Chapter Text
The stars looked different.
Wrong.
Back on Earth, I loved watching the night sky filled with stars. I still did. The view from the Hail Mary’s porthole was breathtaking. But here, almost 16 light-years away from Earth, the view was foreign. Even after years of flying through space, I hadn’t grown accustomed to the subtle drift of unfamiliar constellations. And lately, I had become increasingly aware of just how different the stars looked from here.
We were nearing the end of our journey to Erid. Each passing day brought us closer to our destination, and the tiny spot of light from 40 Eridani slowly grew larger as our ship slowed in its approach to Rocky’s star system. It would only be a matter of weeks before we reached the orbit around Erid.
What had seemed like such an intangible concept at the beginning of our journey - a thought as distant as our destination, as much so that I had pushed it to the back of my mind – was actually about to happen very soon.
I was heading to another planet. I was going to meet other Eridians. And I was going to be the only human in a world that was completely uninhabitable to me.
My stomach felt as if it was folding in on itself.
I had been feeling miserable for months. As expected, food had become a problem. After exhausting my stock of real food – and I swear, I had been rationing it – I was left with the tasteless coma slurry and the even worse Taumoeba. Since even the coma slurry was running low if I wanted to save some for the Eridian scientists to study and, hopefully, recreate it, the amount of Taumoeba in my food increased with each meal. Sure, it kept me alive. But it tasted horrible – so horrible that I had to fight not to let it out the same way it came in. It also lacked certain nutrients.
As a result, my body grew weak. I was getting thinner and needed more sleep these days. Headaches and exhaustion were my constant companions, and I felt sick all the time.
However, this was not the reason for my feeling of uneasiness these past few days. This feeling grew stronger each day as we flew closer toward Erid. Erid – the destination of our long journey. Home for Rocky.
Not for me.
Rocky clicked softly and chimed a bright, musical pattern that I had learned meant excitement. He had been even more energetic than usual lately.
"Getting close, Grace! Time to arrival decreasing at satisfying rate!"
"Yeah," I said, forcing a smile. "That’s… great."
It was great. It had to be. This was the plan. Save Earth, save Erid, survive. That had been the goal all along. And so far, we had made it.
So why did I feel my chest tighten with every breath?
Later that day, I found myself staring at my own reflection on the dark screen of my laptop. I had been scrolling on it to distract myself, but I had zoned out. The screensaver had turned the laptop into a black mirror, showing my face staring back at me. Pale. Tired. Human.
Alien.
Not here, of course – but soon.
"Grace okay, question?"
I flinched. Rocky had rolled up in his xenonite ball behind me, and he sounded worried. I didn’t want to worry my friend. He was already concerned about my declining health and was always urging me to eat or sleep. I didn’t want to add to his worries. Especially not because of this.
He was finally getting home after being away for such a long time. It had been almost 55 years for him. And due to time dilation, it had probably been over 70 years on Erid. Even for an Eridian with their long lifespan, this was a really long time. And he had been alone for most of it. He deserved to go home. He deserved to be happy. There was no reason to dampen his mood with my silly human anxiety.
"Just missing good food, buddy." I deflected, hoping he wouldn’t probe further. It was my usual answer about my well-being these days, and it wasn’t a lie, really. It just wasn’t the whole truth.
Rocky rolled closer to where I was sitting on the floor and nudged me comfortingly.
"We are on Erid soon. Science Eridians find solution for food problem. We make top priority. Then Grace healthy again," he chimed happily.
"Yeah, I hope you’re right."
"Of course Rocky right!" He stomped one of his legs on the ground to emphasize his point. "Been studying human food on Earth thinking machine. Rocky tells Science Eridians. Science Eridians make food."
I couldn’t help but be infected by his optimism, and I chuckled lightly. Rocky had in fact used the laptop I gave him to learn about the nutrients humans need. He wanted to prepare and absorb as much knowledge as possible before we arrived on Erid so that the scientists on his planet could get to work immediately. His eagerness on the subject was quite touching, and if Erid’s bioengineers were as competent as Rocky was as an engineer, I had no doubt that they would find a solution.
