i stare at you, i sing to you, i circle you

But Seonghwa is in love with Hongjoong, and Hongjoong is in love with Seonghwa, and Seonghwa isn’t in love with Yeosang, and it’d be an outright lie to say they weren’t absolutely made for each other. Two halves of the same whole, two sides of the same coin, the sun and the moon, destined for each other in every universe, even this one by the looks of things.
So Yeosang just has to suck it up, take a deep breath, and do his best to move on.

///

Yeosang is in love with Seonghwa. But unfortunately, Seonghwa is in love with Hongjoong, and Yeosang is the one Seonghwa vents to about his feelings. And then Hongjoong starts talking to Yeosang about Seonghwa, and Yeosang finds himself stuck in the middle of the two people he loves, but who only seem to have eyes for each other
(At least that's what he convinces himself, no matter how hard San and Wooyoung try to convince him otherwise.)

Notes:

title is from orbiter by noah kahan

this one was really fun to write. forewarning, i listened to noah kahan's new album a LOT while writing this, so do with that information as you will. but i feel like this might be one of my best works recently, so yay! please enjoy!

this is *technically* a sequel to 'to read between the lines', a woosan fic by yours truly, however it is in no way required pre reading. this fic focuses on seongsangjoong, and makes a few references to 'to read between the lines', but can be read entirely independently of it. however you should read it anyway cause i wrote it :P

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Yeosang's crush on Seonghwa is going to be the death of him.

He doesn't know how it started. Probably an inevitable culmination of a lot of things really. Seonghwa, put simply, is stunning. The way he dresses, the way he holds himself, the way his body moves when he dances, the burning passion in his eyes on stage. And he's kind too, always doting on Yeosang and the younger members, always there to listen when he has troubles, and even when he just wants to talk about something nonsensical, and he makes Yeosang feel so seen that it drives him mad.

Yeosang has a lot of reasons to have a crush on Seonghwa, really.

He just hates that he does.

Because, of course, Seonghwa is tragically in love with Hongjoong. He has been for years.

Yeosang never stood a chance.

He’d first started to realise his own feelings several months ago. He was certain they’d been around for far longer than that, but it hadn’t been until Seonghwa and Yeosang had stayed in the practice rooms late one night, just the two of them, to practice the choreographies for the then upcoming comeback together, that he’d first started to realise something was up. It might have been the way their eyes kept meeting in the mirror as they practiced the In Your Fantasy choreography, or it might have been the way Seonghwa’s body moved, graceful and elegant, but sharp and powerful when Yeosang sat against the wall and watched him go over the choreo for his solo, Skin. Or it might have been the way Seonghwa’s hands gently rested on Yeosang’s shoulders, his arms, his waist, as he suggested little improvements to Yeosang’s own solo choreography, half of his words going in one ear and out the other as his mind hyperfocused in on the feeling of Seonghwa’s hands on his body and nothing else. Or maybe it had simply been the way Seonghwa had slung his arm around Yeosang’s shoulder as they headed out for the night, had bought him a drink from the vending machine and then dropped him off with an affectionate ruffle to his hair outside his building, and had texted him to make sure he got inside okay.

Whatever it was, something about that night had left Yeosang feeling more flushed than usual after a dance practice, to the point where Yunho had asked if he had a fever or something (in the height of summer, mind you), and Yeosang had had to brush him off and tell him they’d just been practicing for a while, before he slipped off to the bathroom to shower, an excited giddy feeling swirling in his stomach.

And then it snowballed from there. What started as Yeosang getting slightly more flustered than normal in Seonghwa’s presence, or when Seonghwa gave him a little more attention than usual, soon turned into thinking about him when he wasn’t there and missing his presence if they didn’t see each other for a day or two with busy schedules, and then to missing him almost any time he wasn’t in the same room as him.

It very, very quickly got to the point that Yeosang could no longer deny the fact that he had a massive crush on Seonghwa.

It was just unfortunate for Yeosang that Seonghwa’s interests lay elsewhere.

So he started doing what he always did when he had feelings he couldn’t do anything about. He read fanfiction about them.

He’d done the same thing when he’d had a crush on Jongho in their early days, and then San a few years back. One of the added bonuses of being an idol—there was always fan content about you. He’d snuck onto ao3 late at night more times than he could count, often to read fics about whatever tv show or movie he’d been obsessed with recently between schedules, but more often than not he found himself reading stories about Ateez. About himself.

What could he say? Yeosang enjoyed seeing how the fans interpreted them. He liked their creativity when it came to all the fantasy stories they wrote, about them being pirates and princes and fairies and witches. And it was a way for him to indulge in his stupid crushes without directly involving the people that those feelings were directed towards.

And then that fateful day a couple of months ago had happened. Yeosang had, stupidly, forgot to close his ao3 tab from the night before, and had opened his browser in the backseat of the car, squished between Wooyoung and the window, and Wooyoung had seen. And then he’d cornered him in the bathroom as soon as they’d gotten to their filming location, and the beans had been spilled that Wooyoung also read fanfiction sometimes, and that night in the privacy of Yeosang’s room, Wooyoung became the first person who knew about Yeosang’s feelings for Seonghwa.

And somehow a month and a half later, half due to Yeosang’s own insatiable need to tease the shit out of Wooyoung, he and San ended up together. Because apparently San read fanfiction as well. Yeosang had not expected to go from being the only fanfic reader in Ateez to being in a group chat named mission get sangie with his bf with Wooyoung and San a month later, where they spent more time sending ao3 links and gushing over tropes and explaining questionable tags to Wooyoung—because Wooyoung was still new to the world of fanfiction and somehow San had gotten away with being an avid reader for almost two years without Yeosang finding out—instead of actually getting Yeosang with Seonghwa, but Yeosang was happy. It was nice to get his feelings off his chest for once. His other crushes he’d kept completely and entirely to himself for fear of ruining group dynamics if something went wrong, but they were all older now, all more mature, and he’d still probably throw himself off the nearest cliff if Seonghwa found out and didn’t requite his feelings, but they were at the age now that this thing could be worked out. It’d be awkward, for a bit, but they’d move on. So it was nice that, for once, Yeosang wasn’t going through this entirely alone.

Hwa

Im killing myself

Hes such a loser yeosang

Help

Actually im killing him instead

(╥﹏╥)

What did he do this time ;-;

Hwa

Everything

Nothing

Idek

Hes at the studio

So i brought him lunch

And i tried to ask him what he was working on

And flirt a little bit

Like just a little bit

And he didnt even react

Nothing

Nada

And then i tried to amp it up a bit

A lot actually

Like i was pretty obvious w it

Still nada

(╥﹏╥)

He’s so oblivious its destroying me

I actually cant

Honestly if you want anything from him, tragically i know, you lowkey might just have to be outright and tell him…

If he hasn’t picked up on almost a decade of flirting by now, hes never going to pick up on it

Hwa

(⊙ _ ⊙ )

Scandalous

Cant believe youd suggest such a thing sangie

Outright telling kim hongjoong im in love with him??

(50k won he’d think it was a platonic confession)

(probably)

Hwa

(i would cry)

Anyway enough about my tragic love life

Whatcha up to sangie?

Practicing

legacy choreo

I messed up a little bit at the last concert

So i wanted to practice

[Sent a photo]

Hwa

okay mr sexy mirror photo (¬ ₃ ͡¬)

Im literally lying on the floor but go off

Hwa

Mind if i join you?

Im here anyway

And joong is way too focused on his music to bother trying to converse w him (¬_¬")

And im bored

Sure

Ur more than welcome to :)

Im in room b

Hwa

✧｡◝(ᵔᗜᵔ)◜✧*｡

Yippee!!

I’ll be there in a minute

Yeosang throws his head back against the floor, still breathing heavily, as he lets his phone fall to the floor beside him. Seonghwa is going to be the death of him.

Why, of all people, Yeosang wonders, does he have to be the one Seonghwa vents to about Hongjoong’s obliviousness?

It hurts enough having a one sided crush. Being privy to all of Seonghwa’s feelings towards Hongjoong just feels like rubbing salt in the wound.

And this platonic flirting thing they’ve had going on for the last few months is decidedly not helping.

But what can Yeosang do, really? Telling Seonghwa to stop would mean having to explain why he doesn’t like it. Or why he likes it more than he should. He hasn’t yet settled on the specifics.

He lets out a sigh as, a moment later, he hears footsteps in the hallway outside, and the door creeps open. Seonghwa peeps in, eyes finding Yeosang, and then a grin spreads across his face as he slips through the door and lets it fall shut behind him.

“You look like you’re being incredibly productive right now,” Seonghwa says, as he pulls off his hoodie and tosses it to the side. Of course he’d chosen evil today and decided to wear a tank top.

“I’ve been dancing for like an hour,” Yeosang counters, completely unable to keep his eyes off Seonghwa and his bare arms and the way the tank top clings to his torso, as he crosses over to Yeosang. “You’re always the one telling us to take breathers.”

“I’m just teasing,” Seonghwa replies, as he sits down on the floor right next to Yeosang, and Yeosang’s recovering heart beat speeds back up again. And then Seonghwa actually chooses evil, laying his upper body down on Yeosang’s torso, chest pressed to Yeosang’s stomach as he looks at Yeosang, chin pressing into Yeosang’s sternum.

“Move,” Yeosang mumbles, struggling to meet Seonghwa’s eyes. “Your chin is sharp.”

Seonghwa lets out a huff of laughter, turning his head to the side and resting it against Yeosang’s chest, and Yeosang is sure Seonghwa will be able to hear his heartbeat.

They lie there in silence for a few moments, Yeosang breathing deeply, trying to slow his racing heart, as one of Seonghwa’s hands absently finds Yeosang’s arm, fingers tracing the sweaty lines of his bicep, and holy shit this is so unfair.

Yeosang sneakily takes a photo of Seonghwa on his chest.

mission get sangie with his bf

[Sent a photo]

hELP ME

PLEASE

Sannie

Gay

Helpful san, thank you sm :|

Sannie

I only aim to please

…

Woo

Gay

Wow

Im actively suffering here

And this is the sort of help i get

“Your heartbeat is fast,” Seonghwa mumbles absently, still tracing Yeosang’s bicep, sending tingles throughout his body.

“I was dancing for a straight hour,” Yeosang replies, hoping that’ll suffice as an explanation and Seonghwa won’t ask anymore questions about it.

“Who are you texting?”

“Just Woo and Sannie,” Yeosang replies, because there’s no reason to lie about that.

“What about?”

Yeosang hopes Seonghwa is too focused on his arm to notice the grimace that crosses Yeosang’s face.

“Some movie they’re trying to convince me to watch,” Yeosang lies.

Seonghwa hums in reply, falling quiet again.

mission get sangie with his bf

I hate both of you

Sannie

Ill stop sending you fanfics

I take it back

Sannie

Seonghwa lifts his head suddenly, and Yeosang clicks his screen off with the practiced ease of someone who’s been reading fanfiction for a decade.

“Okay, enough rest time,” Seonghwa says, as he lifts himself off Yeosang, leaning his weight on Yeosang’s bicep, fingers firmly gripping Yeosang’s muscles, soft against his sweaty skin, as he leans over him. His other hand, rudely, finds Yeosang’s face, cupping his jaw and running a thumb across his cheek, his eyes boring into Yeosang’s, an intensity behind them that he usually only sees on stage. If Yeosang weren’t already red and sweating from exercise, he was sure the blood that just rushed to his cheeks in that moment would have been far too obvious to try and deny. This fake flirting thing is genuinely actually going to kill him.

And then Seonghwa squishes Yeosang’s cheeks, once, twice, then pushes himself to his feet, holding out a hand to pull Yeosang to his feet.

