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When Klein Moretti woke up this morning, he had a bit of a strange gut feeling. Thus, as every experienced and responsible Seer would do, he trusted his intuition and performed a few divinations.
However the results confused him even more: He would have a fortuitous encounter today. There was not even the slightest indication of danger for him, the Nighthawks, his family or other people. His Tarot reading revealed hints of embarrassment, love and a looming identity crisis.
‘What the hell is that supposed to mean? How the hell am I supposed to come up with a reasonable conjecture of interpreting those ambiguous results? Every theory that comes to my mind is more ridiculous than the last. Am I going to meet the original Klein’s ex-girlfriend, whom I don't remember because of the messed up memories after the Antigonus Notebook incident?’, Klein lampooned while a barely audible sigh escaped his mouth.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
When Klein arrived at Blackthorn Security Company today, Rozanne didn't sleep on the reception desk like usual but instead greeted him excitedly.
“Good morning Klein!”
“Good morning Rozanne! You seem to be especially excited today. Did something good happen to you during my day off?”
“Oh right, you weren’t there yesterday when we received a telegram from the Backlund diocese. Apparently a very high ranking member will arrive here soon with some sealed artifact. The Tingen Nighthawks are supposed to help test and experiment with it and us Non-Beyonder staff were invited to watch because the danger level is very low and its effects often are quite amusing.”
‘Well, that would cover the divined fortuitous encounter. The low danger also makes sense, especially if there is a high ranking Beyonder watching over everything. “Amusing side effects" could also explain the embarrassment part. Maybe something along the lines of falling in love with the first person you see after touching it and that state lasting for maybe some minutes or hours afterwards? That would cause some minor identity crisis for a transmigrator like me who does not wish to get entangled in relationships in this world. And this does not even consider the target of that effect, because if I just happened to look at someone like Old Niel for example, then it would be really awkward.’ Klein’s brain was working overtime on strange possibilities again with that new information.
Later he would laugh about how off all his speculations were.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
Two hours later, the guests finally arrived at the company. Yes, guests - plural - because for whatever reason Daly Simone managed to convince her superiors that she should accompany Lord Crestet Cecimir “the Goddess’ sword” to Tingen.
“This is artifact 2-179. It has the ability to summon a projection of a random future acquaintance of the user. The known side effects are: Firstly, the summoned projection can’t restrain themselves from oversharing some private information about the user. Secondly, the user’s facial expressions become ridiculously exaggerated.
Both the projection and the side effects disappear immediately after removing the artifact from the user. This experiment is mainly to find out how long a projection can typically be maintained, how likely and reliably it summons Beyonders and if those projections would be useful in combat.”
The high ranking senior deacon explained the reason for his visit in great detail, while Klein was finally able to make some sense of his previous divination results.
‘A random acquaintance… This could be troublesome. What if this thing summons someone like Miss Justice? That would be incredibly embarrassing and someone gossipy like Rozanne would immediately speculate about my relationship with such a beautiful girl. What if she recognised me as the Fool? No, I can't let my identity be revealed at any cost.’ Klein was nearly panicking and swore he wouldn't touch that dangerous artefact.
As if hearing his thoughts and wanting to mock him, Daly added to the explanation:
“Participating in this experiment is voluntary and no one is forced to do so. However, the more Nighthawks take part in it, the more funding the Tingen branch will receive next year from the headquarters. Every individual who decides to participate will also get compensated with 20 pounds for the dangers involved. The first brave one to demonstrate the effects will get an additional 10 pounds on top.”
‘You should have mentioned this in the beginning!’ Klein complained inwardly and immediately raised his hand without further thinking: “I’ll be first!”
The other Nighthawks all broke out into laughter, only leaving a confused Crestet Cecimir looking like he missed a joke.
After everyone calmed down, he unsealed the artefact and allowed them to see the intricately adorned silver bracelet. Klein stepped forward and put the unsuspicious looking jewelry around his wrist.
It looked like some kind of fog rose from the ground and constructed a human silhouette. The first thing to become clearly distinguishable was the head: A beautiful face with delicate features that overshadows most models of both this and his previous world. Long, thick and healthy flaxen colored hair cascaded down her slim shoulders.
‘Did I really just jinx myself?’, Klein lampooned. ‘No, wait, this isn’t Miss Justice.’
The next moment, he choked and his facial muscles went completely out of control. His mouth was hanging wide open and his eyebrows were raised comically high. It must have looked quite funny, because a certain Poet, who was standing opposite to him, was clearly failing to hide his amusement, his chuckles reverberating through the room.
Because of that Klein sent him an annoyed death stare, however this combined with the exaggerated expressions made it only worse and Leonard broke out in a full hearted laughter.
The reason he initially reacted so surprised however wasn’t the astounding beauty, but the clothes she was currently wearing. He didn't know whether he should laugh or cry at seeing this questionable fashion sense. ‘Nobody would wear something like this seriously, right? This has to be some kind of joke.’
