Chapter Text
One. Two. Three. Four—
Raven feels her heart race the higher the numbers go.
Eight.
She had just coughed up eight petals. Five more than yesterday. She feels even sicker now that she’s registered that and she’s beginning to think she’s about to add about ten more petals feeling the way a familiar texture rushes up to her mouth.
She gags, slapping her hand over her mouth as she tears up.
How did this even happen?
After the battle was done and over, the students had met up in the field below the tower, rushing to celebrate. As everyone begins to cheer, a few realizations come rushing into Raven’s mind.
Apple’s eyes were open.
Apple was awake.
Apple was alive.
Raven wanted to cry tears of joy. Of anger. Of relief. She wanted to scream at Apple. To yell all of the curses in the world at her until her voice ran hoarse for being so stupid. She wanted to hug Apple and hold her so unbelievably tight that nobody would ever take her away again. She wanted to kiss Apple and steal all of her air away, making her forget everything Snow White has ever taught her.
Yet when she turns to Apple, she finds that Apple isn’t looking back at her as she often is.
Instead, Raven finds her eyes zeroing in on Apple’s intertwined hands with…
Darling Charming.
They two girls seem to be speaking in hushed whispers. The dance around each other in an awkward manner, yet it is almost endearing. Like two young lovers dipping their toes into a lake of the unknown. An unknown that was all too new, yet all too exciting all the same.
Darling shyly whispers something in that manner she often does. The soft spoken kind of way, as if she is still unsure whether she can raise her voice any louder without being reprimanded for it.
As a stark contrast, Apple laughs. Still in the way a princess does, yet…somehow freer.
It catches Darling off guard. The knight then proceeds to melt into giggles too and Apple watches her the way she watches the nighttime constellations.
Apple used to smile at her like that.
The realization made Raven’s throat feel strangely constricted. She felt the need to claw at her skin and rip it open. She felt tears pools in the corners of her eye. That same overwhelming feeling of frustration she had felt when she saw her mother standing there, free of her mirror prison and acting as if she owned all of Ever After.
Both instances were somehow caused by the same person.
Yet it would be unfair to compare this instance to the one that had taken place a day ago. She felt no anger. In fact, she almost felt worse. She felt nothing. As if she had accepted defeat before the battle even started. She clutched at her dress to the point where it was painful.
As she watched Apple play with Darling’s fingers, running her hands over every callus and scar, she is knocked out of her trance by her own cough. Now, this would have been completely normal with all of the leftover smoke in the air…
…if it weren’t for the red rose petal in her hand, color similar to the crown and the dress and the name of a particular person.
“I’m really sorry.”
The words come out jumbled. As if Apple had tripped and they had simply fallen out of her mouth without her consent. Raven looks over at Apple from her side of the room. The usually bright and joyous princess looks almost like a kicked puppy, legs crossed as she fiddles with her fingers like she had done something wrong.
“Haven’t we already gone over this, Apple?” Raven playfully replies at the quieter volume lest her throat betray her and worry Apple even more. “We’ve already reconciled over what happened with my mother.” She then raises an eyebrow. “Unless you have done something else?”
Apple looks like she’s just been caught trying to steal a golden harp from the giant’s castle.
“I don’t…” She squeaks. “I don’t think so?”
“So, why are you apologizing?”
“Because you’re angry at me,” Apple whispers. “You’re angry at me and you won’t tell me why.”
If only Apple knew Raven was more angry at herself than anything else. With a soft sigh, Raven gently asks, “Why would I be angry at you?”
Apple tilts her head confusedly. It was cute. “Was that a rhextorical question?”
When Raven only laughs, Apple makes a show of pouting.
“Raven!” Apple whines, dramatically flopping on the space beside Raven on her bed.
Raven’s heart jumps as Apple looks up at her with her slightly messed up hair and makeup.
She’s frowning. The poor thing is truly good at looking like a sad puppy. Like Nevermore when Raven forgets to feed her. Like she’s on the verge of tears, always tugging at Raven’s heartstrings. It’s not the kind of image you would expect when thinking of the future queen of Ever After. It’s the opposite of grace, of poise, of always keeping a smile even when her cheeks ached and her eyes watered.
Perfection in imperfection.
A version of Apple only for Raven’s eyes.
Except, it wasn’t only for Raven. Not anymore.
(Or, maybe, it never was.)
“You’re making a joker card of me!”
“You make it too easy, Apple,” Raven teases and, because she apparently hates herself, she finds herself reaching forward to tuck a stray strand of hair out of Apple’s face and behind her ear.