“Up. We’re here to dance. Let’s dance.”

Yeosang rolls his eyes, taking Seonghwa’s hand before being pulled up into his chest, and immediately stepping back. Seonghwa doesn’t seem to notice Yeosang’s little moment of panic, as he crosses out of Yeosang’s orbit, over to the speaker, and starts up the music.

Muscle memory, Yeosang falls into the starting position, and for the entire rest of the afternoon that they’re there, he feels Seonghwa’s eyes tracing his figure, watching his movements, and it has Yeosang’s mind a fumbling mess by the time they’re done.

A week later Hongjoong texts him at 1am. The act in itself isn’t out of the ordinary. Usually it's at more reasonable hours of the day, but it happens from time to time. Hongjoong’s sleep schedule is awful, and Yeosang’s is questionable at best, so it’s not particularly out of the blue. The reason though is… not unexpected, but still surprising. More to the point Yeosang is surprised it’s him that Hongjoong has decided to seek comfort in.

Hongjoongie

Sangieee

Are you awake?

I hope i havent woken you up

Sorry if i woke you up

Im awake

Wassup?

Hongjoongie

Im seconds away from exploding

And i lowkey really need to vent slash yap slash just talk to someone

If u wanna sleep thats oki tho, dw

But

If you dont wanna sleep

Can i come over?

I wasn’t planning on sleeping yet

So feel free to come over

Im just reading

Nothing too important

Ill leave the door unlocked

Hongjoongie

Thank you sm i love u

Watcha reading O.O

Uhh

A book

Idk

I just started it

Fantasy

Not really sure what its about yet

Ill see u soon tho?

Hongjoongie

Yeah im finishing up at the studio now, so ill be there in like 10

Thank u sm again

Ill see u soon o7

Yeosang is very much not reading a fantasy book, and nor has he only just started it. He is, in fact, halfway through a novel length fanfic about himself and Seonghwa, but it's not like he can tell Hongjoong that.

He puts his phone down and enters the living room. Yunho is asleep so he treads quietly, unlocking the door before he goes back to his room to scour his bookshelf for a book. He finds something that looks like it fits the vague description he gave Hongjoong, reads the blurb so if Hongjoong asks he has something to say, and stuffs a bookmark about 15 pages in before dropping it on his bedside table and slipping under the covers again, fanfiction in hand.

As expected, about 10 minutes later Yeosang hears the muffled creak and click of the front door, a light padding of feet, and as Hongjoong pushes open his bedroom door Yeosang picks up and puts down the novel on his bedside table, fanfiction long closed.

Hongjoong smiles at him, as he shuts the door behind him. He looks tired, bags under his eyes and hair ruffled, probably from excessively running his fingers through it like he always does when he’s stressed.

He slips off his jacket, dropping it carelessly on the floor near Yeosang’s door, before crossing over to Yeosang and collapsing face first onto the bed, pretty much entirely sandwiching Yeosang between himself and the mattress. Yeosang lets out a grunt of surprise, as Hongjoong lets out a muffled, breathy laugh where his face is pressed into Yeosang’s chest.

Hongjoong’s not usually this physically affectionate with Yeosang. Both of them are a little more adverse to cuddling and skinship, and always have been. But every now and then, especially when they’re tired, it’s not hard to find them cuddled up with one of the other members. Yeosang kind of likes it like that. It makes physical affection feel more special that way.

Eventually Hongjoong lifts himself up so his elbows rest on the bed either side of Yeosang’s chest, while his head rests on his hands, and wow, this angle is disconcertingly similar to the one Seonghwa had him in when they were dancing together last week. Yeosang tries not to think too much of it.

Yeosang watches as Hongjoong reaches over to grab the book from Yeosang’s bedside table, flipping it over to read the blurb.

“Any good so far?” Hongjoong asks, the first thing he’s said to him since he arrived.

Yeosang hums noncommittedly. “Mostly just setting up the world and the characters at the moment,” he replies vaguely. “I kinda zoned out most of it not gonna lie. I’ll probably have to skim over it again when I read again tomorrow.”
There. That’s a safe enough explanation.

Hongjoong hums in response. “Sounds interesting,” he replies, placing it back on the bedside table, before turning his gaze to Yeosang.

“So… what was it you wanted to talk about?” Yeosang asks.

“Ah, that,” Hongjoong replies. He hesitates for a moment, before rolling off Yeosang to lay beside him, staring up at the ceiling. “I… how do I say this… I…” he takes a breath, “I think I’m in love with Seonghwa.”

Yeosang’s stomach drops. It’s not a surprise, per say. Not in the slightest. It’s been pretty obvious since forever. But Hongjoong having finally realised? Any sliver of a chance Yeosang might have had is now gone.

“I think… no, I am in love with Seonghwa. I think I have been for a long time. A very long time. I think I’ve known for a while as well I just… didn’t want to accept it. Because accepting it means it’s real. And if it’s real then I have to do something about it. Whether that be ask him out or get over him. I have to do something. But I just… he brought over dinner for me today and stayed for a while and he listened to what I was working on and the way he looked at me was just… I don’t know how to describe it but I just can’t ignore it anymore. I can’t ignore the way I feel about him and I can’t deny it and I don’t know what to do about it and I just needed to get it off my chest, you know?”

Yeosang looks at the ceiling. He takes a breath.

“Are you… surprised?” Hongjoong asks tentatively, when Yeosang takes too long to form a reply, and he’s pretty sure Hongjoong is looking at him.

He hesitates. “Not really.” He takes a breath. “I was pretty sure you were. We all were,” he turns, finally, to meet Hongjoong’s eyes. There’s a soft pink dusting his cheeks, and wow, he’s kinda close. “You’re not exactly subtle about it. Even Atiny knows.”

Hongjoong buries his face in his hands, a deeper red creeping up his neck.

“Really? I’m that obvious?”

“Mhm,” Yeosang replies, and he tries to ignore the way his heart is breaking, because this might be the first time Hongjoong’s ever been this vulnerable about his feelings, especially to Yeosang, and if he isn’t going to make the absolute most of this moment. He pulls out his phone and with a quick search, he finds what he’s looking for and passes the phone to Hongjoong. Hongjoong visibly melts into the bed, as if it’ll somehow swallow him whole, the red creeping into his cheeks and the tips of his ears as Yeosang listens to the familiar edit audio of Hongjoong and Seonghwa being cute and married and in love, as the fans say.

“Oh god. I did not realise I was that obvious.”

“I’m pretty sure, other than Seonghwa himself, you might be the last person to work it out,” Yeosang replies, and somehow Hongjoong sinks further into the mattress.

“So does he know? Or does he not know?” Hongjoong asks. “Do you think there’s any chance he feels the same way?”

“I wouldn’t say he knows for sure,” Yeosang replies. “But I think he has a feeling. And well… he’s never mentioned to me specifically but… I wouldn’t be surprised if he does,” Yeosang lies. “Just look at the edits. I feel like they speak for themselves.”

Hongjoong scrolls to another one, and Yeosang’s heart is absolutely torn between being selfish and wanting his hyungs to be happy. He just wishes both were somehow possible. But Seonghwa is in love with Hongjoong, and Hongjoong is in love with Seonghwa, and Seonghwa isn’t in love with Yeosang, and it’d be an outright lie to say they weren’t absolutely made for each other. Two halves of the same whole, two sides of the same coin, the sun and the moon, destined for each other in every universe, even this one by the looks of things.

So Yeosang just has to suck it up, take a deep breath, and do his best to move on.

He’s done it before. Why is this time any different?

“Mission get Sangie with his boyfriend-” Yeosang’s stomach plummets, “-Yeosangie, what’s this? And San and Wooyoung?”

Yeosang is surprised Yunho doesn’t come running in from the sheer volume of the screech Yeosang lets out, as he launches towards his phone and snatches it out of Hongjoong’s grasp. He lands half on top of Hongjoong and shuts his phone off faster than he ever has before.

Hongjoong lets out a groan as Yeosang’s elbow lands on his stomach, pulling Yeosang’s arm out from beneath him until he can breathe again, before he turns an eager stare with a raised eyebrow on Yeosang.

Yeosang is sure he’s bright red.

“So who exactly is it that my dear Yeosangie has a crush on?” Hongjoong asks teasingly, and Yeosang wants to feel surprised that Hongjoong read him so well but the group chat name implies pretty much everything so it’s not like it would be hard to work out.

“No one!” Yeosang exclaims, way too quickly, clutching his phone to his chest. “No one. I don’t have a crush. Nothing like that. No crush. No one I’m interested in. Absolutely not.” And wow, that was a loser response. If Yeosang wasn’t bright red a moment ago, he definitely is now.

“Oh you definitely have a crush on someone,” Hongjoong replies, leaning forward to pinch Yeosang’s cheeks. “Who is it? Please tell me~ please please please~”

“Nope,” Yeosang replies, sitting up and crossing his arms. “Not happening. Absolutely not. Not telling you.”

“Is it one of us?” Hongjoong asks, far too eagerly. “You’re in the chat with Wooyoung and San so it isn’t either of them,” Hongjoong starts, counting on his fingers, “Is it Jongho? Yunho? Mingi?”

Yeosang shakes his head. “Not telling you.”

“Maybe one of the staff then? That guy who does your makeup sometimes is pretty cute. One of the dancers?”

“Nope. Not happening. I’m not telling you. I’m never telling you. I’m taking this to my grave.”

“Aww,” Hongjoong replies, slouching his shoulders and widening his eyes in a way that shouldn’t be as cute as it is on a nearly 30 year old man. “Pretty please?”

“Never,” Yeosang replies, and Hongjoong sighs in defeat, pinching his cheeks again.

“I guess I’ll just have to extort this information from you another day.”

“Try as much as you want,” Yeosang replies, as he moves to return to his original position on his bed, slipping his legs back under the doona. Hongjoong sidles up to him, suspicion in his eyes and a grin spread across his mouth, and Yeosang pushes him back until he’s almost slipping off Yeosang’s bed.

Hongjoong lets out another defeated sigh, before pulling himself back towards Yeosang, staring at him with something soft and unfamiliar in his gaze. It makes something in Yeosang’s stomach squirm.

“Do you wanna stay here tonight?” Yeosang asks eventually. “It’s late, and I know your apartment is close, but…”

“That would be nice,” Hongjoong replies. “Thank you. I’ll just borrow the couch.”

“Just stay here,” Yeosang replies, patting the small space between them. “It’ll be more comfortable. You need the sleep.”

“I… if you insist,” Hongjoong replies, a small bashful smile on his face.

“My pyjamas are on the third shelf,” Yeosang says, gesturing to his wardrobe. “I don’t want your outside clothes in my bed.”

“Yes sir,” Hongjoong replies with a mock salute, sliding off Yeosang’s bed and crossing over to his wardrobe. With Hongjoong on the opposite side of the room, Yeosang finally deems it safe enough to unlock his phone. He keeps half a watchful gaze on Hongjoong as he grabs something from Yeosang’s wardrobe and slips out of the room, presumably to use the bathroom, before he finally risks opening the group chat with San and Wooyoung.

It’s literally just a cat meme.

All of that for a stupid cat meme.

mission get sangie with his bf

Woo

[Sent a photo]

San

SOBBING

Tragic news

Hongjoong saw the gc name

He knows i like someone

He doesnt know who

He will probably try and extort information from you sometime over the next few days

You have been warned

No matter what

DO NOT FOLD

DO NOT TELL HIM

Or ill do something

Im not sure what yet, but know that there is a threat there

You have been warned

Woo

YES CAPTAIN O7

WE WILL NOT FOLD SIR

WE WILL NOT FOLD

Sannie??

