Chapter Text
Dr. Frank Langdon was walking towards his car with the sounds of fireworks popping over his head. It had been a long day back to the Pitt. As he got into the car and put his keys in the ignition, he considered his options. His exhausted body screamed for him to head home, maybe have a chance to see his kids tonight. Then, with a glance at the time, realizing they were most likely already in bed, he decided he should try to find a meeting.
Part of the PHP (Physician’s Health Program) required that he attend three NA meetings each week, with a signed document to attest ot his presence. As he sat in his car, he did a quick Google search to find a nearby meeting at a church. He put the directions in the GPS. Texted Abby to let her know he would be late and then headed off.
As he walked into the meeting, he found himself looking around at the other people in attendance. He studied the people around him, allowing his mind to wander, to making up back stories for what brought all of them here, to this sad little church basement in Pittsburgh. It was a little mental exercise he had developed to try to make coming to these meetings more bearable. The first time he had come to a meeting, he had been jittery, with his leg bouncing endlessly while he sat in his chair. He did have to admit that over the last 6 months, there was something more resolved in his mind about being here. This was just another thing that had become his new normal, something that he had come to accept as a change in his life that he would have to endure for another 4 years and 2 months. He picked a chair in the small circle, and finally, the exhaustion of the day hit him hard.
When the group leader came to him with a deep breath, he began, “Hi, my name is Frank, and I am an addict. I have been sober for 186 days.” He gave the customary pause for people to acknowledge him, and he continued. “I went back to work today, for the first time in 10 months. People at work know that I am an addict and that the addiction is the reason I have been gone all this time. I expected some of my coworkers to treat me differently, but it was worse than I expected. I felt like everyone was watching me, waiting for me to mess up.” He stopped to run his fingers through his hair and look down at the ground. Then he smiled and said, “I guess that isn’t true, there was one coworker. I had only worked with her once before. It was the day my addiction was found out by my supervisor. When she saw me, she ran right up and grabbed my arm. She was so happy to see me.” He let out a little laugh. “When I apologized to her for messing up, for my addiction, saying that I let her down. She just looked at me with the most earnest expression and told me, ‘You never let me down.’ Even later, when I was sitting in the break room feeling sorry for myself, she looked at me and told me that she didn’t want me to leave.”
Frank felt himself thinking back on that interaction, how she had told him ‘That which does not kill me, makes me stronger.” He had been surprised that she quoted Nietzsche, and laughed when she said, “Yeah, Nietzsche, not Kelly Clarkson.” She had truly been one of the bright spots in a rough day. He took a deep breath and finished his share by saying. “It was nice to have someone tell me they wanted me there, that I belonged there, when I was questioning if I had come back too soon.” The counselor thanked him for his share and moved on to the next person in the group. As he listened to the others in the meeting, he found his mind wandering again. He kept thinking back on all those little moments with Mel that day; there was something about Dr. Melissa King that put him at ease. He just hoped that she would continue to be around, and he found himself looking forward to his next day at work.
…
When Frank arrived home, he found Abby in the kitchen washing dishes. He had half expected her to already be in bed. “Sorry, I’m late,” he called out. “I had to go to a meeting after work, then I had to hang around and have the counselor sign my acknowledgement that I attended.”
Abby just nodded wordlessly and continued her task. Frank was not really surprised by the response. He had realized recently that he and Abby did not seem to talk much anymore, but when they did, it was never about his addiction. He wondered if she thought this was something that would just go away if she did not acknowledge it.
In the beginning, they had to discuss it. He had come home that evening after dealing with all the death and destruction of Pitt Fest and had to tell her that he had to go to rehab. Her initial response was to look at him like he had just cracked a very bad joke. When she realized he was serious, she sank into the chair and listened as he laid it all out for her. He told her about the back injury, the pills, and how he had begun managing it himself. Finally, telling him that Robby had found out. That he had been offered a lifeline to keep his medical license. That was probably the only time he could recall that Abby had engaged in a conversation dealing with his addiction. There had been logistics to figure out. Frank had worked out pulling money from savings to cover the inpatient rehab. They had to tell their families what was going on so that their parents could provide more support to Abby with the kids while he was away. There had been steps to complete and checklists to work through. He had been working the program and waiting until he could be cleared to return to work. His only hope was that now they could fall into a routine of work, meetings, and drug tests to get through the next 4 years, 2 months, and 6 days.
He waited now to see if she would ask any questions about his day, but she continued her task silently. “How were the kids today?” he asked as he approached her and wrapped his arms around her waist. He felt her body stiffen and hated that he had hoped she would relax in his arms.
“They had fun today, fell right to sleep around 8,” she answered. She turned off the water and ducked out of his hold. “I’m going to head up to bed,”
Frank kissed her quickly on the cheek and said, “I’ll be up soon,” and watched her make her way up the stairs. He sees the dog in the kennel and lets him out, taking him out into the backyard. Frank sits in a patio chair watching the goldendoodle named Bug, his 5-year-old’s idea, romp around the yard. Unbidden, his mind again moved to thoughts of Mel; her plans with her sister had not worked out. He had only known her for 2 days, 10 months apart, but he found himself very curious about her. What did she do after the fireworks? What did someone like Mel King like to do for fun?