When Apple smiles at her like the sun itself had just appeared in their dorm room, Raven immediately retracts her hand as if she had been burned. She felt like she was watching her wax wings melt into liquid in front of her very eyes. As she looks into Apple’s own shining, beautiful eyes, she could almost see the ugly fall she was about to experience.
Foolish girl, she could almost hear the taunts.
You have fallen for her a long time ago.
“So,” Apple cautiously starts. “You’re not mad at me?”
Raven almost wants to tease the poor girl more, but one more case of sad baby dragon eyes from Apple and she’s going to throw up a whole bouquet of petals on the said girl.
“Of course, not.”
“Okay,” Apple replies uneasily. “If you say so.”
Raven squeezes her hand. It almost felt like squeezing her own throat. Then, she finally gets a good look at Apple’s current outlook. The girl looked decently dressed up. Yet it didn’t look like it was for some formal event. It wasn’t her usual dress, either. It was…casual. Comfortable. Almost like Apple didn’t feel like she had to be flawless for wherever she was going.
Still, in Raven’s opinion, she looked ethereal.
Apple must have noticed Raven’s shocked look and her cheeks warm.
“I’m, um…” Apple is almost fighting to get the words out. “…heading out.”
“Woah, Apple White doing something outside of school?” Raven jokes. “Ms. Cheshire must have snuck a riddle book into one of our hands again.”
“Oh, you truly are a jester today, Raven.” Apple rolls her eyes fondly. Then, she turns shy once more, shifting from one foot to the other. Raven’s stomach twists and turns uncomfortably as if her guts were the ones that read the riddle book rather than herself. She pulls at her choker, almost feeling like it was truly choking her.
“Darling invited me to have a picnic out in the woods.”
Ah, Raven understood why she felt that way now.
That was fine.
That was fine.
Darling was Apple’s destined princess.
That was fine.
Raven didn’t care—
“Raven!”
Apple’s concerned scream is pushed to the back of Raven’s mind. Suddenly, the smell of their bathroom fills her lungs as she empties out what felt like a whole garden. She coughs and she fights for her breath. When she hears the clicking of Apple’s heels get louder, she is quick to flush the toilet. Eventually, clean water replaces the red petals.
“Are you not feeling the fairest, Raven?”
Raven looks to the entryway to their shared bathroom. The sunlight shining in from the window panes paints Apple in such a wonderfully golden light that Raven’s throat itches. Apple looks terrified, yet at the same time…
Apple White is so beautiful that Raven almost wants to die.
To kiss the poison apple that is the future queen.
And, of course, Apple has the audacity to look so concerned. To make Raven fall deeper in love with her and her sweet, bright eyes that have held a wide range of emotions, each of which Raven has experienced. Fear, heartbreak, anxiety, and love.
(At least, Raven thought it was love. The kind of love she’s always dreamed of late at night and during classes. The kind of love she squeals and blushes at. The kind of love that makes her kick her feet. The kind of love that makes her feel beautiful. The kind of love that makes her feel wanted. Of course, the daughter of the Evil Queen is always destined to be lonely.)
“It’s alright, just a stomach bug,” Raven replies, throat scratchy. Wiping her lips with the back of her palm, she stands up and faces Apple.
Apple should have left it at that. For Raven’s sake.
“Are you fairy sure, Raven?”
“Won’t you be late to your date?”
Apple blushes such a pretty shade of red. Raven isn’t the reason behind it. She bites her lips—anything to keep the barrage of petal she knows is coming inside.
“Maybe,” Apple admits. “But are you sure you’ll feel the fairest even if I’m gone? I could stay home and take care of you.” Raven inhales sharply. The flowers get stuck a little in her throat at the action, and she has to laugh in order to hide a cough.
“Go enjoy your date.”
Every word pains her to say, so she decides to end it there.
And because Apple hates her, Apple rushes forward to hug her.
“Oh, I love you, Raven!”
With trembling lips, Raven can only close her eyes and accept the hug. Accept her fate. When she feels her throat clog up once more, she grips the back of Apple’s corset like a lifeline.
Raven can’t say she loves her too, even when she did more than anything else in the world.
Eleven petals she had flushed down the toilet.
Raven watches the petals go with an almost empty look in her eyes. It’s quiet and it’s private. It carries the kind of grief that she could never tell anybody because nobody would ever understand.
Actually, that was quite untrue
Everybody loved Apple White.
But none of them will ever love Apple White like she does.
Except, perhaps, Darling Charming.
Raven wonders if Apple tells Darling she loves her. She wonders if Darling can respond, free from the shackles of not being destined to the person she loved unlike Raven, who carried the weight of so many problems that she, out of her lack of breath, could never say it back.
She coughs again.
Thirteen petals.