Sannie

Yes cap o7

Your secret is safe with us

Also tf is joong doing w u at 2am in the morning??

The other tragic news

He’s finally worked out he’s in love with hwa

Sannie

This

Complicates things

Woo

It most certainly does

What are you gonna do??

No idea

Joong is staying over so i cant exactly cry myself to sleep tonight about it

Tomorrow me problem ig

Sannie

Fair

Its late

Just

Dont bottle it up too much okay sang?

We’re here to listen

I know

Thank you sannie

Love you guys

Joongs back now so imma go to sleep now

Goodnight!

Woo

Goodnight sang! Sleep well!

See u tomoz <3

Yeosang double checks that his alarm for the morning is set, then slips his phone under his pillow as Hongjoong reenters the room, door slipping shut with a click behind him. Yeosang is surprised how firmly the shirt fits Hongjoong. It’s not super tight, but it doesn’t hang off him loosely like it had done the last time Hongjoong stayed over, and Yeosang realises he must have been going to the gym. When he lifts his arms over his head with a stretch and a yawn, his tattoo peaks out from under the sleeve, and Yeosang finds his eyes tracing the lines of it on his bicep for a moment, before he snaps out of it as Hongjoong comes to a stop in front of him.

He shuffles over, lifting the doona so Hongjoong can slip beneath it. He flicks off the lamp as Hongjoong shuffles up to him, tentatively slipping an arm around his waist. Yeosang accepts it with ease. He doesn’t do this often with Hongjoong. It’s nice.

“So… a little birdy may or may not have let slip that you have a crush,” Seonghwa says, a few days later, as they're taking a breather, leaning against the wall next to each other in the practice room. Yeosang's stomach drops. He can see in real time in the mirror on the other side of the room the way the blood rushes to his face. Yeosang can't meet Seonghwa's eyes, but he can feel them on him.

“I'm gonna kill Hongjoong,” Yeosang mumbles, and he can see Seonghwa grinning from the corner of his eye.

“So it’s true?”

“It certainly is,” Hongjoong says, as if summoned by Seonghwa’s comment, throwing an arm over Yeosang’s shoulders. Yeosang finally meets Seonghwa’s eyes, for a split second, and that seems to spur him on as he rounds on Yeosang, grabbing his face and forcing him to meet his eyes, squishing his cheeks together. Yeosang’s heart is pounding, and it’s no longer just from practicing the choreography.

“Who is it?” Seonghwa asks, voice serious but eyes sparkling, grin wide. “Please tell me who it is. Please.”

“Not telling,” Yeosang replies, and he hopes his voice isn’t shaking like it feels like it is. “Secret.”

“Please~” Seonghwa asks, squishing Yeosang’s cheeks a little more. Yeosang shakes his head in Seonghwa’s hold.

“It’s useless, Hwa,” Hongjoong whines dramatically. “I couldn’t extort anything from him the other day. All I know is that it’s a guy.” He leans in conspiratorially, dropping his voice so that only Yeosang and Seonghwa can hear, but his eyes are on Seonghwa when he speaks. “My money is on it being either Jongho or the makeup hyung who does Sangie’s makeup sometimes.”

Seonghwa’s hold on Yeosang’s cheeks grows even firmer, as he turns an over dramatic open mouthed gasp towards Yeosang, leaning in closer. So close.

“Also Sannie and Woo know,” Hongjoong adds, and Yeosang can see the puzzle pieces clicking together in Seonghwa’s eyes. Yeosang might actually murder Hongjoong. Mingi can be the new captain of Ateez.

“So that’s what you were texting them about last week,” he says. His eyes dart to where Wooyoung and San are stood at the other end of the room with the others, and a distinct feeling of dread settles in his stomach as Seonghwa and Hongjoong’s gazes meet for a moment. And then both of them are running across the room faster than Yeosang can process what’s happening and barrelling into San and Wooyoung and dragging them into the corner away from Yunho and Jongho and Mingi who are watching in surprise and confusion at the kidnapping that’s happening.

Yeosang’s stomach churns as he speed walks across the room. He knows Wooyoung and San won’t tell them. They wouldn’t betray his trust like that, especially not to Seonghwa himself.

But that doesn’t change the fact that the two people who desperately want to know and desperately cannot know have pinned the two people who do know into the corner with one goal in mind and one goal only.

“They’re not gonna tell you,” Yeosang says, trying to sound casual despite the absolute panic coursing through his veins.

“Who’s not telling what?” Mingi asks, the other three still watching on in confusion.

“Nothing important Mingi, don’t worry,” San calls over Seonghwa’s shoulder.

“Please Sannie~” Seonghwa whines, pulling out his infuriatingly effective puppy eyes. Yeosang’s stomach squirms, as he leans into the little cluster they’ve made in the corner. “Please tell me~”

San zips his lips and shakes his head firmly, ever Yeosang’s loyal soldier.

“I’ll buy you another strawberry cake,” Seonghwa says, and Yeosang sees San falter.

“I’ll buy you a bigger strawberry cake,” Yeosang counters, slapping a hand over Seonghwa’s mouth, eyes boring into San’s. San nods.

“Surely Wooyoung~” Hongjoong presses. “Surely you’ll tell your favourite hyung~”

Yeosang yelps, jumping away in surprise as Seonghwa licks his hand. Seonghwa cackles maniacally as Yeosang stumbles into Hongjoong’s hold, Hongjoong barely catching him under his arms, as Wooyoung lets out a snort of delight.

Yeosang is saved from further distress when someone throws a hoodie at them, and he turns to see Jongho looking at them, hands on his hips, a playful glare on his face.

“Break time’s over,” he says, and Yeosang can feel Hongjoong and Seonghwa’s eyes on him, on Jongho, analysing the way he reacts, his every microexpression. And he’s flustered because of Seonghwa’s attention and now he’s sure they’re misunderstanding what they see and it’s stressing him out more than it should.

He pulls himself out of Hongjoong’s hold, wiping his hand on the sleeve of Seonghwa’s tshirt, as Seonghwa’s laughter rings like church bells in his ears. He grabs Jongho’s hoodie off the floor and tosses it back at his face, and he’s met with an offended glare, as he finds the mark on the floor for his starting position, everyone else following suit a moment later.

As the music starts, Seonghwa finds his eyes in the mirror, a gleeful sparkle in them, and Yeosang’s heart dances around in his chest far more dangerously than he can handle.

That evening Yeosang finds a photo in the group chat of the earlier predicament at dance practice. It’s sent from Wooyoung, clearly taken from the other side of the room, Seonghwa and Yeosang face to face, Seonghwa holding Yeosang’s cheeks tightly, Hongjoong with an arm slung around Yeosang’s shoulders, both of them leaning dangerously into Yeosang’s space. Blood immediately rushes to his face as he sees it, remembering the way Seonghwa held his face, the intensity in his gaze, the closeness.

mission get sangie with his bf

Woo

[Sent a photo]

Bruh

When did you even take that

Stalker

Woo

We we literally in the room

Thats not stalking

Thats taking advantage of public happenings

Youre literally just saying words

Woo

Dont stop me from speaking my truth

Sannie

Im cackling you look so flustered sangie

Yeah well he HAD MY FACE SQUISHED BETWEEN HIS HANDS

Woo

Gay

Sannie

You say that like you aren’t woo

Okay but like

Lowkey

Why are they both looking at you like they wanna pin you against a wall and aggressively make out with you

Woo

Gay

Sannie

Thank you for your contribution

Woo

Hey, im the one that took the photo

But like

Sannies got a point

Please no

My stomach just did the thing

Dont give me hope

And i feel like theres an obvious conclusion here, and it is probably that they were literally also looking at each other during that whole interaction and we KNOW they like each other so that is probably them just wanting to pin each other against a wall and aggressively make out

Im 99% sure they would have had the exact same look regardless of whether i was there or not

Sannie

Just pointing out what im seeing

Interpret as you wish o7

(but like… just saying… there might be more hope than you think)

(like you didn’t see how they were looking at you when they cornered woo and i)

(it was… idk how to explain it but there was something there, is all im gonna say)

Appreciate it

But

There is still a common denominator

Being that both of them were there

I dont wanna get my hopes up

Sannie

Understandable

Woo

So like

Out of curiosity

Do they have any idea who it is you like?

They think its jongie

Or the makeup hyung who has me sometimes

Well thats what hongjoong’s convinced himself on

I think seonghwa’s just following suit

But

Yeah

Woo

Okay to be fair he is pretty cute

And who wouldn’t love our little jjongbear

True

True true

Woo

Sannie just fell asleep lmao

[Sent a photo]

Yesss blackmail thank you

<3 <3

OH SHIT

HWA IS CALLING ME

IM GOING BYE

Woo

ITS 1AM

WHAT DOES HE NEED FROM YOU AT 1AM

OKAY BYE

SLEEP WELL <3

NIGHT <3

“Hwa?” Yeosang says tentatively, as he answers the phone.

“Hi Sangie~” Seonghwa replies, voice soft and sleepy and deliciously pretty, and Yeosang’s stomach backflips.

“What’s up? It’s like one in the morning?”

“I know~ you weren’t asleep were you? Sorry if you were…”

“No I wasn’t asleep yet, you’re fine,” Yeosang replies. “Just getting bullied by San and Wooyoung.”

Yeosang almost immediately regrets letting those words out of his mouth.

“Ooh, about your crush~?”

Yeosang groans. Seonghwa cackles.

“Maybe, maybe not. I will neither confirm nor deny the allegations.”

“Please tell me who it is Sangie~” Seonghwa whines, and if it were any other secret Yeosang would have folded immediately. “Pretty please~ I won’t tell Hongjoong I swear.”

“Nuh uh,” Yeosang replies. “Not happening. Sorry Hwa~”

“You’re evil,” Seonghwa replies.

“So what exactly are you calling me at one in the morning about…?” Yeosang asks, trying to deflect the conversation away from himself.

“Ah. Yes. So. I think… I think I’m finally getting somewhere with Joong,” Seonghwa says, and Yeosang vehemently resists the urge to toss his phone across the room. “I feel like he’s been more… I don’t know, receptive? The past few days? Like it almost feels like he’s been flirting back. And it hasn’t just been brushed off like it normally is.”

Yeosang hums in acknowledgement, unsure what string of words he could even form in this sort of situation.

“I’m getting the vibe, you know? Like I know I’ve said sometimes that I feel like he likes me back, but then I go back on it the next day and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t, but like I actually feel it now. Like it feels like he’s initiating.”

Every word that falls out of Yeosang’s mouth destroys him a little bit more than the last, but he pushes on and says them anyway, because more than anything he wants his hyungs to be happy. “I think you should ask him out,” Yeosang says. “It sounds really promising and… I think I’m getting that vibe from him as well. I think you have a good chance. A really good chance. I think you’ll get the answer you want.”

“You reckon?”

Yeosang can’t see Seonghwa, but he can hear the smile in his voice, and it hurts far more than he thought it would.

“Yeah,” Yeosang replies. “I reckon.”

Yeosang’s last sliver of hope is snatched away about two weeks later. They’ve had a busy day of schedules, filming for a variety show and photoshoots and the like, and by the time Yunho and Yeosang are stumbling back into their apartment, it’s almost 10pm.

They sit down together to play a few rounds of a video game, but before long Yunho’s dozing off on the couch and Yeosang tells him to head to bed.

But Yeosang still has energy, and the next leg of the In Your Fantasy tour is creeping up faster than he’d like, so Yeosang gets changed and heads out to practice his choreography again. He’s still not entirely happy with it, slipping up more often than he’d like, and he needs to think about something other than his hopeless situation with Seonghwa, so what better way than going to the practice rooms.

