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After painfully witnessing all kinds of situations— Nakamura has accepted that he and his beloved Hirose would ultimately only stay as friends. From the beginning, Nakamura knew that he had no real chance of pursuing Hirose given their state of relationship and on how he basically messes up every chance he gets to know him more.
Not that the boy was delusional enough anyway. Nakamura had just hoped that perhaps, maybe— that somehow, the gods had heard his pleas that echoed every night and fulfilled the wish he desperately yearns for.
The boy sat on his bed, his back against the rather cold wall, knees bent to his chest as he hugged it with his arms. His expression was unreadable as he stared at Icchan across the room. The octopus silently floating across its aquarium. Nakamura's latest volume of “Lovable Lunches” was scattered on his bed along with the notebook that Kawamura-chan had drawn a manga of him and Hirose together, living like a happy couple that Nakamura desperately wanted them to be.
His eyes darted onto the notebook, specifically on a drawing where he and Hirose were holding hands together.
Nakamura swallowed a lump, his eyes betraying him as he could feel tears stinging his eyes, threatening to fall. He doesn't know why seeing that sketch made him want to burst into tears. Except that's what he would like to tell himself to cope. Nakamura painfully knows why he suddenly finds himself with a snotty face and tears all over his face.
He was already in season two of trying to woo Hirose! Why is he crying and overthinking now?! He may not be as “cool” as Otogiri-sensei. He might not be as smart and athletic as Matsumura but— but what?
What does Nakamura have to offer other than being friends with Hirose?
He is just an average teenager with nothing else to offer except his useless fun facts about octopuses and why they are such underrated sea creatures. He gushes to fictional characters and their relationships for crying out loud! How can Hirose like him back if he is just a “basic” guy who cannot even kill a cockroach without messing up. A guy who cannot even do well in physical education. A guy who is average in everything.
All of the self-deprecating thoughts made Nakamura bawl even harder. Ultimately, he laid sideways on the bed as he clutched for dear life the notebook full of drawings. He's trying so, so hard to keep all the emotions bottled up as Nakamura is the type to rarely get emotional over such trivial things. But right now, he just couldn't handle it anymore.
He does not even care anymore if his sister hears his pathetic cries and suddenly bursts open his room and yells at him for being too loud or dramatic. Nakamura only wanted to release all the tears and love he had for Hirose.
Hirose.
Aiki Hirose.
Nakamura barely knows anything about him other than the things they have talked to together when they get a “special” alone time together.
Oh, but his heart aches for Hirose.
Despite everything, he wants to get to know him. He wants to be someone that Hirose could trust, somebody who could offer a shoulder for him.
But how could Nakamura possibly do all of those things when everyday his chances of being more-than-friends diminishes everytime?
After the breakdown and ultimately calming down by talking to Icchan about his distress. Nakamura slept the night restless, dreams haunted by the boy he claims to not love anymore as he hopelessly grasps the sketch-filled notebook.
Maybe letting go is better than forcing a connection that wasn't even there in the first place.
Maybe in another life.
Maybe in another life, Hirose would stop being oblivious and see Nakamura's efforts.
Maybe in another life, Nakamura wouldn't fall in love with Hirose.