The young beauty in front of him was wearing an oversized black hoody with a big print and a slogan in the front. It was some random barely edited screenshot taken from a video game that looked like a cheap knock-off of Assassin's Creed. Under the picture was written in bold white letters in English “I love Assassin's Creed”.
Klein was absolutely dumbfounded to say the least and the other Nighthawks were even more confused. They had never seen clothing styles like this before and the writing was in some kind of strange foreign language they had no knowledge of.
‘Does that mean that in the future I really will be able to find a way back home?’ Klein was quite hopeful once he realised the implications of this woman's appearance. ‘But how do I explain that to my colleagues? Especially if they can’t recognise a word she says… This will be troublesome’.
Once the woman had completely appeared and stabilised her existence in this world, she looked at Klein with barely a hint of surprise on her face and greeted in the exact same way the Tarot Club members did above the gray fog:
“Good afternoon Mr F-”, she cut herself off after taking a short look around at the others and coughed. “Klein, how do I have the honor of being here?”
‘AGHHDJIDIJEJ! FUCK! How? Is she a member of the Tarot Club? She just wanted to call me Mr Fool, right? Did my cover get blown? Is she a fellow transmigrator?’, Klein panicked inside his mind and his face must have given off the same impression.
Fortunately, the others misunderstood his panic as not knowing how to react or respond to the beautiful woman and her still unanswered question. Crestet Cecimir stepped up to explain the situation and the effects of the sealed artefact to her. Afterwards he started with the routine questioning for this test:
“What’s your name and relationship with Klein Moretti?”
“I am Franca Roland. Klein is my father in law.”
Klein.exe has stopped working. ‘What do you mean I have a daughter in law?!? When? HOW?’
“Oh wow, Klein, I didn't expect you to have a child with such great taste in women! But oh my, this projection must be from the far future! I was expecting to see things from next year or maybe five years in the future.”, Rozanne exclaimed excitedly.
“It's currently year five of the sixth epoch if we go by the most popular calendar. However, historians are still quite conflicted about the specific date of the start of this new era. It's indeed been some years since the year 1349.”, Franca chuckled in response.
“The sixth epoch? Something really big must have happened then in the near future. To think we would be alive to witness the dawn of a new era!”, Rozanne was fascinated by this new knowledge, but also confused. “Why aren’t the historians sure about the date? Shouldn't it have been one big event to end an epoch?”
Franca was conflicted about her response to this question, because it contained some very high class information, but in the end she just shrugged and answered anyway.
“Most people agree on the year, but are unsure which exact date is the most significant. I personally use the date of the apocalypse, when the orthodox gods and the newly born Calamity of Destruction fought against the evil gods. That's also the day when The Lord of Storm, the God of Knowledge and Wisdom, and the resurrected Ancient Sun God died.
Some others argue that it should be a bit earlier, either stating the complete awakening of the Lord of Mysteries, the death of the Primordial Demoness or the time the moon fell on the earth.
A small minority go by a few years earlier, referring either to the fall of the Error or the Door or the reappearance of the Eastern Continent.
Some fanatics would say you already are a month into the sixth epoch.”
“Huh? Did we miss something big last month?”, everyone present echoed in one form or another. They had given up on trying to understand what was said previously, because it was clearly far beyond their level.
‘Why do I suddenly feel a sense of dread? Last month? This oddly aligns with the Antigonus family notebook… Don’t tell me it's -’
“Last month, the foundations of a new church were laid. A new orthodox faith believing in a reawakened ancient god: The Fool.”
After saying that, Franca looked a bit strangely at Klein and Leonard soon joined her in doing so. A certain Marauder angle in his head was cursing and whispering something about the Half-Fool Antigonus and the possibility of Klein being His marionette.
‘This is social death! Why do you have to stare at me like that! Who knows what kind of strange ideas my dear poet got in his head now after seeing you look at me? Why can’t the ground open up and swallow me to save me from this embarrassment?’
After a moment of awkward silence because noone knew how to respond to that kind of information, Crestet Cecimir asked another question:
“You are obviously a Beyonder. What pathway and sequence are you right now if I may ask?”
“Sequence 2 Demoness of Catastrophe.”
The Nighthawks were dumbfounded after realising that they had been talking to an actual angle. And those, who participated in the Tris investigation, had a bit of a complicated expression after remembering the secret of the witch potion.
‘How did my child get entangled with a Demoness? Wait, how did I end up with a child in the first place? Who is the mother? Why did I neglect thinking about this major detail?’
Seeing that the awkward atmosphere got even worse, Daly Simone offered a welcome change of topic and simultaneously awakened the gossipy spirit of the Nighthawks:
“Uhm, you called Klein your father in law… So, tell us about the one who stole our innocent little Seer’s heart. Who might this lucky mother be?”
‘Oh no, this will be embarrassing, won’t it?’ Klein could already feel his cheeks heating up and the side effects of the artifact made it even more obvious.