He reasons there’s a good chance that Hongjoong is in the studio, so when he gets there he heads up the elevator to his room first. Unsurprisingly, he finds him there, hunched over his desk, headphones on as he clicks around on the screen.

Yeosang doesn’t bother knocking, just lets himself in, and slings his arms over Hongjoong’s shoulders from behind, letting them rest lightly in front of his chest. Hongjoong jumps in surprise, turning his head so fast Yeosang worries he might get whiplash, but upon seeing who it is, Hongjoong relaxes.

A hand comes to his heart, as he pushes off one ear of his headphones with the other.

“Shit Sangie, you scared me,” Hongjoong lets out a breathy laugh.

“Sorry,” Yeosang replies. “Just came to say hi. I’m gonna be in the practice rooms for a bit.”

Hongjoong reaches up, fingers lightly brushing Yeosang’s cheek, as he tucks a stray piece of hair behind Yeosang’s ear. It’s not an unfamiliar gesture. Hongjoong just does that sometimes. But there’s that same soft look in his gaze that Yeosang noticed a few weeks ago when Hongjoong stayed the night. It sends a weird tingle down his spine. And his stomach squirms. That’s unfamiliar.

“Don’t tire yourself out too much,” Hongjoong says, fingers lingering on the side of Yeosang’s neck, a soft graze against his skin.

“I won’t,” Yeosang replies. “I’ll come and say bye when I’m heading home.”

Hongjoong nods, as his fingers slowly fall away from Yeosang’s neck and land on the arm of his chair. The tingling feeling lingers behind.

“Have fun,” he says, a soft smile appearing on his pretty lips, as Yeosang steps back.

“Don’t work too hard,” Yeosang replies, slipping out of the door and letting it fall shut behind him, his heart caught weirdly in his throat.

He finds himself subconsciously reaching up to brush his neck, his cheek, his ear as he walks down the hallway and enters the elevator, as if he’s looking for Hongjoong’s lingering touch, trying to retain the feeling of Hongjoong’s fingers on his skin.

Yeosang is suddenly filled with a terribly familiar sense of dread, that he promptly shoves deep into the recesses in the back of his mind, because he does not need to make his life worse right now.

He’s not sure if it’s a blessing or a curse when he pushes open the door to the practice room to find Seonghwa midway through his Skin choreography. He’s about to slip out, before Seonghwa notices, go to one of the other practice rooms, but Seonghwa catches his eye in the mirror and Yeosang has no choice but to stay.

It’s incredibly unfortunate for Yeosang’s heart, though, that Seonghwa decidedly chooses not to stop dancing and pause the music, and to greet Yeosang, and instead continues dancing as if Yeosang weren’t even there, except for the fact that his eyes never leave Yeosang’s in the mirror, as he lets the door fall shut behind him.

Yeosang’s seen the choreography probably hundreds of times. It’s familiar. He could probably do it himself first try if he wanted to, though not to the same level of elegance and precision as Seonghwa does.

But it's different, when it’s just the two of them. When it’s late, and it’s dark outside, and there’s probably less people in the building than fingers on Yeosang’s hands. No one else to witness Seonghwa’s beauty, his elegance, his sensuality. No one else to witness the way he stares at Yeosang while he moves, firm and confident, never breaking his gaze, pulling Yeosang into his orbit like a moth to a flame.

No one else to witness the moment when Seonghwa drops to his knees, a blazing fire in his eyes, as Yeosang’s heart thuds heavily in his chest, blood pulsing in his ears, stomach doing somersaults, his limbs heavy, gluing him to the ground, unable to move a muscle.

If Yeosang hadn't known better, if he hadn’t known Seonghwa were already in love with Hongjoong, he’d have foolishly assumed, in this moment, that Seonghwa wanted him.

The realisation hurts like being hit by a tonne of bricks.

Yeosang feels like he’s in a trance as the music comes to an end, and Seonghwa settles into the ending position.

And then he smiles, and the moment is over, and Yeosang is slapped out of the trance, and the blaze in Seonghwa’s eyes softens to the familiar sparkle, and he turns around to meet Yeosang face to face.

“How was I?” Seonghwa asks, crossing over to him, beckoning Yeosang further into the room. Yeosang can’t move.

He takes a deep breath.

“Amazing,” he says, “as always.”

“Surely you can come up with more than that,” Seonghwa says, lopsided grin, and Yeosang knows it’s not flirting but it feels like flirting, and the heavy rhythm of his heart stutters and speeds up as Seonghwa comes to a stop in front of him. Close enough that he could kiss, if he really wanted to.

Yeosang gulps, unable to tear his eyes away from Seonghwa’s. “Graceful and elegant,” Yeosang says, “like a swan. But at the same powerful, full of fire. Cunning and sensual and enticing. You draw people in. Once they’re in your orbit it’s impossible to escape.”

Seonghwa grins. Then he squishes Yeosang’s cheeks, as if he hadn’t just destroyed every last amount of sanity Yeosang had left.

“Beautiful praise from my beautiful Sangie,” Seonghwa says. “You here to practise too?”

Yeosang nods, trying not to let the ‘beautiful’ comment get to him, but it rings in his ears.

“I can use one of the other rooms,” he says. “So you can keep practicing here.”

Seonghwa shakes his head.

“Stay here. I wanna watch.”

Yeosang’s heart stammers.

“Okay,” Yeosang mumbles, as he pulls off his hoodie while Seonghwa heads over to where his phone sits by the speaker and cues up Legacy.

Yeosang moves to the middle of the room, ready for the music, and once Seonghwa presses play he sits down on the floor, leaning against the mirror. The entire time he’s dancing, Yeosang can feel Seonghwa’s eyes on him. Somehow it makes him both more distracted and more focused, but he manages to get through the whole choreo without a single mistake.

He’s a fumbling, sweaty mess though the moment he finishes and the music ends, and Seonghwa claps for him with a grin on his face.

“Beautiful,” Seonghwa says. “I think you’ve got that little slip up fixed. I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks,” Yeosang replies, as he sits down next to Seonghwa, their knees bumping. Seonghwa’s head finds Yeosang’s shoulder almost immediately, and Yeosang is so glad they're not facing the mirror because blood rushes to his cheeks immediately.

One of Seonghwa’s hands finds a resting spot on Yeosang’s thigh, and it sends an immediate spark of electricity throughout his entire body.

And then Seonghwa lifts his head off Yeosang’s shoulder for a moment, and Yeosang’s about to take a deep breath when Seonghwa suddenly presses a kiss to Yeosang’s cheek, before he returns to original position.

Yeosang might explode.

It’s not like cheek kisses really mean anything between the members. They all do it to each other all the time. It’s just one of their many ways of giving each other affection.

But that doesn’t change the fact that it sends Yeosang’s already racing heart racing even faster.

He’s honestly surprised he hasn’t been hospitalised yet.

“I hate to be the bearer of bad news,” Seonghwa says eventually, breaking the comfortable, very much not productive silence that settled over them. “But I’m absolutely exhausted and would very much like to go to sleep, so I’m gonna head back home now.”

Yeosang nods. “That’s okay.”

“You sure?”

“Mhm. Hongjoong’s in the studio if you want to say goodbye to him on your way out,” Yeosang adds.

“Thank you Sangie,” Seonghwa says, as he pulls himself to his feet. Yeosang stays put, taking another moment to catch his breath, watching as Seonghwa picks up his hoodie from beside the wall and pulls it on, untucking his hair from beneath the collar, and pulling on a beanie. Then he crosses back over to Yeosang, and completely unprompted, grabs Yeosang’s face and leans down to press another kiss to his cheek.

Yeah, Yeosang’s not surviving.

And then Seonghwa turns around and with a wave, a goodbye, and a see you tomorrow, he slips out of the practice room and lets the door fall shut behind him.

Yeosang stays seated, needing at least 5 business days to process what just happened.

Eventually he stands up, and crosses over to the speaker to connect his phone. He is here to practice after all.

He stops in surprise when he sees Seonghwa’s phone still there. If he’s quick, he might still catch Seonghwa at Hongjoong’s studio before he leaves.

Yeosang grabs the phone and slips out of the practice room, following the familiar path down the hallway and into the elevator, and up to Hongjoong’s level. He winds through the hallways, retracing his steps from earlier, until he comes to a stop at Hongjoong’s door. He can hear Seonghwa’s voice inside, and he’s just about to push open the door to give Seonghwa his phone, when he hears the tone of Seonghwa’s voice.

It’s serious and lovesick and nervous and-

Yeosang pushes open the door a sliver.

“-and basically what I’m saying, Hongjoong,” Seonghwa says, and Yeosang can hear his voice shaking, “is that I’ve kind of been in love with you forever. And if I’m not mistaken, and I really hope I’m not mistaken, I think you might be in love with me too.”

Yeosang can hear his heart dropping to his stomach in the beat of silence that follows.

“I am,” Hongjoong replies, voice quivering. “I am in love with you Hwa. It’s taken me so long to come to terms with it, because I was so scared of losing you, of losing what we have, of what all of us have. But I am in love with you. And I want to be with you. And I’m so so sorry for making you wait so long for this, for us. But thank you for waiting. For believing in me.”

The door slips slightly. Just enough that Yeosang can see what’s happening. Just enough that Yeosang can see the exact moment Seonghwa steps forward, gently, tenderly cupping Hongjoong’s jaw, thumb grazing his cheeks, and presses their lips together.

They both melt.

Their noses bump together and it skews the glasses Hongjoong has put on since Yeosang saw him earlier, and Hongjoong stands up from his chair, one of his hands finding Seonghwa’s cheek and the other finding his waist, as their lips move together like they were made for each other.

It’s beautiful.

Yeosang’s heart shatters.

He slips out of the doorway and he hasn’t even reached the elevator when the tears start sliding down his cheeks. He texts Hongjoong a vague ‘if Seonghwa’s still with you i’ve got his phone w me’, but by the time he makes it back to the practice room he’s sobbing. He sinks down against the wall, and he’s shaking as full body sobs rack his body, echoing in the practice room and his ears, bouncing off the walls like a taunt. He can barely breathe, his breaths rapid and shallow, his lungs too small for his chest, his heart stumbling dangerously, too dangerously, unable to find a steady beat as his head swims and his tears stain his pants. At some point Yeosang vaguely registers that he might be having a panic attack, but it isn’t until the door opens and he hears Seonghwa’s voice that he realises just how bad it is.

He can’t understand a single word Seonghwa says. All he knows is that it’s his voice. It’s his hands that find Yeosang’s shoulders. And then it’s Hongjoong’s on his arms, and his voice as well. And they’re saying something but none of it gets through, and Yeosang might be speaking or he might not be, but then he hears San’s voice and that seems to be enough because he can hear him asking what’s wrong, and can hear him telling him to breath, and it’s crackly and San sounds tired but he can comprehend his words and that seems to be enough to help the panic subside.

“You’re okay,” San says, and Yeosang’s pretty sure he’s on the phone. “You’re okay Yeosang. Just breathe. You’re okay. We’re here.”

“We’ve got you,” Seonghwa says, and his hand is on Yeosang’s cheek and he isn’t sure if that makes it better or worse.

Hongjoong’s rubbing repetitive circles in his back, which grounds him enough to be able take a few deep, shaky breaths and finally feel air in his lungs again.

“Hey Sangie, you okay?” Wooyoung’s voice says, distant and crackly and tired like San’s.

He can’t form a response but he hears Seonghwa say something, and his head is still swimming but at least he can breathe now.

Seonghwa’s thumb brushes away some of the tears that still slip from Yeosang’s eyes, and Yeosang finally looks up from his knees, still taking deep, shaky breaths.

