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"What's the point in life without thrill, Shiu?" Toji had asked sarcastically, he was planning to assassinate the Star Plasma Vessel, Riko Amanai and that Gojo kid.
The man in the suit rubbed his temples and adjusted his tie, a nervous habit of his. "That plan is too risky." He said simply.
Toji's smirk grew wider, triumphant even. As if he got Shiu to say that he loves him and cares about him. "Mm, why do you not want me to go?"
Shiu tried to speak but nothing came out. He couldn't think of an excuse, the words were right on the tip of his tongue but he just couldn't say them.
"You scared? Don't worry. You're not the one who's going on the mission anyways." He leaned closer into Shiu's ear and whispered: "I am." The sudden tension in the air made the usually put together middleman shudder. Who knows what Zeni- Fushiguro could do to him. He tried to dismiss that thought, swallowing hard, but even he couldn't pretend there was something going on between them. He couldn't help himself but blushing, it was faint but Toji immediately noticed.
He regained his composure and sighed, not wanting to deal with the man infront of him anymore. Before Shiu could speak, a voice interupted him; Fushiguro. "Blushing against me like an idiot, wow, didn't expect that from you." then he attempts a broken pronounciation of his name, "Si-woo".
The man gave up and sighed, eventually letting Toji go on with his plan.
"Why don't you treat me to a nice dinner after I kill the Star Plasma Vessel girl and that Gojo kid, huh?" Toji said, fully convinced that his plan would succeed. Maybe this time he could prove everyone wrong, prove the Zenin Clan wrong, prove the people who looked at him as if he was human garbage wrong. After he killed Riko, he would kill the Zenin Clan's heads. Make them bow at his feet, the child they threw away like garbage was the one that was commanding them now. Toji couldn't help but grin at his plan; it was perfect.
Shiu exhaled long on his cigarette after saying: "Nah, you'd never pay for a guy anyways." He chuckled, then followed up with "I've decided now that I'll only see you either for business or in Hell." The words stung Toji, but he brushed it off.
Shiu had hope in Toji that he would succeed in his plan. Maybe, just maybe he would.
He was wrong, so wrong.
Never had he thought that would be his last moments with Fushiguro, he was expecting him to come back to him, with that stupid triumphant smirk every time he completed a mission, that stupid laugh Shiu swore to himself he didn't love hearing.
He thought that Toji was indestructable, but everything has an end at some point. No matter how hard you try to hold on to something, you never know when it'll slip from your grasp; never to be seen again.
He sat on his porch, smoking a pack of cigarettes (it was his 4th cigarette of the day), recalling Toji's body; a chunk in his side was missing, his face so peaceful that Shiu thought maybe.. just maybe he was still alive.
He usually did this kind of thing with Toji when his days felt too lonely or felt too heavy to carry on his own. But now, Toji had been replaced by emptiness. As if he never existed. As if those late-night memories of Toji and him talking about things never existed. But it wasn't love, no. "It never was and never will be." He lied to himself.
It was all right there, infront of him, but he refused to admit they had feelings for eachother, they were scared. Terrified even. Terrified that something will change between them if he ever confessed to Toji, terrified that love might blind him, make him do things that are 'unprofessional'. His professional, calm and stoic middleman persona started to crack. It was little at first, like doing tiny favors for Toji, and he lied to himself, lied saying: 'This isn't love.' but that excuse only made him go deeper, eventually babysitting for Toji, acting like it was just "what 'friends' did for eachother" but no, even he couldn't lie to himself anymore. Even he couldn't find another excuse to say that it wasn't love and he was just crazy.
He really did care about Toji, he was just too much of a coward to say it.
He woke up the next day in his apartment, hair a mess, passed out on the floor, probably talking to himself at 3AM about how he loved or missed Toji or some shit. He needed to get his shit together, and fast.
He went to work as usual, pretended he was fine. Smoking, ocassionally drinking when nights got too lonely. I mean what else was he supposed to do? Move on? He hated to admit it but, Toji was the only person he had. Toji was the only one that actually.. cared in a sense. He was the only one he met in this line of work that wasn't just a cold, calculated business man who didn't care about others and hiding his feelings behind a sense of pride.
There was a 'strange feeling' he couldn't name between them; when their hands brushed briefly against eachother.. wanting to never let go but they had to since their job required it, stealing a quick glance of Toji when he thought he wasn't looking, the unbearable loneliness he couldn't pinpoint when Toji didn't reply to his texts.
Then he realized his mistake, his biggest one. Maybe he should've accepted that dinner with Toji, maybe he should've said something about their feelings, maybe he should've just.. kissed him, maybe he should've done something instead of waiting for something that'll never come true if you don't do anything about it.
He sighed, heavy and tired.. he was so oblivious, so ignorant. But he had no choice, Shiu's job required him to be a cold-hearted professional, to not let his feelings intercept his business. It was unbearable, exhausting. The constant spark of hope thinking that they'll finally be together, only for Shiu to realize and distance himself from Toji because he didn't want to be 'out of line'.
One of his biggest regret in life is never pursuing Toji. Maybe he and Toji could've been something if he wasn't an ignorant, self-centered piece of shit.
It had been 2 years (almost 3) after Toji's de- the incident. He called it, the date was January 1st.. his birthdate.
Shiu was sitting in his dark apartment, suit still on since he didn't bother to change.
He lit a candle on a cake with his lighter, it could've been Fushiguro's 31st birthday if he hadn't died. If he hadn't went on that mission. If Shiu treated him to dinner maybe he would've changed his mind.
The new year haunted him, he couldn't even celebrate new years' anymore without being reminded of Toji. Shiu's failures, Shiu's mistakes.
Maybe if he waited for Toji, maybe he would come by at his office. Acting like nothing happened, acting like those 2 brutal years that ate Shiu inside and out never existed.
But no, even if he made a binding vow with the universe to bring Toji back; he'd never a second chance.. an idiot like him doesn't deserve one.
It had been a decade or so years after the incident. He was in shibuya now, he moved to shibuya to forget. He was sick of remembering Toji, he wanted to move on but something in him just.. didn't let him.
...
He'd always been a fool. A fool for Toji. He was so scared of being in love, he was scared of love itself. He was a damn coward—
He couldn't even finish his sentence when his doorbell rang, who is it this time..?
Shiu answered the door and the sight made him unable to breath, it was Toji. No.. this- this couldn't be possible. This had to be another dream of his.
"Hey." Toji said. Shiu wanted to deny this was real, this was just his brain tricking-
His thoughts were stopped by a hug, a hug that felt real.. somehow. "Did you miss me?" Toji smirked.
It- it was really him.. he recognized that smirk, that stupid, confident smirk that only Toji wore.
"How.." was the only thing Shiu could say. I mean, what was he supposed to say to his 'friend' coming back to life after a more than a decade of being dead?
Toji laughed, actually laughed. A laugh that wasn't mocking.. Shiu had never heard Toji laugh that wasn't sarcastic or confident. He couldn't lie to himself anymore. Toji's real laugh was beautiful.
After that hug that lasted a bit too long.. Shiu kissed him, really kissed him.
"I-" Shiu tried to apologize, to make an excuse for what he did but he was stopped by a kiss, a kiss from Toji himself.. the korean man was stunned. God.. he wished he did this a decade ago..