It was what would come before that worried me.
The next few days passed in our usual routine. Despite there not really being much to do and in spite of my weakening body, I tried to keep myself busy. I double- and triple-checked our flight route every couple of hours or so. I forced myself to eat and keep it down, and I slept a lot.
As usual, Rocky occupied himself with his many projects. Lately, he had been working on a more flexible xenonite suit for himself – and for myself, as well. For when we reached Erid, he had explained. It was really sweet, but I didn’t want to think about our impending arrival. The thought made my stomach churn even more than the Taumoeba did.
Rocky had been less pushy lately, probably out of consideration for my declining health, and I appreciated it. Especially since it helped me hide my other fears from him. I’m sure he had noticed that something was wrong, but he didn’t push the subject, at least for now. The closer we got to Erid, the more excited he became. And while he was concerned about my food problem, he was really optimistic that his people would solve this issue quickly.
He also talked a lot about how they would build me a place to live on his planet without having to use the xenonite suit. He asked me about the things I liked on Earth and thought of ways to recreate them on Erid.
I knew Rocky meant well, and he was truly dedicated to making sure I could live a good life on Erid. But that wasn’t something up to him alone. And I was growing more anxious each day about how the rest of Erid would receive me.
"You are leaking stress," Rocky said from behind his xenonite wall one day.
I winced, feeling caught. I had been sitting in the dormitory trying to eat something, which was usually a time when Rocky left me some privacy – at least as much as possible given his incredible hearing. I had only taken a few bites, then had stared into nothing, lost in my thoughts. I hadn’t noticed him getting close.
"I am not leaking. What does that even mean?" I pushed my meal away, having lost whatever appetite I still had left. Rocky tilted his carapace in a way I knew meant that he didn’t approve, but he didn’t comment on it.
"Your heart rate elevated. Sweat increased. You make small unhappy noises. More quiet than usual. Have for a while now."
I sighed. "You’ve been spying on me."
"I have been observing friend," Rocky corrected gently. "Friend is distressed."
I turned away, not wanting to have this conversation now. "I’m fine."
There was a pause. A soft series of clicks, slower now.
"You are not fine."
I didn’t answer.
I tried my best to stay busy. Calculations. System checks. Reviewing our data for the hundredth time. Right now, I was keeping watch over Rocky’s sleep while solving sudoku puzzles on my laptop. Anything to avoid thinking about the looming reality: a planet full of Eridians.
A planet full of aliens who were not Rocky.
Rocky was… Rocky. Logical. Kind. Brave. Rocky was my best friend. He had risked everything to save me – an alien. I trusted him with my life without question!
But what about the others?
I leaned back in my chair and closed my eyes.
What would Earth do?
If a spaceship landed there with a single alien inside… what would happen?
Would it even be allowed to land? Or would it be shot down before it could cause any harm? And if it did manage to land…
Scientists would swarm it. Governments would lock it down. There would be fear. Panic. Weapons. Containment. Experiments.
Dissection.
The thought made my stomach churn.
"Humans wouldn’t intentionally mean harm," I muttered to myself, trying to stay calm. "It’d be out of curiosity. Survival. Science. Maybe fear?"
Just like the Eridians.
I sat up suddenly.
The realization hit me like a punch.
They might do exactly the same thing.
Study me. Contain me. Maybe not out of cruelty, but necessity. I was an unknown variable. A biological hazard. Maybe a threat. Even with Rocky on my ship. Twenty-three Eridians had left Erid for this mission, and I only brought back one of them in my own spaceship… like a hostage.
Even if we were given a chance to explain, I would be a once-in-history opportunity for knowledge, at the very least.
Would they even see me as a person?
Or just… material?
I pressed my palms against my eyes, trying to stop the tears from falling.
"This is stupid," I whispered, feeling guilty for thinking this way. "Rocky said I’d be fine."
Rocky said I’d be welcomed. Celebrated. Helped.
But Rocky only knew his own perspective.
I only knew humanity’s.
And humanity wasn’t always kind. Not to each other and even less so to other species.