…
Across Pittsburgh, Dr. Melissa King sat in a bar with Dr. Trinity Santos, trying very hard not to reflect on the day. Her hair was down, and she sat with her glasses on the table. They had just finished singing, if you could call their performance of ‘You Oughta Know’ by Alanis Morissette, singing. Now, she understood what Trinity had meant when she described it more like primal scream therapy. Trinity Santos was drinking a beer. She had raised her eyebrows when Mel had ordered a Shirley Temple. “How often do you do this?” she asked Trinity.
“Karaoke? When I need to decompress from a bad day. I dragged Huckleberry here with me a few times.” Trinity finished her current beer and reached for another from the bucket on the table. Mel found herself questioning if she was going to have to call someone to get Trinity home at the end of the night.
“Where is Whitaker tonight?” Mel asked.
“Oh, Huckleberry is everyone’s golden boy,” she grumbled in response. “Robby gave him the keys to his apartment to have him housesit while he is on his sabbatical, and he spends so much time playing house on the farm with the farmer’s widow and her baby.” Trinity looked down at the table as she continued, “I really thought this evening was going to go a lot differently.”
Mel picked up on the sadness in Trinity’s tone but was unsure of the cause. “Yeah, me too,” she responded, noticing the sadness that crept into her tone as well. “I thought I was going to meet up with my sister after work, and we would go see the fireworks together. Instead, I found out she has been lying to me for 6 months, and she has a boyfriend that she is with right now.”
Trinity met her gaze and said, “I guess we have both had a rough day.”
Mel smiled and said, “We get to do it all over again tomorrow.” To her surprise, Trinity had smiled back at the comment.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Shoot, Melancholia.”
“How do you meet people?”
That question got Trinity’s full attention. “You mean like to date?” Mel found her face pulling into an awkward expression, and she nodded. She was starting to question if maybe she had asked the wrong person. “I mean, I met the most recent person at work and 0/10 would not recommend.”
With the thought of meeting someone at work, Mel found the faces of her coworkers parading through her mind until she landed on one very particular, very handsome, very married face: Dr. Langdon. “Yeah, I don’t think work is probably the best idea.”
“You could always try the dating apps,” Santos suggested. “Have you ever been on any? Bumble? Tinder? Hinge?”
“Not really, the last time I dated was in medical school.” Seeing Santos' surprised reaction again had her worried she was maybe sharing too much, but why not put her cards on the table? Her life had changed when she was in medical school. She had been focused on becoming a doctor, and then her mom had passed away. Suddenly, Mel had to contend with selling her house and setting up a trust for her sister. She went from only thinking about her life and goals to suddenly balancing her dreams and wishes for the future with the needs of her sister. She never regretted her choices at that time; she instinctively reorganized and reprioritized her life to put Becca at the top of the list, with med school a close second. Things like dating and relationships were something she did not have time for.
She recalled how Langdon had said, ‘You know your sister is pretty put together.’ Mel had agreed that Becca was more put together than she realized. Maybe it was time that Mel put herself back at the top of her priorities list. Becca had someone to spend time with, someone else to subject to repeated viewings of Elf. If anything had highlighted how little she explored her own interests had been having an actual criminal ask her what she liked to do, not her sister.
“Well, we should definitely work on changing that, stat,” Trinity responded, cutting through her mental reverie, laughing at her use of the cliche term. “I should get back out there, too. I can help you.”
Mel had to admit she was a little surprised at how nice Trinity was being. Trinity was a lot like Langdon in the sense that she could not always tell if she was being serious. Mel’s impression of her had been that she was a little rough, hard, that she didn’t care about anybody except maybe Whitaker. Maybe, Mel thought, she was a lot softer than people realized. “Yeah, to be honest, I need all the help I can get.”
“Get out your phone.” When Mel pulled her phone out of her pocket, she unlocked it and handed it to her. “So, what are you looking for?” Trinity asked. “Something casual? Or like a boyfriend?”
Mel had to admit that the idea of something casual did not sound appealing to her. Having someone she had just met in her space and touching her sounded like a nightmare more than a fun Saturday night. “I guess more of a relationship,” she answered.
She watched as Trinity downloaded Hinge on her phone and then handed it back. “Set up your profile later, I’ll take a look at it tomorrow and give you some pointers.”
“Thank you,” Mel knew she had a genuine smile on her face, and was happy to see that Trinity smiled back at her.
Trinity suddenly picked up the tablet you could use to select a song and said, “What other song do you think we could rock tonight?”
Mel did not really know how to answer that, but found herself thinking about those moments earlier in the break room with Dr. Langdon. When she had told him, “That which does not kill me, makes me stronger.” She thought about the little laugh he had when she said, “Yeah, Nietzsche, not Kelly Clarkson,” and in that moment she asked Trinity, “Do they have Stronger by Kelly Clarkson?”