“Hey, you’re okay Sangie,” Seonghwa says, and Yeosang can’t meet his eyes but he watches his mouth form the words and that's enough. His voice is soft, gentle. So gentle. “We’re here, okay? We’re here, and we’re with you, and we’re not going anywhere.”

Yeosang nods.

“Can you tell us what’s wrong? What happened?”

Yeosang shakes his head. As the seconds ebb by, he’s suddenly hit with an all consuming, full body wave of embarrassment.

He just had a fucking panic attack because his friends got together.

He should be happy for them. Well technically he shouldn’t even know yet, but regardless, he should be happy. His hyungs are finally together after almost a decade of pining, and Yeosang went and had a fucking panic attack over it.

“Why not? Are you hurt?”

“Not hurt,” Yeosang mumbles. “Physically fine.” Emotionally scarred.

“Okay,” Seonghwa says, and Hongjoong stands up, taking his phone and San and Wooyoung with him to talk to them a few paces away. “Would you like to talk about it? If you tell me what happened I might be able to help.”

Yeosang shakes his head again. “You can’t help,” he mumbles. “Not your problem to fix.”

“-and now we’re together. And then I got a text from Sangie saying that he had Hwa’s phone with him, so we came down to get it and found Yeosang having a panic attack and then I called you,” Hongjoong says into the phone, trying and failing to be quiet about it.

“Aww, I’m so happy for you,” San’s crackly voice says in reply, and Seonghwa is still gently caressing Yeosang’s cheeks as he sits in front of him. “I think I know what the issue was though. I can’t tell you because that’s not my information to share, but I think Sangie’s just been dealing with a lot recently and this was the nail in the coffin, you know?”

Hongjoong hums in affirmation.

“You can talk to us, you know?” Seonghwa says, and he almost seems sad. “We care about you. A lot. We want to help you.”

“I know I can,” Yeosang replies, and he lets himself lean into Seonghwa’s hand, just a little bit. “Just… just not about this. I’m sorry… and sorry if I ruined your night.”

“You don’t have to be sorry about this,” Seonghwa says, and suddenly he’s enveloping Yeosang in a hug and it’s perfect and also perfectly unfair.

“Do you wanna stay with Wooyoung and San tonight?” Hongjoong asks, suddenly reappearing beside Yeosang.

“We’ve got plenty of room,” Wooyoung’s voice crackles over the phone.

“Only if you haven’t been having sex,” Yeosang replies, somehow managing to find a tad of humour despite the situation.

“We haven’t,” San replies with a small laugh. “Pinky promise.”

“Then yes please, that would be nice,” Yeosang says, his words coming out more mumbled than said.

“We’ll be there soon,” Hongjoong says into the phone, and they say a quick goodbye from the other end of the line before Hongjoong hangs up.

“Let’s get you to sleep,” Seonghwa says, standing up and taking Yeosang’s hands, pulling him up into his arms. He plants a soft kiss on Yeosang’s hair.

Hongjoong grabs his hoodie for him to pull on, before scouring the room for the rest of their belongings, and Yeosang both loves and hates how much they care for him, despite everything.

The walk back to San, Seonghwa and Mingi’s apartment simultaneously goes on forever and lasts as long as the blink of an eye, but the moment they’re there, Seonghwa and Hongjoong pull him into a lung crushing hug, before he can even kick off his shoes, and then they nudge him off to San’s room, where he collapses into the gap the two have left in the middle of the bed, and is promptly wrapped up in their arms, and passes out.

Yeosang feels empty. He wakes up before San’s alarm goes off, which is later than usual because they don’t have any schedules today until after lunch, but he hasn’t slept well. But he can’t seem to go back to sleep, so he lies there, hands on his stomach, and stares blankly up at the ceiling, as the light of sunrise slowly peaks through the gap in the curtains and casts a soft glow over the room.

Eventually he clambers out of San’s bed, careful not to wake him or Wooyoung, and walks quietly into the kitchen.

Wallowing isn’t going to help him, so he steals San’s mug from its place in the cupboard and starts making himself a coffee.

Far sooner than he would have liked, he hears the quiet creak of a door, and the pad of Hongjoong’s feet down the hallway. He hates that he can recognise who it is simply by his footsteps, and he hates even more that he’s right, as Hongjoong enters the kitchen a moment later. He’s in Seonghwa’s pyjamas, the too large shirt slipping off his shoulder, exposing the soft expanse of skin over his collarbone. His hair is messy as he rubs the sleep from his eyes, and despite the fact it’s been absolutely fried the last few years from bleach and hair dye, it looks soft and Yeosang’s met with the distinct feeling of wanting to run his hands through it.

He immediately buries that thought.

Hongjoong stills in surprise when his eyes meet Yeosang’s, before he takes the last few steps to meet him.
“Thought you’d be sleeping in,” he mumbles, voice deeper and rougher than usual from sleep, and Yeosang vehemently ignores the way that makes his stomach squirm.

“Couldn’t,” Yeosang replies simply, and a soft, slightly sad smile graces Hongjoong’s lips.

“You feeling any better?” he asks.

“Yeah just… was a bit too overwhelmed yesterday I think,” Yeosang lies. He doesn’t feel better. Not at all. If anything he feels worse.

“You can talk to me, you know that, right?” Hongjoong says. “To any of us. About anything.”

“I know,” Yeosang replies. He grabs Seonghwa’s mug from the cupboard and passes it to Hongjoong, unable to meet his eyes as he speaks.

“Because if there’s anything we can do to avoid a repeat of last night again, to avoid you having to go through that again, I want to help. I care about you a lot, Sangie. I hope you know that. We all do.”

Yeosang nods, and he can feel tears pricking at his eyes again. He sniffles, blinking them away, pulling in a deep, shaky breath.

Hongjoong’s hand finds his cheek, thumb brushing softly beneath his eye, fingers slowly pushing hair behind his ear, trailing down his neck again, like they had yesterday before…

Well before all that.

He ignores the way Hongjoong’s fingers leave a trail of tingling beneath his skin. He ignores the way his stomach flips at the sensation. He stares intently at the empty mug in front of him.

And then he hears another door opening, a pattering of feet, and a moment later Mingi enters the kitchen. Hongjoong gives Yeosang’s bicep a gentle, comforting squeeze, as he turns towards Mingi’s stunned expression.

“What- the hell are you two here for? Neither of you live here.”

Hongjoong snorts, as Mingi crosses over to them, eyeing both their empty coffee mugs suspiciously before starting to make his own coffee.

“Some impromptu sleepovers happened last night,” Hongjoong replies.

“Might as well invite Jongho and Yunho over while we’re at it,” Mingi says. “Wooyoung stayed the night with San as well. You okay Yeosang?”

Yeosang blinks rapidly, trying to school his face into something more neutral as he nods. “Just didn’t sleep too well. I’m okay.”

“If you insist,” Mingi replies, but one of his hands finds Yeosang’s shoulder to give it a gentle squeeze, as something soft and caring crosses over his face. An acknowledgement that he doesn’t have to know to care.

A week later, after an early finish to their schedules, Seonghwa and Hongjoong sit the eight of them down in Hongjoong’s living room. Mingi, Yunho and Jongho are unsure what is happening, and almost seem nervous, as if they’re going to get a talking to.

San and Wooyoung carry soft smiles.

Yeosang’s stomach churns.

“So um… Seonghwa and I have some news to share,” Hongjoong starts, and he’s playing with his fingers, as his knee bumps Seonghwa’s from where they’re perched together on the couch. “We uh… recently… last week…uh…”

Seonghwa takes his fidgeting fingers in his hands. “Do you want me to say it?” he asks quietly, hearts in his eyes as he looks at Hongjoong.

Hongjoong nods. “Please.”

“Hongjoong and I are together,” Seonghwa says.

Yunho gasps. Mingi lets out a delighted screech. Jongho grins.

“Like together together?!” Mingi exclaims. “Like actually?”

“Mhm,” Seonghwa replies. “Together together.”

“Finally!” Mingi exclaims, leaping up to pull them into a hug.

“Took you guys long enough,” Yunho adds with a grin.

“I’m so happy for you~!” Jongho says.

“Now we can go on double dates,” Wooyoung grins, as San’s hand finds Yeosang’s wrist and pulls him to his feet, over to Seonghwa and Hongjoong and Mingi to join the hug. Yeosang hopes his smile doesn’t look forced. He’s happy for them. He really is. It’s just… hard.

“I'm happy for you too,” Yeosang says, into the group hug, and he can’t deny the fact that he loves group hugs like this. Despite everything, despite the turmoil of his heart, it’s nice to love and feel loved in at least one way.

“You really are mum and dad now,” Yunho says from somewhere in the mess of arms and shoulders and hair, and they all break out into giggles. Even Yeosang feels a small laugh escape his throat.

Maybe he can be okay with this. Maybe this can be okay. Maybe he’ll survive this.

“Seonghwa?”

“Hey Sangie,” Hongjoong’s voice crackles through the phone. Yeosang does a double take for a moment, double checking the caller. They must be together right now, he realises.
“Oh, hi Hongjoong,” Yeosang says, his book abandoned now, face down on his lap to keep the page. “What’s up?”

“Not much,” Hongjoong says. Yeosang can hear shuffling. “Just wanted to see how you’re doing.”

“Oh uh… I’m fine,” Yeosang fumbles. He feels like there’s an ulterior motive here. “Just reading.”

“Same book?”

“Mhm,” Yeosang replies. For once he’s not actually lying about what he’s reading. He’s been adamantly avoiding fanfiction and any sort of romance fiction for the last two weeks since the incident, because avoiding his feelings is far preferable to dealing with them. So he decided to actually start the book he’d convinced Hongjoong he was reading. And he’s genuinely enjoying it so far. “It’s getting pretty good, I’m enjoying it. Super cool world building and magic system. You can borrow it once I’m done if you want.”

“I might take you up on that,” Hongjoong says, and Yeosang can hear the smile in his voice.

He hears the click of a door through the phone, and a moment later Seonghwa’s voice filters through the speaker.

“Hi Sangie,” Seonghwa says. “How you going?”

He hears shuffling and a muffled ‘move over’, and then Seonghwa’s voice is closer to the phone, as if they're both sitting or lying on the bed together.

“I’m good,” Yeosang replies. “Just reading.” Yeosang once again feels like there’s an ulterior motive here. “What are you guys up to?”

“Trying to get Hongjoong to fix his sleep schedule,” Seonghwa says.

“Working on a song,” Hongjoong supplies instead. Yeosang laughs, just a little.

“So what's the real reason you’re calling me,” Yeosang says, after a beat of quiet.

He hears a small sigh, another shuffle, and then Hongjoong speaks up.

“We just wanted to check in and make sure everything's definitely okay. I feel like you’ve been kinda distant since what happened the other week and I just… I feel bad not being able to help with whatever it is, and I want to help Yeosang. We want to help. We want you to be happy. And I feel like the last few weeks you haven’t been…”

A beat of silence. Yeosang takes a shaky breath.

“We miss your beautiful smile, Yeosangie,” Hongjoong says, quieter, and he sounds sad.

Yeosang’s heart stutters dangerously. He’s not sure how much longer he can ignore this.

“I…” Yeosang starts, then trails off. He has been distant these last few weeks. There’s no point in trying to deny it. It’s the easiest way to lessen the pain, and if avoiding Hongjoong and Seonghwa is how he needs to protect his heart from further damage, it’s what he needs to do. It just sucks that he’s hurting them in the process. “I’m sorry,” he says eventually, but it escapes as more of a whisper.

“Oh, sweetie,” Seonghwa says, and the pet name sends a heart wrenching stab of pain straight through his chest. “This isn’t something you need to be sorry about. You don’t have to be happy all the time, but we’re just concerned, because it feels like you’ve been down almost constantly the last couple of weeks. If there’s any way we can help, any way at all, we want to. We care about you, Yeosangie. So much. So much more than I think you realise.”

