I can’t bring myself to turn down the letter, I’d feel really guilty if I did. Wiping that smile off Cathode's face should be a crime. How can I say no to someone who shines brighter than the lava of Core? I don’t think I’d ever forgive myself if I hurt him. Tenna is a really cool guy.  

There it was, the hotel right in front of me. The front door opened automatically, and those nosy, stuck-up people were everywhere. The receptionist didn’t even bother to look at me, and I didn’t bother to deal with her attitude. I just dropped the letter on the counter and got out of there. She knows what her job is.   

And that’s exactly what I did: I walked in one door, handed over the letter at the other, and got out of there. I wanted to get to Waterfall as soon as possible to beat Tenna in yet another bet and make sure I could keep the radio for another day or two.  

Ahh... the radio... 

One day, Tenna and I were rummaging through the dump where he lives, with no particular reason or intention. When suddenly, we found a radio. We spotted the radio at the same time and ran to grab it. To our surprise, the thing still worked, and we both wanted to keep it. So, to decide who would get the radio, we decided to make a bet on the Napstablook snail race. I won, obviously. And the radio was mine.  

The next day, Tenna challenged me again to see who would get to keep the radio, and he lost again. It’s been like that day after day, but that doesn’t mean I don’t let him use the radio. I do let him, but the radio always ends up back in my hands (it’s practically mine). In the end, I think we’re just being silly, going back and forth like this, but hey, I’m having fun. 

When we have nothing to do, I take the radio out of my messenger bag and let it play while we chat by the Waterfall fountains, it’s really relaxing. He’s kind of my cure for boredom and a reminder that I’m not alone.   

Actually, I’d never really noticed that before... 

I spend so much time with him. 

I was already thinking about how I was going to rub my victory in Cathode’s face when I heard screams coming from the Dump. The screams sounded familiar, an unmistakably unbearable voice, as irritating as its owner is. It was Dummy, Tenna’s crazy neighbor, who apparently doesn’t know how to act like a well-mannered monster.   

I decided to get closer to seeing what was going on. There was Tenna, with his antennae lowered and waving his hand nervously.  

– It wasn’t me. I didn’t steal anything from you.   

– YOU DID STEAL IT!!! YOU STOLE IT!!! – Dummy was screaming like a madman (not that this was anything new), but damn, if he tried any harder, he’d burst someone’s eardrums.   

– I’M GOING TO GET IT BACK, EVEN IF I HAVE TO USE FORCE. – shouted the enraged mannequin.  

I knew we were about to get into trouble, and oh, how I knew...