After hearing the question, Franca had a bit of a troubled expression on her face as her gaze wandered over her audience, halting slightly longer in the direction of Leonard. Then a little mischievous smile appeared on her face and she replied:
“Well, the child definitely wasn’t planned by neither Klein nor “the mother"." The last word was said with a strange tone. “The pregnancy was half an accident and half a spontaneous deliberate decision."
Franca was remembering when the Tarot Club had successfully convinced the Fool to show them a video of his apotheosis ritual, which they had been curious about for quite a while.
“The same day that happened, Klein disappeared from earth for a few years.”
The Nighthawks wore bewildered and judgemental expressions on their face as they looked at their Seer. They would have never expected Klein to be this type of man who impregnates an innocent Lady only to leave her alone immediately after.
‘Nope, that's not me! Definitely not me! Don’t look at me like I’m some scumbag. I would never do that!’
“When I met my husband for the first time, he was only 17 years old and living together with his “mom”. I’ll probably never be able to completely understand how that one’s brain works. Even after all those years and this tremendous loss, to still be so obsessed with Klein and his return. I had soon realised how fond He is of that last parting gift from Klein, showing it off at every opportunity. Well, after the first few years of taking care of my husband alone, the first child support payment arrived and ended up becoming a regular occurrence.”
Franca wasn’t lying, but the negative effects of the artifact compelled her to tell some half-truths and exaggerated drama. Additionally, as a Demoness, Franca was naturally inclined to inciting chaos, especially if it concerned relationship drama.
They didn't need to know that Amon wasn’t living with Lumian, but sealed inside his body. They didn't need to know that the parting gift was an actual supernova or that the Fool left to fight the Celestial Worthy. And they also didn't need to know that the child support payments were in the form of the temporary use of characteristics and uniquenesses of the Error and Door pathways.
Everyone was too shocked by those revelations that they didn't even process the use of ‘He’ for the supposed mother.
“From what I heard, Klein’s marriage also was a huge scandal and caused an international incident. Nobody back then had expected a loyal servant of Evernight to write such a sacrilegious Honorific Name. Can you imagine an angle of the Goddess referencing their husband more often in their Honorific Name than the Goddess Herself?”
“What, our little Seer will become an angel in the future? I knew it that he had talent, but wow, this truly surpasses my wildest imagination. But who would willingly marry a man who impregnated and left an innocent Lady?”, Old Niel commented.
“Well, I don’t know. You should ask this Leonard, because it is his Honorific Name after all.” Franca responded with an innocent smile as if she didn't just drop a huge bomb on them.
‘WHAT? Leonard and I married each other? But I’m straight! This is impossible! I can't accept such an outcome. I’m straight, definitely straight! Leonard might be extremely hot, but that is just an objective observation. Anyone would think he is hot and this has nothing to do with my sexuality. It's not my fault that he is just otherworldly good looking. If it weren't for Leonard obviously being male, he would have suspected the charm of a Demoness secretly influencing him. But I’m straight. Leonard's gayness must have rubbed off on him.’
Plan “when in denial just blame Leonard” worked successfully - is what Klein wished had happened but instead more and more dangerous thoughts intruded his mind.
‘Well, I guess being in the company of my dear poet isn’t half bad actually. It's quite entertaining to make fun of him in my head and I’ve slowly gotten used to his touchyness around me. He wouldn't be the worst marriage partner out there and maybe I would even enjoy it - No, don’t think about that. Reign in your thoughts, reign in your thoughts, reign in your thoughts! I’m straight, probably - no definitely! Stop stop stop!’
Klein’s entire head was unnaturally red, so much that it would raise some concern whether there even is any blood left in the rest of his body.
Leonard didn't fare much better either under the questioning gazes of his coworkers and stared intently at the floor as if it carried the greatest secrets of the world. Inside his head he heard the reverberating laughter of the old man: “Well, now you reap what you have sown with your obnoxiously flirty behaviour around your little Seer in the last few weeks. I’m just an old man, so please stop asking me for advice in your love life. You’re an adult so please figure it out yourself.”
“Oh, it seems my time here is slowly running out and I’ll have to say goodbye, even though I would have loved to talk with you more. Amon is probably already waiting to drive me to my husband, because He is very excited every time He meets His daughter after all.”
And with that, the projection finally ended and released Klein (and Leonard) from further embarrassment. The latter had heard a shrill shriek inside his head at the mention of Amon and then absolute silence followed as if there never was an old man there to begin with.
Daly petted Crestet Cecimir’s shoulder with a pitiful look in her eyes and commenting “Good thing that I am not responsible for writing this absolute mess of a report and having to hand it in. Good luck!”
He only sighed in response and silently accepted his fate.
extra:
Franca: “Don't worry Klein, accidentally getting a man pregnant isn’t that rare actually. My husband Lumian did that once to the mushroom king by giving him an unprotected high-five while saying “Ora, ora, get pregnant!””