A tear slips down his cheek.

“I… I’m in love with someone,” Yeosang whispers, and half of him hopes it’s too quiet for the phone to pick up. “I’m in love with someone but they’re in love with someone else.”

A beat of silence. One of them hitches a breath.

“Oh… oh Yeosangie. Honey. I’m so sorry,” Hongjoong says. The pet name tips him over the edge.

Heat pricks dangerously behind his eyes, and his throat goes tight. “I- I need to go,” Yeosang says, and his voice is already choking up and the tears are slipping out of his eyes, because he can’t ignore it any longer. “I’m sorry. I need to go.”

He hangs up without another word and tosses his phone onto the other side of the room. He’s just glad his floor is carpeted.

His hand comes to his mouth to try and stifle the sob that escapes his lips, the tears slipping down his cheeks faster than he can wipe them away.

The thoughts, the feelings, everything he’s tried to bury over the past weeks, everything he’s pushed to the back of his mind, everything he’s tried to ignore, comes flooding over him in a violent, heart wrenching rush.

He’s in love with Kim Hongjoong.

Yeosang is in love with Kim Hongjoong.

20 minutes later Yeosang hears the front door. His eyes are red and swollen and his cheeks are stained with tears and he’s lying on his bed staring absently at the empty pillow next to him, remembering how it felt to cuddle up with Hongjoong that night when everything changed. The beginning of the end. He feels hollow.

His phone stopped buzzing from the floor with missed calls about 10 minutes ago.

The door to his room opens and he manages just enough energy to glance up and see Hongjoong and Seonghwa there, rugged up in coats, a light dusting of snow in their hair, heartbroken looks on their faces, flushed red from the cold.

They look beautiful. Both of them. It destroys him.

He sinks back down into the pillow, not enough energy in him to form a word, and a moment later they’re smothering him, coats shed in a pile by the door, and Seonghwa’s hands are on his face as he’s sliding onto the bed in front of him, pressing his lips to Yeosang’s hair, to his forehead, and Hongjoong’s sitting behind him, a gentle, comforting hand rubbing circles on his back, and he feels so loved but just not in the way he so deeply wants and he wants to scream and he wants to cry and he wants to kiss them but he’s so tired and he can’t do any of it so he just lays there. He lays there and he lets them try and comfort him with their gentle touches and their sugar sweet words, and he lets it seep beneath his skin and he finally accepts that he’s going to have to live with this, probably for the rest of his life.

Yeosang’s never going to be able to get over them.

“I’m so sorry sweetie,” Seonghwa whispers against his hair, and he moves closer, pulling Yeosang flush against his chest, wrapping his arms around him, and despite everything, despite the broken emptiness inside, Yeosang melts into his hold because when has he ever been able to say no to Seonghwa? And then Hongjoong’s pressed up against his back and his arms are around Yeosang’s waist and Yeosang realises he’d never want to say no to Hongjoong either. He’s so deeply in love with both of them and it’s so deeply unfair, and they’re both in their pyjamas because they’d rushed all the way out here without even getting changed to comfort him despite the fact they were probably cuddled up in bed and ready to go to sleep and it hurts. It hurts to be loved, but not in the way he wants, because it gives him just enough of a taste of what he could have, but it's never enough to satisfy, and he's left starving and begging for more than he could ever deserve.

“You'll get through this, Yeosangie,” Hongjoong whispers against the back of Yeosang's neck. “However that may be, you'll get through this. I know you will. You're so much stronger than you think. And Seonghwa and I will be here every step of the way, we'll be here to listen, to talk, whatever you need, okay?”

Yeosang manages a small nod, and Seonghwa’s lips press against his hair, his forehead, the tip of his nose.

He's far too tired to do anything more than take the morsel they give, despite knowing it'll leave him starving, despite knowing it'll only destroy him further.

He's in their orbit, a fallen star to the sun and the moon, and it’d be nought but worthless to try and escape.

He's surprised to find them still there when he wakes up. Three of them curled up on a bed that's definitely too small for three people, Hongjoong and Seonghwa still asleep as they hold him tightly, breathing him in in a way that's far too intimate for his sanity.

He feels… not exactly lighter, but somehow less heavy. He's not happy. He's not relieved. He still wants exactly what he can't have. But his eyes aren't pricking with tears, and the weight of his struggle, though no lighter than before, feels more bearable, somehow. Like accepting that this is how he feels, and that this is probably how he's always going to feel, makes it easier to box up those feelings and slide them away somewhere that they can't bother him as much.

It's like they've become a part of him. No different to his lungs breathing air, his heart pumping blood around his body, his legs carrying him around, his hands holding and touching.

His love for Seonghwa and Hongjoong is a part of him now, whether he likes it or not.

As the early morning sun creeps through the gap in the curtains, Yeosang lets his heart sync with their hearts, his breath with theirs. He takes every morsel they'll give, because that's the only way to stop himself from being consumed by the hunger completely. It's enough to keep him from drowning, but not quite enough to let him swim, so he drifts aimlessly between them, around them and within them.

Eventually Hongjoong stirs, moving slightly, taking in a deep breath of Yeosang's skin, his arm around Yeosang's waist tightening slightly.

“Morning Yeosang,” he whispers, his breath warm against Yeosang's neck. “Are you feeling any better?”

“A little,” Yeosang replies softly.

Hongjoong's hold tightens. “That's good.”

A calm silence settles over them, as Hongjoong nuzzles into Yeosang’s neck. He shifts one of his legs slightly, and it lands on top of Yeosang’s, tangling with his.

Yeosang focuses on the subtle feeling of Hongjoong’s heart beat, where his chest is pressed against Yeosang’s bicep, the repetitiveness of Hongjoong’s breath against his neck in the silence. It’s weird how fast Hongjoong’s heart is, but Yeosang tries not to think too much about it.

Eventually an alarm buzzes from Yeosang’s bedside table. Hongjoong groans, and Seonghwa finally stirs with a small hum. He blinks his eyes open slowly, leaning over Yeosang and Hongjoong to flick it off. His hand finds Hongjoong’s cheek on the way back, fingers grazing along his jaw, as he presses his lips gently to the corner of Hongjoong’s mouth. Hongjoong hums happily, eyes fluttering shut. When he opens them again, there’s no way to describe the look in them as anything other than completely and tragically in love.

Then Seonghwa presses his lips softly against the tip of Yeosang’s nose, leaning over him, and Hongjoong’s lips find his cheek, and the boxed away feelings start to seep out from where he’s put them, dangerous and unpredictable.

“How are you feeling honey?” Seonghwa asks softly, and he’s still there, hovering above him, so close that Yeosang would barely have to lift his head to press his lips against Seonghwa’s. His hand moves from Hongjoong’s cheek to his own, tucking a piece of hair behind Yeosang’s ear, fingers lingering, grazing down his neck like Hongjoong’s had. There’s something so deep in his eyes, that it terrifies Yeosang.

Then Yeosang’s door bursts open and Seonghwa pulls back, and Yunho’s standing there with a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth, phone in hand, and a questioning expression makes its way onto his features.

“Well that answers that question,” Yunho mumbles around his toothbrush, typing something quickly on his phone. All three other phones in the room buzz a moment later. “I can’t believe you guys had a sleepover and didn’t invite me,” he continues.

“Sorry Yuyu~” Seonghwa says, rolling out of Yeosang’s bed. “It was pretty impromptu. Didn’t want to wake you up.”

He crosses the room to Yunho and ruffles his hair affectionately. Yunho rolls his eyes, eyeing Seonghwa and then Hongjoong’s pyjamas.

“Very impromptu by the look of it,” he says. “Did you see it snowed last night?”

“Yeah. First snow of the season,” Hongjoong says. “We got a little caught in it on our way over.”

Yunho chuckles. “I was gonna make pancakes for breakfast, you guys want some?”

Seonghwa nods eagerly, and Hongjoong replies with an enthusiastic ‘yes please.’ Yeosang rolls out of Hongjoong's hold with a nod of affirmation, and stretches, and he swears he feels Hongjoong's eyes on him, but when looks back Hongjoong is sliding out the other side of the bed.

“Okay, they'll be ready soon,” Yunho says, grinning around his toothbrush as he disappears, the door falling shut behind him.

Yeosang finds his phone where it had slid under his desk, screen flashing on as notifications come through.

“Hey Sangie,” Hongjoong says, and Yeosang turns to look at him, standard next to Yeosang's open cupboard. “Do you reckon we could…?” He gestures toward the clothes, and Yeosang nods. It's one thing walking through the streets in pyjamas in the dead of night, it's another thing in the morning once the sun's up and there’s people about.

He eyes Hongjoong and Seonghwa cautiously as he unlocks his phone, but they're both focused on stealing his clothes, so opens up the sudden flood of notifications from San and Wooyoung.

mission get sangie with his bf

Woo

[Sent a screenshot]

Hello????

What happened???

Yeosang??

Why were they staying with you???

They were literally snuggled up in bed in hongjoongs room when sannie and i went to sleep

Tf were they doing at your place

yeosangggg

Care to share with the class????

Yeosanggggggg

Answer meeee

Sannie

Sangieeeeeeee

Pick up your phonneeeeeee

Yeah

They’re here

Woo

But whyyy

Tell us whyyy

They called me last night

To like

Check in on me

Cause they noticed i seemed down the last couple of weeks

And when they were talking i…

I kind of realised im in love with hongjoong

As well

And i hung up on them

And then they showed up like 20 minutes later

To comfort me ig

And then they stayed

And now here we are

Woo

OKAY

YOURE IN LOVE WITH JOONG AS WELL NOW
OKAY
THIS IS BIG

Sannie

I, for one, am not surprised

I saw this coming from miles away ngl

You could have warned me :/

Might have made my night less stressful

Sannie

Like you would have believed me

Fine

Point

Woo

CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE PART WHERE YOURE IN LOVE WITH JOONG PLEASE????

We are

And its actively making my life worse

Woo

NOW YOU CAN DATE BOTH OF THEM

THAT WOULD BE SO CUTE AGHHHHH

That would require them to like me back, which seems to be a recurring theme here unfortunately

And like

How would that even work

Sannie

?????

You’re telling me mr ive been reading fanfiction for a decade has never read any poly fics????

Yeosang

What the fuck

[Sent a link]

Here

Do your research

HEY

I have thank you very much

But like

This isnt a fanfic

Its not that straight forward

Its not that simple

And again

This requires them to both like me like that as well

Sannie

Uh huh

You’re saying that like they didn’t walk 20 minutes through the snow for you in the middle of the night

I would do that for you

Woo

No you wouldnt

Sannie

No you wouldnt

Wow

You have zero faith in me

I so would

Sannie

You wouldnt

But like

Please be delusional

For once

Please

Im begging

Consider the possibility of this being possible

Consider that maybe they are in love with you

Trust

Woo

Please yeosangieeeee

Yall would be so cute together

Pleaseeeeee

Ill think about it

Maybe

Woo

YAY

Okay but genuinely i need to eat n shower n stuff now

Ill see u at practice soon

Sannie

Byeeeeee

Keep us updated if anything happensssssssss :3

It snows a lot over the next week and a half. Within a couple of days, there’s already a thick layer blanketing the streets and the parks, clinging to the trees and turning their branches frosty white, cold seeping through the windows, permanent and bone deep despite the heaters and the blankets and the increasingly frequent sleepovers with the other members.

They’ve had another long day of practice, vocal in the morning, and going over concert choreographies in the afternoon. Come dinner time, the eight of them find themselves with a large selection of takeaway noodles on the practice room floor, stuffing their faces until they are satisfied, the leftovers being pushed to the side so they can practice a while longer.

Eventually Hongjoong is happy, and deems dance practice officially over for the evening. Yunho and Jongho try to drag Yeosang out to play a newly released video game with them, but Yeosang finds himself wanting to practice a little longer. He promises he’ll join them in an hour or so.

Seonghwa presses a soft kiss to Hongjoong’s lips, before he slips out of the door with everyone else. It’s just Yeosang and Hongjoong left. Wooyoung wriggles his eyebrows at Yeosang obnoxiously on his way out, eyes darting between Yeosang and Hongjoong and Yeosang and Hongjoong. Yeosang ignores him.

“What do you wanna practice?” Hongjoong asks, going over to his phone by the speaker.

“I was gonna go over In Your Fantasy or Fireworks,” Yeosang says, “And maybe Legacy again. But I can do that in one of the other rooms if you wanna do something else.”

“No, I’m happy to do those,” Hongjoong says. “I definitely still feel a little rough on Fireworks. It’s been so long since that era, and especially with the changes to positions and stuff, I feel like I keep messing up.”

“Yeah,” Yeosang replies, as he finds his position on the floor. A moment later Hongjoong starts the music and darts over to his starting position, and he meets Yeosang’s eyes in the mirror with a soft smile. And then they’re moving in sync, muscle memory as they follow the beats. Hongjoong remembers the changed positions, and they keep finding each other’s eyes in the mirror. There’s a fire ignited in Hongjoong’s, that doesn’t cool until the final notes play.

Then they do it again. And again. And one more time, until they’re both breathing heavily, and sinking against the wall to catch their breath, watching each other in the mirror. Once Yeosang can breathe enough, he puts on Legacy, and he can feel Hongjoong’s eyes on him for the entire choreography, he can see Hongjoong’s eyes on him in his reflection. He does it again, satisfied this time with his lack of mistakes, and Hongjoong squeezes his bicep with a smile as he crosses past Yeosang to the speaker, to put on In Your Fantasy.

Yeosang finds his position, and Hongjoong follows suit, and they work through the choreography once, twice, three times, four, the fire blazing in Hongjoong’s eyes again, barely dimming even when the music comes to a stop.

“I think… I’m happy,” Hongjoong says between breaths, sweat dripping down his neck, as he bumps Yeosang’s hip with his own, as they glance between each other and their reflections. “You happy?”

Yeosang nods. “Yeah. Happy for the night.”

“Cool,” Hongjoong replies, but his eyes haven’t left Yeosang’s. Yeosang glances away from him, back towards their reflection, and Hongjoong looks… and Hongjoong’s looking at Yeosang the same way he looks at Seonghwa.

He doesn’t even get a moment to process what that might mean before Hongjoong is tracing his cheek, tucking his hair behind his ear, fingers grazing down his neck in that way that always gives Yeosang tingles. Yeosang meets Hongjoong’s eyes. The fire has softened, but there’s no denying its presence.

Hongjoong’s hand trails its way back up to Yeosang’s jaw, cupping his cheek. Yeosang leans into the touch, and his heart is suddenly racing. And then Hongjoong is stepping forward, stepping closer, and the proximity pushes every logical thought out of Yeosang’s brain, because now Hongjoong’s eyes are on his lips, and he’s leaning in and the only logical thing Yeosang can do is meet him half way.

Their lips crash together, and Yeosang melts.

It’s somehow soft and gentle at the same time as being forceful and hungry, and Hongjoong kisses him like a starved man. His other hand finds the back of Yeosang’s neck, pulling him closer, fingers playing with the hair at the base of his neck. Yeosang kisses Hongjoong back, moving their lips in tandem, and he’s no longer simply in Hongjoong’s orbit, he’s crashing and burning straight into him. Straight into the sun.

Yeosang vaguely thinks he can taste Seonghwa on Hongjoong’s lips, and then he remembers he’s kissing Hongjoong. Yeosang is kissing Hongjoong. Who’s dating Seonghwa.

Yeosang’s stomach lurches, and he yanks away from Hongjoong.

“Yeosang?” Hongjoong asks, and he has the audacity to look hurt.

“Seonghwa,” Yeosang fumbles out, and he’s shaking uncontrollably as he stumbles over to the wall to grab his coat and there’s tears slipping from his eyes and he can’t even look at Hongjoong. “You’re with Seonghwa. Seonghwa. Not me. Why are you kissing me when you’re with- with Seonghwa?”

He doesn’t wait for an answer. He fucking runs.

The door slams behind him and he beelines for the stairs and the tears are coming uncontrollably now, because holy shit he just kissed Hongjoong, but holy shit he just kissed Hongjoong and he feels terrible.

It’s snowing when he bursts out the front doors, but he barely notices, fingers fumbling with his phone, vision blurry as he finds Seonghwa’s number, and he’s not even sure who’s apartment he’s speed walking towards in the dark. Seonghwa picks up on the third ring, and Yeosang’s words tumble out, choked up and a fumbled mess.

“I’m so sorry,” Yeosang says. “I’m so sorry, Seonghwa. Hongjoong just kissed me. I just kissed him. I don’t- I don’t even know, but- but we kissed. We kissed. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, please forgive me. Please, I’m- I’m so sorry.”

He’s shaking, and he grabs onto a bench for a moment to steady himself, biting his hand to stifle the sobs. He’s just fucking ruined their relationship.
“-Sangie. Listen. You did nothing wrong, okay? Hongjoong should have- doesn’t matter. Can you come over? Please? I think we need to talk. All three of us.”

Yeosang barely registers the words, but he nods, then he realises Seonghwa can’t see him.

“Sangie, are you listening? Come over, please. Please, Sangie.”

“Okay,” Yeosang chokes out, barely louder than a whisper, and he lets his feet guide him, muscle memory, through the snow, in the direction of Seonghwa’s apartment. He stumbles into the elevator and when he steps out again Seonghwa is already there, waiting by the door, and he pulls Yeosang into his arms as they slip inside.

“I’m so sorry,” Yeosang mumbles into his chest, and Seonghwa’s hand is in his hair as he kicks off his shoes, and they’re stumbling towards Seonghwa’s room. He can hear the TV, and he can hear San and Mingi, questioning and concerned as Seonghwa brushes them off.

Yeosang finds himself on the edge of Seonghwa’s bed, as Seonghwa sits beside him, looking at him, hand cupping his cheek as he guides Yeosang’s face to look at him.

“You did nothing wrong, Yeosang,” he says, but Yeosang can’t find it in him to believe him. “Please believe me, okay? I promise, I’m not mad, I’m not disappointed. Hongjoong will be here in a minute, and then we’ll talk, and it’ll all make sense, okay?”

Yeosang nods, but nothing about Seonghwa’s words changes the fact he feels sick, his stomach queasy, as the tears continue to slip down his cheeks. Seonghwa places a soft kiss on his forehead, drawing him into his hold again, and Yeosang lets him.

It could have been only a few seconds or several minutes later when the door to Seonghwa’s room burst open, Hongjoong stumbling in and slamming it shut behind him, short of breath and cold to the touch as he barrels into them.

Yeosang finds himself wrapped up in Hongjoong’s arms barely a moment later. “I’m sorry Yeosang,” he whispers. “I’m sorry, I should have explained first. I’m sorry. That was stupid and impulsive of me. I’m sorry.”

His eyes are a little teary as he pulls back, to look at Yeosang, to look deep within in his eyes, into his soul, and Yeosang knows, in this moment, that Hongjoong knows. He knows exactly how Yeosang feels. About both of them.

Yeosang tears his eyes away from Hongjoong’s to meet Seonghwa’s.

“Someone please tell me what’s happening,” he says, and it comes out as barely a whisper, but the tears have slowed somewhat, and he can see their faces, the emotion deep within their eyes as they look at him, look at each other.

“We’re in love with you, Yeosang,” Seonghwa says simply, his eyes not leaving Yeosang’s. Yeosang’s lips quiver, and his throat tightens again.

“Both of us,” Hongjoong says, and Yeosang turns to meet his eyes. “We’re both in love with you.”

“And we’re… we’re pretty sure you feel the same way too.”

Yeosang nods, shakily. “I- I do,” Yeosang chokes out. “I do. I’m sorry.”

A soft smile graces Seonghwa’s lips, his beautiful lips. “Why are you apologising?” he asks. “You don’t need to be sorry for being in love. There’s nothing wrong with being in love.”

Seonghwa’s hand finds Yeosang’s jaw, and he leans in to kiss Yeosang’s forehead, and Yeosang’s still processing what’s happening right now, but he knows this is right, he knows this is how it’s meant to be.

“We… we want you to be with us,” Hongjoong says. “The same way we’re with each other. We want to be with you like that. We want it to be the three of us. Together. If that’s what you also want?”

Yeosang nods, and he brushes the tears from his cheek with the heel of his hand, as he leans into Seonghwa’s touch, into Hongjoong’s hold.

“I’m sorry I kissed you before without explaining everything,” Hongjoong says quietly. “I just… got caught up in the moment. Didn’t really think it through. But I would like a chance to redeem myself, if you’ll let me. I would really like to kiss you again, Yeosang.”

“Please,” Yeosang whispers, and Hongjoong leans forward slowly, breath fanning against Yeosang’s lips.

“I love you Yeosang. And I love Seonghwa. I want to be your boyfriend the way I’m Seonghwa’s boyfriend, and-”

Yeosang crashes his lips against Hongjoong’s. Hongjoong’s fingers find his hair, almost immediately, running through it as he pulls him closer, the sun and a star, no longer orbiting, a cosmic explosion. He can taste Seonghwa on Hongjoong’s lips, he can feel Seonghwa’s hands holding his own, and it was never just one of them, it could never have been just one of them. They are a whole, the sun and the moon, they are made for each other, and they are one another, and they’ve let Yeosang into their orbit, into their arms, and now he’s a part of them too.

Hongjoong pulls back tentatively, brushing the hair from Yeosang’s eyes, fingers trailing down his neck, and Yeosang lets himself feel the sensation this time, he lets himself shiver at the feeling, at the tingles, and Hongjoong lets out a little laugh.

Yeosang turns his eyes to Seonghwa, and his heart races at the way he’s looking at him, looking at them, pure adoration in his eyes. He leans forward, cupping Yeosang’s face as Hongjoong’s hands slip to his shoulders, pressing his lips to Yeosang’s forehead, to his nose, to his cheeks, kissing away the tears and the redness, dancing over his features, his freckles and his moles and his birthmark, a constellation of kisses over Yeosang’s skin. Yeosang’s breath hitches when he presses a kiss to the corner of Yeosang’s mouth, and his heart stammers dangerously.

And then Seonghwa pulls away, ever so slightly, glancing between Yeosang’s eyes, glittering in the lamplight, and then he leans in and presses his lips to Yeosang’s. Yeosang melts. It’s everything Yeosang’s dreamed of, in the dark of night under the watchful eyes of the moon, everything he’s wanted for months. It’s better. He can taste Hongjoong on Seonghwa’s lips, as Seonghwa presses closer, moving their mouths together gently, as Seonghwa’s fingers graze softly over his cheeks, tangling in the hair around his ears. Now Yeosang knows what it feels like to be worshipped by the moon.

Gently, Seonghwa pulls back, and Yeosang chases his lips, chases the softness, and Seonghwa gives him another soft peck.

“Stay here tonight,” Seonghwa breathes, and Yeosang nods. Hongjoong’s head finds a spot on Yeosang’s shoulder, arms sliding around his waist. Seonghwa’s arms are around both of them a moment later, and they’re all melting into each other, three and one at the same time, the sun, the stars, and the moon.

“San and Mingi and I were gonna make hot chocolates and watch a movie,” Seonghwa says eventually, into the comfortable silence, breath fanning Yeosang’s ear. “Would you guys want to?”

“Yes please,” Yeosang replies. “That sounds nice.”

“As long as we get to cuddle on the couch together,” Hongjoong says.

Seonghwa laughs. “I think that can be arranged.”

“I hate to break up the mood but I’d do anything for a shower right now,” Hongjoong says, pulling back slightly.

Seonghwa leans over to meet his lips, and Yeosang’s stomach doesn’t churn at the sight anymore. He just feels warm.

“Me too,” Yeosang says. “You go first though.”

“You know where the spare towels are,” Seonghwa says, nudging Hongjoong toward the door, and Hongjoong stumbles out with a laugh.

“Invite the rest of the guys over while we’re at it,” Hongjoong says as he slips out. The moment the door shuts behind him, Seonghwa kisses Yeosang again, and Yeosang could get used to this. It’s only for a moment, and then Seonghwa’s nuzzling into him and pulling him back against the bed, tangling their legs together as his lips dance over Yeosang’s skin again.

Soon they hear the shower start. Seonghwa grabs his phone to send a text to the group chat, before nuzzling back into Yeosang’s neck, arms wrapped around his chest, holding him tight.

Yeosang’s phone buzzes aggressively in his pocket. He pulls it out.

mission get sangie with his bf

Sannie

Sang

Are you okay??

Whats happening in there??

You good??

Im worried

Please answer

Woo

???

I just got out of the shower whats happening???

Yeosang??

Sannie

Sangie just showed up and he was crying and now he’s in seonghwa’s room w him

Woo

Oh?

OH?

????

HUH??

Sangie whats happening

Sannie

Hongjoong just showed up

Hes in there now too

I have no idea whats happening

And mingis got the tv too loud so i cant snoop

Woo

Dammit mingi

Sangie please respond

I swear if youre making out with them right now-

Alive

And

Well

Very well

[Sent a photo]

Woo

HELLO

AM I INTERPRETING THIS HOW ITS MEANT TO BE INTERPRETTED

Probably

Woo

YES

FINALLY

HOLY SHIT

Sannie

Oh my GOD

YES YEOSANG

Im so happy for youuuuuuu

And hongjoong too????

Mhm

Both of them

I have two boyfriends now :3

Woo

Giggling kicking my feet holy SHIT

AHHHHHHHHHHH

IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU

THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE

Sannie

I thought getting with me was the best day of your life

Liar

Woo

THIS IS THE SECOND BEST DAY OF MY LIFE

Sannie

Thats more like it :D

But yayyyyy im so proud of you yeosangieeee

This is amazing

So happy

Wooyoung you better be coming over for the movie

And you better bring jong and yuyu as well

This deserves some celebration

Thanks guys :)

Love you <3

“So this is what you’re always talking to Woo and San about,” Seonghwa mumbles into his neck. Yeosang giggles.

“Maybe…” he replies. “How did you even… how did you even work out I liked you anyway?”

Seonghwa hums. “It wasn’t hard, really. You always seemed to get kinda flustered around me, especially when I’m flirting, and especially the last year or so. And then you absolutely refused to tell Hongjoong and I who you liked. But San and Wooyoung knew. And then you had a panic attack the same day Hongjoong and I got together, and you couldn’t tell us why. That was a huge sign. You… you saw us, didn’t you? In Joong’s studio?”

Yeosang nods. “I… I did. Yeah. I didn't mean to snoop. I'm sorry.”

“I’m kinda glad you did,” Seonghwa replied, pressing his lips to Yeosang's jaw, sending tingles down his spine. “Or I wouldn't have you here right now. And then I think that phone call last week kind of sealed it for us. You're not the most subtle, Yeosangie.”

“You say that like you're any more subtle than me,” Yeosang counters, and Seonghwa laughs softly.

A moment later the door opens, and Hongjoong slips in, a towel around his waist, and Yeosang stares. Because now he’s allowed to stare.

Hongjoong catches his gaze and flushes, bee lining towards Seonghwa’s closet.

“I can’t believe you're both staring at me,” Hongjoong mumbles, but there’s a giddy laughter in his voice. “Do you have no shame?”

“None,” Seonghwa says, completely serious. “You know this, Joong.”

“What he said,” Yeosang adds, as Hongjoong slips on one of Seonghwa’s pyjama shirts, and their beautiful view is gone. He slips on a pair of pyjama pants before dropping the towel on the back of Seonghwa’s chair, and collapsing on the bed. His lips immediately find Yeosang’s, moving softly against his, and Yeosang’s stomach flips, as he finds Hongjoong’s wet hair and runs his fingers through it.

Hongjoong pulls away far too soon, lifting himself up so he’s hovering over Yeosang, and that does something terrible to his stomach. And then Hongjoong squishes his cheeks with a small laugh.

“Your turn for the shower, pretty boy,” he says. “You’re still all sweaty. I left a towel out for you.”

Yeosang rolls his eyes, slipping out from beneath Hongjoong. Seonghwa slides off the bed a moment later, grabbing some pyjamas from his cupboard for Yeosang, before ushering him out of the room. He barely makes it a step before San is springing on him, Mingi looking on in confusion from the living room.

“You okay Yeosang?” he asks. “You seemed pretty distressed before.”
“I’m okay,” Yeosang replies. “I’m good. Thank you Mingi.”

Mingi seems to be able to read the tone of his voice, and nods, a small smile on his face as he turns back to the TV.

“Oh my god,” San hisses. “Oh my god. That like actually seriously happened.” Yeosang nods, and he feels all warm and giddy on the inside again. San pulls him into a lung crushing hug, and Yeosang returns it, just as tight. “I’m so happy for you Sangie,” San whispers. “You have no idea.”

“Thank you,” Yeosang whispers back. “Thank you.”

“Now go shower, you’re all gross,” San says, pulling away and shoving him towards the bathroom. Yeosang rolls his eyes.

“So I’ve been told.”

“All the more reason to get onto it. We’ll put the movie on once you’re done.”

Yeosang tosses him a grin, slipping into the bathroom.

By the time Yeosang’s out, Wooyoung, Yunho and Jongho have arrived, and they’re already making hot chocolates in the kitchen. Mingi and Hongjoong are on the couch, flicking through the channels, and San and Seonghwa are gathering blankets from the bedrooms, and Yeosang is 90% sure this is going to turn from a simple movie night into an impromptu sleepover. Not that he’d be complaining.

Hongjoong beckons him over when he sees him, and Yeosang crosses over to the side of the couch. Before he can even process it, Hongjoong’s fingers are threading through Yeosang’s wet hair, and pulling him down into a kiss. It’s soft and sweet and gentle, but there’s a heat behind it, in the way it lingers an extra second, in the hold Hongjoong has on the back of his head, in the way Yeosang’s eyes flutter shut as his stomach flips, and Yeosang knows that there’s no backing out. He’s Hongjoong’s, and Hongjoong is his.

When Yeosang pulls back, Mingi is staring at them from the other end of the couch, his jaw on the floor.

A moment later Seonghwa appears, dumping a pile of blankets on the couch. His hand rests on Yeosang’s lower back, as he leans in to kiss Hongjoong, and then presses a gentle kiss to Yeosang’s cheek, and Yeosang can see every brain cell behind Mingi’s eyes working at triple speed to try and comprehend what’s happening. He lets out a small laugh, and that seems to tear Mingi out of his shock, as he schools in his expression quickly, turning back to the TV.

“So- so what were you saying about Star Wars?” Mingi asks, as Seonghwa’s hand slips into Yeosang’s, and he’s being dragged to the kitchen.

“Here,” Jongho says, immediately handing two mugs to Yeosang, and two to Seonghwa a moment later. “Please tell me Hongjoong and Mingi have decided on a movie.”

“It sounds like it might be Star Wars,” Seonghwa says. “Dunno for sure though.”

Jongho nods. “Mkay. Go put those in the living room. Quick. I’ve got more for you.”

Seonghwa bumps Yeosang’s hip with his own, nodding toward the living room, and they carry them in, returning a moment later to help Jongho with the last four. Yunho and Wooyoung have found popcorn somewhere in the cupboard, and before he knows it, they’re all snuggled up on the couches with the lights off, snacking on popcorn and drinking hot chocolates.

Yeosang is cuddled up between Seonghwa and Hongjoong, and Hongjoong’s hand is on Yeosang’s thigh and Seonghwa is playing with his fingers any moment they are unoccupied, and Yeosang is all giddy and warm inside and he loves it.

At some point Seonghwa presses a soft, chaste kiss to the corner of Yeosang’s mouth, and Yeosang can feel multiple pairs of eyes on them from across the room, and his cheeks warm at the attention but he’s not sure he cares, leaning into Seonghwa’s touch, into Hongjoong’s touch.

Shuffling from the other couch a little while later gains Yeosang’s attention. He glances over, to where Wooyoung is sitting on San’s lap, and Yunho is sitting with his legs on Jongho’s lap.

And Yunho is pulling something out the back of his phone case, and he’s handing it to Jongho, and Jongho pockets it. And then Mingi leans over from where he’s sat on Seonghwa’s other side, passing something to Jongho. And then Jongho’s looking expectantly at San and Wooyoung, who roll their eyes in sync, before digging around in their pockets and their phones and oh my god.

They’re exchanging money.

Jongho’s grinning when he meets Yeosang’s eyes. He looks far too happy for his own good.

Yeosang finds Wooyoung’s eyes, and he mouths a ‘sorry’ across the room, and Yeosang sinks into the couch with embarrassment.

They were all fucking betting on them.

“They were all betting on us,” Yeosang groans into Seonghwa’s pillow, later that night. They finished the movie and started heading to bed just after, Wooyoung and San in San’s room, Yunho and Jongho somehow squishing with Mingi into his room, and Yeosang and Hongjoong in with Seonghwa.

“Huh?” Seonghwa asks, running his fingers through Yeosang’s hair, curled up on one side of him, Hongjoong slipping under the covers on the other side.

“They were all betting on us,” Yeosang repeats. “All of them. On when we’d get together.”

Hongjoong lets out a sharp laugh of surprise.

“What?!”

“Jongho won, obviously,” Yeosang mumbles. “Did you not see the other guys giving him money during the movie?”

“Sangie, it was Star Wars. Of course I didn’t see,” Seonghwa replies with a laugh. “I can’t believe we were all that obvious though.”

“I can,” Hongjoong mumbles into Yeosang’s shoulder. “Has Sangie shown you the edits?”

“No?” Seonghwa says, curious as he meets Yeosang’s gaze.

“I’ll show you tomorrow,” Yeosang replies. “Wanna sleep now.”

“Understandable,” Seonghwa says, and he sinks into the pillow, wrapping an arm around Yeosang and Hongjoong, as their legs all tangle together beneath the covers. Seonghwa flicks off the lamp, plunging them into a warm, comfortable darkness. His hand slips to Yeosang’s cheek, and his lips find Yeosang’s in the dark, warm and firm. Just as he’s Hongjoong’s and Hongjoong is his, Yeosang is Seonghwa’s and Seonghwa is his. Hongjoong’s lips find his cheek.

“I love you Yeosang,” he whispers. “I love you Seonghwa.”

They’re the three of them, in the dark, beneath the moon and the stars, no longer just orbiting, together as they were meant to be.

And Yeosang’s so in love he doesn’t want morning to come.

Notes:

i hope you enjoyed this, i really liked writing this one. the words worded well while writing this. yaya.

and would you look at that, this is my new longest oneshot

i now need to catch up on homework and sleep rip

- frogs (they/she/he) ❤❤

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